there is very little so satisfying --

[fox]

-- as reading negative reviews written by people who can really handle the language. anyone who's never read dorothy parker's "constant reader" columns should do so without further delay. because i'm bored this afternoon, i've been systematically combing the chicago sun-times website and reading ebert's zero-star reviews.

"mad dog time should be cut into free ukelele picks for the poor."

"if you, under any circumstances, see little indian, big city, i will never let you read one of my reviews again."

"[slackers] made me feel unclean, and i'm the guy who liked there's something about mary and both american pie movies. oh, and booty call. this film knows no shame."

and of course, the famous review of north: "i hated this movie. hated hated hated hated hated this movie. hated it."

Comments

hee!

[thermidor.livejournal.com]

oh, yes. I agree. To read wickedly literate slams is a fine, fine thing.

[king-chiron.livejournal.com]

When you're talking snarky critics you can't do much better than Dorothy Parker and Oscar Wilde. In fact one of the first presents I sent DHK, before we even met, was a collection of DP works.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Yet another one of those early clues that KC was a keeper. :-)

I remember we used to have a theater critic in Tampa years back named Porter Andersen. He wrote the most scathing reviews I've ever seen. I used to *hope* a play would be bad, just because I'd enjoy the review so much more. Even now, when I see bad theater, I think "What would Porter say about this?" ;-)

[king-chiron.livejournal.com]

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. - Dorothy Parker

[jgesteve.livejournal.com]

*looks at the copy of The Importance of Being a Wit: The Insults of Oscar Wilde sitting on his desk*

*nods aggressively*

"American has never quite forgiven Europe for having been discovered somewhat earlier in history than itself."

"To lose one parent ...may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness"

[bougrelasxiv.livejournal.com]

I can't remember how literate they are, but Philadelphia Weekly (http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/) has hysterical negative reviews, including one a while back referring to Gladiator as "Ridley Scott's Playstation version of ancient Rome."

jordan.

[bougrelasxiv.livejournal.com]

Addendum: The funniest moments are in the capsules.

[jgesteve.livejournal.com]

Bored at work, I took a hint from your post and was flipping through some of his reviews... I particularly liked this one for Sorority Boys:

I'm curious about who would go to see this movie. Obviously moviegoers with a low opinion of their own taste. It's so obviously what it is that you would require a positive desire to throw away money in order to lose two hours of your life. "Sorority Boys" will be the worst movie playing in any multiplex in America this weekend, and, yes, I realize "Crossroads" is still out there.