return to due South: season 3 episode 4 "Strange Bedfellows"

[fox]

Strange Bedfellows
air date October 5, 1997

Scene 1

Fraser is looking at a Rorschach ink blot. The test is being administered by a person we assume is a psychologist and supervised by Inspector Thatcher. The ink blot looks like a pair of lungs.

FRASER: A criminal.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Good. Now this one? [shows him another ink blot, which looks like a butterfly]
FRASER: An officer of the law.
PSYCHOLOGIST: I see. And this one. [hands him another ink blot, which we can't see yet]
FRASER: [covers one eye; this blot also looks sort of like a butterfly] Justice.
THATCHER: Justice? I see three moths. How does he get "justice" from three moths?
FRASER: Well, I, I could be wrong, sir, but, you see, I took these two swirls —
PSYCHOLOGIST: Uh, there, there, there is no right or wrong, Constable. These are merely indicators of an internal state.

Fraser hears power tools and looks around to see where the sound is coming from. Thatcher and the psychologist don't get it.

FRASER: Do you hear that?
THATCHER: [as the psychologist is shaking his head] Hear what?
FRASER: [The noise stops.] Ah. Nothing.
PSYCHOLOGIST: As I was saying. [Hammering noises resume. Fraser looks around.] These tests were designed to help us assess the psychological profile of the individual members of the —

He does not have Fraser's full attention. Fraser looks around the office again.

FRASER: You sure you don't hear that?
THATCHER: Hear what, Fraser?
FRASER: The chainsaw? And, ah, hammering? Carpentry, could be carpentry.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Fascinating! And is this sound coming from close by or from far away?
FRASER: Quite close. Actually, I, I think it's coming from right here.

He opens a closet door. Inside is a closet.

PSYCHOLOGIST: Hmm. Perhaps we should be trying a little word association.

Perched on the corner of one of the boxes behind Fraser as he sits at his desk is a rubber duck (from the time he and Kowalski drove into Lake Michigan). I am charmed!

Scene 2

Fraser and Kowalski are driving through town.

FRASER: Uh, chainsaw.
KOWALSKI: Massacre.
FRASER: Closet.
KOWALSKI: What kind of question's that?
FRASER: Well, it's nothing untoward. It's just, if I say "closet," one person might say "brooms," and a, another person might say "carpentry."
KOWALSKI: Yeah, and I might say "Hey, you're losing your mind, Fraser."
FRASER: Well, that question has been raised only recently. [They're at or near a marina of some sort. Kowalski slows the car to keep an eye on a couple of pedestrians.] Ah, surveillance. I thought as much. [Kowalski glares out his window. Diefenbaker grumbles.]
KOWALSKI: Disgusting.
FRASER: What is?

The man and the woman on the boardwalk are kissing.

KOWALSKI: Well, kissing right out in the middle of the street like that. They're flaunting it all over the place.
FRASER: I didn't realize you were so prudish.
KOWALSKI: Me, hey. That's not it. I'll try anything. That's not the point.
FRASER: What is the point?
KOWALSKI: The point is, we got laws in this city and I'm sworn to enforce them. And one of those laws bans lascivious acts. [He hands Fraser a book.] Thank you very much, Fraser. Page a hundred and eighteen. And that, my friend, is definitely a lascivious act.
FRASER: You know, Ray, this is the eighteen-ninety Illinois Criminal Code.
KOWALSKI: Old laws are the best laws, Fraser. [The couple are kissing a little more intently now.] Look at that. Look at that — would you look at —
FRASER: Hang on a second.

Fraser is looking not at the book but in his wing mirror. He suddenly adjusts the rearview and sees, behind them, a person with a gun aiming it at the shmoopy couple.

KOWALSKI: What?
FRASER: Gun.

They both jump out of the car. Kowalski runs for the couple and tackles the man, knocking him and the woman down just as the shooter fires. Fraser doesn't get to the shooter before he hops in his car and drives away, but Fraser chases the car for a block or so.

WOMAN: What the hell do you think you're doing?
KOWALSKI: Saving your life. I — [He looks around for validation and then starts to help her up.]
MAN: I don't understand. Why are you so upset? This man saved our lives, Stella. [The man shakes Kowalski's hand.]
WOMAN (STELLA): Oh, yeah, because he just happened to be driving by.
FRASER: Oh, no, ma'am. Actually, ah, Detective Vecchio and I were on a routine surveillance. We were — apparently we were on the lookout for — well, we were on the lookout for lascivious acts, although I'm not sure that what we witnessed could be considered —
KOWALSKI: Hey, shut up, Fraser?
FRASER: Understood.
KOWALSKI: Ah, this is my partner, Fraser. He's Canadian.
STELLA: Obviously.
MAN: Ah.
KOWALSKI: This is Alderman Frank Orsini.
FRASER: [shaking his hand] It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.
MAN (ORSINI): And you, thank you.
KOWALSKI: And this is, uh, my ex-wife Stella.

Stella glares at Kowalski. Orsini didn't know he was her ex-husband.

That is correct: You heard Kowalski say "I'll try anything" when Fraser called him a prude. Ray Vecchio ("I like a woman who is, you know, a woman") would never. (He also said "Old laws are the best laws," but he was trying to justify ticketing Stella and Orsini for public lewdness when he said that. The "I'll try anything" comment was just something he threw in for free.)

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.

(plus Draco the dog)

Anne Marie Loder, Winston A. Rekert, David Storch, Eugene Clark

The last episode was apparently a series wrap on Catherine Bruhier, which is a little disappointing to realize in retrospect. (You can't really call it unceremonious, because there literally was a ceremony, but there was no indication that becoming a sworn law enforcement officer would be the end of her involvement with the 27th precinct and thus with the show.) On the other hand, hey, Ramona Milano is a series regular! Hooray!

Scene 3

Someone is bringing a couple of cups of coffee to Stella and Orsini. Orsini and Welsh are speaking to the press.

ORSINI: And I want you all to know that I have every confidence in the police department of Chicago.
WELSH: Ah, I think that's enough, thank you.
REPORTER: How is State's Attorney Kowalski involved in this matter?
ORSINI: Well, as Lieutenant Welsh said, that's all we know right now.

Fraser and Kowalski are standing a few yards away with Huey and another detective.

KOWALSKI: Why the circus?
FRASER: Well, your ex-wife is in law enforcement, Ray. Naturally any attempt on her life would warrant extra effort.
DETECTIVE: Ah, actually, it's the guy she's doing. Turns out he's some big shot politician.
KOWALSKI: Uh, what was that? Sorry, I missed that.
DETECTIVE: Oh, he's a politician. You know, city alderman. He's, he's looking to become mayor.
KOWALSKI: Ah, no, that, the part about my wife.
DETECTIVE: What, the guy she's doing?
KOWALSKI: Yeah.
DETECTIVE: Well, he's a good-looking guy, ah, lots of cash, he moves around the right circles. Actually, I don't think they're just friends. Ah, I'd get over it if I were you. You've been replaced.
KOWALSKI: Funny guy.

Kowalski tackles the guy onto the hood of the car.

FRASER: Ray, Ray, Ray! Come on, Ray. [Fraser and Huey separate Kowalski and the new guy.]
HUEY: Easy, easy. C'mon! I'd like you to meet my new partner. This is Tom Dewey.
FRASER: Ah. [shakes his hand] Pleased to meet you. I'd imagine you'd be named after the famous prosecuting attorney and former governor of New York Thomas Edmund Dewey.
DETECTIVE (DEWEY): Ah, no, actually, I was named after my uncle. He, ah, sold fish.
FRASER: Ah.
DEWEY: Who are you?
FRASER: Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that really — well, they don't need exploring at this particular juncture — I have remained attached as liaison with the Canadian Consulate.
HUEY: So what did you see?
KOWALSKI: Ah, it all happened pretty fast. It was a guy about six feet tall, but his face was hooded, so he could have —
FRASER: Actually, he was, ah, six-foot-three, wore black pants, black hooded sweatshirt, he drove a grey nineteen-ninety Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera. Unfortunately I was unable to make out the license plate, but I did notice that he was driving on Firestone steel-belted radials with an all-weather tread.
DEWEY: You couldn't see the plate, but you could see the tires?
KOWALSKI: Hey, just write it down!
FRASER: Ah, well, no, I didn't actually see the tires, but the street, I realize, has not been tended to by street cleaners lately, and I was able to make out the, ah, tire track marks.
DEWEY: Is this guy for real?
HUEY: [shrugs] Jury's still out on that.
FRASER: Most importantly, I noticed that the right rear tire had a distinctive nick.
DEWEY: Oh, a nick.
WELSH: Uh, excuse me. Ray, Fraser, couple of things I want to straighten out.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, you guys just get back to your donuts there.
WELSH: [leading Fraser and Kowalski aside] There is an issue I'd like to clear up, like, uh — excuse me, Fraser. [Fraser nods and steps away.] — your ex-wife. Ah, I don't think she believes that you were actually just passing by here.
KOWALSKI: Uh — she's paranoid.
WELSH: Good, good, good. 'Cause I'd hate to think one of my officers would actually be sick enough to be tailing his ex-wife on a date. [chuckles]
KOWALSKI: [pretends to laugh too] No, sir, I wouldn't — nobody'd want to think that, sir.
WELSH: Good, good, 'cause, ah, Alderman Orsini would like to thank you guys personally. After that, you can give him and, ah, Ms. Kowalski a ride home.
KOWALSKI: A ride home?
WELSH: Do you got a problem with that?
KOWALSKI: Ah, no problem, sir.
WELSH: Good, good, because until we find out who tried to kill him, you're going to be his personal bodyguard.
KOWALSKI: C'mon, find somebody else.
WELSH: Oh, no, the alderman specifically requested you and Fraser. It seems you exhibited some kind of competence this evening.
KOWALSKI: Got it.
FRASER: Actually, Lieutenant, you see, I, I have, ah, several outstanding issues —
WELSH: No, no, no, I already talked to Thatcher. She seems to think that, ah, due to your mental state, that, ah, it would be better if Turnbull stood guard. [He biffs off.]
FRASER: My — my, my, ah — my — did — did she happen to elaborate on my — sir?

Fraser follows Welsh; Kowalski is standing at the railing looking out at the lake.

So I don't think the alderman is particularly good-looking, but if Kowalski's ex is into him, he probably looks better to her than he does to me. Feelings can affect your perceptions, can't they. 😊 She wants to hook up with someone who's angling to be mayor of Chicago, let her, if you ask me.

But "the guy she's doing" is crass, even though Kowalski is no longer married to the woman being discussed. Nice introduction to the new guy! The Dewey whom Fraser assumes he's named after is indeed Thomas E. Dewey (1902–1971), the one who famously did not in fact defeat Harry S. Truman in the 1948 presidential election. Why Fraser would assume this, given that nobody on this show has ever in fact been named for or related to any of their apparent namesakes (Mackenzie King; Esther Pearson; Margaret Thatcher; Arnold Benedict; Jefferson Adams), is unclear. (To keep with the pattern, the new guy might should have been named Dewey Thomas, but we can't have that, can we; the old pair were called Huey and Louie by Ray Vecchio to needle Detective Louis Gardino, but the new pair are to be called Huey and Dewey because we're going ahead and just being silly now.)

Scene 4

Everyone is in Kowalski's car driving home. Diefenbaker is in the back seat between Stella and Orsini, pawing at her lap.

STELLA: Uh, would your wolf be more comfortable if I sat in the middle?
FRASER: Well, perhaps. He does ordinarily enjoy a, a window seat.
KOWALSKI: I think that things are just fine the way they are.
ORSINI: You know, I really appreciate what you two did for us back there. Putting your lives on the line like that?
FRASER: Well, it was nothing more than our duty, sir.
ORSINI: No, no, a lot of Chicago cops wouldn't feel that way.
KOWALSKI: Actually, most would. In fact, a lot of guys are a lot better at this bodyguarding stuff than we are —
ORSINI: I'm being shot at. I need someone I can trust. Someone that's good. That's you. [He pats them both quite patronizingly.]
STELLA: I think perhaps Ray's a little uncomfortable with the fact that we're seeing each other, Frank.
ORSINI: Oh, I highly doubt that, Stella.
KOWALSKI: You do?
ORSINI: Yeah, you're a practical man. You know, one thing that politics has taught me is that the world is a matrix of practicality. If you approach any problem sensibly, and you discover that x equals y, there's a pretty good chance you'll also discover that y equals x. And we're all adults. You're, you're not married any longer, and he's a professional, where's the problem?
KOWALSKI: No problem, x equals y, that's . . .
ORSINI: Stella?
STELLA: Oh, no problem for me.

Orsini is a smarmy son of a bitch, but he doesn't seem sleazy or slimy. Nevertheless, Kowalski looks like he wants to die.

Scene 5

Kowalski pulls up to a fancy modern house. Two patrol cars are already there.

KOWALSKI: So this is where you live?
ORSINI: Weekdays. I have a place in the country for the weekend.

Orsini and Stella lean across Diefenbaker to kiss good night. Diefenbaker grumbles.

KOWALSKI: Oh, now you've gone and done it. The wolf's upset.
FRASER: Diefenbaker. Terribly sorry, but he tends to be overly, uh, protective of women.
ORSINI: That's okay. I'm a little protective of Stella myself. Good night. [He smiles at her and gets out of the car.] Well.
PATROLMAN: Good evening, Alderman.
ORSINI: Looks like I have plenty of company for the night. I'll see you two guys at seven.
FRASER: Good night, sir.
ORSINI: [on his way to his front door] How's it going, gents?
ANOTHER PATROLMAN: Mr. Orsini.

"Protective of women," indeed. Orsini and Diefenbaker can both fuck off.

Scene 6

Stella has moved to the other side of the back seat of the car.

STELLA: What were you doing at the restaurant, Ray? What, are you stalking me?
FRASER: Now, ma'am, I don't think stalking would be an accurate description. I think —
STELLA: I, I'm sorry, I'm a little unclear as to how this is any of your business.
FRASER: Well, Ray is my partner and my friend, and I'm very confident that his intentions were honorable.
STELLA: Well, I'm glad you think that, but where I come from you don't drive around spying on your ex-wife when she's going out with another man.
FRASER: Well, you have a point, ma'am, but he did save your life at considerable risk to his own. [She is quiet, possibly conceding this.]
KOWALSKI: I'm sorry, Stella.
STELLA: What do you want, Ray?

Kowalski stares straight ahead.

KOWALSKI (VO): I want you. You know we were put on this planet to love one another. We can't throw that away. That's something that you know and —
KOWALSKI: I know.
STELLA: What do you want, Ray?
KOWALSKI: Uh, nothing.
STELLA: [She's had it.] I'm going to get a cab.
KOWALSKI: Look, Stella, I'm supposed to give you a ride home, aren't I?
STELLA: It's okay. I'll see you.
KOWALSKI: [calls after her] Stella! [She ignores him.] C'mon! C'mon, Stella! Stella! STELL — [He stops himself before he goes full Brando, but he smacks the steering wheel several times in extreme frustration. He sighs.]
FRASER: You're acting very strangely tonight, Ray. I mean, I don't mean this as a criticism, but —
KOWALSKI: Look — this is the first time she's been serious about a guy since we split up.
FRASER: How do you know that?
KOWALSKI: My mum. They're pals, they talk, they talk all the time. She tells her everything.
FRASER: You know, Ray — [He clears his throat.] — she is your ex-wife. I mean, you really can't interfere in her life. I mean, I can see how she would misunderstand that.
KOWALSKI: Look, I know that. But I, um, I worry about her. I . . . I think about her all the time.
FRASER: It must not be easy for you.
KOWALSKI: [heavy sigh] You have no idea. It just . . .

Fraser hangs his head sympathetically.

Kowalski is in his car here trying not to cry. So we're reinforcing the idea we got from "Eclipse," that he was less willing to let go of the marriage than Stella was. Which is rough, I'll grant him that, just as Fraser does (and what does he know from healthy romantic relationships, I ask you? — not that you've had to be in one to recognize one or spot its absence, fair enough), but bro. Bro. You can't do that. You can't follow her around, and you can't let your mom fill you in on what she's up to. (We're overlooking the fact that he says "mum." Just ignoring it completely.) It would have been a little more gracious of Stella to back away from her friendship with Kowalski's mom! That is definitely something she could have done. But given that these two women have decided to stay friends despite how shitty that is for him, he needs to lay down a boundary with his mother and not allow her to deliver The Stella Report, because it is getting in his head and stopping him from moving on.

How long do we think it's been since their divorce? It looks like in Illinois they'll have to have been separated for six months before the marriage could be dissolved, so my guess is in any event it will have been less than a year. (Although that apartment of his looks like he's been living in it for a wee while, doesn't it? Living in it by himself, I mean. That is, if that was the marital home and she left him, he's been there alone long enough for the place to have few or no traces of her left; and if it wasn't the marital home and he moved there at least six months before the formal, legal end of the marriage, that was way more than six months ago.)

Scene 7

Fraser and Kowalski are back at the 27th precinct.

FRASER: Ray, I thought the shooting incident was Huey and Dewey's case. That we were merely assigned to bodyguard the alderman.
KOWALSKI: Right. Have you ever heard of pre-emptive bodyguarding, Fraser?
FRASER: No.
KOWALSKI: We put the shooter away, I don't have to watch him move in on Stella. [He is angry at his computer.] Mmf! I hate this thing. It never does what I want. Just — [Fraser presses two keys.] Thanks.
FRASER: [reads] "Alderman threatened over development project."
KOWALSKI: He's the guy pushing the Manor Point project.
FRASER: Manor Point?
KOWALSKI: Yeah, big-time development. Ah, tearing up a lot of old housing, putting in, ah, yuppie shopping malls, that kind of stuff. The people are getting ticked off because they're getting turfed out. [He stabs a key about eleven times, then turns to Fraser.] Make it print. [Fraser hits the print command and reaches over him to turn on the printer. Kowalski picks up the page as it prints.] Damon Reese. Head of the Manor Point, uh, Community Association. We'll start with him tomorrow.
FRASER: While we're bodyguarding?
KOWALSKI: We'll work it out. C'mon, Fraser! We gotta get up early.

Fraser follows Kowalski out of the darkened squad room.

First of all, I ask again, where is everyone? I know it's nighttime, but is this a business-hours-only precinct now? Secondly, where is Fraser living? His apartment burned down three episodes ago.

Scene 8

Kowalski pulls up at Orsini's house the next morning with a squeal of tires. The patrol cars are still there.

PATROLMAN: Here he is now. Morning, Vecchio.
KOWALSKI: So are we waiting here or going in or what?
FRASER: I think perhaps it's best if we wait. [Kowalski nods. A taxi arrives from the other direction.] I thought we were driving him.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, here he comes.

Orsini comes out of the house. He picks up the newspaper off the front step. Stella comes out and he shows her the front page. Kowalski looks like he wants to hurl.

KOWALSKI: Oh, no.

He puts his head down on the steering wheel.

So when she said "I'm going to get a cab" she apparently meant ". . . in the morning." Which is her prerogative! Look, I haven't been divorced, so what do I know. But I think Kowalski needs to get it together.

Scene 9

The patrol cars are driving away. Kowalski still has his head on his steering wheel.

KOWALSKI: I cannot do this, Fraser. I can not.
FRASER: Of course you can, Ray. [He pats Kowalski on the shoulder.]
KOWALSKI: She spent the night with him.
FRASER: Well, now, we don't know that. I mean, that may be the case. On the other hand, perhaps she just came by for a breakfast date.
KOWALSKI: A breakfast date?
FRASER: Well, sure. People have luncheon dates, dinner dates, why not a breakfast date?
KOWALSKI: Because it's, um — what's the word? — stupid.
FRASER: Well, what's so stupid about that? I mean, eating together is eating together. I don't see how the time of day's relevant.
KOWALSKI: It's relevant because people go on dates to get in bed, not out of them.
FRASER: You know, that's an extremely narrow interpretation of what a —
KOWALSKI: Look, Fraser, you know, if I want to know how to track musk ox across the tundra, fine. But when it comes to the dating habits of the Stella, I happen to be an expert.
FRASER: All I'm trying to say is —
KOWALSKI: Plus, it would take an act of God to get her out of bed. I mean, I don't think she drove an hour across town just to chomp cereal with Muttonhead.

Orsini slaps the newspaper down on the windshield. The front-page headline is "Attempted murder fails: Murder attempt on City alderman close call."

ORSINI: Ha ha ha ha! [looks around the paper] If it's not too much problem, guys, I've got to get to work.

Fraser gets out of the car to get the door for Orsini. He "accidentally" bangs the guy in the leg with his car door.

ORSINI: Oof!
KOWALSKI: Thanks, Fraser.
FRASER: Shh. [to Orsini] I'm terribly sorry, sir. [He opens the back door for him.]
ORSINI: Not a problem.

Orsini gets in the back seat. Kowalski has a satisfied smile.

Orsini's oof and the hoarseness of his voice when he says "not a problem" make it sound like Fraser's car door actually got him in the nuts, doesn't it? But I don't see how that angle would have worked.

Scene 10

Orsini is giving remarks at the groundbreaking for Manor Point. A couple of rows of (mainly business-suited white) people are assembled in support; lots more (considerably more varied in dress and complexion) people are behind them with protest signs. One that we can see says "Condominium Bums Go Home" and has a line drawing of a butt, which is delightful. Others say "NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS NEED HOMES," "We Love Our Homes," "Does OUR money MATTER?" and similar. One has "MANOR POINT" in a big red circle with a line through it.

ORSINI: Hello, friends. Today is a great day for the city of Chicago. Today is a great day for the people of Manor Point. Today we begin phase one of a project that epitomizes the vigor and the spirit of Chicago. A project — [polite applause] — a project that uses the strength of the free enterprise system for the good of everyone in the community —
MAN WITH SIGN: What's so good about throwing us out of our homes? [His sign says "JUST STOP IT!" The crowd cheers and applauds enthusiastically.]
KOWALSKI: That's our man Damon Reese.
ORSINI: I hear you. I hear you. I know you're worried. I know that for a lot of you this will be change, and change can be frightening. But change can also mean growth.
MAN WITH SIGN (REESE): That's crap! [The crowd is with him.]
ORSINI: No, no, this project includes provisions for low-cost housing —
REESE: Five hundred units? You're displacing five thousand people and putting in five hundred units that maybe they can't even afford!
ORSINI: It's a start, my friend. It's a beginning, and it's for you. It's for the people of Manor Point. It's for the children. I believe, I believe that this project will encourage growth. It will encourage the entrepreneurial spirit in this area that will lift everyone up. [The front rows are trying to applaud, but the back rows are booing and giving him thumbs down.]
REESE: Lift up yuppie businessmen!
ORSINI: We've got to stop shouting at each other and start talking. We're all good people, we all have good intentions. We've got to learn to work together, and if we do, this project will be a beacon for the entire city. That's why I am glad to be here today for this groundbreaking ceremony. [He raises a shovel.] Join me.
REESE: No way! I am not helping you tear up my life. [A few bigger guys come back from the front rows to face him.] This is an attack on the community and everyone that lives here.
BIG DUDE: Oh, clear up, now, nobody wants to hear it —
KOWALSKI: [to Fraser, under his breath] These guys are gonna go. [Fraser wades into the crowd.]
REESE: It's our homes that are being torn down. We have every right to be here.

The big dude shoves Reese. Fraser separates them immediately.

FRASER: Excuse me, gentlemen. Gentlemen, gentlemen, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to stop right there.
BIG DUDE: Who the hell are you?
FRASER: Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
REESE: A Canadian.
FRASER: That's right.
REESE: You ever hear of free speech up in Canada?
FRASER: Well, certainly.
BIG DUDE: Then would you please get out of the way and let us exercise it?
FRASER: Well, I would like to, sir, but I'm afraid that this situation has the potential of going beyond the boundaries of civilized debate.

Something else has happened on the stage; people are applauding.

ORSINI: I couldn't have done it without, um —

The big dude is about to shove through Fraser to get back to Reese, but Kowalski jumps in with his badge aloft.

KOWALSKI: Hold it, hold it! Chicago PD! First guy tries any free speech gets their head kicked in! You got that? Any takers? Now beat it! Go! Back off! [The crowd breaks up.]
FRASER: That was very effective, Ray, although I'm not sure that your methods are really in keeping with the spirit of the Constitution.
KOWALSKI: The Constitution is a piece of paper. Kick in the head is a jolt. Okay, watch the pol. [Fraser turns to attend to Orsini. Kowalski is going the other way, but he turns back.] Fraser. Um, say hypothetically, uh, something happens, and you gotta take a bullet for the guy? Do me a favor — don't.
FRASER: You know, Ray, it's, ah — it's really nice to know you're so concerned for me.
KOWALSKI: I, I wasn't thinking about you, Fraser.
FRASER: Oh, no. No, of course not.

They go their separate ways.

Gentrification is a load of crap, eat the rich, etc.

Scene 11

Kowalski catches up with Reese.

KOWALSKI: Hey, Reese, hold up! [Reese turns and puts his fists up defensively, then turns away and keeps walking when he sees it's just Kowalski.] Nervous, guy?
REESE: What do you want?
KOWALSKI: I just want to ask you a couple questions.
REESE: Look, it was a peaceful, democratic protest. You got nothing to hassle me for.
KOWALSKI: I'm not hassling. Who's hassling you?
REESE: Every cop Orsini tries to sic on me, that's who.
KOWALSKI: You don't like Orsini?
REESE: I don't like what he's doing. We lost four blocks today. I plan to keep the rest. Man, what do you see here?
KOWALSKI: [looking around] A slum. [Reese looks at him, hurt. Kowalski is ashamed; he does an apologetic spread of his arms.]
REESE: A community. A neighborhood. Homes, families. Four generations of my family live right here. Maybe it looks like a slum to you and Alderman Orsini over there, but it's home to a lot of people who love and care about it.
KOWALSKI: Look, hey, if this development deal is so bad, how come it's still going through?
REESE: Because people are scared. They don't know how to fight big city hall or big money.
KOWALSKI: Well, someone tried to fight city hall last night with a bullet. Someone took a shot at Orsini.
REESE: You're kidding.
KOWALSKI: You got any idea who that might be?
REESE: If I knew, I'd tell you in a second. This stuff is killing us.
KOWALSKI: How?
REESE: A death threat on an alderman. A shooting. People don't want to get involved in that kind of stuff, it scares them off. We were just starting to build some momentum, now this. Damn!

A car drives by, tires squealing, and someone throws a bottle toward them.

KOWALSKI: Down, down! [He tackles Reese to the ground. The bottle flies through where their heads just were and shatters on the pavement. People nearby are exclaiming as they see this happen. The car drives off.] You all right?
REESE: Yeah, thanks. [Kowalski hurries to watch the car speeding away.] Did you get the license plate?
KOWALSKI: I got the first three letters. That's all right, I can run that on the computer.
REESE: Forget it, forget it. Just some punks trying to scare me off. They're not going to be able to do it.

Everything about this scene makes sense except Kowalski asking why the deal is going through if it's such a stinker — as if bad development deals never get approved. BOO, Kowalski. Spoken like a white dude who hasn't ever actually had to worry about whether his building would remain standing.

Scene 12

Kowalski comes back to where Fraser is hanging around by the stage area.

KOWALSKI: Any action?
FRASER: No.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, well, it's still early. They going to be long?

Fraser clears his throat, raises his hand to his ear, and gives a listen to Orsini and a couple of staffers chatting several yards away.

FRASER: No, they're just wrapping up now.
KOWALSKI: C'mon! You, you, you, don't tell me you can actually hear them.
FRASER: Well, yes, I can.
KOWALSKI: Okay, what are they saying?
FRASER: Well, I'm trying not to eavesdrop.
KOWALSKI: No, is he going to ask Stella out for a thing tonight? Is he, like, he was on the phone? —
FRASER: Ray, please, no, seriously —
KOWALSKI: What, what, what? Hey! —
FRASER: — as a friend, you have got to come to grips with your —
KOWALSKI: — you give me a little information! You get to me — if you have — you tell —
FRASER: — I said stop —
STAFFER: [has arrived while they were speaking over each other] I'm Jerry, the alderman's assistant. I thought you might like to know the schedule. First, we go to a city council meeting. After that a committee meeting, and then a dinner date.
KOWALSKI: A dinner date? With who? Stella Kowalski?
STAFFER (JERRY): How'd you know that?
KOWALSKI: Hmph.

Kowalski glares at Fraser and stomps away.

Fraser is more right than Kowalski is, but he could have stopped at "No, I'm not going to tell you what they're talking about" and not got into "You should stop asking." I mean, Kowalski should stop asking, but.

Scene 13

Orsini and his entourage, including Fraser and Kowalski, are coming around a corner in the corridor of a city government building.

FRASER: Boy, that committee meeting was fascinating, Ray. To actually see the inner workings of a great democratic organization?
KOWALSKI: Fraser, that was five-hour talk about sewers.
FRASER: Well, yes, it was. But still, to see how the different interests achieve their compromise —
KOWALSKI: Look, you know, you know, it's all graft, corruption, and greed —
FRASER: — without rancor, without fighting, and then to realize, this goes on day after day after day, keeping this city functioning smoothly —
KOWALSKI: — I mean, any, any, any idiotic blab, I mean there was more gas in that room than in the entire city of Chicago sewer system —
FRASER: — I mean, it was absolutely illuminating.
KOWALSKI: Illuminating?
FRASER: Yes, illuminating.
KOWALSKI: What's with you?

That's two scenes in a row where they're simply talking over each other. Fraser and Vecchio never did that.

Scene 14

Stella and another woman are coming down the courthouse steps. Orsini trots up to meet her.

ORSINI: Hi.
STELLA: Hi there.
ORSINI: How are you? [They kiss hello. Kowalski stops in his tracks.]
STELLA: Frank, this is Diane Weston, a witness in one of my cases.
ORSINI: Hi, Diane, pleasure to meet you.
DIANE: Well, nice to meet you, Alderman Orsini.
ORSINI: Can you join us for drinks?
DIANE: No, I can't, but thanks.
ORSINI: Okay.

Diane leaves Stella and Orsini. A man in a suit hurries down the steps to catch her.

MAN: Diane. Don't do this to me. We belong together, we gotta get back together. Diane — [He reaches for her hand; she pulls away.]
STELLA: [coming over to them] Hey. [Fraser, Kowalski, Orsini, and a woman who is probably one of Stella's colleagues are coming over as well.]
MAN: — I'm not going to hurt you anymore. Please.
STELLA: Leave her alone.
MAN: Stay out of this! This is between Diane and me.
STELLA: I said get away from her.
KOWALSKI: Hey, look, you got a problem, pal? [He gets in front of Diane and looms over the guy from a step or two above him.]
MAN: I just want to talk to my wife.
DIANE: Just stay away from me, Dwayne.
MAN (DWAYNE): You know what this is like. You're a man, you know how this feels!
KOWALSKI: No, I don't. You better leave before I jump Bogart all over you. [Dwayne's lawyer scoops him away.] Beat it.
STELLA: [to Diane] You all right?
DIANE: Yeah, I guess so.
STELLA: You need a ride home?
DIANE: No, I'll be fine.
STELLA: [to the other woman] Get her in a cab? [The colleague nods and leads Diane away.]
KOWALSKI: Was I ever like that?
STELLA: No, you always knew the line. [to Orsini] Let's go.

Kowalski's nostrils flare as he and Fraser follow Stella and Orsini.

"Ray, Kowal— sorry, Vecch— ah, is this you? I've got a wake-up call for someone named Ray. Is this yours? Sign here, please."

It's good for Kowalski to realize this is what Fraser is cautioning him away from, but holy crap, Stella saying "No, you always knew the line" is rough, am I right? On the one hand, she doesn't say it with any bitterness toward him. On the other hand, (a) the casual way she says it may be worse than if she'd said it bitterly, and (b) there is a lot of room on the far side of "Of course not, Ray" before "you were never that bad." We've just heard Stella all-but-explicitly affirm that Kowalski knew exactly where the line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior was and (because?) he spent a fair amount of time huddled right up against it without going over. Oof, no wonder his nostrils flare. I wouldn't want to hear that about myself either; it's not actually at all reassuring.

Meanwhile, Cassell's Dictionary of Slang says "jump Bogart" (though it does not capitalize the B) means "become aggressive," as a variant of "bogart (n.)," a bully, both named after Humphrey Bogart, of course, because of the number of his roles in which he played a tough guy. (It also has "bogart (v.)" but it is not clear why or how it got any of its nonbullying meanings [transitive: steal or monopolize; intransitive: leave, goof off]); and is it me or should a prosecutor not hang out with her witness socially? Like, of course Diane can't join Stella and Orsini for drinks? Shouldn't Orsini have known that?

Scene 15

Fraser and Kowalski are following Stella and Orsini through the courthouse plaza on their way to dinner.

STELLA: I'm prosecuting her husband for spousal abuse.
ORSINI: Really?
STELLA: Mm-hmm.
ORSINI: Doesn't look the type.
KOWALSKI: The type? What, I don't get that. What, what, what type?
STELLA: Ray.
KOWALSKI: Hey, hey, I know I'm just the, ah, bodyguard ex-husband in this, ah, situation, but I'm allowed to have an opinion.
STELLA: You always have an opinion.
FRASER: Well, this one may be valid. After all, there is a general perception that abused women come from a certain stratum of society —
STELLA: Enough! I know about abused women. I spent a month convincing Diane to prosecute that creep. I don't need a lecture from a Chicago cop on the subject. Or a Mountie.
FRASER: Understood. [Stella and Orsini walk on ahead.]
KOWALSKI: Not a great idea to get into an argument with the Stella.
FRASER: Obviously.
STELLA: Groundbreaking go okay?
ORSINI: Oh, yeah, it went fine.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, except for the, the, the little protest of the people getting thrown out of their houses.
STELLA: The project includes low-cost housing for them.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, for five hundred, maybe.
ORSINI: That's five hundred units.
FRASER: Actually, I think it was two hundred units, and I believe you were going to use something that you called, ah, "spin" to make it seem as if there were more. [to Kowalski] I think "spin" is the correct word.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, it's exactly the right word, Fraser.
FRASER: [to Orsini] I inadvertently overheard some of your conversation.
STELLA: Frank, only two hundred? I thought you said five.
ORSINI: Two, five, who's counting? Where shall we eat tonight? How about the Oriole? I love what the light on the water there does to your eyes. [They walk ahead again.]
KOWALSKI: I'm gonna puke.

It's not clear whether Orsini thinks Dwayne doesn't look like "the type" to abuse his wife or Diane doesn't look like "the type" to be abused, but either way, it's a load of crap and Stella should be mad at him about that way before she's mad that he's been inflating the amount of affordable housing at Manor Point. (I'd also like Fraser not to mansplain spousal abuse of women to a state's attorney who is (a) a woman and (b) prosecuting a spousal abuse case. Shut up, Fraser.) In this particular scene, Kowalski is the winner.

Scene 16

The Oriole is apparently a restaurant on a boat. An instrumental "Libiamo ne' lieti calici" is playing. Fraser and Kowalski are sitting at a table in the middle of the deck; a chef comes up and fawns over Orsini and Stella, at a table by the railing.

CHEF: Ah, Monsieur Orsini! A pleasure to have you here tonight.
ORSINI: The pleasure's all mine, Frederick.
CHEF (FREDERICK): Anything you need, anything at all, just tell me.
ORSINI: I'm sure everything will be just perfect.
FREDERICK: Enjoy your meal.
ORSINI: Thank you.
FRASER: The food here is excellent, Ray. You know, you should try some.
KOWALSKI: I gotta try it.
FRASER: That's the spirit. Now, I would recommend the shrimp cocktail —

Kowalski ignores him, gets up, and goes to Stella.

KOWALSKI: May I have this dance?
STELLA: No.
KOWALSKI: Forgotten how?
STELLA: I don't feel like it.
KOWALSKI: Scared?
STELLA: Don't be stupid.
ORSINI: Is something going on that, ah —
STELLA: No, I just don't feel like dancing.
KOWALSKI: Come on, you love to dance, Stella, it's —

Jesus Christ, Kowalski, take no for an answer.

ORSINI: You're making a big deal of this, Stella. Why?
STELLA: I'm not making a big deal out of anything, I don't want to dance.
ORSINI: It wouldn't bother me.

Oh, well, it wouldn't bother the man, so it's not important what the woman wants, am I right?

STELLA: Of course it wouldn't bother you. I wouldn't care if it did.

ATTAGIRL, STELLA

ORSINI: No, I meant —
STELLA: Come on, Ray. [She gets up and takes his hand.]
KOWALSKI: Uh, Alderman, you got a little something in your teeth.

Orsini checks his teeth as Stella and Kowalski head to the dance floor.

STELLA: Think you're smart, don't you?
KOWALSKI: Nah, you're the smart one, I'm just pretty.

They begin to waltz as the chorus (in Kowalski's mind) sings the second refrain.

Ah, godiamo, la tazza, la tazza e il cantico,
le notti abbella e il riso;
in questo, in questo paradiso ne scopra il nuovo dì

(Ah, let us enjoy the cup, the cup and the chants, the embellished nights and the laughter; let the new day find us in this, in this paradise.)

In Kowalski's mind, the boat and all the other people are gone, and they are dancing alone, on the surface of the water. In his mind, he and Stella speak to each other. The song continues.

KOWALSKI (VO): This feels — I don't know —

Nol dite a chi l'ignora
(Don't tell anyone who doesn't know)

STELLA (VO): Familiar.
KOWALSKI (VO): Yeah. Easy. It's always easy with you. Like I don't weigh anything.

È il mio destin così
(This is my destiny)

STELLA (VO): Yeah.

Ah, godiamo, la tazza, la tazza e il cantico,
le notti abbella e il riso;
in questo, in questo paradiso ne scopra il nuovo dì

In Kowalski's mind, they kiss as they dance.

Ah, ah —

The boat's horn sounds. Orsini cuts in.

ORSINI: Music's over, pal.
STELLA: It's over, Ray. Thanks for the dance.

Orsini and Stella head back to their table. Kowalski is a little dazed, in the middle of the dance floor. The music is now Strauss's Wiener blut. Fraser gives Kowalski a thumbs up; Kowalski goes back to his table.

FRASER: You're both excellent dancers.
KOWALSKI: Been doing it since we were kids.

A wine waiter is opening a bottle of champagne with a bow on it at Stella and Orsini's table.

FRASER: That's odd.
KOWALSKI: Nah, a lot of kids dance.
FRASER: No, the champagne. The protective metal mesh always opens counterclockwise. This one opens clockwise. [Fraser and Kowalski exchange a look and then both get up and run. Fraser grabs the bottle from the wine waiter.] I'm sorry.
ORSINI: What are you doing?
FRASER: It's — a bad year.

Fraser takes the bottle and runs. Kowalski grabs Stella, lays her down on the floor, and covers her body with his.

FRASER: Excuse me, please. Stand aside. [He hurls the bottle into the water.]
ORSINI: And what are you doing?
KOWALSKI: Bodyguarding.
ORSINI: Well, do you think you could do it a little farther away? [The bottle explodes under the water. Everyone flinches. Fraser dives in after it. The band plays on.] You can get up now.
KOWALSKI: Soon.

The Verdi "Libiamo, libiamo" is listed in the soundtrack as "Brindis," which is silly. It is a brindisi, a drinking song, and it's apparently labeled that way in the score of La traviata, but that's what it is, not what it's called. If you had "Sempre libera" in your soundtrack you wouldn't list it as "Aria," would you? (I hope not.)

Anyway, Kowalski and Stella are a nice-looking couple, and they dance pleasantly enough. The big news is the exploding champagne bottle. (We don't know if it's true Champagne or some other sort of sparkling white wine, of course.) Is it true that the cage always untwists counterclockwise? I've never noticed, but Uncle Google suggests that it is so. So that's some sloppy bomb-building on the part of whoever sent them the bottle, isn't it? If they'd bothered to put the muselet back how they found it, Fraser would never have noticed and the episode would be over by now.

Scene 17

Fraser, Kowalski, Francesca, Stella, and Welsh are in the 27th precinct heading back to Welsh's office. Fraser is dripping water all over the floor as he walks.

KOWALSKI: Fraser, tomorrow morning you're going to have green stuff growing in your eyebrows.
FRASER: Ah, you may well be right, Ray. The quality of water is appalling.
FRANCESCA: You know, maybe a nice hot tub bath would be the thing. The reason I mention this is because we just got a new one at our house, and it is perfect —
WELSH: Francesca. [She shuts up.] Why didn't you just wait for the divers, Constable?
FRASER: Well, I was worried that the current would carry away the evidence. As it was, I was only able to retrieve these things. [He has the neck of the bottle and some of the body of it; not bad. He examines the bits with a magnifying glass.] Huh. It's fascinating. This is not a standard detonation device. I believe it's a computer circuit board that's been adapted for its nefarious purposes.
KOWALSKI: Nefarious, what, what —
FRASER: Ah, demonic. Evil. Bad.
KOWALSKI: Oh. Yeah.
WELSH: Yeah.
FRASER: And this particular product appears to have been manufactured by the ADMT Computer Corporation. Here's a serial number I think will prove very interesting.
WELSH: How did this bottle get on the boat?
KOWALSKI: Dropped off by a courier.
FRASER: It was a special present for the alderman.
WELSH: Anyone see that courier?
KOWALSKI: Yeah, but they can't remember what he looked like.
FRANCESCA: Hey, why don't we get a couple people in to, you know, look at some mug snaps?
KOWALSKI: Mug snaps? Francesca, it's mug shots. Mug shots.
STELLA: Is this going to take much longer? I'm a little tired.
KOWALSKI: I'll give you a ride home.
STELLA: I'll go with Frank.
WELSH: Uh, no, I already sent him home with a blue-and-white to avoid further incidents.

Kowalski gives Stella a guess-you're-stuck-with-me shrug.

Kowalski's pretty annoyed with Francesca for saying "mug snaps" given that he didn't know what "nefarious" meant. I appreciate how smug Fraser was not when he simply defined it for him and moved on. (I can now hear Leo McGarry saying "Okay. The U.S.S. Portland is a Seawolf–class —" [seeing that the president doesn't know what "Seawolf–class" means] "— or 'big' — nuclear submarine.")

Again: Where is Francesca living, and with whom?

Scene 18

Kowalski and Stella are stepping off the elevator on the way to her apartment.

STELLA: Thanks for driving me home, Ray. It, uh — it shook me up a little.
KOWALSKI: A little? It scared the hell out of me.
STELLA: Yeah, me too. [He ducks his head. She's about to reach for him, but she pulls her hand back as he straightens up. He realizes she was about to reach for him and starts to lean in to kiss her, but he stops himself.] Well. Good night. [She turns down the hallway.]
KOWALSKI: I'll walk you to the door. [He hurries to catch up with her.] It's good to see you again.
STELLA: Yeah.
KOWALSKI: So you, you really like this guy?
STELLA: Well, you know, he's nice. He's, ah — he's smart, he's charming, he's — [She sees Kowalski giving her a look.] What?
KOWALSKI: [They are at her door.] All of a sudden, I, um — I, uh — don't know how to talk to you.
STELLA: It's not all of a sudden, Ray. Took years.
KOWALSKI: Yeah.
STELLA: Do you, uh — [nodding to the door] — I mean, do you want to —
KOWALSKI: Yeah, I do. But — look, I don't think that's a — that's a good idea, 'cause we might . . . look, it just seems like the wrong time.
STELLA: Yeah. Always is. Well, hey, um — maybe a breakfast date sometime. You know, you, me, some eggs over easy?
KOWALSKI: That's . . . a kind of dumb idea, Stella. It's like a — [She is hurt.] What?
STELLA: Nothing.
KOWALSKI: You okay?
STELLA: Never better. [She kisses him on the cheek. He hates it.] Good night. [She goes in and shuts the door.]
KOWALSKI: Good . . . good night. [He turns back to the door and is about to knock, but he doesn't; he turns away again.] I suck.

He heads down the hallway, hesitating at one point but not turning back again.

So I think "You really like this guy?" is Kowalski making an effort, or at least trying to make an effort, to be friendly rather than exly with Stella. Which means her comment that the relationship was falling apart for years is particularly harsh. (And then he turns around and blows it by telling her that a breakfast date is a dumb idea.)

Scene 19

Fraser, in his red union suit, is camping in his office at the consulate. He appears to have a cot but no blanket. He can hear woodworking noises again; he looks around to see where they're coming from. He gets up and throws open his office door; nothing. He steps around the stacks of boxes to the office closet. Diefenbaker whines in his sleep. Fraser opens the closet door; nothing. Diefenbaker wakes up and comes to look too. Fraser is sure he hears something from the hallway now. He goes back to the office door and opens it—and Kowalski is there with his hand on the doorknob.

FRASER: How did you get in here?
KOWALSKI: Uh — [showing him a credit card] — don't leave home without it.
FRASER: It's four in the morning.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, I know, but we've got some investigating to do.
FRASER: Listen, you didn't by any chance hear something strange, did you?
KOWALSKI: Like what?
FRASER: Chainsaws.
KOWALSKI: This is Chicago, Fraser, the only time people use chainsaws is when they're trying to get rid of a body.
FRASER: Right you are. [He goes back to the closet anyway.]
KOWALSKI: Look, I got the match on the plates of that guy who hucked the bottle at me.
FRASER: [having opened the closet door] What do you see?
KOWALSKI: Nothing.
FRASER: Just checking. I'll get dressed.
KOWALSKI: I'll leave.

"Don't leave home without it" has been the marketing slogan for American Express since the late 1970s. So Kowalski can break into the consulate and there are no alarms or anything that go off when this happens? That's interesting to know, and also, where did Fraser get another union suit just like the old one that was either burned in his apartment fire or sunk in the third green Riviera? I'm just asking. Also also, this office is a lot smaller than his old one, and will be even after all those stacks of boxes from the move are dealt with. I assume he's only staying in it until he can find a real place to live.

The "This is Chicago, the only time" stuff is a nice callback to Ray Vecchio talking about opening the window to get a better aim.

Scene 20

Fraser and Kowalski are driving in actual morning daylight.

KOWALSKI: This is the address.
FRASER: Yes, but I don't think we want to park, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Well, how else are we going to question this Joe Mendelssohn character?
FRASER: Could try following his car. [A car crosses in front of them.]
KOWALSKI: Good, uh, thinking. [He follows the car and pulls up behind it when it parks at a construction trailer. The driver gets out: It is the big dude from the groundbreaking.] That's the guy from the fight the other day.
FRASER: Yeah, well, that makes sense. We know he had a reason to dislike Reese.
KOWALSKI: And look who's here.

The big dude, Mendelssohn, is talking to some construction guys in hard hats. Another car drives up. Kowalski and Fraser recline their seats so the driver won't see him as he drives by, then sit back up again when he parks up and gets out: It is Jerry, the alderman's assistant.

FRASER: It's Orsini's assistant.
KOWALSKI: I'll bet Orsini hired the guy to harass Reese.
FRASER: That's just pure speculation, Ray. Given your relationship with the alderman, I think it's unlikely to be taken seriously by the higher-ups.

Jerry and Mendelssohn finish their conversation and Jerry gets back in his car. Fraser and Kowalski recline their seats again.

KOWALSKI: What relationship?
FRASER: Your, uh — thing. Your . . . relationship.

Jerry drives by. Fraser and Kowalski sit up again.

KOWALSKI: This is great. This is greatness. I knew Orsini was dirty. [They get out of the car.] Boom, boom, boom, let's go pull this guy's chain, Fraser. [Fraser stops to look at Mendelssohn's car as they walk past it.] Come on, Fraser, we don't have time to go sniffing hubcaps.
FRASER: Firestone steel-belted radials with an all-weather tread. And a distinctive nick in the right rear tire.
KOWALSKI: What are you saying? You're saying this is the guy who shot at Orsini?
FRASER: Possibly.
KOWALSKI: But he works for Orsini.
FRASER: That's right.
KOWALSKI: Oh, great. What, so we got the alderman on attempted suicide?
FRASER: Inducement to suicide is still a crime in the state of Illinois.
KOWALSKI: They got the death penalty for that?
FRASER: Well, I don't imagine the death penalty would be effective deterrent for a potential suicide.
KOWALSKI: Right, got a point there.

It is like not earlier than the middle of the morning here. There's no dawn left in the sky, I mean; it is solidly daytime. What were they doing between 4am and now? I'm just asking.

Scene 21

Welsh is on the phone at his desk.

WELSH: Yes, sir. [He hangs up and jumps up to his door, pulls up the blinds, and knocks on the window at Kowalski.] That's the third call from the alderman. He wants to know where you are. [Kowalski makes "I can't hear you" gestures.] That's the third call from the alderman. [Kowalski gets up and comes over to the door.] He wants to know where you are.
KOWALSKI: Oh. Fraser's got that covered. Like a blanket. He's all over it.
WELSH: Yeah, but apparently he feels he deserves at least one official member of this department. [Kowalski's phone rings.]
KOWALSKI: Ah, hang on. [He goes to answer it.] Huey? You're on it?

Kowalski gives Welsh a thumbs up and a shrug. Welsh glares at him and lowers his blinds.

Scene 22

Kowalski and Welsh are speaking to Mendelssohn in an interview room.

BIG DUDE (MENDELSSOHN): I didn't do anything.
KOWALSKI: Oh, he, he threw a bottle at me and Damon Reese. That is assaulting a police officer. And he attacked some protesters, so maybe we're thinking you're working for Orsini.
WELSH: See, and this is a crucial point for you here, because if you were working for the alderman, we could consider you a small fish. Small fish that might be able to be thrown back into the water.
KOWALSKI: It's his word against yours and who's going to believe the —
MENDELSSOHN: I want a lawyer.
KOWALSKI: Oh, oh, there's also the, ah, ah, attempted murder of Orsini.
MENDELSSOHN: No, no, no. I didn't try to kill anybody!

Welsh and Kowalski laugh in his face.

WELSH: Two detectives just executed a search warrant on your apartment. They found the gun.
MENDELSSOHN: That was nothing. No, no, no, no, it was all nothing. It was just, you know. PR.
WELSH: PR?
MENDELSSOHN: Yeah.
WELSH: You do your PR work with a gun.
MENDELSSOHN: Blanks. You know. It was — image thing. You know. It was Orsini's idea. You know, the threats, the shooting, it was all supposed to make Reese and his idiots look bad. You know, spin, PR, politics.
WELSH: Mm-hmm. And what about the bomb?
MENDELSSOHN: Oh, no, no, I had nothing to do with that.
KOWALSKI: Oh, yeah —
MENDELSSOHN: That was someone else —
KOWALSKI: — right —
MENDELSSOHN: — hey, you got to believe me, man! Maybe Orsini set it up somehow, but that, that just wasn't me!
WELSH: What's in it for Orsini? [Mendelssohn rubs his thumb and index finger together.] Hmm. Moolah.
KOWALSKI: Cash.
WELSH: Guitas.
KOWALSKI: Coin.
WELSH: Dust.

I don't know for sure that Welsh says "guitas," but it's the best I can work out for a slang term for money based on what I can hear, which is a velar consonant of some sort, the vowel /i/, a tap or flap consonant, a schwa, and an s. Keytas? Keetus? The u in "guitas" makes the g hard—otherwise it'd be djee-tas—and it's apparently Argentinian street slang for cash, dough, dosh, etc. We know Welsh's Spanish is not great, though, so why he'd be using this particular term is a mystery. (Though I'm actually more puzzled by "dust," which I thought referred to PCP.)

Scene 23

Orsini is walking and talking with two guys; Fraser is tailing him at a respectful distance.

FIRST GUY: You'll get it. We just need to grease a few more wheels.
SECOND GUY: We better get it. We paid you plenty for that —
ORSINI: Please, just, just, keep your voice down. That idiot behind us has ears like a bat.

The second guy looks over his shoulder. Fraser tips his hat.

Scene 24

Stella and Diane are walking across the courthouse plaza with Stella's colleague.

DIANE: Thank you so much.
STELLA: You're very welcome. Let's do lunch next week.
DIANE: Okay, great. [They shake hands.]
STELLA: Take care.
DIANE: All right.
STELLA: See you soon. Bye. [Diane heads down the steps. Stella turns to her colleague.] Can you set up an appointment for me with, ah, Judge Bishop early next week?
COLLEAGUE: Sure.

Dwayne comes out of the courthouse. Orsini is on his way up the steps toward Stella as Diane heads down to the sidewalk.

DIANE: Mr. Orsini.
ORSINI: Um, yeah!

He pretends to be happy to see her, because she's a voter, but he has no idea who she is. He keeps walking. His two guys stay at the bottom of the steps. Kowalski pulls up with his dashboard light on and hops out, buttoning his jacket with his badge hanging from the breast pocket. Fraser joins him.

KOWALSKI: Orsini! [He starts up the steps.] I thought I'd find you here.
ORSINI: About time you showed.
KOWALSKI: Well, I hope you accept my apologies, it took me a little while to, ah — get the warrant. [He shows Orsini the warrant. Dewey has come up behind Orsini.]
ORSINI: Warrant?
KOWALSKI: For your arrest.
HUEY: If you'd just come along, sir.
ORSINI: This is ridiculous! You can't arrest me like this.
DEWEY: [as they lead him down the steps] Like this? Would you prefer handcuffs? Guns, perhaps?
ORSINI: I want to see a lawyer.
STELLA: What are the charges?
KOWALSKI: Fraud, conspiracy, trying to blow up a boat, for starters.

Orsini's two guys are about to try to slip away, but Fraser stops them.

FRASER: Ah, gentlemen. Excuse me. I think you can probably also help in this process. I believe you will be able to explain how you got the wheels so greasy. [He opens the back door of Kowalski's car.]
FIRST GUY: He was right. Like a bat!
KOWALSKI: Fraser, it's how you greased the wheels.
FRASER: Oh, how you grease the wheel, that's right. How you grease the wheel. How you grease the wheel. Right, sorry.

The idea of Fraser practicing slang until he can say it naturally is pretty funny. I'm still bugged by Stella having a social relationship with Diane, but more than that I'm interested in the fact that she didn't protest Orsini's arrest at all—asked what the charges were, but didn't ask Kowalski what the hell he was doing or anything like that.

Scene 25

Kowalski and Fraser are back at the station. Kowalski is bummed.

KOWALSKI: You know, Fraser, I thought by busting Orsini, it would make me feel better, but —
FRASER: No, Ray, you're just experiencing PCS. Post-chase syndrome. There's always an accompanying letdown.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, I know. I should have popped him in the head when I had a chance. Just —

Welsh and Stella come out of the interview room.

WELSH: They're all spilling their guts.
STELLA: The whole Manor Point project is corrupt. And Frank's right in the middle of it.
KOWALSKI: Corrupt politician? What a surprise.
STELLA: It was to me, Ray.
FRASER: As it should be. You know, Ray — [Kowalski is looking at Stella and not listening to Fraser at all.] — a cynical acceptance of the betrayal of public trust, well, that's the road to ruin in a democracy.
KOWALSKI: [as Stella turns to go] You — you want a ride?
FRASER: Yeah, thank you. [seeing that Stella has turned back immediately] Oh. Sorry. [Kowalski walks Stella out.] Well, I suppose a brisk walk in the night air will do me good.
WELSH: It's gotta be twenty blocks.
FRASER: I know, but if I go the long way I'll get some exercise.

Francesca is trying to catch Kowalski before he goes.

FRANCESCA: Ray. Ray? Ray!
FRASER: Can I help you, Francesca?
FRANCESCA: You want this? [She hands him a printout.]
FRASER: What is it?
FRANCESCA: I don't know, it's from some computer place, information on some serial numbers Ray sent them.
FRASER: [reading it] It's the detonator from the bomb.
FRANCESCA: Yeah, whatever.
FRASER: The main circuit board came from a prototype.
FRANCESCA: So is that good?
FRASER: Well, there were only three prototypes made. They never left the factory, so it stands to reason that our bomber works at the factory. Do you think you can get me a list of all the employees?
FRANCESCA: Yeah, sure, Frase. [She heads back to the squad room.]
FRASER: Thank you kindly. Lieutenant, did Alderman Orsini actually confess to the bombing?
WELSH: No, he said he had nothing to do with it.
FRASER: I'm inclined to believe him.
WELSH: Because?
FRASER: Well, for one thing, if Ray and I hadn't intervened, he'd have been vaporized.
WELSH: Perhaps he was counting on you to intervene.
FRASER: Well, perhaps, but unlikely. I think actually we're dealing with another bomber.

Fraser catches on unusually quickly, for him, that Kowalski was offering Stella rather than himself a lift home. And then: police work!

Scene 26

Kowalski and Stella are walking down the hallway in her building again.

KOWALSKI: Ah, maybe I should come in.
STELLA: I don't know. We're dangerous.
KOWALSKI: That's a fact.
STELLA: Okay. For a few minutes.

Dwayne is lurking at a door they pass by on their way to Stella's. They take no notice of him, but once they've gone by he turns around to watch them.

Dun dun DUN, it is Chekov's Wife-Beater. Although look, Diane was thanking Stella so much in scene 24, which sure suggested to me that they'd won the case against Dwayne, which in turn would have suggested to me that he'd be doing some time by now. What's he doing out of jail and skulking around Stella's building already? . . . Tangentially, while I like the way Rennie and Loder are playing this relationship between people who have known each other for 25 years even though we've only known him for a cumulative couple of hours and her for less than half that, so I appreciate the vaguely flirty playing-the-game tone in which she says "I don't know, we're dangerous," wasn't she in fact sort of serious about Orsini? And is she not rattled at all by the fact that he was arrested on the courthouse steps and turned out to be covered in slime? Put another way, I like how she's playing against Kowalski in particular, but I don't understand her attitude in general right now.

Scene 27

Back at the station, Francesca brings a printout to Fraser at Kowalski's desk.

FRANCESCA: Hey, Frase, I go that list you wanted.
FRASER: Ah, thank you kindly. [He looks at it, with Francesca reading over his shoulder.] Oh, dear.

He grabs the phone.

We know the answers our heroes are only just finding, but it's okay, because they're not taking forever about it.

Scene 28

In Stella's apartment, the 1997est phone ever rings. (God, remember when everything was transparent?) Stella has taken off her suit jacket, and Kowalski is poking at her stereo.

STELLA: Well, whoever it is can wait.

Kowalski presses a button. Music cue: "De Cara a la Pared" by Lhasa de Sela. The phone is still ringing.

KOWALSKI: Boom.
STELLA: Oh — [laughs] — not that again.
KOWALSKI: [does a couple of dance-like steps over to her] Come on. [He pulls her into his arms.]
STEREO: ♫ Llorando, de cara a la pared. ♫
STELLA: [pushes his jacket out of the way, pokes at his holster] Need that?
STEREO: ♫ Se apaga la ciudad.

He takes his gun out of the holster and sets it on a side table. They wait for the next couple of beats, then start to rhumba.

STEREO: ♫ Llorando, y no hay màs. Muero quizas. Adonde estàs? ♫

They dance out onto the balcony.

KOWALSKI: Just like the first night I met you. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
STELLA: I was twelve.
KOWALSKI: And I wasn't wearing my glasses because I was too vain. Remember?
STELLA: Mm-hmm.
STEREO: ♫ Soñando, de cara a la pared. Se quema la ciudad. ♫
KOWALSKI: I could stay the night.
STELLA: You could.
KOWALSKI: Be perfect.
STELLA: It would be a mistake. You could stay, we could make love, and it would be great, like a thousand times before. But tomorrow we'd be right back where we were this morning. Maybe a couple more regrets.
STEREO: ♫ Soñando, sin respirar, te quiero amar, te quiero amar. (Instrumental) ♫
KOWALSKI: I love you.
STELLA: I love you, too. Always will. But you know I'm right.
KOWALSKI: No, but there could be, it's —
STELLA: [interrupts] I didn't say you couldn't stay.
KOWALSKI: Oh.

He smiles. She smiles. He kisses her.

STEREO: ♫ Rezando, de cara a la pared ♫

She kisses him back. They keep kissing. There is a knock at the door.

KOWALSKI: [into her mouth, he doesn't stop kissing her] Ignore that.
STELLA: Okay.

They keep kissing. They're not really dancing anymore.

STEREO: ♫ Se hunde la ciudad. Rezando ♫

Fraser, for it is he, knocks on the door again.

FRASER: Ray, Stella — I hate to intrude, but I can hear the music. I know you're in there. [He knocks again.] Ray!

Kowalski opens the door.

STEREO: ♫ Santa Maria, Santa Maria, Santa Maria
KOWALSKI: Fraser, this is the wrong moment for a visit. In fact, of all the wrong moments for a visit, this is the wrongest.
FRASER: No, Ray, I know this is, believe me. It's just that if Stella's life were not at risk, you know that I wouldn't —
KOWALSKI: Come on in. [He closes the door.]
FRASER: Ray.
KOWALSKI: [opens the door right back up] Sorry. Come on in.

Kowalski and Stella kissing is hot, I don't know what else to tell you. This is a couple who know how to kiss each other, and I'm impressed, because like I said, we haven't had a lot of time to get to know him and even less to get to know her. I'm not, like, emotionally invested in their relationship, the way one was with Fraser and Victoria, and I agree it's probably not a good idea for him to stay and go to bed with her tonight, but they're making me believe they have a long history together, which is good work on the actors' part.

The song they're dancing to was released in 1997, so if he's played it enough for her to be sick of it, they can't have been apart for very long at all, can they? The lyrics translate to "Weeping, face to the wall, the city shuts down; weeping, and there is nothing more, perhaps I die, and where are you? Dreaming, face to the wall, the city burns; dreaming, without breathing, I want to love you, I want to love you. Praying, face to the wall, the city sinks; praying, Santa Maria, Santa Maria, Santa Maria."

Scene 29

Fraser is in Stella's living room with Stella and Kowalski. They've turned off the music.

FRASER: Dwayne Weston worked for ADMT Computers, which means that the bomb was intended for Stella.
KOWALSKI: They're picking up Weston?
FRASER: They're looking for him now.
KOWALSKI: So we should get Stella out of here before —
FRASER: My thoughts exactly.

Kowalski looks at his gun on the side table but doesn't go right over to pick it up for some reason. Fraser opens the door to lead Stella out into the hall, and Dwayne is right there pointing a gun in their faces.

DWAYNE: Get back.
STELLA: Ray! [She and Fraser do in fact back away as they're told.]
DWAYNE: Back inside. Stay back.
KOWALSKI: Drop the gun.
DWAYNE: Shut up! I'll kill you all now.
KOWALSKI: What do you want, what do you want?
DWAYNE: Stay back. I want my wife back! [He sets a device on a table.] She turned my wife against me. She ruined everything. [The timer on the bomb is counting down from 111 seconds. Kowalski is keeping Stella behind him. Dwayne is pointing the gun at them and at Fraser in turn.] Once she's gone, everything will be the way it used to be.
KOWALSKI: No, no, you can't erase it like that. You — the things that were said, the things that weren't said — when it's over, it's over. You got to accept that. And live with it. That's what you gotta —
DWAYNE: Shut up!
KOWALSKI: — you shut up! That's what —

Fraser knocks the gun out of Dwayne's hand and knocks Dwayne to the floor. Stella squeaks. Kowalski grabs Dwayne's gun and points it at him.

KOWALSKI: Twitch, I shoot you. Go ahead, twitch.
STELLA: Ray, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb!

Fraser and Kowalski both look at the bomb. Fraser gets up and grabs it and runs to the balcony. Kowalski detains Dwayne.

KOWALSKI: Over! Hands behind your back. Hands behind your back. [Fraser is looking at the timer on the bomb.] Fraser, what are you doing? Throw it!
FRASER: Well, although it's illegal, Ray, it's not uncommon to see frustrated fisherman resort to desperate measures to reach their daily limit.
KOWALSKI: What are you talking about?
FRASER: Well, apparently in this method of fishing, timing is everything.
KOWALSKI: What?

Fraser watches the timer count from 10 seconds down to three seconds, then flings the bomb up as high over his head as he can and ducks. It explodes like a firework.

In case you're interested, the time between when the bomb shows 110 seconds and when the bomb shows 3 seconds is . . . 45 seconds.

Scene 30

Huey and some uniforms are leading Dwayne away past Fraser. Kowalski and Stella are hugging; she kisses him on the cheek and goes back into her apartment. Kowalski comes over to Fraser.

KOWALSKI: Maybe I should go home.
FRASER: Stella will be all right?
KOWALSKI: Yeah, she'll be just fine by herself. [They walk away from her door.]
FRASER: Want to get something to eat?
KOWALSKI: Nah, Fraser, I think I'd like to be alone.
FRASER: I understand. You know, Ray, what you said to Weston about not being able to go back. Did you, did you mean that?
KOWALSKI: Ah . . . nah, I was lying.
FRASER: Because you had a gun pointed to your head?
KOWALSKI: Yeah.
FRASER: Well, you know, I understand. Or, as you might say, I, I overstand — [Fraser has turned left to get to the elevators. Kowalski does not, but he turns left a little bit later, so when Fraser comes back after a moment, he doesn't see where Kowalski's got to.] Huh.

Fraser goes back to the elevators.

Look, the guy said he wanted to be alone, what do you expect?

Scene 31

Fraser is listening at the closet door in his office where it sounds like someone is singing (singing "Watching the Apples Grow" by Stan Rogers). Thatcher comes down the stairs and into his office.

THATCHER: Fraser. The results are in. All in all, quite encouraging. Not surprisingly, my psychological profile was rock solid. Turnbull's mental state, however, was likened to a block of Swiss cheese, but that's hardly news.
FRASER: And me, sir?
THATCHER: Acceptable.
FRASER: Well, I'm relieved to hear that, sir. [Especially because he is literally hearing voices at this very moment.] Ah — [He clears his throat.] — you don't by any chance happen to hear somebody singing, do you? [Thatcher's smile falters just a bit, and she takes a deep breath and leaves the room. Fraser speaks to Diefenbaker.] You know, there are times I wish you weren't deaf.

There is definitely someone singing in the closet. Fraser opens it up; a sort of tinkling bell chimes. Bob Fraser is sitting at a desk in a handsome wood-paneled room with a fire burning in an iron stove.

BOB FRASER: Come on in. Shut the door, it's cold out there.
FRASER: [doing as he's told] In actual fact, it's twenty-two degrees Celsius.
BOB FRASER: What's that in real temperature? [The wind is howling, and there are other nature sounds as well.]
FRASER: It's, uh — [He looks around.] How, how did — when — what is this?
BOB FRASER: It's my office! [Fraser nods as if he understands.] And I haven't been getting enough work done, either.
FRASER: I wasn't aware you had work.
BOB FRASER: Well, there you go, you haven't been listening.

Thatcher has come back to Fraser's office and found he is not there, but she can hear his voice from inside the closet.

FRASER: You know, Dad, since, ah — [Thatcher steps over to the closet.] — since you're here — [She presses her ear to the closet door.] Did you ever have a partner who needed your help, but you — you didn't know how to help him?
BOB FRASER: Yeah. Yeah, there was the time Clete Brocklemeyer got stuck down a forty-foot crevasse and I only had a twenty-foot rope. That the kind of thing you're talking about?
FRASER: No, no, I was, I was thinking more along the lines of trouble with, uh — [He cracks his neck.] — a woman.
BOB FRASER: [cracks his neck] All right. We threw Snuffy Briggs in a snowbank a couple of times to cool his ardor. First time it didn't work. Second time he got pneumonia, and took him out of circulation for a month.
FRASER: That's a great help, Dad.
BOB FRASER: Good.

He goes back to his paperwork. Thatcher listens more closely at the door.

FRASER: You know, Dad, on another subject, just, just what kind of — [Thatcher opens the closet door. Fraser is standing among the coats talking to the back wall of the closet. Thatcher stares at him with her mouth open.] Perhaps the tests need some refining.
THATCHER: Perhaps.

22C is a little less than 72F, and I'm sort of exhaustedly amused that Bob is so firmly pre-metric even though Canada was converted well before he died.

So Bob-as-Fraser's-subconscious is back, and he's installed Narnia or something like it behind the clothes in Fraser's office closet. That's a little more involved than he's been before, though he has been threatening it since the season premiere. Thatcher is now convinced Fraser has a screw loose, which was probably inevitable, but not likely to be helpful to his career.

Scene 32

Kowalski is at home. Music cue: "De Cara a la Pared" by Lhasa de Sala. He gets up from an easy chair and dances idly around his living room.

Rezando
De cara a la pared
Se hunde la ciudad

Now Stella is in Kowalski's arms, now she isn't.

Rezando
Santa Maria
Santa Maria
Santa Maria

Kowalski remembers dancing with Stella. He remembers leaning down to kiss her. He is back home alone in his apartment, not dancing, just sitting in the open window.

N'aww, so poor Ray Kowalski is not really okay yet, is he.

The title of the episode is from the saying "politics makes strange bedfellows," meaning you'd be surprised what sort of people will get together when they have a shared political interest. It doesn't really seem to make much sense with respect to this episode, but the references-to-other-things titles often don't, do they?; we just need to take them at face value: Kowalski doesn't like that his ex-wife is sleeping with an alderman. (The aphorism actually originated, as so many aphorisms do, in Shakespeare, where in The Tempest Trinculo says "misery acquaints a man with strange bed-fellows" (II:ii). He means it literally, where he decides he has to huddle up with the foul-smelling Caliban in a storm, but you may also consider who in this episode is miserable and whom their strange, that is, unexpected, bedfellows might turn out to be. 🤔 )

Cumulative body count: 24 (a fair amount of peril in this episode, but nobody dies)
Red uniform: The whole time

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