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this may always have happened
Lately it seems I am constantly - constantly - irritated by a loose hair tickling my arm below the hem of my sleeve or stuck in the band of my bra. It's a well-known issue as my hair grows, and I'm about six months to a year from cutting it (that is, it's been - huh. I don't know how long it's been since the last time I had it cut off. At least a year, maybe a year and a half). But I don't remember this happening as much before I was pregnant as it seems to be happening now. Possibly my hair is falling out more now than it used to? Or possibly the nine-ish months of hardly any hair falling out got me accustomed to no tickly stray hairs and now it just feels like it's happening all the time. AUGH.
In other news, I noticed a couple of months ago that every morning when I start up the breast pump, for the first few seconds I have a little mini anxiety attack that feels like I want to cry. I have no idea why this should be. For a while I didn't understand what was happening, just that I felt a little flash of sadness every morning; and then I managed to link it to the pump; but it doesn't seem to happen when I pump during the day, so I don't think it's a confirmation bias thing? I mean: I'm always paying attention to see if it happens, so I could be bringing it on myself, except that it only happens first thing in the morning. (I don't remember if it used to happen at other times or not, but I don't think it does now.) It's ten or fifteen seconds and my heart kind of does a flutter and squeeze that I totally recognize as anxiety from when I was fretting about my dad's illness all those years ago. Sometimes my breath catches just a bit in my throat and sometimes it doesn't. And then it goes away and I'm fine. The milk supply is not affected. This is quite reliable and totally mysterious to me.
In other news, I noticed a couple of months ago that every morning when I start up the breast pump, for the first few seconds I have a little mini anxiety attack that feels like I want to cry. I have no idea why this should be. For a while I didn't understand what was happening, just that I felt a little flash of sadness every morning; and then I managed to link it to the pump; but it doesn't seem to happen when I pump during the day, so I don't think it's a confirmation bias thing? I mean: I'm always paying attention to see if it happens, so I could be bringing it on myself, except that it only happens first thing in the morning. (I don't remember if it used to happen at other times or not, but I don't think it does now.) It's ten or fifteen seconds and my heart kind of does a flutter and squeeze that I totally recognize as anxiety from when I was fretting about my dad's illness all those years ago. Sometimes my breath catches just a bit in my throat and sometimes it doesn't. And then it goes away and I'm fine. The milk supply is not affected. This is quite reliable and totally mysterious to me.