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okay, I'm doing my "five things" things out of order, dammit.
I already did ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cereta's five things Blair has said that Jim will never admit made a helluva lot of sense, because that was first. But then the next two out of the gate were hiperbunny and jgesteve asking me to write whole scenes, and I'm working on it!, but it's going slowly, man. So I'm skipping ahead:
neotoma requested five things Luke Skywalker thought were really weird about Old Republic Jedi when he actually found out about them.
1. The hairdos. Listen, growing up on Tatooine, it's not like a guy learns a lot of fashion sense, but come on -- a brush cut with a dorky braid behind one ear? Maybe other kids would be impressed and see it as a status symbol, but more likely they'd tease you about it and make fun of you when you blushed and said you didn't want to wear your hair like that, but your master was making you do it. (So maybe that would make you not even want to go to Tosche Station, like, ever, which would save your master the trouble of forbidding it.)
2. The outfits. Don't misunderstand: a good cloak with a good cowl is a very important and useful thing, but once you've ditched your cloak (and it shouldn't have sleeves to get tangled up in, by the way; what you want is more of a cape) you ought to be able to move pretty freely. Those guys dressed in like four layers and had stoles and shirt-tails flying all over the place -- it's a miracle they never set themselves on fire with their own lightsabers.
3. The boots. And for goodness' sake, if you need to get dressed in a hurry because you're, I don't know, under attack or something, don't you want to be able to just pull your boots on and go, and not spend an hour and a half doing up buckles?
4. The politics. Ben said the Jedi were guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, but from the surviving records it sure looks like they had an agenda of their own a lot of the time, and they sure fought a lot for a gang that was supposed to be preserving peace. Of course it's easy to tell what's peaceful; it's a little harder to say one way or the other what's just.
5. The midichlorians. Those old guys were apparently brilliant, and the heirs of a thousand generations of learning and whatnot, but it seems they believed in all seriousness that they communicated with the Force by means of little creatures in their bloodstream. As an explanation for the Force, it has to work awfully hard to make any kind of sense -- when, really, how can you hope to make sense, scientifically, of something as mystical and mysterious as the Force? It's kind of embarrassing that they even tried, much less that they apparently bought it. It's not much of a surprise that Ben and Master Yoda never mentioned it.
tangleofthorns requested five murders Severus Snape did not commit.
2. Gilderoy Lockhart. It wasn't enough that the man was insufferably arrogant -- and at Hogwarts, that was very arrogant indeed -- but his arrogance was dangerous in a way that really nobody else's was. How much safer would they all have been if Lockhart had been killed in what would have to have been called a freakish and tragic dueling accident.
3. Sirius Black. He'd had the cur at wand-point in the Shrieking Shack. "Give me one reason to do it, and I swear I will", he'd said -- as if he didn't have plenty of reasons already! "Give me one more reason", more like, but he'd allowed that thrice-damned Potter boy to annoy and distract and then disarm him. Damn, damn, damn.
4. Cornelius Fudge. It would have been best to kill the idiot before he'd brought the Dementor in to kiss Barty Crouch fils, of course, but killing him afterward would only have been a little less satisfying.
5. Dolores Umbridge. Good god, he hated that woman.
6. Draco Malfoy. Because a promise is a promise, and besides it was Albus Dumbledore's final request.
resonant8 requested five of Remus Lupin's other secrets.
1. James and Lily had asked him to be Secret Keeper even before they'd asked Sirius. He'd given it some thought, but worried that he'd be susceptible to blackmail, so he'd said no.
2. He likes cinnamon sugar on his scrambled eggs. He wouldn't bother keeping this a secret, except he knows people think it's very weird and frankly they already look at him sideways enough.
3. He had a brief but terribly unhappy crush on Molly Weasley when he was nineteen.
4. He has a bit of a gambling problem. He's got it under control, but he doesn't usually watch the Quidditch.
5. Actually, Sirius isn't all that good in bed. But he loves him, so he'll never tell.
Next time: characters who would have given their eye teeth to murder Jar-Jar Binks! things Dief doesn't understand about Fraser! things Ron and Hermione don't talk about in front of Harry! Charlie Weasley's tattoos! things in CJ's purse!
But now, to bed.
cereta's five things Blair has said that Jim will never admit made a helluva lot of sense, because that was first. But then the next two out of the gate were hiperbunny and jgesteve asking me to write whole scenes, and I'm working on it!, but it's going slowly, man. So I'm skipping ahead:neotoma requested five things Luke Skywalker thought were really weird about Old Republic Jedi when he actually found out about them.1. The hairdos. Listen, growing up on Tatooine, it's not like a guy learns a lot of fashion sense, but come on -- a brush cut with a dorky braid behind one ear? Maybe other kids would be impressed and see it as a status symbol, but more likely they'd tease you about it and make fun of you when you blushed and said you didn't want to wear your hair like that, but your master was making you do it. (So maybe that would make you not even want to go to Tosche Station, like, ever, which would save your master the trouble of forbidding it.)
2. The outfits. Don't misunderstand: a good cloak with a good cowl is a very important and useful thing, but once you've ditched your cloak (and it shouldn't have sleeves to get tangled up in, by the way; what you want is more of a cape) you ought to be able to move pretty freely. Those guys dressed in like four layers and had stoles and shirt-tails flying all over the place -- it's a miracle they never set themselves on fire with their own lightsabers.
3. The boots. And for goodness' sake, if you need to get dressed in a hurry because you're, I don't know, under attack or something, don't you want to be able to just pull your boots on and go, and not spend an hour and a half doing up buckles?
4. The politics. Ben said the Jedi were guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, but from the surviving records it sure looks like they had an agenda of their own a lot of the time, and they sure fought a lot for a gang that was supposed to be preserving peace. Of course it's easy to tell what's peaceful; it's a little harder to say one way or the other what's just.
5. The midichlorians. Those old guys were apparently brilliant, and the heirs of a thousand generations of learning and whatnot, but it seems they believed in all seriousness that they communicated with the Force by means of little creatures in their bloodstream. As an explanation for the Force, it has to work awfully hard to make any kind of sense -- when, really, how can you hope to make sense, scientifically, of something as mystical and mysterious as the Force? It's kind of embarrassing that they even tried, much less that they apparently bought it. It's not much of a surprise that Ben and Master Yoda never mentioned it.
tangleofthorns requested five murders Severus Snape did not commit.2. Gilderoy Lockhart. It wasn't enough that the man was insufferably arrogant -- and at Hogwarts, that was very arrogant indeed -- but his arrogance was dangerous in a way that really nobody else's was. How much safer would they all have been if Lockhart had been killed in what would have to have been called a freakish and tragic dueling accident.
3. Sirius Black. He'd had the cur at wand-point in the Shrieking Shack. "Give me one reason to do it, and I swear I will", he'd said -- as if he didn't have plenty of reasons already! "Give me one more reason", more like, but he'd allowed that thrice-damned Potter boy to annoy and distract and then disarm him. Damn, damn, damn.
4. Cornelius Fudge. It would have been best to kill the idiot before he'd brought the Dementor in to kiss Barty Crouch fils, of course, but killing him afterward would only have been a little less satisfying.
5. Dolores Umbridge. Good god, he hated that woman.
6. Draco Malfoy. Because a promise is a promise, and besides it was Albus Dumbledore's final request.
resonant8 requested five of Remus Lupin's other secrets.1. James and Lily had asked him to be Secret Keeper even before they'd asked Sirius. He'd given it some thought, but worried that he'd be susceptible to blackmail, so he'd said no.
2. He likes cinnamon sugar on his scrambled eggs. He wouldn't bother keeping this a secret, except he knows people think it's very weird and frankly they already look at him sideways enough.
3. He had a brief but terribly unhappy crush on Molly Weasley when he was nineteen.
4. He has a bit of a gambling problem. He's got it under control, but he doesn't usually watch the Quidditch.
5. Actually, Sirius isn't all that good in bed. But he loves him, so he'll never tell.
Next time: characters who would have given their eye teeth to murder Jar-Jar Binks! things Dief doesn't understand about Fraser! things Ron and Hermione don't talk about in front of Harry! Charlie Weasley's tattoos! things in CJ's purse!
But now, to bed.
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heee! Oh, the SW are hilarious.
Remus with a crush on Molly, and cinnamon on his eggs!
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