now you say, "control freak who?"

[fox]

No, listen -- there are different kinds of control freak, surely, and on top of that, there are different gradations of control freakery. Laugh all you want, but I believe my own control-freak tendencies run much more to needing to be in control of my own shit than to needing to be in control of anyone else; this may not even be freaky at all, now that I think about it. (Are there people who are really happier when they're not the ones deciding what they're going to do, where they're going to go, etc? ... I guess maybe there are, and they're called "enlisted".)

Anyway. Relatively in control now, at least of most of the things I think it's important that I be in control of, e.g. my work, my health, my bank balance, the state of my apartment (actually that one needs some attention). And able to let go of things it's totally okay for me not to be in control of; my favorite current example is the Kayser, which is totally my team, I'm the skip, but teammate B took care of the entry and teammate K took care of the hotel (and for a bonus said "you girls want me to book you a room too?" and then did), and because I suspect I couldn't fit either of them in my little car, much less both of them, much less both of them plus three people's worth of weekend luggage and three brooms, B is coming to get me Thursday morning and that's that. I bet I won't even have to drive. Turns out there are times it can be kind of cool to sit back and Let Other People Handle Things. I mean, right? (I'm aware this depends on having confidence in the other people. But when you do, look how relaxing it is. Did you guys know about this?)

Parenthetically, recall this moment from (gosh) almost three years ago:

Scene: the front entry of a very small College. I have just come from the mailroom behind the lodge back into what we will generously call the foyer, and another member of my college is coming in out of the rain.

her: Oh, hi, Fox. How are you.
me: Oh ... you know. Um.
her: [begins to look concerned]
me: Finals. Coming up. So I'm in a bit of a state.
her: I always admire how stable you are. You do so much.
me: Seriously?
her: Yes.
me: Huh. Well -- fooled you!

This just in: it may be important to me to appear as if I've got a grip, even if I feel as if I've got nothing of the kind. ;-)

Comments

[twistedchick]

You do always look as if you've entirely got a grip. You could, in fact, give lessons in grip to Abbey Bartlett on West Wing.

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

... fooled you. :-) (No, seriously -- thanks for that. It is gratifying to hear.)

[twistedchick]

Perhaps a little intimidating to some of the rest of us less grip-encouraged people at times...

[reginagiraffe]

Hee! I love that joke!

For me, I don't necessarily need to be in control (for example, MrGiraffe does all the driving), but it is necessary that I have control over who has control over me. And that I trust that person.

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

A meta-control freak! :-) I know exactly what you mean.

[jgesteve.livejournal.com]

This just in: it may be important to me to appear as if I've got a grip, even if I feel as if I've got nothing of the kind. ;-)

In the immortal words of Leo McGarry:

"Nah. 'Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you.' Put another way: 'Fake it until you make it.'"

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

Ah, Leo.

[samtheeagle.livejournal.com]

it may be important to me to appear as if I've got a grip, even if I feel as if I've got nothing of the kind. ;-)

You don't strike me as the "Fake it until you make it" type. Then again, neither did I! :)

[darthfox.livejournal.com]

I can't tell if that means I've been faking it astonishingly well, or very badly indeed. :-)