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return to Due South: season 1 episode 2 "Diefenbaker's Day Off"
Diefenbaker's Day Off
air date September 29, 1994
Scene 1
Fraser is getting ready for work.
FRASER: Now, before I go to work, there's something we have to discuss. We are no longer in the Yukon. This is a big city, and you can't just run around freely anymore. Like it or not, you need a license. And I can't seem to get a license for a wolf. I've tried, but they just don't issue them. Additionally, they have something here called Animal Control officers, whose specific job it is to take unattended animals off the street. [Diefenbaker whines a bit.] No. No. You can't take that attitude. These are hardworking civic employees who perform a fine service for the community and for the animals themselves. [Diefenbaker stands up and barks.] All right, occasionally they put them to sleep, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, until we can work this out, you have to stay in the apartment while I'm gone. [Diefenbaker lies back down.] So it's agreed. [Diefenbaker whines.] Good. I'll see you after work. [Fraser steps out into the hall but immediately doubts Diefenbaker; he looks through the keyhole and sees that he is still there, so he continues on his way. He does not lock the door behind him. As soon as he's gone, Diefenbaker goes out the fire escape.] Morning, Mr. Mustafi. [door slams] Mr. Campbell. [door slams] Good morning, Mrs. Garcia. [Door slams. A neighbor is coming in with a baby, a toddler, and a bag of groceries.] Oh, may I help you?
NEIGHBOR: Sure.
She hands Fraser the groceries and the baby, and she picks up the older child. The baby immediately cries.
FRASER: Oh, very unhappy! Come on. [They reach an upper floor.] This floor, is it? [It is not. They keep going up the stairs.]
A man and a little girl come out of the apartment Fraser and the mom-neighbor have just passed.
MAN: Come on, sweetie, I'm gonna be late.
GIRL: Please can I go with you?
MAN: I already told you, Daddy's got to go to work today.
GIRL: I'll be very quiet.
MAN (HER DAD): I know you will. But you got school. Hey, who's the toughest guy in the whole wide world?
GIRL: You are.
HER DAD: And who can stop me from coming home to you?
GIRL: Nobody.
HER DAD: And what would I do if someone tried?
GIRL: Upper cut. Hook. Poke 'em in the eye.
HER DAD: That's right. Now, you got your lunch all packed, right? And do you promise to wait upstairs until the bus comes? I'll see you tonight, killer.
He goes down the stairs. Fraser comes by on his way down from helping the upstairs neighbor.
FRASER: Good morning, Lucy.
GIRL (LUCY): You know my name?
FRASER: All the pretty girls are named Lucy.
LUCY: It's on my lunchbox.
FRASER: Ah. you found me out.
LUCY: Are you a policeman?
FRASER: Well, yes, I am. But in Canada. And the consulate where I work. But outside the consulate I'm not. Unless I'm in Canada. That's not very clear. Um. Do you know what a Liaison Officer is? No, of course you don't. A Liaison Officer is —
LUCY: Policemen help people, right?
FRASER: Well, yes, we try.
LUCY: Can you help my dad? He keeps on hurting himself.
FRASER: He does? Where is he?
Lucy leads Fraser to the window and points out her dad crossing the street.
LUCY: That's him.
FRASER: What's his name?
LUCY: Dad.
FRASER: Well, yes, it would be. You know, actually, I'm on my way to work right now — but you know what? I can spare you a few minutes.
LUCY: You'll help him?
FRASER: I'll help him.
LUCY: Thanks.
Fraser goes downstairs and outside. As soon as he goes by an alley, Diefenbaker pops out from where he'd been hiding. Diefenbaker runs up to a lady in a blue suit.
BLUE SUIT: Hello, Whitey. Here's your cookie.
She gives Diefenbaker a treat out of her purse. Lucy's dad is reading a newspaper while he crosses the street at the back of a pack of pedestrians. While he's in the crosswalk, the light changes, and a car guns its engine and comes at him. Fraser tackles him out of the way just in time.
HER DAD (LUCY'S DAD): What are you doing?
FRASER: I'm sorry. Benton Fraser, RMCP.
LUCY'S DAD: You're a Mountie?
FRASER: Yes.
LUCY'S DAD: Where'd you come from?
FRASER: Apartment three-J. You all right?
LUCY'S DAD: Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'm fine. Guess I should watch what I'm doing, huh.
FRASER: Stop, look, listen. It's a simple motto, but one worth adhering to.
LUCY'S DAD: All right, I gotta go. Thanks, huh.
FRASER: Perhaps we can talk again another time. [He checks his watch and starts walking to work, tipping his hat to people he passes by.] Morning.
Tires squeal. People shout. There is a crash and a thump. Fraser rushes back to see Lucy's dad lying on the ground, unconscious, in front of a car. The driver has jumped out.
DRIVER: He stepped right in front of me! I couldn't stop!
That's a lot of teaser. Okay, here we go.
I'm glad Fraser's comprehension of Diefenbaker's communication runs to understanding what he's driving at and there's no suggestion that the dog is actually speaking to him. They're not Timmy and Lassie.
Lucy says "Upper cut, hook, poke 'em in the eye," but she does two jabs before she and her dad do a Three Stooges–style eye poke. I'm just saying.
I can't quite make out the number of their apartment. It's possible that it's 2F.
I will bet a certain amount of pretend money that (a) the line "Oh, very unhappy!" was not scripted, but (b) they didn't have a lot of time to shoot the scene with the baby multiple times, so (c) they just went with it. Paul Gross's kids were little in 1994 (I'm not digging super deep to find birth dates; it's possible his youngest was still fetal at the time this was filmed), so he'll have had recent lived experience of babies crying the moment you look at them. (Method actors, man.)
Credits roll.
Paul Gross
David Marciano
Beau Starr
Daniel Kash
Tony Craig
Catherine Bruhier
(plus Lincoln the dog)
Madolyn Smith-Osborne, Brendan Kelly, Azura Bates, Tony Cacciotti, David Eisner, Marvin Karon
Scene 2
Fraser walks into a medical waiting room with Lucy's dad slung over his shoulder.
FRASER: Harper Medical Clinic? Now, are you sure about this? Because I can have you in an emergency room in less than —
LUCY'S DAD: I wanna see my own doctor. Dr. Howard.
NURSE: Right this way.
She leads them back into the office. Another nurse doesn't like the look of this.
Why in the world has Fraser picked up and toted a man who was just hit by a car? Shouldn't he be holding c-spine until an ambulance arrives? I suppose we could assume that the dude came to and wanted to get up and go on about his day, so not moving him wasn't really an option? It's also not an impossible supposition that an ambulance would take an unacceptable length of time to reach that part of town. But if Benton Fraser doesn't have first aid training, I will eat my shoe. Carrying someone with a head or back injury (or both, plus the possibility of internal bleeding) over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes? Bro.
Scene 3
Fraser is waiting in the hallway. The doctor comes out.
DR. HOWARD: Constable Fraser. I hear you're quite the good Samaritan. I didn't know we had any left in this town.
FRASER: Well, I'm sure any one of his neighbors would have done the same.
DR. HOWARD: Yeah. Well, Mr. Pike has suffered considerable soft tissue damage, but none of his injuries are life threatening.
FRASER: Thank you. Oh, excuse me, Dr. Howard. Is there any medical reason why Charlie might be prone to these accidents? Perhaps an inner ear imbalance resulting from an old boxing injury?
DR. HOWARD: How did you know Charlie was a boxer?
FRASER: Well, his nose cartilage has been reduced by almost eighty percent, and his left eye socket is raised about a half a centimeter above the right, indicating a slight shift in the cranial plates.
DR. HOWARD: Where did you study?
FRASER: The Inuvik Public Library. My grandparents were librarians.
DR. HOWARD: You're kidding.
FRASER: No.
DR. HOWARD: Well, you're quite correct. Judging from today, perhaps Charlie's taken one too many blows to the head.
FRASER: I see. Will you be releasing him soon?
DR. HOWARD: Well, if there's no concussion, he should be home by this afternoon.
FRASER: And the bill?
DR. HOWARD: Well, you must have inspired me, Constable. This one's on me.
Fraser heads back out to the waiting room. The nurse who brought them back is on the phone, and the guy who hit Charlie Pike—for that is his name—is at her counter.
DRIVER: I just hit a guy. Look, I know you have rules, but can't you just tell me if he's okay?
NURSE: Just a moment.
FRASER: Pardon me. Is there a pay phone?
NURSE: Down there.
FRASER: Thank you kindly. [to driver] Sorry.
NURSE: I told you, sir, if you'll just leave your name and phone number, someone will contact you.
The driver leaves his name and number. Fraser goes to the pay phone and feeds it some change. The other nurse, the one who didn't like the look of the situation, looks around to make sure nobody is watching her and slips through a door.
When the doctor says "You're kidding," I do like the way Fraser says "No," as if he means not only is he not kidding, but he doesn't get why a person would even be kidding about that sort of thing.
It's nice of the driver to come and check on Charlie. Doylist-wise, he seems to be here because they were already paying a minimum for that actor so they might as well get their money's worth out of him, and also to show the nurse on the phone being curt with him and sweet as pie to Fraser.
Scene 4
At a bar.
VECCHIO: Cranberry, club soda, wedge of lemon.
BARTENDER: Sure you can handle that?
VECCHIO: What are you, a comedian? [His cell phone rings.] Ma, I can't talk, I'm on a stake-out.
FRASER: Uh, Ray?
VECCHIO: Benny! Benny, you gotta get down here right away. The Bears are finally kicking some butt.
FRASER: Ray, I need your help with something. I'm having a bit of a problem getting a license for Diefenbaker, and I'm not sure if it's because he's a wolf or just because he's deaf.
Something exciting happens in the football game on the TV.
VECCHIO: Yes! Yes!
FRASER: Then you think you can help me?
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: With the license. Of course I wouldn't want you to use your influence unduly.
VECCHIO: Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure. Just leave it to me.
FRASER: Okay. [The suspicious nurse comes back out from the door she sneaked into, and as she goes by, she drops an x-ray film.] Uh, miss! Thanks, Ray. [He hangs up the phone and picks up the film.] Miss! Miss!
It makes no sense for Fraser to be calling Vecchio with this wolf-license issue from the medical clinic rather than waiting until he gets to work. Was there no other way to set up the suspicious-nurse-dropping-an-x-ray business?
Scene 5
In the parking lot, the suspicious nurse gets into a red convertible. She pulls some files or something out of her shirt, chucks her heels into the back seat, and pulls on a pair of dark trousers instead of her white skirt. Fraser trots up as she's pulling her top over her head.
FRASER: Miss — oh, oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to — [averting his eyes] I didn't mean to —
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: Are you following me?
FRASER: No. Well, yes, I am, but I'm not trying to —
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: I think men who skulk around after women are the lowest scum of the earth, don't you?
FRASER: Well, yes, I, I suppose — suppose they are, but I'm — you see, I'm, I'm —
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: How did you know where to bring him? [She's wearing a camisole and doesn't bother putting any other type of top back on.]
FRASER: You mean Charlie?
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: Friend of yours, is he?
FRASER: Uh, no. No, I just met him at the accident site. Well, at the accident site before that.
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: So you do this a lot? [grabbing a notebook from her passenger seat]
FRASER: By "this" you mean . . . [finally turns around again]
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: Would you spell your name for me?
FRASER: Uh, certainly. B-e-n-t-o —
The non-suspicious nurse and the doctor appear at the door to the building, apparently scanning the parking lot—possibly looking for the suspicious nurse, who puts away her notebook.
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: You're a very interesting person, Bento. I'd like to see more of you.
FRASER: Um, no, that's Benton. Benton Fraser.
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: How about dinner tonight.
FRASER: Dinner? Well, I'd love to, but, I, I have a dog.
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: Got a good suit?
FRASER: Two, actually.
SUSPICIOUS NURSE: Lakeshore Room. Eight o'clock. Wear the suit, leave the dog. [She drives off.]
FRASER: Oh, dear.
Meanwhile, Diefenbaker is at a day care playing on the playground with the kids. Fraser sniffs the air as if he can tell Diefenbaker is nearby, then shakes his head as if he's decided he must be imagining it.
Changing clothes in your car is one thing, but doing it in a convertible with the top down doesn't really seem to me like a situation in which you can reasonably expect any privacy.
Fraser never does give her the x-ray she dropped.
Scene 6
In a newsroom.
EDITOR: Mackenzie King's desk. No, she's not. Call back. Mackenzie King's desk.
SUSPICIOUS NURSE (MACKENZIE KING): I got the story, Warren. I got it. You're sweating on my phone. [takes the phone from him] Hey, call back. Any messages?
EDITOR (WARREN): I send you to a press conference, you come back with x-rays. Why am I confused?
MACKENZIE: Take a look at these obituaries. James T. Ryan, Carlos Escobar, Lewis Rendowski. What do they all have in common?
WARREN: None of them covered the press conference?
MACKENZIE: They're all dead prizefighters, Warren. All died in automobile accidents in the last eight months. All the death certificates signed by the same doctor. And if you think that doesn't stink, take a whiff of this. There's a Mountie involved.
WARREN: A what?
MACKENZIE: Honest to God! Big hat, sweet little grin, crooked as they come.
WARREN: A crooked Mountie? You're bringing me a crooked Mountie? Look, look, Mackenzie. I know you hate cops. All of Chicago knows you hate cops. But I am not printing any more retractions. You keep making accusations about police corruption that you can't prove, you're gonna get yourself suspended again. Or fired.
MACKENZIE: Hey, I screwed up last time. Look, it changed me. I spent three months in a dark apartment, Warren, with a Persian cat under one arm and a tub of cherry swirl in the other. I've been to hell and back in a flannel nightgown, Warren, and so help me God, I will never wear flannel again. This time, I nail them dirty. Tonight, eight o'clock, his little Canadian butt is mine. [Her phone rings again.] Could you get that? Thanks.
So the suspicious nurse is actually a reporter, and she hates cops, and she shares an office with her boss for some reason. How does she get interested in the string of dead prizefighters in the first place? There will have been a lot more than three fatal car accidents in eight months, surely. How does the fact that three of them involved prizefighters? And why does she need x-rays to show that the death certificates were signed by the same doctor? Why does she need to go undercover in the clinic at all for that? Aren't death certificates public records?
Scene 7
Diefenbaker gets home in time for Fraser not to know he's been out. Fraser is coming home with groceries.
FRASER: Evening, Mrs. Garcia. How are you tonight? [door slams] Evening, Mr. Campbell. [Door slams. In the apartment, he speaks to Diefenbaker, who is lying on the rug as if he's been there all day.] I brought you supper. Oh, you know, I was hoping to be able to spend some time with you this evening, but you see, I have a dinner engagement with a very nice woman that I met in a parking lot. And I can't cancel it, because I don't know her phone number. Or her name, for that matter. No, it's not what you're thinking. It isn't. And you know something? I, I, I don't appreciate your attitude. You're very judgmental. Just because you were right once does not make you infallible. I am perfectly capable of handling myself in any situation. I am. I am a Mountie. [He puts a carton of milk away in the cabinet rather than the refrigerator.]
Okay I know milk in Canada often or maybe even usually comes in bags rather than in cartons or jugs, and everyone has a pitcher or milk-bag-holder that you load the bags into for serving. (At least this was true when I was a young teenager and went to summer camp in Canada. "But what if you didn't have a pitcher?" I asked someone, and he explained patiently that it was not a specialty item but a normal thing to find in a kitchen, like plates.) What I don't know is, is most milk in Canada shelf-stable? I think of that as a European thing, only maybe putting the milk in the cupboard isn't supposed to be a laugh about how absent-minded Fraser is but rather a moment of showing how he's not yet accustomed to life in the United States, where there is shelf-stable milk, but it comes in boxes, and the type of milk jug he puts in the cupboard will absolutely spoil if he doesn't put it in the refrigerator, even before it's opened.
Scene 8
Both Fraser and Mackenzie are getting ready for their date. Music cue: "American Woman" by The Guess Who.
American woman, stay away from me
To begin with, they're going through drawers picking out underthings. She lays out black stockings and a black teddy. He pulls out a red union suit but thinks better of it.
American woman, mama let me be
She is stepping out of the shower. He pulls out a pair of very starched white boxers. Her towel drops to the floor.
Don't come a hangin' around my door
I don't want to see your face no more
He is in a rusty bathtub shampooing his hair. There is a towel on the bar, and his hat is on a chair nearby. The man brings his hat into the bathroom.
I got more important things to do
Than spend my time growin' old with you
Now woman, I said stay away
American woman, listen what I say
She is flipping through hangers in her closet. He dumps a bucket of clean water over his head (which splashes outside the tub, and you know that makes a mess). She picks a dress. He emerges from the bathroom—which is in the hallway—with a towel around his waist and his watch in his teeth and tips his hat at the many neighbors queuing for the bath. (He is also carrying something, and I can't see what it is. Probably a washcloth or soap on a rope.)
(Instrumental break.)
She is in the black slip, holding dresses up to her body in front of a full-length mirror. He is in the white shorts and a white undershirt, holding identical red uniforms up to his body in front of the fragment of broken mirror on his wall. She is considering a different dress. He has his trousers and suspenders on and is shining his boots. She is rolling the stockings up her legs. He is contemplating his hair. She is fastening a recording device around her waist and seeing if it will lie flat against her slip. He combs his hair away from his face with a pair of brushes in a sort of center-parted Edwardian style. It does not particularly suit him. She is stepping into a black dress. He combs his hair forward in a George Clooney "Caesar" 'do, and it is worse.
American woman, said get away
American woman, listen what I say
She decides the recording device does not work under the dress she was getting into. He combs his hair straight up the way we're used to seeing it.
Don't come a hangin' around my door
Don't want to see your face no more
She gets out of the dress. He presses down on his hair to make it less fluffy and twists one curl in his fingers.
I don't need your war machines
I don't need your ghetto scenes
Colored lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else's eyes
Now woman, get away from me
American woman, mama let me be
She has successfully picked a dress and is stepping into some spiky heels. He is back out of the trousers and suspenders and is comparing the two identical red uniforms again.
Go, gotta get away, gotta get away now go, go, go
I'm gonna leave you woman
Gonna leave you woman
Bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye
She is ready to go. She leaves her bedroom. He is dressed and opens his refrigerator to pick one of two wrist corsages he's stored in there. He sniffs both corsages and finally chooses one. The only other thing in his fridge is a bottle of maple syrup.
You're no good for me
I'm no good for you
Gonna look you right in the eye
Tell you what I'm gonna do
She is loading her purse with lipstick and pepper spray. She tosses a wrap over her shoulder and heads out. He comes back to the refrigerator and swaps corsages. Then he comes back again and just takes them both.
You know I'm gonna leave
You know I'm gonna go
You know I'm gonna leave
You know I'm gonna go-o, woman
I'm gonna leave you woman
Goodbye American woman
(fade)
He leaves his apartment. As soon as he's gone, Diefenbaker goes out the fire escape.
Fraser's building apparently has no better than one bath per floor, if the queue in the hallway is any indication. Zounds. (I stayed in a very cheap hotel in Paris once where there must, I suppose, have been a basin in the room, but there was probably a WC in the hall—I don't remember—and I had no access to a shower or bath of any kind. It was okay as a place to be safe indoors for one night. As an adult not in a dormitory or a barracks, I couldn’t live like that.)
I'm guessing the scenes were filmed in one order and edited together in another, hence the boot-shining bit being out of sequence.
Scene 9
Fraser is pacing around the vestibule of a fancy restaurant, checking his watch.
MANAGER: [answering the phone] Lakeshore Room.
FRASER: [approaches the hosting stand] Excuse me. Has a —
MAITRE D’: Woman called to say she'd be late? No.
FRASER: You're sure? Because it is, it's, uh, ten after eight, and —
MAITRE D’: This would be the woman with no name?
FRASER: Well, I'm sure she has a name, I'm just not sure what — I'll keep waiting.
A couple is leaving the restaurant.
WOMAN: Such a wonderful meal.
MAN: Very. Careful where you step, darling. [Fraser holds the door for them.] Evening. Thank you, young man. [He tips Fraser.]
Mackenzie arrives.
MACKENZIE: Been waiting long?
FRASER: Actually, yes, but I seem to have profited by it. May I just say that you look —
MACKENZIE: Thanks. That's your good suit?
FRASER: Oh, I knew I should've worn the other one. You know, if, if, if we have a couple of minutes I could run home right now.
MACKENZIE: No, you're fine. A little red, but fine.
FRASER: Um, this is for you.
MACKENZIE: A wrist corsage?
FRASER: Well, actually, two.
MACKENZIE: You want me to wear them on both wrists?
FRASER: I forgot to ask what color of dress you'd be wearing.
There is a longish pause while she tries to work out what to make of this.
MACKENZIE: Reservations for two. Mackenzie King.
MAITRE D’: Right this way, Ms. King.
FRASER: Your name . . . you wouldn't be related to —
MACKENZIE: No.
FRASER: No, of course you wouldn't.
So Fraser doesn't know how to go on a date. First of all, wrist corsages, oh my god, that's adorable. Secondly, I don't know Chicago well, but I assume that in Chicago in the 90s, 10 minutes late was not late, socially.
Meanwhile: William Lyon Mackenzie King (1874–1950) was an important Canadian prime minister between the world wars and during WWII (the longest-serving PM in Canadian history). He never married and had no children, but his brother (1878–1922) had a grandson named William Lyon Mackenzie King III (whose parents were married in 1939 and whose father died in 1943, so there's the math on his birth date), so it's not impossible that a journalist in Chicago in the mid-90s could be the original William Lyon Mackenzie King's (I'm counting on my fingers now) great-grand-niece (that's right: the brother's son, William II, is the nephew; the nephew's son, William III, is the great-nephew; the great-nephew's daughter, if Mackenzie were the great-nephew's daughter, would be the great-grand-niece; whew). Apparently she is not, but she gets the question often enough to anticipate it?
Scene 10
At their table, Fraser is trying to eat a whole lobster with a knife and fork. He has a pink napkin tucked in the neck of his red uniform.
MACKENZIE: So you live in the same building. You and Charlie, you started talking.
FRASER: Well, actually, his daughter asked me to help him.
MACKENZIE: The way she looked at you, you just couldn't refuse.
FRASER: Well, she had these sad eyes.
MACKENZIE: Don't they all.
FRASER: [pulls out a multitool with a saw blade] Do you mind if I —
MACKENZIE: Go for it. You and Charlie make quite the team.
FRASER: By team you mean . . . ?
MACKENZIE: He falls under cars, you save him.
FRASER: Well, he does seem to have had a few —
MACKENZIE: How much do you make?
FRASER: Me? Well, it's in Canadian funds, so you have to deduct thirty-eight percent, but, uh —
MACKENZIE: Enough.
FRASER: About myself? Absolutely. Consular work is pretty dull. Although there was this one passport case —
MACKENZIE: Wait a minute. You work at the consulate?
FRASER: Why, yes. That's why I'm paid in Canadian funds. It's some — it's an odd governmental regulation.
MACKENZIE: So now you're denying you work with Charlie?
FRASER: With Charlie? No. No, I could never be a professional boxer. I mean, in high school —
MACKENZIE: I saw you bring him in. Are you telling me you don't feed patients to the clinic? You're not involved in this million-dollar insurance scam? You're just this straight arrow, do-gooding Mountie out to help the little guy? Tell me why I find that hard to believe.
FRASER: Well, I understand your skepticism. Appearances can be deceiving. For example, you're a nurse, yet you wear extremely high heels to work, which indicates you either haven't been a nurse very long or you have remarkable arches. Also, the way you hold your wrists suggests that you spend many hours at a computer keyboard, and add to that the slight crick in your neck, which indicates extended phone usage and minute traces of printer's ink underneath your three-quarter-inch nails — which, by the way, must make bandaging quite a challenge — and a less trusting person might assume that you weren't a nurse at all. A less trusting person might assume that you work, say, for a newspaper. But then appearances can be deceiving.
MACKENZIE: And you've known this since . . . ?
FRASER: The parking lot. Also, you should check your tape recorders. I think either your battery is leaking or some liquid has spilled into the motor. From the smell of it, I would say — [sniffs] — mace.
MACKENZIE: So you just came along for the free meal and the amusement of watching me make a fool out of myself?
FRASER: No. No, I think Charlie is in trouble, and I thought maybe you could tell me something that would help.
MACKENZIE: You're trying to get information from me? Forget it!
FRASER: I understand. You've already been of great help.
MACKENZIE: I've —! [She picks up her wrap.] No appetite all of a sudden. [She gets up and leaves the table.]
FRASER: [following her] Can I at least walk you home?
MACKENZIE: Walk me home? [to the tables of strangers they're passing] He wants to walk me home.
FRASER: Well, I thought it was expected.
The waiter sees them going and hurries over with the bill on a tray.
MACKENZIE: Oh yeah? What else did you expect?
FRASER: Well, nothing, I mean, I don't — no, I —
MACKENZIE: You want to do something for me? You get Charlie to talk to me on the record.
FRASER: If Charlie is in trouble, what he needs is help, not an interview.
MACKENZIE: Then all you're getting out of this date is the check.
She grabs the bill off the waiter's tray and slaps it on Fraser's chest.
FRASER: I — do you happen to know the current exchange rate?
First of all, you just said "deduct 38 percent," which makes me suspect the current exchange rate is $1 CDN = $0.62 USD. Secondly, it doesn't matter, because you are not going to pay in Canadian dollars, Fraser.
In addition to not knowing how to go on a date, Fraser does not know how to be in a restaurant. Although in fairness—I don't eat lobster, but in a piano-music-and-tablecloths place like this, shouldn't they either provide the tools you need to dismember it gracefully or do it for you before they put the plate down? I mean maybe they did bring him the correct tools and he didn't know what they were for so he went at the thing with a butter knife. What does he know from lobster? My guess is he ordered it to signal that she should feel free to order whatever, assuming the traditional assumption that the lobster is the most expensive thing on the menu and what I also assume are his old-fashioned (learned-from-a-book) (wrist. corsage.) ideas about what part of the menu the lady should order from and who's going to pay the bill. Which, incidentally, she should be paying, because she did the inviting, or at most they should split it once it turns out it's not really a date, so her sticking him with the whole check is tacky. But it doesn't appear she actually had any dinner, so maybe it works out okay. (I mean, he didn't, either. All that work for zero bites of lobster.)
He pronounces the T in "at all" very firmly: "a tall."
Scene 11
Fraser is walking home. He passes a couple out for a stroll and tips his hat to them.
FRASER: Good evening.
He goes inside his building.
There's also a parent out walking with a little kid. Weren't we supposed to understand that this was a very bad neighborhood? What's with all the pedestrians just out enjoying the night air?
Scene 12
Fraser is in his building checking his mailbox and overhears Charlie talking to someone.
CHARLIE: I told you it ain't enough. I cannot live on what you bastards pay me.
BAD GUY: Two hundred's what you agreed to. Two hundred's what you're going to get.
CHARLIE: At two hundred dollars I can't even pay my stinking rent. Listen, you want me to keep on taking dives for you, you better make it worth my while.
BAD GUY: You wouldn't be threatening me, would you, Charlie? 'Cause that wouldn't be healthy.
CHARLIE: No, I'm not threatening you. But I have a child to support.
BAD GUY: That's not my problem. And count yourself lucky. Doesn't take a lot of skill to fall under a car.
He slaps an envelope at Charlie and oils off, and Charlie scowls toward where Fraser is standing.
FRASER: Evening.
CHARLIE: Hiya.
FRASER: Excuse me, but I couldn't help overhearing that —
CHARLIE: You heard that? You know something, pal, you better start learning to mind your own business.
FRASER: Well, actually, your daughter asked me to —
CHARLIE: You don't know nothing about me, and you don't know anything about my daughter. So just back off.
FRASER: I know you're in trouble, and if I can, I'd like to help.
CHARLIE: That's easy. Stay away from me and stay away from my daughter.
He stomps off through a door on the ground level. Lucy is upstairs leaning on the banister by the elevator shaft.
FRASER: Hi. You know, Lucy, your father — he has a good heart. He's a good man.
LUCY: It's okay. I understand. Can't help everybody.
FRASER: Lucy, I, uh . . .
LUCY: It's like the doctors. They tried, but they couldn't help my mom. It's okay.
Okay, Lucy, you just heard Fraser offer to help your father, and you heard your father tell him to buzz off. Making like Fraser is the one letting you down here is a little bit advanced, isn't it? I mean to say, a person young enough to believe her father's only name is "Dad" is probably too young to exercise that level of emotional manipulation, right?
Scene 13
VECCHIO: Okay, I'm on the edge of my seat. What's this huge moral dilemma you're carrying on your shoulders?
FRASER: I've given my word to a girl.
VECCHIO: Fraser, you do not have to marry every girl you meet.
FRASER: Oh, no, it's — she's a very young girl.
VECCHIO: Well, then, you do have a problem.
FRASER: No, I mean she's a little girl, Ray. She's six years old. She's very sweet. She's asked me to help her father.
VECCHIO: I can see you're making those minute adjustments to really bring out the flavor, Hugo. [He pours a paper cup of sludgy vending machine coffee into the trash.]
HUGO: Chamomile, right? [He hands Fraser a ceramic mug with a teabag in it.]
FRASER: Thank you, Hugo. Now I've discovered that her father is doing something illegal.
VECCHIO: What's the dilemma? We bust him.
FRASER: Then I'd be breaking my word to the little girl.
VECCHIO: And this gives you a problem?
FRASER: Yes.
VECCHIO: Oh.
FRASER: But if I don't turn him in, then I'm withholding evidence of a crime.
VECCHIO: Very good, Benny. You can go to the head of the class.
FRASER: So I've given it some thought, and I've come up with the only . . . only logical solution. You have to arrest me.
VECCHIO: For what?
FRASER: I can't tell you that.
VECCHIO: Well, then, I'm not gonna arrest you.
FRASER: But you have to.
VECCHIO: Well, I'm not.
FRASER: You have to.
VECCHIO: Oh, I'm not.
FRASER: You have to.
VECCHIO: This guy, the dad, just how illegal is this activity he's involved in?
FRASER: It's serious. But he's not the one who's profiting from it. In fact, he stands to lose more than he's made.
VECCHIO: So if you and I can get the bigger fish, maybe we can let the little girl's dad slide on this one.
FRASER: Is this legal?
VECCHIO: Would I be offering it to you if it wasn't? [Fraser gives him a hi-we've-met head tilt; Vecchio rolls his eyes.] Yes, it's legal. Now tell me everything you know.
FRASER: You won't use it against the man in question?
VECCHIO: On my word as a transvestite.
FRASER: What's that, Ray?
VECCHIO: It's a Chicago thing.
FRASER: Ah.
Okay I am missing the "on my word as a transvestite" "Chicago thing," so if there's something deeper there than Vecchio goofing around with making a promise to Fraser, I'm going to need someone to explain it to me. Also, I do not believe that little girl playing Lucy is a day younger than eight. But that aside, in this scene we learn that Vecchio continues to assume (a) all women are tossing themselves at Fraser but (b) Fraser doesn't know what to do about any of them (see "don't they have women in the Yukon?"). We also learn (c) that Vecchio has not yet learned to be nicer to Hugo.
And then Fraser is fretting about the legality of going after the bigger bad guy and letting Charlie slide. Let's reflect. Charlie is taking payoffs to deliberately get hit by cars. Presumably the drivers' auto insurance is paying settlements to the bad guys making the arrangements, and Charlie and the doctor are each getting a small cut. So who's getting hurt here: Charlie, of course; potentially the drivers; and the insurance companies. But Fraser is worried about leaving Charlie—a single dad—be in the interest of justice, just one week after he let Willie go with a stern warning after Willie had stolen at least two bags in 24 hours (though he did return one of them) and threatened him and Diefenbaker with a stolen handgun. Fraser. GET IT TOGETHER, BRO.
Scene 14
They park outside a gym.
VECCHIO: Okay, so how do you know the guy who paid Charlie's a fighter?
FRASER: His wrists. They were completely hairless, indicating he wears gloves that are tied tightly and in constant use.
VECCHIO: So we're tracking a guy with hairless wrists.
FRASER: Also, the second knuckle of each hand was slightly lower than the others. His jaw clicked slightly when he spoke, indicating a fractured mandible. And his eyes had shifted downward and laterally in their sockets, caused no doubt by repeated blows to the zygomatic arch.
VECCHIO: Okay, that I'll buy, but how'd you know he worked out in this gym?
FRASER: It was written on his t-shirt.
VECCHIO: You couldn't have said that in the first place? You had to go through the hairless wrists and the fractured mandibles?
FRASER: I'm sorry, Ray.
VECCHIO: Aw, man.
The zygomatic arch is the cheekbone. Why can't you just say "cheekbone," Fraser? Why can't you say "jaw" instead of "mandible?" Sigh. Also, the dude who threatened Charlie was wearing a golf or polo shirt, not a t-shirt, so there. (It had an emblem on the left chest, as such shirts often do; I'd have guessed that was an alligator or a polo player or who knows what, but I'll buy that it was a gym logo or that there was something on the back of it if Fraser says so. We didn't see the hole in the "garment buyer's" shoe either, so the show doesn't always show us every clue Fraser picks up on.)
Scene 15
Diefenbaker is hanging out on the street. He sees an animal control van go by. The van driver sees him, backs up, and turns to go pick him up; Diefenbaker runs off.
Diefenbaker can apparently read English.
Scene 16
In the gym, a lot of guys are doing boxing things—speed bag, sparring in the ring, heavy bags. Fraser and Vecchio walk in.
FRASER: I don't see him. Perhaps if we gave out a description.
VECCHIO: Look, why don't you leave this to me. You see, I've been hanging out in joints like this since I was a kid. There's a certain way to talk to these types. [He approaches a guy reading a paper at a table.] What's it going to cost to work out for a little while?
GUY: Maybe your life?
VECCHIO: Just give me a towel.
Vecchio is in the ring sparring with a random boxer.
VECCHIO: So I figure, kill a guy or not, sooner or later I gotta get back in the ring. Still, I find it hard to make ends meet, training all the time like this. How do you do it? [The random boxer hits him in the face and knocks him out.]
Fraser is in the ring sparring with a second random boxer.
FRASER: Now, you'll have to refresh my memory on the American rules, because I know there are some subtle differences from ours. [Guy takes a swing at him; he dodges.] Ah, you see right there. That would have been disallowed under the Canadian system. [Guy jabs him in the stomach; he mostly dodges.] As would have that. I wonder, while we're boxing, if you'd mind answering a few questions. [Guy comes at him; he ducks and the guy goes over his shoulder and out of the ring.] Ah, now I believe that was my fault.
Fraser is in the ring sparring with a third random boxer.
FRASER: Approximately six feet tall, [dodges a punch] with a deviated mandible [dodges a punch] and a noticeably fractured zygomatic arch. [ducks a punch, jabs, the guy goes down] Oh.
Vecchio has workout gear he can change into, including a helmet, not that it does him any good when his sparring partner punches him in the nose. Fraser has removed his jacket, shirt, and tie and is sparring in his undershirt and suspenders, with white sneakers and his uniform trousers tucked into tube socks, so I guess they both had gym bags in Vecchio's trunk? Fraser is the only boxer not wearing a helmet, so it's lucky that nobody managed to hit him.
Scene 17
In the locker room, everyone is recuperating. Random boxer #1 is lying on the bench. A trainer is painting disinfectant on random boxer #2's cuts. Vecchio has an ice pack. Fraser is apparently stitching up a cut on random boxer #3's forehead.
RANDOM BOXER #3: Ow.
FRASER: Sorry.
TRAINER: Your old man taught you how to box like that?
FRASER: My grandmother, actually. Although I'm beginning to suspect that the book she used was somewhat outdated.
TRAINER: [to Random Boxer #2] Spit. [The guy spits.] Not on the floor.
FRASER: You were saying about Charlie?
TRAINER: Yeah. I knew him. Used to train here until he gave it up last year. Bring his little girl when he couldn't get a sitter.
VECCHIO: But you haven't seen him since?
TRAINER: 'Fraid not. Though —
VECCHIO: Yeah?
TRAINER: I don't know, I heard he was in trouble, that's all. Nothing strange about that. Half the guys in here spend their summers in the joint.
FRASER: Well, if you hear anything else, we'd appreciate you giving Detective Vecchio a call.
TRAINER: I got the card.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
VECCHIO: [gives Random Boxer #2 his ice pack] You're probably going to need this more than me. [to Fraser, as they're leaving the locker room] Your grandmother?
FRASER: Yes.
VECCHIO: Think I can get a copy of that book?
Scene 18
They leave the gym.
FRASER: He's in on it.
VECCHIO: Who?
FRASER: The trainer.
VECCHIO: How do you know?
FRASER: You'll get upset.
VECCHIO: No I won't. Just enlighten me as to how in the span of a two-minute conversation, you figured out that this guy's a criminal.
FRASER: You're sure.
VECCHIO: Yeah, I'm sure.
FRASER: All right. Spittle.
VECCHIO: Spittle?
FRASER: During the course of our conversation, he tried to spit several times, but he couldn't, because his mouth was too dry, which would indicate that he's lying.
VECCHIO: So let me get this straight. This is what they do in the Yukon? They arrest everybody who doesn't drool?
Fraser gets out a spyglass and looks at something up high and to the left.
The trainer did sort of go "ptui" right after he told the boxer to spit (it's not clear why he wanted the boxer to spit, though; the guy wasn't frothing at the mouth or anything), and he also drank from a water bottle as Fraser and Vecchio were leaving the locker room. But I'm with Vecchio this time: I think this deduction of Fraser's is a reach.
Scene 19
Back in the gym, the trainer goes into a back office where Dr. Howard from the clinic is sitting on a couch.
DR. HOWARD: So?
TRAINER: Looks like Charlie has made some new friends. [He starts making a phone call.]
DR. HOWARD: Too bad. Try to help somebody, he just ends up hurting himself.
In Charlie's apartment, the phone rings.
CHARLIE: Yeah.
TRAINER: Charlie. Can you do one right away? It's a trucking company. The driver's in on it. We can go five hundred this time.
CHARLIE: Yeah, except my daughter's not home from school yet. I have to wait until she —
TRAINER: No time, guy. I'll get someone else.
CHARLIE: No, no, no, no, listen, uh, I'll do it, I'll do it. Where?
TRAINER: Near the corner of Haskell and Commerce. Three-forty-five. You're okay, Charlie.
The guy who threatened Charlie back at the apartment building has joined them.
BAD GUY: You need me?
TRAINER: Charlie's going to meet with an accident.
BAD GUY: Such a shame. I always liked Charlie.
We can see that Fraser and Vecchio are perched on a wall and can see into this back office through the window. Fraser puts away his spyglass.
FRASER: They're going to kill Charlie.
VECCHIO: You've got to teach me how to do that with the lips. [Fraser is about to climb over the wall and shinny down a drainpipe.] Hey, hey, hey, the stairs are right over there.
FRASER: Oh, sorry.
I think we're meant to understand that there is no gig with a trucking company where the driver is in on it; the bad guy in the polo shirt is going to be driving the truck, and he's going to hit Charlie harder than usual.
Scene 20
Fraser and Vecchio get in the car. Mackenzie King is waiting for them in the back seat.
MACKENZIE: I had a change of heart and decided to see you again.
VECCHIO: They're following you around town now?
FRASER: You'll have to get out of the car, Ms. King.
MACKENZIE: Mackenzie. So what do you know?
VECCHIO: Mackenzie King? The one who wrote that crap about corruption down in Division? Get the hell out of my car.
MACKENZIE: Yeah, but I got it wrong 'cause I trusted a cop.
VECCHIO: I'll tell you something about cops!
FRASER: Ray! We have to go.
VECCHIO: Not till she's out of my car!
FRASER: If I asked you politely?
MACKENZIE: Yeah, that would do it.
FRASER: Ray. We'll miss him.
VECCHIO: All right, I'm driving, okay? I'm driving. [peels out]
FRASER: That was a stop sign, Ray. [across town, coming under an el train] That was another stop sign, Ray.
Does Vecchio not lock his car when he parks it?
Scene 21
Charlie comes out of the apartment building and heads off down the street. Vecchio, Fraser, and Mackenzie King drive up. Fraser is about to get out of the car to go in and stop Charlie when Mackenzie sees him at the end of the block.
MACKENZIE: There!
Fraser gets back in the car, and they tail him.
FRASER: Take a left up ahead.
Vecchio takes a left up ahead, and they get stuck behind some road work.
MACKENZIE: Go around.
VECCHIO: On the sidewalk? Oh yeah, you'd love that. "Maniac Detective Slaughters Pedestrians."
FRASER: Stay in the car.
He hops out and runs up to the crane.
FRASER: May I?
CRANE OPERATOR: Sure, go ahead.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
Fraser climbs to the top of the crane. People are watching him do this and not sure what the hell they're seeing.
MACKENZIE: Got a camera?
VECCHIO: Get out of my car!
Fraser scans the area from the top of the crane and sees Charlie. He calls down to Vecchio in the car.
FRASER: Follow me!
He abseils down the crane line to general applause and runs off. Charlie is at the corner of Haskell Street. He goes to a pay phone. Fraser is running toward him. The phone rings in Charlie's apartment just as Lucy comes in.
LUCY: Hello?
She has answered just as the phone stopped ringing, because Charlie sees the truck coming and hangs up the phone. He stands in the street pretending not to notice the truck. Fraser tackles him out of the way just in time.
CHARLIE: You again! Get out of here!
The truck, having missed Charlie, is in reverse and backing toward him.
FRASER: Run.
They run; the truck knocks down the pay phone and is about to crush Charlie against a brick building when Fraser yanks him out of the way and puts him through a tempered glass window instead. The truck drives off; Charlie is unconscious and bleeding. Fraser is feeling for his pulse when Vecchio and Mackenzie King run up.
I'm not sure the abseiling was actually necessary, but probably climbing down the crane the same way he climbed up would have taken extra time. It's also not entirely clear how Vecchio was supposed to know which way Fraser had gone when he ran off out the other end of the construction zone. But never mind.
Scene 22
In a hospital looking at Charlie's x-rays.
DOCTOR: This man was boxing? He shouldn't even be breathing. When's the last time he saw a doctor?
FRASER: I believe yesterday.
DOCTOR: Then he'd better get a second opinion. See these old hairline cracks? One more blow to the head and it'll be his last.
This is all before HIPAA, of course.
Scene 23
Mackenzie King has bought Lucy an ice cream from a truck.
MACKENZIE: It'll be okay. I told your dad I'd take real good care of you, okay? And as soon as they get his woozy head all fixed up at the hospital, Fraser will bring him right home.
LUCY: I think they call it a concussion?
MACKENZIE: Oh, yeah. Yeah, well, some people do.
When did she tell him this? The man was unconscious. He's never laid eyes on her. But sure, Mackenzie King is deputized to take care of the kid, because she is a girrrl. Sigh. I do like Lucy's "duh, lady" line reading here.
Scene 24
Mackenzie King and Lucy have returned to the apartment building.
LUCY: I wish Fraser was my daddy.
MACKENZIE: Well, Fraser's a real brave guy. But your daddy's the bravest guy I know.
LUCY: Why?
MACKENZIE: Well, 'cause he is, that's all.
LUCY: But he's doing bad things, and I don't call that brave.
They go into Lucy and Charlie's apartment.
MACKENZIE: Sometimes being brave means knowing you have to do something and just doing it. No matter what happens — [She grabs Lucy to her, because the living room is unexpectedly full of people: Dr. Howard and the three random boxers Fraser and Vecchio sparred with at the gym.]
DR. HOWARD: Come in, "Nurse."
The trainer from the gym comes in the apartment door and blocks Mackenzie and Lucy's exit.
Lucy's line reading is "I wish Fraser was my daddy," as though he were someone else's daddy, and that doesn't make a ton of sense; they should have had her say "I wish Fraser was my daddy," because apparently the message is that she's had it with her own dad, and whoa, that's harsh, Lucy.
Scene 25
Back at the hospital, Fraser is with Charlie in an exam room.
CHARLIE: What are you, nuts? I ain't talking to no D.A.
FRASER: Detective Vecchio assures me you won't be prosecuted, and if you need protection, we can —
CHARLIE: I can take care of myself. Just leave me alone, all right?
FRASER: You know, Charlie, when I was thirteen years old, I found a caribou trapped on a mountainside. I tried to coax him down, but his fear of me only drove him higher. By the time he'd let me near enough to him, he was so weak from the cold I couldn't save him. And he died on that ledge.
CHARLIE: You think I'm afraid of these guys?
FRASER: No, I don't. I think you're afraid of something else.
CHARLIE: If my name gets in the papers, or on TV, Lucy's going to know about me. She thinks I'm a boxer. A great boxer. If she finds out what I do for a living . . . look, all I got in my life is the way that she looks at me. That is all I got. That is all that I need. If I ever lose that —
FRASER: She'll understand, Charlie. Trust me.
ORDERLY: Excuse me, guys. You Fraser? Telephone. At the nurses' station.
FRASER: Thank you kindly. [He goes out to the nurses' station.]
DOCTOR: [to Charlie] You got one, too. This man called. He said to tell you that he's taking care of your little girl for you? He said you'd know who. Guess he didn't want you to worry.
Charlie, of course, is worried, and he splits.
That's a nice speech of Charlie's, where the only thing that matters to him is that his daughter loves and trusts him. Alas he doesn't know that she already knows what he does for a living, so letting Fraser help him wouldn't be out of line.
Scene 26
Vecchio is on the phone from the Harper Medical Clinic.
VECCHIO: I'm saying the place is totally cleared out. Files, medical records, everything.
FRASER: And Howard?
VECCHIO: By now probably on a beach in Costa Rica. Want me to pick you up? [Fraser sees that Charlie is gone, and he drops the phone and hurries away.] Fraser? Don't do this to me. Fraser! [Vecchio hangs up and runs.]
Another point for Vecchio. Monumentally frustrating for Fraser to disappear without a word like that.
Scene 27
Charlie bursts back into his apartment. A couple of the random boxers catch him before he can get to Lucy.
LUCY: Daddy! [Dr. Howard grabs her back to the couch.]
CHARLIE: If you touch her, so help me God, I'm going to kill you.
TRAINER: Hey, Charlie, you come with us, nothing's going to happen to her.
DR. HOWARD: Sorry, Charlie. We just can't have you talking.
The trainer pulls a gun and moves to the apartment door. Fraser comes in just at that moment, punches him in the face, and takes his gun.
FRASER: You won't be needing this.
Charlie shakes the two random boxers loose and punches them out. The trainer tackles Fraser to the floor. The third random boxer grabs Mackenzie King. Everybody's fighting. Dr. Howard picks Lucy up and carries her out of the apartment.
FRASER: Charlie!
Charlie sees them going and keeps fighting off the two boxers. Dr. Howard is carrying Lucy down the stairs.
LUCY: Let me go!
Mackenzie King has fought her way free and sprays one of the boxers on Charlie's back with Chekov's Mace. The guy falls to the floor. Charlie punches out the other one and runs after Lucy. Fraser punches the trainer. The maced boxer gets back up and punches Mackenzie King in the mouth; she falls back to the couch, groaning.
MACKENZIE: Nice.
The boxer Charlie hit gets up again and Fraser tackles him through the window. He falls into a dumpster. Diefenbaker sees this happen. The animal control van passes by the alley.
ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER: Gotcha.
Diefenbaker jumps through the van and runs off. Sirens are going. Dr. Howard comes running out of the apartment building carrying Lucy. Vecchio drives up and bumps another car as he's trying to park.
VECCHIO: [rubbing the back of his neck] Jeez.
Dr. Howard runs the other way.
LUCY: Daddyyy! Let me go!
Charlie comes running out of the apartment and pushes the animal control officer out of the way. Dr. Howard puts Lucy in the animal control van and drives off. Charlie is chasing the van.
LUCY: Let me go! Daddy!
Lucy is fighting Dr. Howard; he pushes her down and she falls out the open side of the van.
CHARLIE: [catches her] I've got you.
Now Charlie is running along the alley, carrying Lucy, being chased by the animal control van. He's cornered and the van is going to crush them both against the wall. Fraser is running alongside on top of the roof.
FRASER: Charlie!
Charlie heaves Lucy up to Fraser, who catches her hand and pulls her up to him on the roof. Charlie keeps running, and the animal control van crashes into the wall at the end of the alley. Charlie couldn't have gotten away around it.
LUCY: [scared] Daddy!
Fraser covers her eyes and turns her away from the crash. She turns around anyway. Charlie rolls out from under the van and gets up.
LUCY: [surprised and delighted] Daddy!
CHARLIE: Hey, I'm a professional.
I'm going to guess that kid is not less than fifty pounds (based on the completely scientific method of comparing what appears to be the height and build of a child on television next to some adults on television with the height and build of my five-year-old, who is about forty-five pounds), which is a lot to throw that high in the air without much wind-up, but Charlie's a big guy—taller than Fraser, so probably at least 6'2"?—and a trained athlete, plus he's highly motivated, and I think saving the life of your child can reasonably give a person a burst of strength for sure. Even a person who has just left the emergency room maybe against medical advice. I'll buy it.
Scene 28
Vecchio hauls Dr. Howard out of the driver's seat and handcuffs him to the animal control van. Lucy comes running down the fire escape and leaps into Charlie's arms.
CHARLIE: Sweetie, oh! I'm okay. Hey! Who's the toughest guy in the whole wide world?
LUCY: You are.
CHARLIE: Yeah, and who could stop me from coming home to you?
LUCY: Nobody.
CHARLIE: And what would I do if any of them tried?
LUCY: Upper cut, hook, poke 'em in the eye.
CHARLIE: Damn straight.
Fraser is smiling. Then he hears Diefenbaker bark. The animal control officer sneaks up behind Diefenbaker and grabs him with a catch pole.
ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER: I gotcha! Where you going now, fella?
Fraser drops down from the fire escape.
FRASER: Hi. [Diefenbaker is struggling.] Diefenbaker, remember what I told you. [Diefenbaker whines.] Benton Fraser, RCMP. [He shakes the animal control guy's hand.] And this is my dog. [Diefenbaker glares at him.] Uh, wolf.
ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER: I thought that was a wolf. Well, he's mine now, 'cause you sure as hell don't have a wolf license.
VECCHIO: In fact he does. [brandishing a laminated card]
ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER: You can't have this. It doesn't exist. It never did.
VECCHIO: Signed by the mayor himself. Special dispensation. Now unhand that wolf.
ANIMAL CONTROL OFFICER: [releases Diefenbaker from the catch pole] Look what you did to my van.
FRASER: You got it. I only asked you once, and you got it.
VECCHIO: Of course I got it. You asked me for it, right?
FRASER: From the mayor himself?
VECCHIO: Well, no, not exactly. You see, I didn't want to bother him, so what I did was, I xeroxed a dog license and I put in "wolf." Wonderful things, photocopiers, huh? [He claps Fraser on the back and walks off. Fraser debates arguing and then goes ahead and accepts the wolf license.] Hey, Dr. Quack! Get your hands off of that.
Okay, it wasn't Vecchio who did anything to the animal control guy's van.
No, right, fair enough, that's not the point of this scene. Is this the first genuinely dishonest thing we've seen Vecchio do? Pretending to be a shady garment seller in the pilot: maybe a routine part of police work, although IA was trying to bust him for illegal entrapment, so if it was technically okay he was skating very close to a line. Lying to his mother about being on a stake-out? Anh. Pretending like he was a guy with a criminal record in the boxing ring? Anh. But this here is a straight-up forged document. And Fraser . . . takes it because he needs Diefenbaker not to be animal controlled out of his life. . . . Picture me looking over the tops of the frames of my glasses right now.
Scene 29
The boxers are being led away in handcuffs. Vecchio puts Dr. Howard in the back of a police car.
VECCHIO: Here, take this scum off the street. Oh, and, uh, one more thing: For a neck spasm, is that hot or cold?
The cars drive off. Mackenzie King is scribbling in a notebook.
FRASER: See you got your story.
MACKENZIE: Are you kidding? There's going to be a bidding war over this baby.
FRASER: And Lucy's father. Will you be mentioning him in your article?
MACKENZIE: Look, Fraser, I don't want to see Lucy get hurt any more than you do. But if there's one thing I've had to learn, it's that people's feelings aren't as important as the facts.
FRASER: You know, when I was thirteen years old, I found a caribou on a . . . no, that's not going to work.
LUCY: [tugs on Fraser's hand] Mr. Fraser?
FRASER: Lucy.
LUCY: You don't have to help my dad any more. You were right. He is the bravest man in the whole world.
Lucy smiles and runs back to her dad, who picks her up. Fraser looks at Mackenzie King. She rolls her eyes and hands him her notebook. Music cue: "American Woman" by The Guess Who.
American woman, gonna mess your mind
American woman, she gonna mess your mind
American woman, gonna mess your mind
MACKENZIE: [walking away] You know, you're a really bad influence on me, Bento.
FRASER: I'll be seeing you.
MACKENZIE: Yeah, in your dreams.
Scene 30
Mackenzie King is lying in bed with an ice pack on her head.
American woman, gonna mess your mind
Say A, say M, say E
Say R, say I, C
Say A, N
She puts on both wrist corsages from the other evening.
American woman, gonna mess your mind
American woman, gonna mess your mind
American woman, gonna mess your mind
MACKENZIE: I wonder if he's here legally.
How disappointing that Diefenbaker doesn't go to a Cubs game, look at paintings at the Art Institute, jump up on a parade float, etc. A whiffed pitch when you have a "Day Off" title set in Chicago, am I right? (The reference, of course, being to the 1986 film Ferris Bueller's Day Off.) I mean maybe he did those things and we just didn't see them because we followed Fraser the whole time, like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern on Hamlet's Day Off or something. Still.
Cumulative confirmed body count: 2
Red uniform: Out to dinner (and on the way home from same)