this really is the best thing, in the long run.

[fox]

Nobody was called for a viva, which is good, because it means everybody passed.

That's the good news.

So I've got the MPhil -- that's safe in hand and they're not going to take it away from me.  The bad news is, they're not recommending that I stay for the DPhil.



I was stunned by this, natch, and also obviously unhappy, but mainly stunned; and I came home and called my mother, and didn't cry about it until then.  But the thing is that it's not too much of a reach to imagine that I'd have stayed here next year, got cracking on the DPhil, and then come home, got a job, and never ever finished it.  There were a lot of times during the process of writing the MPhil thesis -- which is the main basis on which they made their decision -- when I wasn't enjoying myself at all.  I've never been all gung-ho about the academia and the research; mainly I wanted the degree with a D in it.

Which, okay, I know that's the wrong reason to be doing it.  I have two degrees with M's now, and apparently this is the world telling me, that's M for maxed-out, kid, no D for you.  Fine.  Only I'd like it to have been my choice instead of theirs.  It's really the shock of it that has upset me.  (And I hate myself for it, but also, no small amount of shame.  I feel like I should shake it off and go to the drinks party everyone else is at, but I just can't face them with their DPhils and their distinctions -- nobody will be the least bit smug, or any of that, but they'll all feel sorry for me, and I know I wouldn't be able to stand that.)



So, um, yeah.  I'm coming home and looking for a real job for keeps, instead of just something for the summer.  Up side:  back into the curling groove a year sooner than I expected, and other bonuses about returning to the DC area from self-imposed exile.

Doesn't mean I want to talk about it.

Comments

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[darthrami.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[ellen-fremedon.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[strange-selkie.livejournal.com]

If you don't want hugs, remember that the brass ring is still only brass?

[mearagrrl.livejournal.com]

Aw, shit. I hope you find some good ways to let off some steam. Big big hugs.

(but, um, yay yay if you end up back in DC sooner?)

[cannons-at-dawn.livejournal.com]

You don't have to talk about it, no, but, jeez. I'm sorry.

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

I think the code you've been trying for is & heart ; -- i.e., there's no 's'.

[smooches] :-) (I'm a little better now that I have something to focus on, i.e. packing to ship rather than store, and still get my flight out on Saturday. Also, am more angry at my supervisor than anything else.)

[cannons-at-dawn.livejournal.com]

Bah, html. Glad my endeavours didn't go unnoticed :).

If you're around tomorrow for coffee/etc, feel free to let me know.

xx

[bethbethbeth.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm surprised and...yeah, just surprised. {{hugs you}}

[misia.livejournal.com]

Oh, Fox, I'm sorry.

I know it isn't The End Of The World, but still, I'm sorry.

Will you let me buy you dinner when I come to Cleveland next month?

[thyesc.livejournal.com]

FWIW, at least you went and studied what you wanted to study. You have two Masters. You are one of the most hyperintelligent people I know - with or without a D by your name.

The only D I ever had by my name was my middle initial...and that's part of the name. Ok, so I also had a rough time in econ, but who doesn't? :-)

I look forward to seeing you sometime soon angel. ((HUGS))

[sithdragn.livejournal.com]

*squeeze*

[flt.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

[thalia]

{{hugs}} Sorry.

[axiom_of_stripe]

*hugs you and doesn't try for words*

[jennaria.livejournal.com]

Oh bugger. I'm so sorry.

[fafou.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

I'm so sorry. We'll go out for a good night of drinking when you come back to town.

[acejillian.livejournal.com]

You should be so proud of all that you've achieved to date, Fox.

Which doesn't begin to remedy the crushed feeling you have, I know.

*hugs*

[emila-wan.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm very sorry to hear that. You're handling it better than I would, I think.

...

I keep thinking of platitudes, typing them, then erasing them. I'm sure you don't need any advice. Just: good luck, and god bless. Keep us posted on the next great adventure!

[insptr-penguin.livejournal.com]

I don't wish to be trite, so...*just hugs*

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

*****hugs*****

[glasshouseslive.livejournal.com]

I'm totally shocked as well. Still, you have a Masters from Oxford! w00t.

I know you wanted the D. When they don't recommend you stay, what if you stomp your foot and say you're staying, damn it! You'll show 'em next year?

*sigh* - they probably wouldn't go for that.