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HOLY CRAP, YOU GUYS, I AM GETTING MARRIED
So to recap: I had a general stress-and-tension headache; Himself asked if it would help if he proposed; I boggled for a moment and then said "a leetle", which at our house means "yes, but I didn't want to be the one to bring it up." It is what you say when your beloved asks if you're cold, and you kind of are but you don't want to point out that someone is hogging all the blankets. (It is, needless to say, something he says to me way more often than I say it to him. :-P ) And just like that, we were engaged.
I moved my existing ring from my right hand to my left hand, which is (I admit) too subtle to attract people's notice, but it helps me (a) feel like something is different!, because it is, and (b) get used to having a ring on my left hand. It's taking some work, I'll tell you what. On Wednesday I mistyped my login information at work three times. The sensation of having a ring on my left hand - and simultaneously of not having one on my right hand - was just enough to completely eff with my muscle memory. It's been close to a week and I'm still missing the ring on my right hand; it had been there for, I don't know, five years?, and every time I go to fidget with it and it's not there it takes me a split second to remember I haven't lost it. I'm doing better adjusting to having a ring on my left hand, but now, seven days later, I'm starting to get grumpy that it's a ring I've always had and not the engagement ring, and to feel petulant that the real one is not back from the jeweler yet. (My riiing! I waaant iiit! ... But, yes, I want it to fit.)
The first thing I did when I got to work (and was finally able to log in to my computer) was wait for my cube neighbors to wander off to meetings or similar and then call my mother. A little later in the day I called my brother. In the evening I sent e-mails to a small number of my closest friends, and to the rest of my family. Then and only then did it feel right to go making announcements on social media. (Which some of you will have noticed I did explicitly here and on LJ, and simply by changing my relationship status on Facebook.)
My mother was in town this past weekend because I had a concert, so after the show on Sunday she and Himself's folks took Himself and myself to dinner to celebrate the event, which was very nice. I like his mother, and she likes me, and I like that. (And as we were leaving the restaurant and saying good night, she came up to hug me: "[Fox]! My daughter! I never had one until now!" Really, I'm so lucky in so many ways.)
We started spitballing a guest list yesterday, and we passed 100 people without even breaking a sweat. (And without plus-one-ing anyone we know to be single, as well.) I can't believe a pair of increasingly introverted introverts even knows that many people. Partly it's a function of our not knowing any of the same people - I mean, we've met each other's friends and family, but we don't know anybody who's only ever known us together. (Except![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ellen_fremedon's VK, but he doesn't count, because he comes with her.) (Also my nephew. But you see my point.) Partly it's a function of a lot of our friends already having done this, so we're inviting families instead of couples or individuals. Kids add up fast!
Anyway, so we're trying to think about what kind of wedding we want, in the broadest possible terms, so we can think about finding a venue where we can have such a thing on a date that will please us, and hoping to nail down at least this much preliminary information relatively quickly so his international-travel family members can begin to make their plans sooner than local people will have to think about doing so. And this is where I may freeze and panic.
I have never booked a venue for a wedding before! I've never done anything for a wedding before besides either attend it or show up on the day in a matching dress and help the bride not trip on her skirt. I know that trying to make arrangements to rent a place that will seat 150-odd people four or five months out is, in the trade, a little hasty. But what else do we need? A venue; some food; a license; an officiant. Some guests. Beyond that, we'd like to have music (I assume) and a photographer (I know) and probably some flowers. I know there is a wide range of price points for all this stuff, but I don't know the upper and lower bounds, mean, median, standard deviation, any of it. I don't know what order all of this normally happens in. I am at a point, for those of you to whom this will mean anything, where I'm sort of going "WHAT DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED IN? YURTS?"
And I'll need a dress. That, at least, is a task I don't need to be sure Himself and I will share. He absolutely wouldn't want to be included in the shopping.
I moved my existing ring from my right hand to my left hand, which is (I admit) too subtle to attract people's notice, but it helps me (a) feel like something is different!, because it is, and (b) get used to having a ring on my left hand. It's taking some work, I'll tell you what. On Wednesday I mistyped my login information at work three times. The sensation of having a ring on my left hand - and simultaneously of not having one on my right hand - was just enough to completely eff with my muscle memory. It's been close to a week and I'm still missing the ring on my right hand; it had been there for, I don't know, five years?, and every time I go to fidget with it and it's not there it takes me a split second to remember I haven't lost it. I'm doing better adjusting to having a ring on my left hand, but now, seven days later, I'm starting to get grumpy that it's a ring I've always had and not the engagement ring, and to feel petulant that the real one is not back from the jeweler yet. (My riiing! I waaant iiit! ... But, yes, I want it to fit.
The first thing I did when I got to work (and was finally able to log in to my computer) was wait for my cube neighbors to wander off to meetings or similar and then call my mother. A little later in the day I called my brother. In the evening I sent e-mails to a small number of my closest friends, and to the rest of my family. Then and only then did it feel right to go making announcements on social media. (Which some of you will have noticed I did explicitly here and on LJ, and simply by changing my relationship status on Facebook.)
My mother was in town this past weekend because I had a concert, so after the show on Sunday she and Himself's folks took Himself and myself to dinner to celebrate the event, which was very nice. I like his mother, and she likes me, and I like that. (And as we were leaving the restaurant and saying good night, she came up to hug me: "[Fox]! My daughter! I never had one until now!" Really, I'm so lucky in so many ways.)
We started spitballing a guest list yesterday, and we passed 100 people without even breaking a sweat. (And without plus-one-ing anyone we know to be single, as well.) I can't believe a pair of increasingly introverted introverts even knows that many people. Partly it's a function of our not knowing any of the same people - I mean, we've met each other's friends and family, but we don't know anybody who's only ever known us together. (Except
ellen_fremedon's VK, but he doesn't count, because he comes with her.) (Also my nephew. But you see my point.) Partly it's a function of a lot of our friends already having done this, so we're inviting families instead of couples or individuals. Kids add up fast!Anyway, so we're trying to think about what kind of wedding we want, in the broadest possible terms, so we can think about finding a venue where we can have such a thing on a date that will please us, and hoping to nail down at least this much preliminary information relatively quickly so his international-travel family members can begin to make their plans sooner than local people will have to think about doing so. And this is where I may freeze and panic.
I have never booked a venue for a wedding before! I've never done anything for a wedding before besides either attend it or show up on the day in a matching dress and help the bride not trip on her skirt. I know that trying to make arrangements to rent a place that will seat 150-odd people four or five months out is, in the trade, a little hasty. But what else do we need? A venue; some food; a license; an officiant. Some guests. Beyond that, we'd like to have music (I assume) and a photographer (I know) and probably some flowers. I know there is a wide range of price points for all this stuff, but I don't know the upper and lower bounds, mean, median, standard deviation, any of it. I don't know what order all of this normally happens in. I am at a point, for those of you to whom this will mean anything, where I'm sort of going "WHAT DO PEOPLE GET MARRIED IN? YURTS?"
And I'll need a dress. That, at least, is a task I don't need to be sure Himself and I will share. He absolutely wouldn't want to be included in the shopping.
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Congrats again! EEeeee!
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Also we have a yurt if you happen to need it. ;-)
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I found (an earlier edition) of this book useful if you are on a budget:
http://www.amazon.com/Bridal-Bargains-Planning-Fantastic-Realistic/dp/1889392464/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387327572&sr=1-1&keywords=bridal+bargains
It also breaks things down into categories and has lists and timelines and such that I found helped me organize.
My best advice is to think about the 2-3 things you really care about (vows? food? dress? music? venue?) and make sure those are how you want and then just make reasonable choices about everything else.
Yay on having a lovely relationship with your future MIL! It is a such a pleasure :)
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Also, keeping in mind that most adults only plan one humungous party in their lives, and it is this one, and it's not wrong to ask for help -- large parties are a business for a reason.
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Having been somebody's spouse for a depressingly-respectable length of time now, I can state with confidence that on balance, this "married" thing is pretty good. (Our proposal went something along the lines of, "If we're going to have kids someday, we should probably get married first." "Right. Let them earn the right to be called bastards.")
On the planning thing: Pick a maid/matron/man of honor with serious organizational skills, and offload as much of the work onto her or him as possible.
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DC is, judging from what I have heard from another friend who is also planning a wedding, a terribly expensive place to hold a wedding. She says College Park's Aviation Museum is pretty reasonably priced, but she can't do hotels because of reasons. I completely agree with what earlier folks have said about inclusive packages and fields to die on--decide what you care about and then delegate everything else you can.
But for right now, concentrate as much as you can on being happy and excited! The wedding stuff you'll sort out in the future, now is the time to await your ring and be delighted with life. :D
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This may hold true for dresses as well, but is probably easier if you want to get married in a non-traditional color.
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