fox: curling stones: i love this game (curling)
fox ([personal profile] fox) wrote2004-04-18 01:20 am

the further progress of fox's weekend.

short version:

didn't feel well. went to curling; eventually felt better. won twice. sad to be leaving. am an idiot and i don't know why i keep on with this idiocy when i wouldn't allow any friend who approached me for advice to do anything of the kind. stupid, stupid, stupid, lame-ass cowardly idiot.

long version:

i woke up this morning feeling like absolute death on a stick. the weather change was causing the worst headache i'd had in a long time; not only did i have the hot-lead-weight sensation in the sinuses (and i've got the whole package, from the eyebrows down through the cheekbones and into the roots of my teeth), but i had the vise-clamp sensation on the left side of the back of my neck, right at the base of my skull. i didn't have to be at the club until 12:30 or so, since the game was at 1:00, but i'd had to get up in time to do a load of laundry before leaving. so i had a decent amount of time to be around the apartment feeling miserable before getting miserably in the car and driving my miserable self up there. i took my medicine and the lovely decongestants, and felt no relief. [livejournal.com profile] datlowen prodded my neck for a few minutes in an attempt to ease the tension i assumed to be causing the back-of-the-skull headache, and it helped some, but not much. i took four ibuprofen and went to change, and was almost in tears just from mentioning to [livejournal.com profile] cmshaw how i was feeling. not a good start to the day.

going out on the ice helped -- the cold air was a good thing, and i suppose the ibuprofen kicked in right around the time the game began as well, and pretty much everything turned around. our first game was a massacre. we lost the toss, and stole three in the first end; stole three in the second end; stole four in the third end; and stole one in the fourth end, which was the first time the other team had any rocks in the house when the end was finished. they conceded. the second game was less decisive, but more satisfying, since we were playing against the most annoying man alive: we again lost the toss, and stole one in the first end; stole one in the second end; gave up one in the third end; took two in the fourth; gave up one in the fifth; took three in the sixth; gave up one in the seventh; and ran them out of rocks in the eighth, so the skips didn't throw their final two rocks. following this, we had to do a shoot-out (team draw to the button -- each player throws one rock to the center of the house) to determine who got the bye in the semifinal round, and we won that; so we're straight into the finals tomorrow at noon. not a bad end to the day, really, or to my final (i mean, because unless something Very Serious happens, of course i'm going to go to oxford) event as a member of the club.

but of course, the more time passes, the more that's on my mind. what i want, of course, is to be able to go to oxford without leaving any of this behind. i know it can't possibly happen that way, but how can i not in some way regret deliberately leaving something that makes me happy, you know? i'm looking around the place tonight and beginning to realize that after tomorrow, i won't have this anymore. at least for quite a while. a number of people have been kind enough to say how sorry they'll be to see me go, which is a nice thing -- i don't think the place will feel the loss of me in any serious way, but on an individual level, i'll be missed, and that sort of makes me glad, in a way of knowing that people really do like me. which i think they do; there are members of the club who, were they to say they were leaving, would not get the reaction "well, that sucks" -- which i take to be far more sincere than an actual "we'll be sorry to see you go" or similar.

and i was told "well, that sucks"; and that's a whole other thing that's distressing me, because i'm filled with (a) uncertainty; (b) self-doubt; and (c) frustration over (a) and (b). but this is what i'm not talking about -- because i'm also filled with neuroses -- so good night.

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