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conversations with my ("urgent", i.e. non-primary) doctor
doc: Stiffness in the neck, huh? Does that hurt?
me: A little bit.
doc: How about this?
me: No, that's fine.
doc: This?
me: Ow.
doc: Honey, that's just a stiff neck.
doc: Looks like the right ear's infected, which explains the lymph nodes.
me: I'm glad I wasn't hallucinating that.
doc: (laughing) No, you're okay. It's good that you came in.
me: I try not to be that patient, you know, where I've heard of something so I'm sure I've got it.
doc: I do wish more people thought that way? But it's better to come see us.
me: I mean, I just want to have a sense of what's worth worrying about and what's not.
doc: (sternly) Please don't minimize your own experience and concerns.
doc: So your lymph nodes are from the ear infection, and the stiff neck is from stress. Do you sleep okay?
me: I thought I did.
doc: I'm going to give you an antibiotic and a muscle relaxant, and if you've got a nice boyfriend, have him massage that tension for you. And if you don't, let me know, we'll get you one. That's another service we provide. I'm joking, of course.
me: Wouldn't that be something, though, if insurance could do that?
doc: Listen, you're not kidding. But seriously. You've got to try to relax.
me: In this town?
In conclusion: I have flexeril and amoxicillin, and a prescription to have a boy rub my neck. And two weeks' worth of yogurt. Stonyfield Farms' "yo baby" apple flavor tastes more like apple custard than anything else. I guess I should have expected that from something that is both apple-flavored and creamy.
me: A little bit.
doc: How about this?
me: No, that's fine.
doc: This?
me: Ow.
doc: Honey, that's just a stiff neck.
doc: Looks like the right ear's infected, which explains the lymph nodes.
me: I'm glad I wasn't hallucinating that.
doc: (laughing) No, you're okay. It's good that you came in.
me: I try not to be that patient, you know, where I've heard of something so I'm sure I've got it.
doc: I do wish more people thought that way? But it's better to come see us.
me: I mean, I just want to have a sense of what's worth worrying about and what's not.
doc: (sternly) Please don't minimize your own experience and concerns.
doc: So your lymph nodes are from the ear infection, and the stiff neck is from stress. Do you sleep okay?
me: I thought I did.
doc: I'm going to give you an antibiotic and a muscle relaxant, and if you've got a nice boyfriend, have him massage that tension for you. And if you don't, let me know, we'll get you one. That's another service we provide. I'm joking, of course.
me: Wouldn't that be something, though, if insurance could do that?
doc: Listen, you're not kidding. But seriously. You've got to try to relax.
me: In this town?
In conclusion: I have flexeril and amoxicillin, and a prescription to have a boy rub my neck. And two weeks' worth of yogurt. Stonyfield Farms' "yo baby" apple flavor tastes more like apple custard than anything else. I guess I should have expected that from something that is both apple-flavored and creamy.