first parenting dilemma

[fox]

I have the opportunity to go to China for two weeks in March.

Himself can't really come with—he wouldn't be able to work—and in any event Blanziflor won't be fully vaccinated by then, at the age of not quite four months.

Part of me really wants to go. Another part doesn't know if I'll be okay being away from my four-month-old for two weeks. Your thoughts welcome.

Comments

[antisoppist]

I'd say definitely not if you're breastfeeding and probably not if you're bottle feeding.

I breastfed and left an 18 month old for 4 days to go to a conference when the kid was only having one feed in the mornings and although he was fine, I had totally underestimated how much milk he was getting and how much I was producing and on the third night I was sleepless with pain trying to hand express rock-hard breasts into the sink in the hotel bathroom and I missed the final afternoon and came home early going "give me that efficient milk sucking machine now!!". So if you're breastfeeding, you would need to be practised at pumping* and have places on the trip where you could factor in time to do that. And as said above, the baby might be reluctant to go back to breastfeeding once you got back.

If you're bottle feeding, will your co-parent (or other helpful people) be up for doing that and all the other baby things while you are away and will the baby be used to and happy with them doing that? Knowing that you're going to be away for 2 weeks when the kid is 4 months old and they're going to have to do everything could be an excellent strategy for ensuring equal baby-parenting from the start (sorry - I am getting divorced and am cynical)

But at 4 months I don't think I could have done 2 days away from my kid, however much I was desperate for a break. Friends used to come round and take the baby shopping with them for 2 hours so I could have a bath and I'd be massively relieved and grateful and an hour and a half later I'd be pacing the floor watching for them coming back.

When I was pregnant I confidently expected to be able to sing in Mahler's Symphony of a Thousand in the Festival Hall two weeks after giving birth. Everyone in the choir who had had children said "OK, we'll put your name down but you might not feel up to it and that's fine..." Er. Yes.

It's horrible having to make these decisions this far ahead because it's a massive change and you don't know what you will be like or feel like by then. Will they let you decide nearer the time at all?

*I'm in the UK and it's less common/essential here because even with my oldest we had 4 months' maternity leave and by the time I had my youngest it was 6 months so most women wean when they go back to work. I'm self-employed so it was all a bit more flexible. And mine refused to take expressed milk at nursery at all.