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men's world curling championships: the fashion report
There is a wide range of attractiveness (or non) on display at this event. Hardly surprising, as there is a wide range of age as well. Team Ireland (among others) are old enough to be Team Sweden's father. (Shout out to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
datlowen: we all agree that you would be a particular fan of Team Sweden. Please, everyone who knows datlowen, picture him with one finger in his mouth -- as in this icon, for example -- saying 'I don't know which one to look at first!' Also, Liebchen is totally here.) Today I realized, though, that the range of appeal has a lot to do with the range of fashion sense; specifically, a significant part of the reason Team Norway has, collectively, the best asses in the tournament is the fact that they have far and away the best pants.
Curling pants are, as we all know, not generally flattering (nor designed to be). Team Canada provides an excellent demonstration of this, with all four of them in Asham curling pants that are a) shiny, b) stretchy, c) tapered to the ankle, and d) a hair too short. It's tough to find curling pants that fail on none of these counts, but Team Canada is pretty spectacular in failing on all four. Even Team Australia does better, and their skip wears pants that have a hole in the knee. Team Finland's back end (if you'll excuse the expression) would, I suspect, look awkward no matter what they wore. Even the much-ballyhooed Team USA, whose skip looks like what Topher Grace may well end up looking like in another fifteen years, could have better pants. (Fenson should also, incidentally, give serious rethought to the wearing of turtlenecks. He's tall and skinny enough, and his neck is long enough, that the turtleneck just makes him look ridiculous.)
Team Scotland comes in second in the curling pants style contest, I think, but they get a lot of those points from their belt buckles. (Memo to most of the rest of the competitors: if the pants have an elasticized waist, you probably don't need a belt. I know there are belt loops. Agree with me that this is silly and buy different pants.) Team Norway has excellent pants. In the first place, not shiny. This is really critical; shininess could ruin any pants in this situation, what with the glare off the ice and everything. Secondly, long enough to break over the instep the way pants should under normal circumstances. Thirdly, straight leg. In fact Team Norway has pants that are cut like jeans, with the straight leg and the five pockets and everything. But most importantly in this case, Team Norway's pants ride about an inch and a half lower on their hips than any other team's pants in the competition. This is a serious advantage. From the waist down, Team Norway (whose skip looks vaguely like Gale Harold, only with a goofier smile and a sort of gap in his front teeth) look like regular guys wearing slightly stupid shoes in order to do some curling. (Their jerseys are a separate issue, and one we may or may not discuss another time.) From the waist down all the other teams look like guys who would have gotten their asses kicked in chess club.
In other fashion news, most of Team Scotland hasn't shaved in at least a couple of days. I'm just sayin.
datlowen: we all agree that you would be a particular fan of Team Sweden. Please, everyone who knows datlowen, picture him with one finger in his mouth -- as in this icon, for example -- saying 'I don't know which one to look at first!' Also, Liebchen is totally here.) Today I realized, though, that the range of appeal has a lot to do with the range of fashion sense; specifically, a significant part of the reason Team Norway has, collectively, the best asses in the tournament is the fact that they have far and away the best pants.Curling pants are, as we all know, not generally flattering (nor designed to be). Team Canada provides an excellent demonstration of this, with all four of them in Asham curling pants that are a) shiny, b) stretchy, c) tapered to the ankle, and d) a hair too short. It's tough to find curling pants that fail on none of these counts, but Team Canada is pretty spectacular in failing on all four. Even Team Australia does better, and their skip wears pants that have a hole in the knee. Team Finland's back end (if you'll excuse the expression) would, I suspect, look awkward no matter what they wore. Even the much-ballyhooed Team USA, whose skip looks like what Topher Grace may well end up looking like in another fifteen years, could have better pants. (Fenson should also, incidentally, give serious rethought to the wearing of turtlenecks. He's tall and skinny enough, and his neck is long enough, that the turtleneck just makes him look ridiculous.)
Team Scotland comes in second in the curling pants style contest, I think, but they get a lot of those points from their belt buckles. (Memo to most of the rest of the competitors: if the pants have an elasticized waist, you probably don't need a belt. I know there are belt loops. Agree with me that this is silly and buy different pants.) Team Norway has excellent pants. In the first place, not shiny. This is really critical; shininess could ruin any pants in this situation, what with the glare off the ice and everything. Secondly, long enough to break over the instep the way pants should under normal circumstances. Thirdly, straight leg. In fact Team Norway has pants that are cut like jeans, with the straight leg and the five pockets and everything. But most importantly in this case, Team Norway's pants ride about an inch and a half lower on their hips than any other team's pants in the competition. This is a serious advantage. From the waist down, Team Norway (whose skip looks vaguely like Gale Harold, only with a goofier smile and a sort of gap in his front teeth) look like regular guys wearing slightly stupid shoes in order to do some curling. (Their jerseys are a separate issue, and one we may or may not discuss another time.) From the waist down all the other teams look like guys who would have gotten their asses kicked in chess club.
In other fashion news, most of Team Scotland hasn't shaved in at least a couple of days. I'm just sayin.
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