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return to Due South: season 1 episode 8 "Chicago Holiday part 2"
Chicago Holiday part 2
air date November 17, 1994
Scene 1
PAUL GROSS'S VOICE: Last week on due South . . .
Smoking man gets killed. We see Eddie do it, which we didn't originally. Dead man falls to the ground with a "SMOKING KILLS" matchbook in his hand. Eddie takes the matchbook.
VECCHIO: Frankie's a very hands-on kind of guy. He kept a very meticulous record of every distributor and dealer he ever knew. You own Frankie's list, you own the entire west side.
GARDINO: That list is a fairy tale.
We can see the list on the inside of the matchbook.
MAN (EDDIE): Hi, honey, I'm home!
Glass smashes. Janice takes the matchbook and drops it in her bag.
MR. NICHOLS: Well, it shouldn't be too tough an assignment, eh, Constable?
FRASER: I'll take good care of your daughter, sir.
MR. NICHOLS: Just make sure that she has a good time and shows up at the ball tomorrow night.
CHRISTINA: You know that ball my father really wants me to go to tomorrow night? I'm not going.
FRASER: As to tonight?
CHRISTINA: Don't worry about it. I'm not going anywhere.
JEROME: Where you want to go?
CHRISTINA: What's the wildest club in town?
FRASER: [coming out of the hotel] Miss Nichols?
CHRISTINA: [as the cab speeds away] See ya, Chicago!
FRASER: [from the cab in the next lane] In a hurry to see the sights, are you?
CHRISTINA: Why are you doing this to me?
FRASER: I am your escort. Your father has entrusted you to my care.
CHRISTINA: My father doesn't give a damn about me.
Fraser jumps onto the roof of Christina's cab.
FRASER: Would you consider discussing this over coffee?
CHRISTINA: When do I get my own life? When do I get to do what I want to do? When do I get to stop being the perfect little princess and go skinny dipping?
Jerome stops the cab. Fraser rolls off the top, taking the taxi sign with him, and rolls to his feet.
FRASER: Ah! A costume party, is it? Well, it sounds like good clean fun. [He takes a whip or a belt or some such thing from one of the bouncers as he goes in.]
Music cue: "Butterfly Wings" by Machines of Loving Grace.
CHRISTINA: Long Island Iced Tea. Keep 'em coming.
BARTENDER: How old are you?
CHRISTINA: [cash] How old do I look?
LEATHER SUB: I've been bad. I've been very bad. Please punish me.
FRASER: There's nothing so bad that it can't be forgiven, son. [He claps the young man on the bare shoulder and moves on.]
Eddie busts down the ladies' room door. Janice drops the matchbook into Christina's bag. Eddie pushes Christina out of the way. Christina grabs her bag and flees.
VECCHIO: This is a raid. Nobody move.
FRASER: Would anyone here happen to have a pair of handcuffs? [Everyone does, of course.]
VECCHIO: Who you got? [Fraser peeks out from behind the leather Mountie.] Fraser!
EDDIE: Where are the matches, honey?
JANICE: She has them. The girl. [Eddie throws Janice to the ground.]
VECCHIO: You see, I have this friend, who, through a, uh, unfortunate set of circumstances happened to be in the club at the time of the raid. [Vecchio and Welsh look through the office blinds. Fraser waves. He is handcuffed to Christina.]
Don't place faith in human beings
Human beings are unreliable things
Christina dumps out her bag to sort through her crap. She takes her keys and some cash; a tissue and the matchbook fall to the floor.
Don't place faith in human beings
Human beings or butterfly wings
The housekeeper sees the tissues and stuff Christina left when she dumped out her bag. She picks them up and tosses them, including the matchbook, in the trash bag on her cart before she leaves the room. In the basement, the janitor sees that the matchbook has fallen out. He picks it up.
Well you can't place faith in a new regime
That fascist faith will kill you
Christina's elevator reaches the lobby. She leaves. Eddie, who has been lurking by a flower arrangement, sees her go and follows her.
Fraser sees an open-topped double decker tour bus go by. He runs after the bus and is almost run over by the hotel maintenance man, who throws his matches out the car window. The "SMOKING KILLS" matchbook lands on the sidewalk. A little girl picks it up.
A hurricane triggered by a butterfly's wings
Your conspirators betray you
JANICE: Hey, come on. I'm his sister. [Behind her back, she grabs an empty whiskey bottle.]
VECCHIO: Sister, huh?
Don't place faith in human beings
Human beings are unreliable things
She tosses him a clutch purse, and while he's trying to catch it, hits him in the head with the bottle and knocks him out. She takes his watch.
Don't place faith in human beings
Human beings or butterfly wings
Fraser is running after the bus. Eddie is lurking at the back of the top level, watching Christina and the young man.
CHRISTINA: You want to hear something funny? I thought I was going to meet someone like you tonight.
YOUNG MAN: Latvian?
CHRISTINA: Yeah.
He gets off the bus. Christina watches him leave. A moment later, she gets off the bus herself.
In a car, a little girl has the "SMOKING KILLS" matchbook.
LITTLE GIRL'S MOM: Don't put those in your mouth, honey. Where'd you get those, huh?
She tosses the matchbook out the car window. Someone passing by steps on it, and it sticks to the bottom of their shoe as they head into a department store. Christina goes into the same store. Eddie flips his knife open and follows her.
Fraser is on the top deck of the tour bus. He calls out to the whole city of Chicago.
FRASER: Christina!
I have seen better "previously on" montages before, I tell you what. This one is pretty crappy; I feel like it spends too long on some parts of the previous episode and not enough on others.
Credits roll.
Paul Gross
David Marciano
Beau Starr
Daniel Kash
Tony Craig
Catherine Bruhier
(plus Lincoln the dog)
Lisa Jakub, Stacey Haiduk, Ron Lea, Deborah Rennard, Peter Williams, Holly Cole Trio, and Stephen Shellen
And I don't know why the Holly Cole Trio wasn't credited in part 1.
Scene 2
Christina is in a department store. Music cue: "New World Coming," an original song performed by Dawn Aitken.
In our lives there's a time a-comin'
When all the world seems lost and torn
In our lives there's a time a-comin'
When all around is storms
Fraser gets off the bus. Christina is looking at makeup, jewelry, accessories.
In our lives there's a time a-comin'
Glory could be borne
So you're wonderin', girl, is trouble here to stay
There's a new world comin' your way.
Eddie is watching Christina from two counters away. He folds up his knife and puts it in his pocket. Fraser is running along a sidewalk and calls out to a couple of young women.
FRASER: Excuse me! [He sees that neither of them is Christina.] Oh, I — I'm sorry.
In our times there's a storm a-comin'
Bringin' trouble and pain to everyone
In our times there's a strong wind blowin'
Tearin' down the world of sun
The two young women Fraser spoke to on the sidewalk come into the store giggling together. Christina feels very alone.
In our times could be a time a-comin'
When we feel the brilliant sun
So you're wonderin', girl, is trouble here to stay
There's a new world comin' your way.(Instrumental bridge.)
Christina is looking at some earrings. She sees the two giggling young women also looking at earrings. She contemplates a similar style. She sees the two young women looking around to be sure no one is watching, and then one of them slips the earrings into her pocket. Christina looks around and sees a store security guy see her and then look somewhere else.
In your life there's a time a-comin'
When you will see everything so clear
In your life there's a time a-comin'
To stand and face your fear
She puts the earrings on the counter and casually happens to sweep them into her bag, then pretends to still be looking at the other earrings on the carousel.
In your life there's a star a-shinin'
And your destination's near
So you're wonderin', girl, is trouble here to stay
There's a new world comin' your way
FRASER: Hello.
CHRISTINA: What, are you following me?
FRASER: [leaning over to whisper to her] I think they're too expensive.
CHRISTINA: What?
FRASER: Those earrings you were thinking about.
CHRISTINA: How would you know?
FRASER: Oh, well, I wouldn't, but I just noticed those two girls decided not to buy them, so I guess they thought they cost too much. I'm not sure he would agree though. [nodding toward the store security guy] I have a feeling he's interested in them, because he's been watching those two girls very closely. As a matter of fact, I think he's going to ask them.
CHRISTINA: Ask them what?
FRASER: If they're worth the price.
CHRISTINA: I thought I had to make these decisions for myself.
FRASER: And so you do. Will you excuse me? I saw something over there that Diefenbaker might like. [He steps away to another counter.] Excuse me, I'm looking for something unusual for my wolf. [He realizes it is a lingerie counter.]
The person with the matchbook on their shoe walks through the store, and the matchbook falls off the bottom of their shoe and lies on the floor. A scruffy dude leans over and picks it up, pulling a cigarette from behind his ear. Christina takes the earrings out of her bag, drops them, picks them up, and sees the store security guy coming in her direction. She nods politely at him and puts the earrings back on the counter. At the lingerie counter, the sales clerk is showing Fraser a red bra with lace trim.
FRASER: Aren't you just . . . I didn't think, um . . .
CLERK: Too small?
Christina knocks over a carousel of earrings. Fraser hurries back.
FRASER: Oh, dear.
CHRISTINA: I'm really sorry.
FRASER: It's all right. I'll just quickly grab these things.
CLERK: Let me help you. [Christina knocks down another display.]
FRASER: Uh, Chris— oh, dear. Uh . . . will you excuse me? [He runs off after Christina.]
CLERK: Y— yeah. [Poor thing now has two messes to clean up, neither of which she made.]
The two shoplifting young women are slowly making their way out of the store. The scruffy dude who picked up the matches passes by them. The store security guy is coming their way, and they are very anxious.
STORE SECURITY: Stop right there! [The two young women stop. The manager goes between them.] No smoking in the store. [He takes the matchbook away from the scruffy dude, who rolls his eyes and leaves. The manager holds the door for the two young women.] Good night, ladies.
FRASER: Excuse me, you wouldn't have seen a —
Fraser sees Christina across the store heading for an elevator and runs off to catch her. The store security guy steps over to an accessory counter to look in the mirror and straighten his tie. His name is NIFFUG, C.M., store security, so in the mirror his name tag looks like this: 
. He puts the matches in his breast pocket.
McGuffin. NICE. Given that the previously-on didn't remind us of any of the previous uses of "MacGuffin," it's delightful to have one more here.
How on earth Fraser knew Christina had gone into that store is beyond me, but it's probably not important.
Scene 3
Christina calls an elevator and gets it in without looking when it arrives, eager to get away from Fraser. As the door is closing, Eddie grabs her.
EDDIE: Give it to me! [Christina screams.]
Fraser did not get there in time. He hurries off to try to meet the elevator when it gets where it's going.
CHRISTINA: Leave me alone! Stop it!
EDDIE: Shut up. [He throws her to the ground and takes her bag.]
Fraser runs through the store and up the escalator, pushing people out of his way.
FRASER: Excuse me, sir. Terribly sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me, ma'am.
In the elevator, Christina is crying on the floor while Eddie chucks her belongings on the floor. Fraser is running up another escalator. The elevator door opens. People waiting for the elevator see Eddie and Christina and back away from the door. Fraser comes running over a clothing display and shoves a mannequin out of his way. Eddie sees Fraser coming and mashes the "door close" button.
FRASER: Pardon me.
Fraser has again not got there in time. He runs off to try to intercept Eddie somewhere else. Eddie has of course not found his list. He throws the bag on the floor. Christina is crying.
EDDIE: Okay, get up. [hauls her to her feet]
CHRISTINA: Stop it! Help!
EDDIE: [threatening her with the knife] Where the hell is it?
Fraser is running through the store. The down escalator is out of order. He grabs a toboggan from a winter display.
RANDOM CUSTOMER: This is some kind of show, right?
FRASER: Excuse me.
Fraser sleds down the non-working escalator, going between C.M. Niffug's legs and crashing into a giftwrap display. He gets up and runs.
EDDIE: [He has Christina by the throat.] What have you done with it?!
The elevator dings and opens. She scratches his face and runs away. He picks up her hotel room key and follows her. She's running. Fraser sees the empty elevator before he hears Eddie catch Christina. She is screaming. He picks her up and drops her over the side from the second or third floor; she grabs the railing and hangs by her hands. Fraser leaps down onto the up escalator and runs up it to reach her. Eddie is coming down the down escalator to get away.
CHRISTINA: Chicago!
Fraser grabs her hand and hauls her to safety. Eddie holds the door for a lady coming into the store, who thanks him, and leaves. People are applauding Fraser for saving Christina; Eddie is gone.
So Fraser was on the same level as Eddie and Christina, just around on the other side of the atrium with the escalators between. Was it really faster (and safer for himself) to try to cross the atrium, which involved jumping down onto the escalator and running up again, than it would have been to just run around on the same level? It's not a perfect circle, but basically it's a question of half a circumference (πr) on level ground with some obstacles vs. more than a diameter, because of the change of levels (>2r), plus the long diameter involves extra risk of injury. I don't know, I might still have gone the other way.
Scene 4
Vecchio, Fraser, and Christina are getting off the elevator at the hotel. Vecchio is dabbing at the back of his head where Janice clocked him.
VECCHIO: All I'm saying is, it makes me look like an idiot. Here I am looking all over town for Eddie Beets, and the whole time you know where he is.
FRASER: What's wrong with your head, Ray?
VECCHIO: There's nothing wrong with my head. Just tell me about Beets.
FRASER: He didn't say anything else to you on the elevator? He just took your purse?
CHRISTINA: If he'd told me what he wanted, I would have given it to him. I'm not stupid. [She roots around in her bag.] I can't find my key. Did you see it in the car?
MRS. MACGUFFIN: I'll get it for you, dearie.
FRASER: Well thank you kindly, ma'am.
It's not clear how and when they got back together with Vecchio. Also, though, didn't Mrs. MacGuffin go home like an hour ago?
Scene 5
They are in the outer room of Christina's suite. Vecchio has the bag she was carrying earlier.
FRASER: You're sure this is the purse you had at the club?
CHRISTINA: Yes.
VECCHIO: You see anything that looks like a list? You know, something small, like a black book or a computer disk?
CHRISTINA: I dumped everything out right there. If it's not there, I don't have it.
VOICE MAIL: You have one new message.
MR. NICHOLS (ON VM): Hi, Christina, it's Dad. I guess you're asleep. I knocked on your door before, but you didn't answer. Anyway, get your rest, we have the big event tomorrow night. I think the ambassador's son has taken a shine to you. Love you.
Christina is in the hotel bathrobe. Fraser knocks on the bedroom door.
FRASER: I don't suppose there were pockets in that dress that you — oh, I'm sorry. [averts his eyes]
CHRISTINA: [tosses him the dress] Here. Check it all you want. [Fraser ducks out of the room.] There's no little black book, no list. Nothing. You know, I really wish everybody would stop making such a big deal about this. [She goes to get another dress out of the closet. Eddie is hiding in there, but she doesn't see him.] Maybe he just has a thing for purses. How am I supposed to know? Look, I don't know what's going on here. I don't know if this Eddie guy did want something from me or if he didn't. The point is, he didn't get anything because I didn't have anything to give him. He has no reason to come after me again.
FRASER: Still. Just to be safe. [He tosses the clubbing dress back into the room without looking in the door.]
CHRISTINA: Ugh, Chicago. I've spent my whole life being safe. For once in my life I want to do what I want to do. And what I want to do is go to sleep. [She has finished changing into a whole other outfit. She grabs a third bag and opens the door to sneak out again, but Fraser is standing right there.] This is really unfair.
The thing is shouldn't she know by now that he knows she is a lying liar?
Scene 6
At the police station.
ELAINE: You know, I could have been on a date when you called. I do have a life, you know.
FRASER: We appreciate you coming in, Elaine. [She slaps a big photo array down on the table.]
VECCHIO: Did they photograph everyone we brought in?
ELAINE: Booked and released. I can't believe you actually charged those people.
VECCHIO: Gotta maintain the public morals, Elaine.
FRASER: You still think the club is the connection?
VECCHIO: Yeah. Somehow Miss Muffet here got a hold of something that Eddie wants. The only place they could have crossed paths was at the club. [He starts looking through the photos.]
ELAINE: If Eddie was in there, I think someone would have noticed.
VECCHIO: It's not him I'm looking for. I'm looking for his sister. I caught her snagging jewelry from his apartment. If she was ripping him off then, she probably ripped him off before.
CHRISTINA: Nice family.
VECCHIO: Yeah. She also claims to be his housekeeper, but I have reason to doubt her credentials. [He gets to the end of the array.] Not here.
Elaine's Canadian accent is less obvious on "out on a date" than it was in "Chinatown" on "rips your guts out." More importantly, though, rock on, Elaine, we can indeed not believe they actually charged those people! You're right and you should say it! Charged them for what—being at a club? Feh.
Scene 7
Elaine is doing a computer sketch based on Vecchio's description of Janice.
VECCHIO: Her jaw was smaller.
ELAINE: Someone asked me out. This man has been after me for months, and I said no, I want to get my sleep. Next time I'm going to say yes. I mean, you can't keep someone waiting forever, now, can you? [Everyone looks at Fraser.]
FRASER: Well, no, that would be unfair.
VECCHIO: You want to concentrate here, Elaine? Every sketch you do looks like Fraser in drag.
The picture on Elaine's screen really does look like Fraser with long hair. At Vecchio's desk, Christina is monumentally bored. Fraser is drawing on a sketch pad with his eyes closed.
CHRISTINA: You know, Chicago, I am having such a great time. You really should consider doing this tour thing professionally. [Fraser shows her the sketch he has just finished. She is surprised.] It's the woman from the bathroom.
Elaine has also adjusted her sketch.
VECCHIO: That's her. [Fraser shows him his drawing, which looks pretty much the same as the printout of Elaine's computer sketch.] Now all she needs is a name, and this little piggy does hard time.
So in "They Eat Horses" it was classic TV shows with Vecchio; today it's nursery rhymes (Little Miss Muffet, This Little Piggy). What goes on in his head (or in that writers' room)?
Anyway, I'm not sure why Fraser was doing charcoal sketches, but I guess the point is that the woman Vecchio met who claimed to be Eddie's sister and then his housekeeper was also in the ladies' room at the club, and Christina can identify her as having been there.
Scene 8
Fraser, Vecchio, and Christina are in Vecchio's car.
VECCHIO: Yeah, and if she's Eddie's sister, I'm starting to understand how he grew up to be a psychopath.
FRASER: You know, I could be wrong, Ray, but I sense something very personal in your motivation.
VECCHIO: Nothing personal, Fraser. She's just the kind of woman I'd like to see spend the rest of her life behind bars.
FRASER: Do you have the time, Ray?
VECCHIO: No.
FRASER: Weren't you wearing a watch earlier?
VECCHIO: No.
Doesn't Fraser have his father's watch? Why is he asking Vecchio for the time?
Scene 9
The car has driven past a cafe table on a sidewalk. A couple are on a date.
STORE SECURITY (NIFFUG): So I jump on a toboggan, sail down the escalator, and save the girl's life.
WOMAN HE IS TRYING TO IMPRESS: Wow. I never realized department security could be so — [The table is wobbling.]
NIFFUG: Let me fix this. [He sticks the "SMOKING KILLS" matchbook under the table leg.]
Is this guy stealing Fraser's valor? Do people want to be like Constable Fraser after all? (What are they doing sitting at an outdoor cafe table in Chicago in the winter? It's not just that this thing aired in November; the department store had Christmas decorations and a display from which Fraser could grab a toboggan. It's definitely late autumn at the earliest.)
Scene 10
Back at the club, which is clubbing lights-and-soundsily despite having been raided by the cops just a couple hours earlier. Vecchio barges in with a bullhorn.
VECCHIO: All right, we're back. This is a raid. [The leather crowd applauds, whistles, and cheers.] Shut up, stop clapping, and get up against the wall.
They cheerfully move to comply. The music is turned off.
FRASER: [handcuffs Christina to a table] Now, this is for your own good. [to a club patron also sitting at the table] Oh, uh, thank you for the loan.
PATRON: Anything else you need, just ask. [eyes him up and down]
FRASER: [to patrons on his way back to Vecchio] Hello. Nice to see you again. Beautiful stitching. How have you been?
VECCHIO: Okay, we need some information. You're all grownups here. You know how this works. We can either do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way.
LEATHER SUB: The hard way, do it the hard way.
VECCHIO: Shut up. Now, I don't want to drag everybody downtown. I don't want to have to get rough.
LEATHER SUB: Get rough! Get rough!
VECCHIO: Will you stop that.
DOMME: Like to see him try that with me.
VECCHIO: I said shut up.
LEATHER SUB: He's all talk and no action.
VECCHIO: Look, I'm not gonna warn you again.
LEATHER SUB: See? Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.
DOMME: It's pathetic.
VECCHIO: All right, Miss Naugahyde, you and me, outside.
DOMME: Touch me and I sue you blind.
VECCHIO: Call your attorney.
DOMME: I am an attorney. Half the people here are attorneys. [A couple of other patrons wave.]
LEATHER SUB: I'm a dentist.
VECCHIO: Oh yeah, big surprise.
FRASER: Ray, Ray. Can I have a word with you? [They step aside.] I think if we were to be nice to these people then they would cooperate.
VECCHIO: Nice? You cannot be nice to these people.
Back at the table, the woman who lent Fraser her handcuffs (this time) is talking to Christina.
PATRON: Are those real?
CHRISTINA: Uh, yeah. [realizes she means her necklace] Oh, this? Yeah.
PATRON: So how much are they worth? [shows her the key to the cuffs]
Fraser is still trying to persuade Ray to change his approach.
FRASER: What I mean, Ray, is if you treat people with respect, more often than not they'll respond accordingly.
VECCHIO: You know, there's a certain point where you gotta stop calling yourself a cop.
BARTENDER: He's right, you know.
VECCHIO: What do you know?
BARTENDER: I know that people are people no matter how much leather they wear.
VECCHIO: Oh, please. I'm gonna go throw up someplace.
FRASER: It's at least worth a try, isn't it?
VECCHIO: All right. [He goes back to talk to the domme lawyer.] I am asking you for your help.
DOMME: Eat glass.
VECCHIO: All right, that's it.
FRASER: Ray, Ray, Ray, Ray.
VECCHIO: I'm talking to you one human being to another.
DOMME: You have a very high opinion of yourself.
FRASER: Madame Defarge, Detective Vecchio and I are on the trail of a particularly brutal killer, and we'd be most appreciative of any assistance you could give us.
DOMME: Make him say please.
FRASER: Ray.
VECCHIO: I'm not gonna say it.
FRASER: Ray.
VECCHIO: No.
FRASER: Ray.
VECCHIO: No.
FRASER: Ray.
VECCHIO: Please.
DOMME: Pretty please.
VECCHIO: That's it.
FRASER: You know, he really is trying his very best.
DOMME: All right. All right, show me the photographs. [She looks at the pictures.] Janice DeLuca.
VECCHIO: Where does she live?
DOMME: With her grandmother.
FRASER: We appreciate your assistance, and I would just like to thank ev— [He sees that the woman who lent him the handcuffs is wearing Christina's sweater and orange hat.]
Aren't dentists supposed to be sadists rather than masochists? Other than that, I appreciate the Free to Be . . . You and Me theme of this scene. (For the young'uns who may have wandered in, Naugahyde is a brand of vinyl that was mainly used for easy-care faux leather furniture in the 1950s.)
Scene 11
Christina is running down the street wearing the handcuff-lending club patron's blue dress and platinum wig. She kicks off her shoes and runs along in her stockings, running right into Fraser at the end of the alley.
FRASER: You really have to stop doing this. [He turns her around and they walk back up the alley. He tosses and spins his hat.] You know, I ran away once, when I was your age.
CHRISTINA: Tell me another one.
FRASER: No, I did. In my case it was different. I thought I'd done something that no one could forgive. It didn't take long for my father to find me. But you know, instead of lecturing me, he offered me some food and some money. He said I could keep running if I wanted to, but that I would always feel ashamed. On the other hand, if I went back and faced the consequences, I would be a man, and everyone would know it without me having to tell them.
CHRISTINA: So what happened?
FRASER: Oh, I took the money and ran. [She gives him the stink-eye. He chuckles.] No, I went back. But it wasn't easy. Of course, my situation was different from yours. I was running away from my problems, not at all like you.
CHRISTINA: What were you running away from?
FRASER: Oh, it was a very tortured scenario. It involved a gold mine, a boomerang, and a tank full of gasoline. It's all ancient history, though.
Christina was right to get rid of the shoes. White shoes with black tights, oh dear, no. Even if the shoes had fit, which they didn't, which was why she ditched them.
I like this story of Bob finding Runaway Ben and bringing him some cash and a pack of sandwiches. Sounds like some good dadding. (And now I'm thinking about the Mysterious Man in act 2 of Into the Woods. "Running away: Go to it./ Where did you have in mind?/ . . . Trouble is, son,/ the farther you run,/ the more you feel undefined/ by what you have left undone,/ and more, what you've left behind.")
Scene 12
Fraser, Vecchio, and Christina are in Vecchio's car again.
ELAINE: [on the radio] Eddie was booked two months ago, but the charges wouldn't stick. Meantime, he had someone come and bail him out in the middle of the night. You want a name?
VECCHIO: Janice DeLuca?
ELAINE: If you knew, why did you ask?
VECCHIO: What's in her jacket?
ELAINE: Uh, priors for possession and assault. Ooh, I bet you didn't know this.
VECCHIO: Try me.
ELAINE: She's Frank Callebri's girlfriend. At least she was until he took a knife in the back last night.
VECCHIO: And she bailed out Eddie in the middle of the night? Sounds very cozy.
FRASER: You have an address, Elaine?
ELAINE: Yeah. Three-six-seven North Winchester, near Chicago Avenue.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
Vecchio does a u-turn and drives the other way.
Christina is still wearing the platinum wig and blue dress. Not sure why they wouldn't have stopped back in the club and swapped back for her own clothes. Maybe they assumed the handcuff lady would be gone by then.
Scene 13
Back at the sidewalk cafe.
WOMAN HE IS TRYING TO IMPRESS: Well, maybe just for a coffee. [She and Niffug get up and leave.]
WOMAN AT CANDLELESS TABLE: Our candle went out.
MAN AT CANDLE WOMAN'S TABLE: I'll get it. [He gets the matchbook from under Niffug's wobbly table leg and lights the candle at his table.]
WOMAN AT CANDLELESS TABLE: I love candles. They're so . . . hot.
They hold hands and make eyes at each other as Vecchio's car drives by the other way.
There are only a couple of matches left in that matchbook. It's going to get thrown away for real soon.
Scene 14
At Janice's place; there are several pictures of her on the walls. She comes down the stairs with an overnight bag, and Eddie surprises her.
EDDIE: It's not enough you take everything I own, you gotta break my heart, too?
JANICE: Eddie. Listen, we can work this out, okay? I just —
EDDIE: The girl don't have it, Janice. Which means you do.
JANICE: No, Eddie, I swear to God I put it in her purse. In the bathroom. [Behind her back, she grabs a bottle from the wine rack.]
EDDIE: Yeah. You know what I think, honey? [This time he catches her hand before she can hit him with the bottle.] I think that I'm gonna enjoy this. [He forces her around the corner. Glass breaks. She is screaming.]
I mean, Janice is no angel, but she does (as I've said) seem to be genuinely afraid of Eddie, and with good reason. I do not care to dwell too long on what is happening to her after the end of this scene.
Scene 15
Vecchio, Fraser, and Christina arrive at Janice's place.
VECCHIO: Well, it looks like the three little bears got here before we did.
FRASER: [to Christina] Stay here. [He looks around the place.] Stay by the door. [She is kind of pacing by the door looking at what's over there.] I said, don't move.
CHRISTINA: All right.
She doesn't move, but she sees one shoe on the stairs. Upstairs, Eddie has his knife to Janice's neck and his hand over her mouth. She is whimpering. Downstairs, Vecchio sees the broken wine bottle; there is a goldfish in it. Christina picks up the shoe and goes up the stairs, still in her stocking feet. Eddie pulls Janice out of the line of sight. Christina goes into Janice's dressing room and finds the other shoe and her collection of wigs. She puts the shoes on. Downstairs, Vecchio is still looking at the fish.
VECCHIO: How long can a fish live in that much water?
FRASER: He's still here. [looks over to the door] Christina.
Eddie drags Janice into the dressing room with Christina and bolts the door. Christina is scared. Janice bites his hand, and he throws her to the floor. She crashes into a table and a lamp on the way down Fraser and Vecchio run up the stairs; Fraser kicks at the door. Christina tries to run past Eddie to the door, but he catches her and forces her back toward a wall or something. Fraser and Vecchio are both kicking the door. It doesn't give. Fraser goes out a window onto a terrace to try to get around to the room another way. Janice is groaning on the floor. When Eddie turns to look at her, Christina grabs some sturdy object and hits Eddie with it, knocking him down on top of Janice. Vecchio shoots at the doorknob.
JANICE: Oh my God. You killed him!
CHRISTINA: I what?
JANICE: He's dead. You killed him.
Christina drops whatever it was and runs out a different door, down an outdoor staircase, and down the street. Janice shoves Eddie's body off of her, and it turns out he landed on a knife she was holding, so she's the one who killed him. She fishes some keys out of his pocket.
JANICE: Bye-bye.
She runs out the door Christina left open. Music cue: "Que Sera, Sera" by the Holly Cole Trio.
When I was just a little girl,
I asked my mother, what will I be?
Christina is running down the street, turns her ankle, and falls. Janice is running down the outdoor staircase.
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here's what she said to me:
Christina is sitting on the sidewalk crying.
Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
Fraser jumps into Janice's dressing room through a skylight and sees Eddie's body there. He checks for a pulse. Vecchio bursts in through the door he shot open, his gun still drawn.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, que sera, que sera, que sera
Fraser and Vecchio run down the exterior staircase and up the alley and then try to guess which way Christina must have gone. Christina is walking on a street. There are a fair few people loitering and soliciting. She is lost.
When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my lover, what lies ahead?
Will there be rainbows day after day?
Here's what my lover said:
The band is playing in the ballroom at the hotel.
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, que sera, que sera, que sera(Instrumental bridge.)
Christina is lost and unhappy. A police car goes by.
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be.
Someone is being arrested over the hood of the police car. Christina is running and scared.
The future's not ours to see.
Que sera, que sera, que sera, que sera
CHRISTINA: Can you help me, please? Please?
HOOKER: Why don't you get your own tricks, honey? [pushes her away]
TRAFFICKER: Need help, darling? Why don't you come with Thomas?
CHRISTINA: No! [She runs into the street, then jumps out of the way of a car going by. Someone grabs her elbow.] Chicago!
JANICE: I don't think you want to be out here on your own. Okay?
Janice leads her away somewhere.
I wish the Holly Cole Trio had ever finished the phrase instead of just saying "que sera" all the time, but we can't have everything.
This, of course, is what Christina's dad was talking about when he said she had no idea what could have happened to her. It's just bullshit that he said that about a club where everyone else was a consenting adult.
On top of all the nursery rhymes, we’ve got folk tales: This scene had Goldilocks (Vecchio's "three little bears") and Cinderella.
Scene 16
Fraser and Vecchio are out looking for Christina.
VECCHIO: Why the hell would she run?
FRASER: She's afraid, Ray.
VECCHIO: Doesn't make any sense.
FRASER: Fear never does.
Janice and Christina are walking together. Janice is looking in Christina's bag.
JANICE: You don't have any Kleenex.
CHRISTINA: It's okay. God, is he really dead?
JANICE: Yeah. Look, Eddie was a real son of a bitch. He deserved worse. Being his girlfriend, I know this. Okay, look. You'll go to the cops —
CHRISTINA: Oh my God, my father!
JANICE: You'll get a slick lawyer. I'm sure he can get you manslaughter.
CHRISTINA: No, he was trying to kill me. It was self-defense.
JANICE: Did he have a knife out? Did he have a gun at your head?
CHRISTINA: No, but —
JANICE: Did he have any sort of weapon at all?
CHRISTINA: No.
JANICE: Well, then, honey — you, you can't prove that he was going to do anything other than slap you around.
CHRISTINA: What are you talking about?
JANICE: Okay, you kill a guy because he's slapping you around, that's manslaughter. Okay, look, why don't you call your dad.
CHRISTINA: No, no, I can't. I can't.
JANICE: Okay, okay, maybe it'll be okay.
CHRISTINA: How?
JANICE: Well, one thing I know is the cops. Now if you give them something, they'll give you something.
CHRISTINA: What do I have to give them?
JANICE: Frankie's list. The matchbook. You give them that, and I'll bet you they'll cut you a break.
CHRISTINA: Matchbook? This is all about some stupid matchbook?
JANICE: No, kid, this is about power. Whoever has that list can name their price. Now, listen, do you know where it is? I mean, do you know anything? Come on, do you remember any — ?
CHRISTINA: Kleenex. Wait, there was a matchbook in the Kleenex when I dumped out my purse at the hotel.
JANICE: Well, then, we're okay. That's great. Come on. Taxi!
JEROME: Hey, how you doing, young lady? You having a good time?
VECCHIO: [spotting the cab] Heads up. [He and Fraser start to run.]
JEROME: Oh, no, not again.
He peels out. Fraser and Vecchio know they'll never catch him.
FRASER: Taxi!
CAB DRIVER: [recognizes him from earlier] Shoot, no way. [He picks up the couple from the candlelit sidewalk table.]
MAN AT CANDLE WOMAN'S TABLE: The nearest hotel. [hands him cash] Quickly. [The couple starts to make out in the back seat.]
CAB DRIVER: You got a light? [guy passes him the "SMOKING KILLS" matchbook] Jeez, I gotta cut down. Here. Thanks. [gives the matchbook back to the guy instead of lighting his smoke]
Vecchio and Fraser are in Fraser's car. Fraser puts the light on the dashboard.
VECCHIO: How do you know they're going to the hotel?
FRASER: Because that's where the list is.
VECCHIO: We searched the entire room.
FRASER: If it was at the club, Janice would have gone back for it. Eddie was after the purse, and Christina dumped the purse out in her hotel room. It's the only place it could be.
VECCHIO: It's not there.
FRASER: Not now, but it was, and if Eddie didn't take it, and Janice didn't take it, then somebody else must have taken it.
VECCHIO: There's no one else. We're all out of bad guys.
They go around a sharp corner. A box of tissues slides along the dashboard. Fraser has an epiphany.
FRASER: Tissues, Ray. She had tissues in her purse. She wiped her lipstick off with it when I walked her to her room. Where were the tissues?
VECCHIO: We're hunting tissues now?
Christina, do not take legal advice from a complete stranger whose shoes you have just stolen!
Scene 17
Christina and Janice return to Christina's hotel room. Christina pulls off the platinum wig.
CHRISTINA: Okay, I, I dumped my purse out right here. It's not here.
They look at the wreckage of the purse for a moment. Janice drops the room key with the other things and starts looking in the sofa cushions. Christina picks up the key, probably remembering that she couldn't find it before.
That's right, Christina! This woman is not your friend!
Scene 18
The candlelight couple are led to a room in the same hotel.
WOMAN AT CANDLELESS TABLE: Do you have any candles?
I can't believe we're still supposed to care about this couple and her candle fetish, but I guess he still has the matchbook, so we're not done with them yet.
Scene 19
Back in Christina's room, Janice is still looking under sofa cushions. Christina has her room key in her hand.
CHRISTINA: How did you get these?
JANICE: Listen, kid, I am losing my patience. [She flicks open a knife and grabs Christina by her hair.] Now, where is it? You have one chance to live. Come on.
CHRISTINA: Housekeeper. The housekeeper. She was cleaning my room.
JANICE: Okay. Okay, come on.
They run out into the hall.
So apparently Janice talked Eddie into killing Frankie in the first place.
Scene 20
In the hotel lobby, Fraser and Vecchio run to the elevators. The elevator comes, and in it is the same little boy from before who has pressed almost all the buttons. He smiles at Fraser.
FRASER: Ah. [He leaves the elevator.]
In the hall, Janice drags Christina to the housekeeping closet with the trash chute.
JANICE: Hey. [grabs the housekeeper]
ANOTHER HOUSEKEEPER: What?
JANICE: Where the hell does this go?
ANOTHER HOUSEKEEPER: What?
JANICE: The trash, where does it go?
ANOTHER HOUSEKEEPER: To the basement.
JANICE: [hauling Christina out again] Come on. Move it!
They call another elevator. Down the hall, Mrs. MacGuffin is leaving the candle-fetish couple's room.
WOMAN AT CANDLELESS TABLE: Thanks for the candle.
MRS. MACGUFFIN: No trouble at all. [The matchbook is in her trash bag. She pushes her cart into another room across the hall.]
Fraser and Vecchio are running up the stairs and to Christina's room. Fraser looks in the trash can.
FRASER: There's nothing here. The housekeeper.
VECCHIO: [holds up Christina's abandoned platinum wig] Hey, Fraser.
They go out into the hallway to look for Christina and Janice. Fraser passes a housekeeping cart on the way to the housekeeping closet.
FRASER: Now where did they go?
ANOTHER HOUSEKEEPER: The . . . basement?
VECCHIO: Do the public elevators go down there?
ANOTHER HOUSEKEEPER: No, just this one.
FRASER: Ray. [He goes into the housekeeping closet and opens the trash chute.]
VECCHIO: No. We are eighteen floors up.
FRASER: Just hold your elbows out at the side. It'll slow your descent. [He jumps.]
VECCHIO: My descent? Fraser, you cannot go down there without backup! Ah, the most annoying man in the world.
Vecchio starts to get into the chute. On a lower floor, someone opens the hatch. Fraser slides by. The lower-floor person shoves a large box into the chute. Vecchio jumps.
VECCHIO: Ahh! [He hits the large box.] I'm stuck.
It's hell being the comic relief, eh, Vecchio?
I'm not a hundred percent sure why they don't take the service elevator, when they know Janice and Christina couldn't have got to the basement on a public one. The odds that little boy will have pushed all the buttons on the service elevator are very slim. Still, it's true they don't know how much of a head start Janice has, so it makes sense Fraser would want to hurry.
Scene 21
In the basement, Janice and Christina are picking through piles of trash next to the incinerator.
CHRISTINA: I can't find them.
JANICE: Well, just keep looking.
Fraser slides down the trash chute and lands on the piles of garbage. The women scream. Janice pulls Christina away.
FRASER: You are under — [Janice is pointing a gun at him.] Oh, dear.
He ducks. She starts shooting. She drags Christina away into some basement corridors. Fraser chases, hiding around corners when she shoots.
Up in the trash chute, Vecchio is still stuck on the box. The box-shover guy is trying to dislodge him.
VECCHIO: Pull it. Pull it. That's my foot.
Mrs. MacGuffin opens the chute.
VECCHIO: Pull it. Pull it.
Mrs. MacGuffin empties the trash bag with the "SMOKING KILLS" matchbook in it down the chute.
VECCHIO: Ah. Oh, jeez. Thanks very much.
In the basement, Fraser is pursuing Janice and Christina. Janice surprises him around a corner and knocks him to the ground. She is about to shoot him, but he kicks her hand away.
FRASER: [to Christina] Run! [She does. He gets up and faces Janice. Christina hides behind a locker.]
JANICE: Where are the matches?
FRASER: I have no idea.
JANICE: I don't want that answer, I want to know where they are.
FRASER: Well, you're really talking to the wrong person.
JANICE: You hear that, little girl? Your little red friend here is dead.
FRASER: She doesn't know where they are either.
JANICE: I have no further use for you.
CHRISTINA: [comes out from behind the locker] You can't hurt him.
FRASER: Run.
CHRISTINA: No.
JANICE: Come here.
FRASER: I said run.
CHRISTINA: You told me to stop running.
FRASER: Yes, but I was talking about running away from the problems with your father. This is about running away from someone who quite probably will shoot you. That's an entirely different thing.
CHRISTINA: I did this. This is my problem, and I'm not running.
JANICE: You want to die, kid?
FRASER: You can't shoot her.
JANICE: Watch me.
FRASER: Oh, no, that's a nine-millimeter Beretta. It caries a fifteen-round clip. You've already shot fourteen times.
JANICE: Bull.
FRASER: No, you have, honestly. Follow this through. Six in the incinerator, seven in the corridors, one just now —
JANICE: All right, all right!
FRASER: What this basically means is you have one bullet left, and then you're defenseless. Now, I don't think you can afford to use it on her, so she's going to walk away now.
CHRISTINA: No, I'm not.
FRASER: Have you ever said something that you truly regretted?
CHRISTINA: I can't leave you here. [to Janice] I'll trade you for him. [She holds up a book of matches. The cover says "Vincent's Auto Body," but she is holding the back facing Janice.]
JANICE: Throw 'em over here.
CHRISTINA: What am I, stupid?
JANICE: I said throw 'em over here, kid. Now.
FRASER: Oh, I don't think she likes being called kid.
CHRISTINA: All right, you let him walk away, or I eat it.
JANICE: What?
FRASER: Would you please run?
CHRISTINA: I can't. I'm too scared. [to Janice] Choose.
JANICE: Throw or I shoot.
CHRISTINA: Fine, I'm eating it. [She tears the cover off the book of matches.]
JANICE: You put that in your mouth and he's dead.
CHRISTINA: Chicago? What do I do?
FRASER: Oh, go ahead, eat it.
Christina stuffs the cover of the book of matches in her mouth. Janice is surprised. She goes to aim her gun at Christina, but Fraser kicks her hand away and they run. Janice gets up and follows them.
FRASER: Nice bluff.
CHRISTINA: Thank you.
They run to the door out of the trash chute/incinerator area, but it is locked. Janice has caught up with them.
JANICE: Bye-bye, Red.
Vecchio and the giant box he was stuck behind tumble out of the chute and into her. Her shot goes harmlessly off in another direction.
FRASER: Perfect tactical delay, Ray.
VECCHIO: Yeah, thank you very much, Fraser.
There is some trash on his lapel. He picks it up and tosses it toward the incinerator. It is some vegetable matter and a matchbook. Fraser does a diving leap and manages to catch the matchbook before it goes into the fire. He lands on some garbage bags, sits up, and thumbs open the matchbook to show the handwriting on the inside.
FRASER: The list.
I think Fraser is indeed bullshitting Janice about the number of shots she had fired. It's definitely six in the incinerator room; then I counted five in the corridor, and possibly one more before the one he kicked away after she hit him on the head. So if it is a 15-round clip she should actually have at least two shots left, not just one.
Scene 22
It is morning. Fraser, Vecchio, Janice, and Christina are on the elevator. Christina gets off on her floor.
CHRISTINA: Good night.
VECCHIO: Good night.
FRASER: Good night, Ray.
VECCHIO: Good night, Benny.
FRASER: [nodding to Janice] Ma'am. [He follows Christina.]
VECCHIO: So where's my watch?
Fraser walks Christina to her door.
CHRISTINA: Um, good night, Chicago.
FRASER: Good night. [does a Columbo] Oh, you know, I never asked you. Why do you call me Chicago?
CHRISTINA: Oh, well, there's somebody to babysit me in each city. It's a lot easier than remembering names.
FRASER: Ah. Good night.
CHRISTINA: Night.
She goes into her room. He goes back down the hall, sits on the bench across from the elevators, and falls asleep. Christina comes out of her room having changed clothes yet again. She sees him on the bench and stops. The candle-fetish couple comes out of their room at the other end of the hallway. Christina looks at Fraser and looks back at her door.
That tag on the candle-fetish couple story, I didn't need.
Scene 23
It is evening. Fraser is sleeping under a duvet.
FRASER: Dief, no. No, Dief.
He wakes up suddenly and looks around. He appears to be on the sofa in the outer room of a hotel suite. Christina comes in, dressed up, hair up, carrying his red tunic in a dry cleaning bag.
CHRISTINA: Hi.
FRASER: Oh. What am I, uh . . . [He looks under the blanket.] Oh.
CHRISTINA: Terrific staff they've got here. Come on, we're gonna be late. You don't expect me to go to the ball without an escort, do you?
FRASER: Oh, well, I, I'd love to, but I think if I showed up with you, your father would have me cashiered.
CHRISTINA: We've all got choices to make, Fraser. [She holds up his uniform.]
FRASER: Fraser?
CHRISTINA: Coming?
Of course he can't escort her to the ball. She is SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. This is not a choice he can reasonably make. Stop it. Stop it, both of you.
I assume the day he slept through was Saturday, so nobody minded that he didn't show up for work.
Scene 24
In a fancy ballroom. Music cue: "Smile" by the Holly Cole Trio.
HOLLY COLE TRIO: ♫ Smile, though your heart is aching, smile, even though it's breaking. When there are clouds in the sky,you'll get by. ♫
Fraser comes into the ball with Christina on his arm. Her father smiles at her.
FRASER: Go ahead.
HOLLY COLE TRIO: ♫ Smile through your fear and sorrow, smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you. ♫
MR. NICHOLS: You look — you look just like your mother. May I have the honor?
He leads her to the dance floor. Welsh is dancing with the medical examiner.
MEDICAL EXAMINER: Where'd you learn to dance like that?
WELSH: It's all part of the job.
They twirl by where Huey and Gardino are standing.
HOLLY COLE TRIO: ♫ Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near. That's the time you must keep on trying; smile, what's the use of crying? You'll see that life is still worth while for you. ♫
GARDINO: It's completely unfair. We make one mistake and we're on security detail.
HUEY: Louis. Did I tell you to open your big mouth? Did I tell you to swear on your honor the matches didn't exist?
GARDINO: At least I had a good suit.
HUEY: You own that?
GARDINO: What? You think they rent things like this?
HUEY: I think that I don't want to stand next to you.
DOMME: [strolls by in a cocktail dress] Like the suit. [She winks at him.]
GARDINO: Thanks, ma'am.
The son of the American ambassador smiles at Christina from the buffet table.
MR. NICHOLS: The American ambassador's son's been waiting to dance with you all night. I told him to bug off. You had a boyfriend.
CHRISTINA: Oh, well, it's okay. I've actually been looking forward to dancing with him.
Vecchio arrives.
HOLLY COLE TRIO: ♫ Smile, though your heart is breaking, smile, even though it's aching; when there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by. If you smile through your fear and sorrow, smile, and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you. ♫
VECCHIO: Hey.
FRASER: Hey!
VECCHIO: So Welsh finally gives me the day off for solving the biggest case of my career, and I'm delivering casual wear. [He hands Fraser a paper bag.]
FRASER: Well, I'm confused, Ray. I didn't call you.
VECCHIO: Aw, put it on, I'm taking you out. We're celebrating.
FRASER: All right. [He hands Ray his hat and unbuckles his blue and gold belt.]
VECCHIO: So, everything work out with Miss Muffet?
FRASER: Oh, I hope so.
VECCHIO: She gonna run away again?
FRASER: Oh, probably. But you know, sometimes, if you stand still, the world comes to you. [He pulls his leather belts out of the paper bag.]
HOLLY COLE TRIO: ♫ Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness, although a tear may be ever so near. ♫
MR. NICHOLS: Ah, damn, there he is. I promised the Latvian ambassador I'd spend some time with him tonight.
CHRISTINA: Him? [The Latvian ambassador is standing with the young man she met on the bus.]
MR. NICHOLS: Nope. It's just you and me tonight, kiddo.
CHRISTINA: No. I mean, we could go out with them — him.
MR. NICHOLS: I couldn't ask you to do that.
CHRISTINA: Ask me.
MR. NICHOLS: No, sweetie. We haven't seen each other at all. I haven't spent any time with you. I want to be with you. I wanna spend time with you.
CHRISTINA: Look, Dad, I understand that sometimes I'm gonna need to do stuff like this. You know. It's just, it's something I'm going to accept.
MR. NICHOLS: That's okay.
HOLLY COLE TRIO: ♫ That's the time you must keep on trying; smile, what's the use of crying? You'll see that life is still worth while for you. ♫
VECCHIO: I'll get the car.
Fraser, back in his regular dress uniform, watches Christina dance with her dad and cast her eye at the Latvian ambassador's son.
So both Christina and her dad have Learned Something. I assume he has no actual idea what she got up to overnight, though, or he'd definitely have set the building on fire. (For sure he wouldn't have let Fraser sleep it off on the sofa in her suite's living room, for one thing. Again: SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.)
I'm not sure I needed Welsh and the medical examiner, Huey and Gardino, and Mme. Defarge at this ball. What sort of event is this, anyway? Canada's senior trade negotiator meeting with an American commercial attaché is one thing, but does he really rate the Latvian ambassador? Wouldn't the Latvian ambassador be spending time with the Canadian ambassador, or the consul general in a city without an embassy? Maybe the American ambassador is actually the American ambassador to Canada, in town for this Chicago thing because . . . reasons. I don't know. It's a stumper.
The title is a reference to the 1953 Audrey Hepburn film Roman Holiday, with which the episode shares a few more similarities than these episodes have generally done with their namesakes.
Cumulative confirmed body count: 7
Red uniform: The whole episode, because this whole two-parter has taken place in a single 24-hour day