return to due South: season 4 episode 8 (or season 3 episode 21) "Good for the Soul"

[fox]

Good for the Soul
air date December 16, 1998

Scene 1

Fraser and Diefenbaker are in a mall atrium or food court in front of a Christmas display with lit trees, possibly a nutcracker (or, on closer inspection, a monkey playing cymbals), and a stuffed polar bear with a ruff around its neck playing a snare drum. Diefenbaker is sitting and looking at it unhappily; Fraser is crouched down to speak to him as if he were a child.

FRASER: No, I assure you, it is a polar bear. [Diefenbaker doesn't like it.] Well, he lives in a mall. You keep eating those pizzas, we'll see how you look inside of a year. [Diefenbaker growls. Fraser stands up as Kowalski joins them.]
KOWALSKI: Got it. Last death ray gun in the store. Almost had to flatten this lady from Oak Park to get it.
FRASER: Ah. Who's it for?
KOWALSKI: I don't know. Desk sergeant's kid. Maybe I'll keep it for myself. It's pretty cool. Watch. [He turns 360 degrees, firing the ray gun around the atrium. Nobody nearby is in any way scared or in fact takes any notice at all, in a scene that they could only make that way because Columbine was still four months in the future. The thing makes a repeating machine-gun noise and also has a speaker that shouts some words I can't make out.]
FRASER: That's really irritating, Ray. [That's one word for it.]
KOWALSKI: Well, you didn't get anything.
FRASER: Well, no, I tend to — well, I prefer to make my own presents. [He steps over to a booth where a guy is selling stuffed animals.] Oh, my, look at this. Look at this. This is nice.
GUY SELLING STUFFED ANIMALS: Gentleman has a good eye.
FRASER: [picks up part of the display] How much for, uh — how much for this? [Kowalski shakes his head in exasperation.]
GUY SELLING STUFFED ANIMALS: It's a log.
FRASER: Yes. Ah, would five dollars be sufficient?
GUY SELLING STUFFED ANIMALS: Yeah, sure.
FRASER: Right. Here you are. Merry Christmas.
GUY SELLING STUFFED ANIMALS: Merry Christmas.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, it's a log.
FRASER: [pleased with his purchase] Marvelous log.
A VOICE FROM NEARBY: I'm so sorry —
ANGRY MAN: Hey! Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing? You got water all over my damn suit. [The angry voice belongs to an angry man who throws what's left of the water in the glass in the face of the busboy who had spilled it and already apologized.]
FRASER: [running toward the restaurant, which isn't far] Excuse me, sir. I'm sure this young man meant no harm.
ANGRY MAN: [as the busboy dabs at his suit with a napkin] If I was you, I'd walk away.
FRASER: Well, happily, as soon as you apologize to this man. [The busboy is backing away and being very conciliatory.]
ANGRY MAN: [laughs in his face] I don't apologize to anybody ever.
FRASER: Well, perhaps now would be a good time to start.
ANGRY MAN: Yeah? You want an apology?
A VOICE FROM NEARBY (BUSBOY): No — [The angry man backhands him across the face.]
FRASER: Very well. You'll have to come with me. I'm performing a citizen's arrest. [He moves to detain the angry man.]
ANGRY MAN: Ha. [He pushes Fraser.] Get out of the way —

Fraser grabs the angry man's arm and pulls it behind him. One of his companions tries to stop him, and Fraser knocks him down. The angry man's other companion pulls a gun, bringing Fraser up short. Kowalski comes running.

KOWALSKI: Chicago PD. Drop the gun. [The guy looks at him but doesn't move.] On the table. Drop the gun. Am I going too fast for you?
GUN: [slowly putting the gun on the table] I got a permit.
KOWALSKI: Shut up. On the table. Get on the ground. All of you, on the ground.
ANGRY MAN: [getting down on the ground] You got any idea who I am?
FRASER: No, but I'm sure you'll soon tell me.
RESTAURANT MANAGER: [groveling over Angry Man] Mr. Warfield, I am sorry — Tommy, he's sorry —
KOWALSKI: Warfield?
RESTAURANT MANAGER: Look, look, please. This is just all a misunderstanding.
BUSBOY (TOMMY): It was all my fault.
RESTAURANT MANAGER: Look, we don't want any trouble here. Gentlemen, please. No trouble.
FRASER: It wasn't your fault. You made a mistake, and this man committed a crime.

Actually what happened was that Tommy made a mistake; Warfield was rude and mean, which is not a crime; Fraser interfered; and then Warfield committed a crime. So I know whose fault I think that assault was. (Being clear: Warfield's, of course, because he's the one who did it, but I don't think he'd have done it if Fraser had minded his own goddamn business, because even as an officer of the law, you can't make someone apologize for being an asshole, as being an asshole is not illegal.)

KOWALSKI: Fraser. [He and Fraser step aside.] You know who that is?
FRASER: Well, apparently his name is Warfield —
KOWALSKI: He's one of the biggest Mob bosses in Chicago.
FRASER: Oh.

The restaurant manager is helping Warfield on with his coat. Warfield is glaring at Fraser.

Kowalski has new glasses, and they are better than the old ones. Fraser can't seem to sort out when he's able to make a citizen's arrest and when he's not.

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.

(plus Draco the dog)

Dean McDermott, Anne Marie Loder, Charles Dennis, Donald Carrier, Marc Brandon Daniel, and Alan Scarfe as Wilson Warfield

Scene 2

Fraser is still in the restaurant, still toting his log, speaking to the patrons and staff.

FRASER: Ladies and gentlemen, we greatly appreciate your cooperation, we thank you for your patience. Now, all of you were witness to a crime, and if you'll be so kind as to step forward one by one, we'll be very happy to take your statements. [Nobody moves. Fraser turns to Kowalski.] Apparently no one saw anything.

I say again: What they saw was a situation that was under control until you came and shoved your oar in, Fraser. I'm not saying Warfield was right to yell at the busboy and throw water in his face for accidentally spilling water on him, but the dude hadn't actually done a crime in public until he was provoked by our hero. (I guess throwing water in the busboy's face is technically assault. But it's not the same as hitting him, as even Fraser would admit, because he didn't move in to arrest the guy when all he'd done was throw water.)

KOWALSKI: Really? Fraser, I am shocked and amazed.
FRASER: Anything, ladies and gentlemen, anything that you remember at all. Anything.
WAITER: What'd be the point?
FRASER: The point would be justice.
WAITER: Where the hell do you come from?
KOWALSKI: Canada. And zeal's a big thing up there. So this is definitely a zeal thing —
WAITER: Yeah, well, maybe there they got justice. Here, we got brains.
FRASER: This victim was a fellow employee, a friend of yours. I can't believe that none of you are willing to make a statement. [general silence] Ladies and gentlemen, I, I really don't mean to be condescending, but justice cannot exist in a democracy without the support and cooperation of an informed citizenry. If you let this man walk away from his crimes, you not only let down this entire city, but you encourage him to continue in his criminal endeavors.
OLDER WAITER: Maybe we're afraid.
FRASER: Of what?
OLDER WAITER: Warfield.
FRASER: There's nothing to be afraid of. There are laws.

And bro, have you been paying attention for the past five years? You live in a cop show. Come on. 🙄

OLDER WAITER: Not working too good as far as I can see.
FRASER: Well, they will work, if you all do your part. [Nobody says boo.] I thank you kindly for your time.

I don't want to seem like I'm pro–mob boss or pro-asshole or anything. This is an anti-asshole blog. And we do live in a society, and the kind of small-L libertarian everyone-mind-your-own-business of it all is how assholes flourish. So Fraser is right in his statements at the end of the scene, and he was arguably right to try to step in when Warfield was being an asshole in the first place. But I can't get over the feeling that he's being incredibly sanctimonious (Fraser? surely not!) about people's unwillingness to give statements about a crime that would not have occurred if he hadn't got involved. The busboy said he didn't want an apology! Warfield hit the busboy because Fraser insisted he apologize! Again: Warfield is clearly the asshole and the offender here, but Fraser is the motivator.

Scene 3

Welsh comes into the police station, the front desk area of which is packed with reporters.

FIRST REPORTER: Lieutenant, I hear you have Willie Warfield locked up.
WELSH: Look, I just got here, I don't know what's happening yet.
SECOND REPORTER: Do you think you finally have something that'll stick to Slick Willie?
WELSH: A couple of my best men brought him in. If they believe they have something, I've got to believe them.
FIRST REPORTER: What are you charging him with?

Welsh goes back into the station while front desk staff keep the reporters from following him.

"Slick Willie" is a common nickname for dudes who (a) are public figures with (b) names that start with Wil- and (c) somehow manage to avoid a lot of the trouble they ought to get into.

Scene 4

Welsh is sitting at his desk taking Fraser and Kowalski's report.

WELSH: Slapping a busboy? You brought Warfield in here for slapping a busboy?
FRASER: Yes, sir. Is that a problem?
WELSH: It's a nothing beef, Constable. He's already walked on four murder one and conspiracy charges. Think he's gonna go down for spitting on the sidewalk?
FRASER: Well, no, sir, I think he's going to go down, as you put it, for assault.
WELSH: The kid won't even press charges.
FRASER: Well, but we both witnessed it.
WELSH: Detective, would you explain to the constable how the system works? All right? I gotta go deal with a high-priced lawyer. [He leaves the office.]
KOWALSKI: Lieutenant's right, Fraser.
FRASER: That's an explanation?
KOWALSKI: No, it goes, uh a little something like this. Um, Warfield's a big Mob guy. [He turns and leaves the office, explanation over.]
FRASER: [following him] Whom I'd assume you'd like to see in jail.
KOWALSKI: Whom we'd love to see in jail, and we've been trying to put him there for years.
FRASER: Well, we witnessed a crime. This would seem to be the ideal opportunity to arr— [Kowalski holds up a hand.] — what?

Provoked! You provoked a crime! Isn't that entrapment? (I can't tell whether he was about to say it's the ideal opportunity to arrest Warfield or to arraign him for something that might stick.)

KOWALSKI: Two words. Two words. Money and connections.
FRASER: He is a criminal.
KOWALSKI: Look, we witnessed a slap in the face. The kid's not gonna sign anything, so we have no complaint. Warfield has no priors, 'cause he's never been convicted. And, ah, he's got lawyers that get paid more in one hour than we make in a week. This is never going to court.
FRASER: Because he's rich and he's powerful.
KOWALSKI: You were paying attention.
FRASER: It's wrong.
KOWALSKI: It's wrong. It's very, very wrong. But that's the world we live in. That's the system we work under.
FRASER: Yeah, but this is the problem, Ray. It shouldn't be about a system. It should be about justice.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, in a perfect world, in a perfect world, in a truly perfect world. And have you seen one of those around here lately, Fraser? 'Cause I know I — [Fraser has scowled and gone back the other way.] Fraser, don't get all moody.

Benton Fraser has been a cop for more than 15 years. It simply defies belief that the fact that the system is rigged and often unjust is news to him.

Scene 5

Francesca is putting a topper on the Christmas tree in the squad room.

DEWEY: Frannie, what the hell's that?
FRANCESCA: It's my Santa Claus. I made him in art class.
DEWEY: You took a class to make that?

Diefenbaker and Ante the dog are sitting together under the tree when Francesca gets down off her ladder.

FRANCESCA: Wish someone would look at me like that. Hi, Fraser.
FRASER: Hi, Francesca.
FRANCESCA: How do you like the Christmas tree?
FRASER: Well, it's very nice.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. And the, and the Santa?
FRASER: Very Santa-like.
FRANCESCA: I made it in art class.
FRASER: Ah.
FRANCESCA: Hey, did you get a name off the, uh, tree yet?
FRASER: I beg your pardon?
FRANCESCA: Well, we're exchanging gifts at the end of the week, you know, for whatever name you get.
FRASER: Ah. [He takes a name. Francesca goes back to her desk, and Fraser steps over to where Tommy the busboy is sitting.] Excuse me. Tommy?
TOMMY: Why don't you just take a gun out and shoot me now?
FRASER: Well, that would be homicide, Tommy. And what I imagine you're actually suggesting is that Mr. Warfield would have you killed if you filed a complaint.
TOMMY: I'm not suggesting nothing about nothing. Nothing happened. I didn't see nothing, nobody hit me, I wasn't even there.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. This is his statement. [She holds up a blank piece of paper.]
FRASER: There were a number of witnesses who saw him strike you.
TOMMY: [looks around the squad room] What witnesses?
FRASER: Well, unfortunately, we were unable to persuade them to come in.
TOMMY: I wonder why?
FRASER: I saw him strike you.
TOMMY: Well, you've got bad eyesight as far as I'm concerned. Can I go now?
FRASER: Yes.

Tommy leaves the squad room. In the hallway he sees Warfield and panics for a second before ducking down the stairs. Warfield points at Fraser as he and Welsh and his lawyer and Kowalski come in.

ANGRY MAN (WARFIELD): Make sure you spell his name right.
KOWALSKI: In the harassment suit. He's already named the Chicago PD, Lieutenant Welsh, and me.
WARFIELD: Hey, did I miss anybody?
WELSH: Come on, Warfield, you know it's just a nuisance lawsuit.
LAWYER: Mr. Warfield's been arrested four times by this department, Lieutenant, and four times he's been exonerated by a jury of his peers. Now, if that's not a clear pattern of harassment, I don't know what is.
KOWALSKI: It's a clear pattern of being mobbed up. [He follows Welsh, Warfield, the lawyer, and two more of Warfield's guys into Welsh's office. Fraser tries to follow Kowalski, but Welsh closes the door in his face.] He pays people off, he kills witnesses.
WARFIELD: Hey.
GUN: Hey, lawyer, isn't that defamation of character? How'd you like a little lawsuit of your own?
KOWALSKI: I'm sorry, Mr. Scumbag, I missed that. You want what? A kick in the teeth?
WELSH: Ah, Detective, please.
LAWYER: You know, Lieutenant, this particular charge is so ridiculous, it doesn't even bear discussing. Now, maybe if you dropped the charges against Mr. Warfield, we could forgo the legal action.
KOWALSKI: Hey, scumbag, maybe you'd like a kick in the teeth.
WELSH: Ah, Detective, please. You got some paperwork you gotta do or something, please? [He shows Kowalski out of his office. Fraser steps in while the door is open.]
FRASER: Mr. Warfield.
LAWYER: [to Warfield] Not a word.
FRASER: You know what you did is wrong. [Warfield chuckles.]
WELSH: Constable, please. I think you've done enough already.
FRASER: Yes, sir.

Fraser leaves the office again, unhappy.

I'm unhappy that Welsh is the only person acknowledging that Fraser had any causal relationship to this incident.

Scene 6

Francesca is on the phone at her desk. She's got a snow globe on top of her computer monitor and other decorations around the place.

FRANCESCA: Oh, yeah, I don't, I don't think I could do that. I'll have to let you know. Okay. [She hangs up.]
FRASER: Something wrong, Francesca?
FRANCESCA: No, it's, ah, my art class. Next term we're, we're supposed to study nudes, and I just really don't think I could be in a class with anybody nude.
FRASER: Well, you know, Francesca, as beautiful and natural as the human body is, I — I understand completely what you mean. [He changes the subject.] I wonder if you could help me with some information.
FRANCESCA: Sure, what's up?
FRASER: I need to know everything you have on Mr. Warfield. His prior arrests, surveillance reports, known accomplices, whether he poses in the nude.
FRANCESCA: [looks at Fraser, shocked, then has an epiphany] Was — was that a joke?
FRASER: [straight face] Yes.
FRANCESCA: [laughing] Oh! That was so good!
FRASER: [smiling] Oh. Thank you.

They get back to work.

That last bit is just adorable. Look how Fraser glances at Francesca for the merest second—blink and you'll miss it—after "whether he poses in the nude" to see if his joke is going to land but is all business when she looks at him. And she is absolutely astonished for the moment before she realizes oh my God it turns out Fraser made a joke! at work! (about nudity! to Francesca!) because he actually does have a sense of humor! ❤️

Scene 7

A car drives up and a guy opens the back door to let Warfield out.

DOORMAN: Mr. Warfield.

Warfield steps up to a club door where a line of people are waiting.

WARFIELD: Let the young ladies in.
DOORMAN (BOUNCER): Certainly, sir. [Several young women go into the club.]
OTHER VOICES IN THE LINE: Aw, come on, Mr. Warfield! We've been waiting here for hours.

The doorman closes the door and then turns to Fraser, who is also in the line.

BOUNCER: Man, you are out there!
FRASER: [looks around and then realizes who the doorman is speaking to] Oh, me.
BOUNCER: The outfit? Lots of people do some nutso stuff to get in here, but that is beyond belief.
FRASER: Well, I believe there were a number of people ahead of me. These two gentlemen, for example, this fellow here —
BOUNCER: Look, you want to get in or not?
FRASER: Very well. [as he goes past others in line] I'm — I'm terribly sorry —
OTHER VOICES IN LINE: Wait a sec, who am I? I'm outta here.

Ah! A costume party, is it? Well, it sounds like good clean fun.

Scene 8

Fraser comes into the club. Music cue: "On Wid Da Show" by Kardinall Offishall. Fraser and a woman do the dance of trying to get out of each other's way.

FRASER: Oh, I'm sorry, I'll go right —
WOMAN: Excuse me —
FRASER: — you go left — left —
WOMAN: Oh —
FRASER: Thank you kindly.

He steps down to the dance floor, looks around for a moment, and starts making his way through the crowd.

MUSIC: ♫ It was a cool and lonely Offishall style that coerced her to smile, chalk another to the file, quest for breasts, my intent to impress the mistress, so cess broke the ice like Gretzky, I told she give me your signature or number, lumber could follow if I check you tomorrow who, ate, simply went to my date's now my belle's apparatus is switched the player status with the baddest appeal. Why spoil the king's night, eat chicken at three and the skin at four o'clock. Cool, again I reach the girl's door. ♫
WOMAN ON THE DANCE FLOOR: Whoa, handsome. Wanna dance?

Fraser hands his hat to someone nearby, twirls the woman a couple of times, spins her off across the dance floor, takes his hat back, and continues on his way.

MUSIC: ♫ Just call me FT 'cause her birthday suit is saw, hit the floor in a hearts swift motion, lotion the skin and like caress all me, in the cup (what), arm in the cup (what), hittin' that spot that's G, you know I do your head sheet. That the hit was a nap and the biggest episode took five minutes for the cannon to explode. She said do you love me and I said no, then she slapped my face I grabbed her and said ho, do that again and your story gets told. To stick it in was nice, but yo I'll get more. ♫

Fraser reaches the guys guarding the back room.

FRASER: Ah, gentlemen. I wonder if one of you'd be so kind as to use your wireless radio frequency communication devices to let Mr. Warfield know that Constable Benton Fraser is here to see him.
GOON: You know the boss?
FRASER: We have met, yes.

Warfield is in a back bar. A guy calls him on the radio.

MUSIC:♫ 'Cause Offishall's out for mine and then some, I hit some and leave some then on wid da show. Word up. ♫
GOON: Mr. Warfield, we got a guy out here in a red suit says he knows you.
WARFIELD: You're kidding me. The Mountie? Nuts. Let him in.

Out in the club area, the guys nod to Fraser.

MUSIC: ♫ One for the money and two's for my bros, and three is for the cause, pause, and four is for the tricks and stuff. Wanna bang with us, and again for the dough, yo, on wid da show. ♫
FRASER: Thank you kindly.

He heads down a small hallway to the back.

I wonder what the point is of Fraser saying "use your wireless radio frequency communication devices" instead of something like "call." Is he hoping to confuse the goons enough that they'll give him what he wants? It's clear that they do understand him, and in all the time he's been living in Chicago he hasn't managed to out-lingo anyone, so . . . ?

Scene 9

The back bar area is much quieter; it is Warfield's office. He sits behind his desk.

WARFIELD: Okay, you're in. What do you want?
FRASER: I've come to ask you to confess to the assault charge.
WARFIELD: Confess. You want me to confess?
FRASER: Yes.
WARFIELD: That's a joke, right?
FRASER: Well, I think you'll feel better.
WARFIELD: I feel fine.
FRASER: Well, possibly, but I think you would discover there's a lot of truth in the old aphorism that confession is good for the soul.
WARFIELD: Confession is good for losers. This an official police visit or what?
FRASER: No, I have no jurisdiction here. I'm simply trying to see that justice is done.
WARFIELD: So. You walk in here, to my place of business, you insult me to my face, but you're doing it on your own time? Is that what you're telling me? [He has stepped right up to Fraser and is blowing cigar smoke in his face.]
FRASER: Well, I don't see that an appeal to your sense of justice is an insult. But on balance you are correct.
WARFIELD: Get him out of here! And make sure he don't come back.
FRASER: I think you will discover that I don't dissuade easily.
WARFIELD: Well, dissuade him hard.
GUN: He's a cop, Willie.
WARFIELD: I know what he is.
FRASER: I think what your man is suggesting is that it's uncommon for organized crime to use violence on police officers.
GUN: He's got a point. We don't need the heat.
WARFIELD: Do it!
GUN: [rolls his eyes] Come on. [He and a tough guy show Fraser out of the office, where he talks to one of the guards in the club.] Richie, you and Johnny see this gentleman out.

Richie and Johnny come to get Fraser.

He's picking a fight. This is just not the same as going after a guy for overfishing or running a protection racket or littering or etc.

Scene 10

Richie and Johnny chuck Fraser out the door of the club into the alley and come at him. Fraser dodges Richie, and he lands in a pile of garbage bags. Johnny comes at him swinging; Fraser punches him in the face. Richie gets up and pulls a gun, pressing it to Fraser's chest.

RICHIE: Now I'm gonna do this.
KOWALSKI: I got a better idea. [He comes up behind Richie with his own gun drawn.] Drop the gun. Chicago PD. Up against the wall.
FRASER: Been expecting you, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Huh?
FRASER: I'm glad you came.

And I don't know on what basis Fraser had been expecting Kowalski to turn up. Did Kowalski even know he was at the club?

Scene 11

Fraser and Kowalski are escorting Richie and Johnny, in handcuffs, along the alley.

KOWALSKI: What were you thinking? Welsh told you to stay out of this, I told you to stay out of this, next thing I know you're in a punch-up with a couple of Warfield's goons.
RICHIE: Goons? Ain't no damn goons.
FRASER: I don't feel I had a choice, Ray.
RICHIE: Actually, we're licensed security agents, pal.
JOHNNY: I have a diploma in hospitality services. We do not appreciate being called goons!
KOWALSKI: [opening the car for them] You always had a choice, Fraser.
JOHNNY: You could be looking at a lawsuit.
KOWALSKI: You could be looking at my fist, you don't put a sock in it.
RICHIE: That's intimidation.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, I hope so. Get in the car. [to Fraser] Look, you had a choice to, you could have stayed at the consulate, you could have stayed at the station, or, or, or —
FRASER: Ray, I was hoping to be able to convince Mr. Warfield to do the right thing.
KOWALSKI: He's a wise guy. He's never done the right thing in his entire life.
FRASER: Well, maybe now is the time to start.

Richie and Johnny burst out laughing. Fraser and Kowalski look at each other for a moment and then thump the roof of the car.

Richie and Johnny, like the cigar smugglers in "Eclipse," remind me of the enlightened liberal cops in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I guess the throughline is that you never know what someone else, even the "bad guy," is up against, which isn't the worst message ever.

Scene 12

Francesca steps up a ladder in the station hallway.

FRANCESCA: Okay, Dief. Wreath? [Diefenbaker puts his forepaws on the ladder so she can reach him to take the wreath from around his neck.] Thank you.
WELSH: Ms. Vecchio, don't you think you're overdoing it a little bit?
FRANCESCA: I'm just trying to make the place look festive, sir.
WELSH: Police station's not a shopping mall.
FRANCESCA: It's only once a year!
WELSH: [grumbling his way back to his office] Thank God. More murders, more suicides, families tearing each other's throats out, pork differential between what you take in and what you put out, fat guys in red suits . . .

Fraser and Kowalski return to the station. When Fraser turns around from sending Richie and Johnny to holding with Kowalski, he sees that Tommy and the older waiter from the restaurant are there.

OLDER WAITER: Constable Fraser, can we talk?
FRASER: Of course. Ah, perhaps somewhere private. [He leads them down the hall.]
OLDER WAITER: Me and Tommy have been thinking about what you said. About justice and all.
TOMMY: Just thinking is all. [They go into an interview room and Fraser closes the door.]
OLDER WAITER: We do this testify thing, we — we get protection?
FRASER: I'll do everything I can to ensure your safety.
OLDER WAITER: What does that mean?
FRASER: I can't pretend that this is without risks. Mr. Warfield is apparently a violent man —
TOMMY: See, I told you.
OLDER WAITER: And like I told you, guys have been pushing me around my whole damn life! Don't say nothin', you'll lose your job, don't say nothin', he'll kick your butt. Don't say nothin'. I'm an old man, and I still never said nothing. You don't want to be my age and feel like that.
TOMMY: We do this and I doubt I'll see twenty.
OLDER WAITER: The guy gonna kill ya for a slap in the face? He's smarter than that. So maybe you better stay out of it, and I'll be a witness. That work?
FRASER: It'll help.
OLDER WAITER: Let's get out of here.
TOMMY: Hang on. We get protection, right?

"I'll do what I can" is the most honest Fraser has been to a witness yet. Back in the day, he used to promise nothing bad would happen. Glad he finally learned not to do that.

Scene 13

Stella is in the station, and she is not happy.

STELLA: Protection? If Constable Fraser wants to offer protection, let the RCMP supply it.
KOWALSKI: Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think Yuletide is a great time to get shot in the head and dumped in the river.
STELLA: Ray, in the spirit of Christmas? Drop dead.
FRASER: December nineteen-sixty-three, breaking and entering. August nineteen-sixty-five, car theft. October nineteen-sixty-six, assault. December nineteen-sixty-six, robbery. Every charge dropped for one reason or another. It's not surprising Mr. Warfield thinks he's above the law. Perhaps if someone along the way had been willing to prosecute him, he might not have become the hardened criminal that he is today.
WELSH: I think it's a little late for that, Constable.
KOWALSKI: What about the assault charge on Fraser? Warfield called that. Can't we make that stick?
WELSH: Ah, they're claiming Fraser was drunk and disorderly.
KOWALSKI: Disorderly? His hair's not even disorderly.
FRASER: Well, it can be sometimes.
STELLA: They've got twelve witnesses who'll swear that he was threatening Warfield. Constable, no one gets convicted on a first-time assault that doesn't result in actual bodily harm. My God, you can practically beat someone to death in this city and not get convicted. I'm sorry. [She and Welsh and Kowalski head off.]
OLDER WAITER: You get our protection?
FRASER: In a manner of speaking, yes. Shall we?

Fraser takes Tommy and the Older Waiter down the hall. They pass Warfield coming into the squad room; he does a finger gun at Tommy and blows pretend smoke off the end of it.

TOMMY: He better have our protection.
FRASER: It's just a finger, son. It's not loaded.

"In a manner of speaking, yes" = "no." See also "That depends on how you define cheating" (= "yes, I cheat") and "what I told you was true, from a certain point of view" (= "I lied").

Scene 14

Fraser brings Tommy and the Older Waiter to the consulate, of course. He shows them into his office.

FRASER: Here we are.
OLDER WAITER: This is the safe house?
FRASER: Couldn't be safer. I also have several bedrolls here —
TOMMY: I thought we'd get a hotel room, like in the movies. Maybe a nice-looking policewoman would look after us.
FRASER: Well, here comes one now.
THATCHER: [coming in carrying a tray with a decanter and two glasses that are already filled] Fraser, I thought perhaps a little seasonal —
OLDER WAITER: Don't mind if I do. [He and Tommy each take one of the glasses.]
THATCHER: — cheer. [She steps in to speak quietly to Fraser.] What are you doing bringing homeless people here? It's Christmas, for God's sakes.

Well, if that isn't right on the nose. She's been stateside too long.

FRASER: I realize that, sir, but these friends of mine are — well, they're needy, and with your permission I thought they could stay here for the next couple of days.
THATCHER: This is the Canadian consulate, not a homeless shelter.
FRASER: Well, I understand that. Suffice it to say that there are issues of justice and individual liberty at play here. And it is Christmas.
THATCHER: My point exactly. I'll leave this to you for now, but tomorrow you, Turnbull, and I will sit down and discuss the decorations for the consulate. What color bulbs to use, the tinsel — oh, I found some fabulous gold ribbon for the tree. [She rolls her eyes.] And, of course, spirit of giving, peace on earth, blah, blah, blah. [She biffs off.]
OLDER WAITER: We gonna sleep here?
FRASER: Yes.
OLDER WAITER: No offense, but I'm getting a little too old to sleep on the floor. [Fraser hears wind howling in his closet.] Maybe I should go on home.
FRASER: Uh — well, I'm, ah — I'm not actually sure that that's, that's a good idea. [Now he can hear "Watching the Apples Grow" by Stan Rogers.]
OLDER WAITER: Dog snore?
FRASER: No. Well — yes. [Diefenbaker barks.] Well, you do. You know, perhaps you gentlemen could take him for a couple of laps in the hallway. He tends to sleep a much more soundly after a little exercise. Ah, Dief?

He waits for the three of them to go before slipping into his closet.

Scene 15

Fraser goes into the closet, that is, Bob Fraser's cabin, and scolds him.

FRASER: Dad, I have guests.
BOB FRASER: Well, pardon us for living.
FRASER: What, what's going on in here? [Bob has company also. All the old guys in the cabin are painting on easels.]
BOB FRASER: Well, the group are making up some gifts for the orphans. Brighten up their Christmas.
FRASER: You have orphans in the afterworld?

That children sometimes die cannot be news to Fraser. Maybe he's surprised that they haven't been reunited with their parents. But suppose their parents are still living in the material world? He shouldn't be scoffing at Bob in this manner.

BOB FRASER: Well, not really. They're just kind of lost. You know, the Group of Six have always been known for their charity.
FRASER: Dad, there was nev— there was a Group of Seven.
BOB FRASER: No, not in our group. Always six. Except for that one time we let in René Thibault, but he got into the turps. [Fraser turns off the record player.] So what are you hoping to get these wise men to do?
FRASER: Their duty.
BOB FRASER: Theirs or yours? You know, son, not everyone thinks the way you think. Not everyone has your dedication, your commitment, your, your — well, frankly, your rigidity.
FRASER: I'm only doing what you taught me.
BOB FRASER: Well, I've learned a few things since I died.
FRASER: Such as?
BOB FRASER: Well, I wish I'd spent more Christmases with you. And the branch that cannot bend must break.
FRASER: Are you saying I should give up on this?
BOB FRASER: No, of course not. Some trails are solitary and must be taken alone. [Someone knocks on the closet door.] That'll be for you.

Fraser nods and goes to answer the door, leaving Bob looking at the Christmas tree.

TOMMY: You okay?
FRASER: Yes. Yes, I just, ah, I can't seem to locate those darned Hudson blankets.

The topper on the Christmas tree is a Mountie with angel wings.

There are apparently several people named René Thibault, one of whom is currently LaFarge Holcim's Regional Head of North America, but more relevantly there's a Canadian artist by that name born in 1947.

I like the angel Mountie tree topper. I'm not sure what to make of Bob's advice to Fraser at this time. I guess this is Fraser realizing that forcing Tommy and the other guy to do "their duty" is maybe an overreach but not yet ready to decide to drop it himself, which is a shame.

Scene 16

Tommy points to the top shelf in the closet, where the blankets are practically falling on Fraser's head.

FRASER: Ah. Well. Eagle eye, son.
TOMMY: Ah, Turnbull said to give you this package.
FRASER: Ah, very good. [He takes the package and looks at the postmark.] Ah. The Yukon. [He opens it; it is another log.] Marvelous. Where's Frank?
TOMMY: Went home. Said there was no way he could sleep on the floor. [Fraser goes to his office door.] Said not to worry.
FRASER: Turnbull! [He turns back to Tommy.] Do you have Frank's address?
TOMMY: Sure, uh, four-fourteen Wilson Avenue.
TURNBULL: [appearing in the doorway wearing a cowboy hat with red tinsel garland around the band] Sir?
FRASER: You're out of uniform, Turnbull.
TURNBULL: Yes, I am. You see, I was upstairs, listening to my Clint Black Christmas album, getting in the festive spirit, if that's all right.
FRASER: I see. I want you to lock up after I go. You don't let anyone in until I return. I want you to guard this man with your life.
TURNBULL: Trouble, sir?
FRASER: Of a kind.
TURNBULL: Trouble's my middle name.
FRASER: Right. Well, Tommy, you're in good, uh — well — you're in hands.
TURNBULL: [as Fraser goes out] Sir. [He turns to Tommy when Fraser is gone.] You look like a natural baritone. Do you know the words to "Santa Drives a Pickup"? ♫ Oh, the elves topped up the gas tank, Santa climbed aboard. He turned that engine over on that sixty-seven Ford. ♫ [The banjo-picking part comes in.] ♫ Oh, Santa drives a pickup, the reindeers ride in back. Look out for that fat man, he'll be coming down your stack. ♫ [Turnbull starts clapping his hands like he's at a hoedown. Tommy can't believe this.] ♫ Oh, Santa drives a pickup — ♫ Come on! ♫ — the reindeer ride in back, look out for that fat man — ♫

What does a natural baritone look like, do you suppose? 🤨 ("Santa Drives a Pickup" is a real song by Paul Gross and David Keeley. I'm so sorry.)

Scene 17

The Older Waiter (Frank) is walking home. He realizes a car is following him. He looks around and a couple of guys come at him a little menacingly also. He starts to run. The two guys, who are much younger, also run. Fraser catches him.

OLDER WAITER (FRANK): Ah!
FRASER: You'll be all right. Gentlemen, I'm going to have to ask you to stop.
BIG GUY: Stop this!

Fraser punches the guy and knocks him down. The car honks its horn twice; the two guys run and get in the back seat and it drives away.

FRANK: I can't do this. I can't.
FRASER: I understand.
FRANK: I'm no hero. I'm sorry.
FRASER: It's all right. I'll walk you home.

Well, he didn't try to talk the guy into coming back to the consulate, so maybe Fraser is beginning to learn something.

Scene 18

In his office in the morning, Fraser is singing "Santa Drives a Pickup" under his breath and carving a wooden polar bear.

FRASER: ♫ . . . elves topped up the gas tank . . . Santa climbed aboard . . . turned the engine over . . . ♫ [Tommy sits up and looks blearily around.] Good morning. Sleep well?
TOMMY: The dog snores like Mike Ditka with a sinus condition.
FRASER: Yes, I know.
TOMMY: Did you find Frank?
FRASER: Yes.
TOMMY: Where is he?
FRASER: He said he had a sister in Waukegan. I believe he's staying with her.
TOMMY: He split?
FRASER: I'm afraid so.

Mike Ditka is still kicking it as the iconic former head coach of the Chicago Bears. By 1998 he was with the New Orleans Saints and stinking up the joint, but I assume he will always be a Chicago institution.

Scene 19

Fraser is at the police station.

DEWEY: What name did you get?
FRASER: I don't follow.
DEWEY: From the card tree. Who do you have to buy for?
FRASER: Oh — [He digs in his coat pocket.] — I believe it is — [He finds the slip and checks it.] — Ray.
DEWEY: Perfect. Let's trade.
FRASER: Trade?
DEWEY: Yeah, see, I got Welsh, and, uh, I can't buy for the lieutenant because, you see, I work for him. See, if I buy small, I'm a miser, if I buy big, then I'm kissing up to him. So it's lose-lose.
BOB FRASER: Office politics. Even at Christmas. Not for me, not in the good old days. Christmas Eve —
FRASER: [trying to ignore him] Well, you see —
BOB FRASER: — give me a wild open vista, a starry sky, and a good sled dog.
DEWEY: Come on, it's not that big of a deal.
FRASER: And what about, ah, me and Mother?
DEWEY: You mean my mother? Well, I'll just get her a couple of cases of hairspray. Listen, you see, Ray, on the other hand, is no threat to me. He has nothing, so he's easy to buy for. But the lieutenant, you don't even work for him, you can do whatever you want. It's win-win. [He trades name slips with Fraser.] Thanks.
FRASER: Very well. [He goes to where Bob is looking at the tree and clears his throat.] What are you doing?
BOB FRASER: Just wondering if my name was on a list here.
FRASER: I'd think that unlikely, since you are dead.
BOB FRASER: Huh. [They head out walking down the hall, eventually stopping where Francesca is back on top of the ladder still decorating.] Back in fifty-five, when I was heading the detachment up at Reliance — wasn't much of a detachment, really, just me and Dilbert Foxworth — well, Norbert Weatherwax got in the sauce, went on a tear, tore up half the town. I sent Foxworth out to bring him back. He came back empty-handed. A couple days later I found out that Weatherwax was married to Foxworth's half sister Edda. Well, I guess he was, I don't know —
FRASER: I don't — Dad, I don't mean to interrupt, but is — does this story have a moral?
BOB FRASER: Oh, yeah. Sometimes you have to do it yourself. That's the moral, son.
FRASER: Ah, Francesca.
FRANCESCA: Hi, Fraser. [points] Mistletoe.
FRASER: Oh, so it is. Right. Right.

He flees. Francesca is sad and defeated. Bob kisses her cheek. She brushes her face like she thought she felt something.

In 1955, Bob Fraser will have been about 18 years old. Is that old enough to head a detachment? I mean, if it was just him and Dilbert Foxworth and he was the first of the two of them to join the force, then he was the senior member of the detachment and thus the leader, I guess.

Scene 20

Fraser and Diefenbaker are in Warfield's club while it is closed. Someone is mopping the floor. Warfield looks down on him from a catwalk.

WARFIELD: You got brass ones, I'll give you that.
FRASER: [looking at his coat buttons] Oh, well, yes. Yes, I do. They take quite a lot of work to keep polished.
WARFIELD: [chuckles] I hear the charges against me got dropped again.
FRASER: I anticipated that.
WARFIELD: Good. You come by to apologize?
FRASER: No, sir, I came by to ask you to reconsider your confession.
WARFIELD: [His guy who had the gun comes up behind him.] I had a guy like you work for me once. Bruno Himps. Big Dutch guy. He got drunk one night. Stood on the track, tried to stare down the three-ten to Skokie. They had to pick him up with a shovel.
FRASER: Sir, you hurt an innocent man. I can't let that go, so I will continue to gather evidence. In the meantime, it's come to my attention that you're engaged in a variety of activities that may not flourish with an officer of the law present.
WARFIELD: Is that a threat?
FRASER: No, I'm merely stating the obvious.
WARFIELD: Well, let me suggest something even more obvious. One good whack in the head with a hammer, if you ain't dead, there'll be days when you wish you were. [He turns to walk away.]
FRASER: Oh, would that be a ball peen or a claw hammer, sir?
WARFIELD: That would be a big hammer.
FRASER: I see.

The difference between a ball peen and a claw hammer is not even as relevant to this conversation as the difference between an African and a European swallow is to the bridge keeper in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I can't decide if demonstrating his knowledge of various types of hammers is supposed to make it clear to Warfield that Fraser totally understood the comment "you've got brass ones" and replied as if they were talking about his coat buttons entirely on purpose. (Keep them polished, indeed. What was I saying about what you can get away with on cable?)

Scene 21

Later, Warfield is in his office. Someone knocks on the door.

WARFIELD: Come in. [Gun comes in.] What?
GUN: Eddie just called from his car. He wants to meet somewhere else.
WARFIELD: What, somewhere else? We gotta have a sit-down, me and Eddie. Where else are we gonna do it?
GUN: Eddie won't come inside with that Mountie out front.

He turns on some TVs to show the feed from the security cameras; Fraser and Diefenbaker are hanging around on the sidewalk in front of the club.

WARFIELD: Oy.

Scene 22

Warfield and Eddie are walking and talking on the street. Gun is a few paces behind them.

EDDIE: I wanna freeze my big ones, Willie, I go to a Bears game.
WARFIELD: I could use the fresh air. Cooped up all day.
EDDIE: Cooped up by the cops, I hear. Been downtown a couple times.
WARFIELD: Nothing to worry about.
EDDIE: Couple times, uh, don't sound like nothing to me. The boys are wondering what's going on.
WARFIELD: Boys? Come on, now, we're on business. That ain't what we gotta talk about. We gotta talk about Vinnie the Hole. Ever since he started running the east side, our take's been down thirty percent.
EDDIE: [They can see Warfield's club from where they're walking; Fraser and Diefenbaker are standing outside.] I got no problem with Vinnie. What I got problems with is that funny-looking cop that's been hassling you. [He beckons to his car.]
WARFIELD: He's nothing. He's a joke.
EDDIE: Better start laughing. [He gets in the back seat of his car.] Let's get out of here.

Warfield and Gun glare at Fraser. He gives them a jaunty salute.

Fraser is making a nuisance of himself, I see. Doesn't he have responsibilities at the consulate, though?

Scene 23

Warfield is watching his security camera feed again. Fraser tips his hat to a woman walking by.

WARFIELD: You're a lawyer, file a suit or something.
LAWYER: He's on a public street.
WARFIELD: He's harassing me.
LAWYER: He's just standing there, Willie.
WARFIELD: Interfering with the conduct of my business!
LAWYER: That's an area I don't think we should open up.
WARFIELD: What the hell, I'm just supposed to let him stand there? I got people I gotta talk to.
LAWYER: I suppose the telephone's out of the question?
WARFIELD: I can't do business on the phone.
LAWYER: Look, Willie, this is really difficult to explain in a courtroom.
GUN: I got an idea. Cop to it.
WARFIELD: [mad] What.
GUN: It's nothing. The worst you can get, the absolute worst, is a fine. So, so, so do it. Get over with it, lose the Mountie, and get back to work.
LAWYER: You know, Marty's actually making sense, Willie? The money you pay me, I should have thought of it.
WARFIELD: Willie Warfield don't cop to nothing. Nothing! Never, never, never! Do you understand me?
LAWYER: Now, come on, Willie, this is crazy. You know, I heard you had him attacked. You do that, you're making it really difficult for me to protect you.
GUN (MARTY): Logan's right, Willie. And he's not the only one. The other guys feel the same way.
WARFIELD: What the hell? Are you two developing some sort of backbone all of a sudden or what?
MARTY: You're supposed to be running a business here. Now why don't you just get — [Warfield smacks him hard across the face with the back of his hand.]
WARFIELD: What do I pay you two bastards for? Now you get him out of there! Now!

I mean, Marty the Gun does have the most reasonable idea anyone in the whole episode has had yet, Fraser included, which is ~blink~. But the whole point is going to be who can out-stubborn the other, so blinking is losing, isn't it. Sigh.

Scene 24

Fraser and Diefenbaker are in front of the club. Diefenbaker is grumbling.

FRASER: You know, you really have to stop complaining. You've been on stakeouts before. You know what it's like. [Diefenbaker grumbles.] Yes, I know you'd rather be with her, but it's sort of cliché, don't you think? I mean, wolf meets poodle, poodle hooks wolf, wolf liquidates his assets. It can only end in tears. [Diefenbaker barks; Kowalski has pulled up and got out of the car.] Afternoon, Ray!
KOWALSKI: Fraser. Welsh got a call from the chief, chief got a call from downtown, Warfield's, uh, lawyers, uh, they want you out of here.
FRASER: I see.
KOWALSKI: Look, you know me and the system are like this, Fraser — [He moves his hands far apart.] — but this time you're wrong, they're right.
FRASER: I don't think I am wrong, Ray. We both saw him assault that man.
KOWALSKI: Look, even by some miracle Warfield were to cop to the whole thing, he's gonna get a slap on the wrist.
FRASER: And justice will have been done.
KOWALSKI: Justice, how is that justice? The man is a killer, he's gonna get a fifty-dollar fine. Look, don't you get this? This makes his harassment crap look legit. I mean, what if somehow we get a real beef on him? You know, and Warfield's lawyers get involved, this could screw the whole thing up somehow.
FRASER: Ray, just think about it. Two good men, one who should be accorded the respect due his age, one little more than a boy. They are frightened. They're frightened and ashamed. And they've good reason to be frightened. They don't think they can stand up to the Warfields of this world. Well, I can. And I will.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, get in the car.
FRASER: I'm sorry, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Look, Fraser, I am a cop, and I'm ordering you to get in that car.
FRASER: Are you arresting me?
KOWALSKI: Yes.
FRASER: On what charge?

Loitering?

KOWALSKI: On the — look, I don't want to be forced to use force upon you.
FRASER: No, you won't.
KOWALSKI: You're right.
FRASER: I know. Listen, can you do me a favor and, uh — do you mind dropping Diefenbaker off at the consulate on your way back to the station? [Diefenbaker barks.] He seems to find all of this sort of boring.
KOWALSKI: Look, you know what you are? You're selfish. You're selfish. You get a thing stuck in your head, and you won't let it go, no matter how hard it is on anybody else. You're even boring the dog.
FRASER: He's not actually bored. He's in love. [Diefenbaker whimpers.]
KOWALSKI: Heh, dogs have all the fun, huh?
FRASER: Yeah.

They have a mutual chuckle for a moment, then Kowalski glares at Fraser again and goes to get in the car.

KOWALSKI: Look, Christmas brings out the worst in people.
FRASER: Mmm. Drive safely.

He whistles tunelessly as Kowalski drives away.

And Kowalski is right! About the harassment thing at least. Which I guess means also about the selfish thing. I understand that Fraser understands the system and changing the system is part of what he's trying to do here. But this is not the same as fighting City Hall, which he literally did in "One Good Man," because this? began as and still is none of his business.

Scene 25

That night, Fraser is standing behind the bouncer as he monitors the line to get into the club. It is snowing a little. Nearby, a woman calls for help.

WOMAN NEARBY: Help! Somebody help me! Stop! [Fraser runs toward the sound of her voice; she is struggling with a couple of guys with stockings on their heads, who are dragging her bodily toward a car.] Uhf — ow!
FRASER: Hold it.

The two guys let go of the woman, who turns around and laughs at Fraser. Two more guys with stockings over their heads run in from behind. At least one of them is carrying a cosh.

THIRD STOCKING-FACED GUY: Hey.
FRASER: [looks at all five of them; he is boxed in] I assume Mr. Warfield is unhappy with my presence here.
FIRST STOCKING-FACED GUY: Let's just say you pissed off the wrong guy.

The fourth stocking-faced guy, the one carrying the cosh, swings hard from behind Fraser. Fraser ducks, turns around, and punches the guy in the stomach. Music cue: "It Came Upon the Midnight Clear" by Dutch Robinson. The third stocking-faced guy grabs the collar of his coat. Fraser twists his arm up and punches the guy in the face.

It came upon the midnight clear

The fourth guy gets up as Fraser runs up onto the hood of a car to get away from the gang. He swings his cosh and takes Fraser's legs out from under him.

That glorious song of old

They haul Fraser off the hood of the car and drive his head into the window of another car like a battering ram, shattering it. (The window, that is.)

From angels bending near the earth

Two of the guys hold Fraser in place against the hood of the first car; a third one punches him in the ribs and then in the face. The woman and the guy with the cosh are waiting patiently.

To touch their harps of gold.

They slam him into another car and then throw him to the ground, where he rolls up against the alley wall.

Peace on earth, good will to men

They kick him, let him get partly up, and kick him again. This apparently happens for a wee while.

From heaven's gracious king

He is getting to his knees when the woman hits him on the back of the neck and shoulders with a two-by-four. He falls down and stays there, in too much pain even to writhe. They toss his hat at him and split.

The world in solemn stillness lay
To hear the angels sing.

The people are waiting in line to get into the club. Fraser comes limping around the corner, carrying his hat.

Still, through the cloven sky they come
With peaceful wings unfurled

The bouncer looks at Fraser. Marty and Warfield come out the door.

BOUNCER: Good evening, Mr. Warfield.

And still their heavenly music floats
O'er all the weary world

Fraser stands there and bleeds at Warfield.

Above its sad and lowly plains
They bend on hovering wing

WARFIELD: See, there's only one law that counts. Only one rule. Hardest guy wins. Better get that straight. You're just a loser.
FRASER: Understood.

And ever o'er its Babel sounds
The blessed angels sing.

Warfield gets in his car. Fraser is standing tall, but he seems to have been defeated.

So this whole episode has a little bit been trying to be an echo of "The Deal," hasn't it. Mob boss, Fraser trying to protect someone the Mob boss doesn't like, Mob boss's guys beat the shit out of Fraser while incongruously beautiful music plays on the soundtrack. Only in "The Deal," the Mob boss was threatening the guy before Fraser ever got involved. I say again: All the unpleasantness in this episode has come about because Fraser wanted Warfield to apologize for throwing water in Tommy's face (and, I suppose, for not accepting Tommy's apology for having spilled the water in the first place). Stipulated: Warfield is a son of a bitch. This episode is still not showing Fraser to be as noble and heroic as "The Deal" did. And maybe it kind of knows that? a little bit? in the way he tries to get away from the gang who are going to beat him up? Because in "The Deal," once he realized his way was blocked, he faced Charlie and took it; the only fighting back he did was to knock the gun out of his hand before he could shoot him. Here, he runs up onto the top of the car in a move that's not at all clear to me how it's supposed to help—though I'll grant he does keep trying to get up rather than just lie there once he's down. I don't know, it feels to me like the show is going for a callback and not quite getting there because they haven't realized what the point of the earlier episode actually was—in much the same way that, in H.M.S. Pinafore, Buttercup sings the captain a whole verse of platitudes about how things are not always as they appear to be, and then he sings her back a whole verse of random-ass aphorisms, because he's missed the point.

BUTTERCUP:
Things are seldom what they seem.
Skim milk masquerades as cream.
Highlows pass as patent leathers;
Jackdaws strut in peacock feathers.

CAPTAIN:
Very true, so they do.

BUTTERCUP:
Black sheep dwell in every fold.
All that glitters is not gold.
Storks turn out to be but logs;
Bulls are but inflated frogs.

CAPTAIN:
So they be, frequently.

BUTTERCUP:
Drops the wind and stops the mill.
Turbot is ambitious brill.
Gild the farthing if you will,
Yet it is a farthing still.

CAPTAIN:
Yes, I know. That is so.

[. . .]

CAPTAIN:
Though I'm anything but clever,
I could talk like that forever:
Once a cat was killed by care.
Only brave deserve the fair.

BUTTERCUP:
Very true, so they do.

CAPTAIN:
Wink is often good as nod.
Spoils the child who spares the rod.
Thirsty lambs run foxy dangers;
Dogs are found in many mangers.

BUTTERCUP:
Frequently, I agree.

CAPTAIN:
Paw of cat the chestnut snatches.
Worn-out garments show new patches.
Only count the chick that hatches;
Men are grown-up catchy-catchies.

Anyway, "It Came Upon the Midnight Clear" is a well-known Christmas carol, and what Dutch Robinson (whom we've seen, in "Dead Men Don't Throw Rice," as Detective Dutch; this recording was made just for this episode, evidently) is singing is the usual melody used in the United States. In the UK they generally sing the same text to a different tune, which is true of a fair few Christmas carols, actually, but this is a rare case in which I think the U.S. one is better. (The British "Away in a Manger" and "O Little Town of Bethlehem" are both far superior to the U.S. versions. Likewise the Harold Darke "In the Bleak Midwinter," which I associate with Britain in a way I don't the Gustav Holst setting of that text, though I'm not as positive about the U.S./UK divide between those.) Wikipedia says the UK tune is more common in "Commonwealth countries," of which Canada is one, but I guess as we're in Chicago, Fraser gets to hear the U.S. melody while he's getting the shit kicked out of him. Whatever, Dutch does a nice job, and it's nice to hear the second verse, which we don't always, because "the cloven sky" is such a terrifying image when you think about it, but it's a shame we didn't get to hear the third verse, which would actually have been on point:

But with the woes of sin and strife
The world has suffered long;
Beneath the angel-strain have rolled
Two thousand years of wrong;
And man, at war with man, hears not
The love-song which they bring; —
Oh hush the noise, ye men of strife,
And hear the angels sing!

Scene 26

Francesca is trimming the tree and singing to herself.

FRANCESCA: ♫ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh — ♫ [She bends down to put the wreath around Diefenbaker's neck.] Hey, cutie, you're looking good! [She skritches his ears and talks nonsense to him. He grumbles happily.] Oh, yes, you're so cute. [She looks up and immediately jumps up and runs down the hall.] Oh my God!
DEWEY: [He and Huey have come running also.] What happened? [Kowalski is helping Fraser walk in, but let's be honest, more or less carrying him.]
KOWALSKI: Don't know. Got a call from one of the bouncers at Warfield's club.
HUEY: Shouldn't he be at the hospital?
KOWALSKI: Wouldn't go.

It doesn't seem to me that Fraser is in a position to decide whether to go to the hospital or not. Wouldn't go? Kowalski is fairly carrying him down the hall here at the station; put him in the car and drive him to the goddamn hospital. Or failing that, take him home. What are they both doing here?!

Scene 27

Everyone is in Welsh's office. Fraser has taken off his tunic; Francesca is disinfecting the cuts on his face with Q-tips that we presume have alcohol or something on them.

FRANCESCA: God, Fraser, does it hurt?
DEWEY: Probably no more than being hit by a truck.
FRASER: It's fine, Francesca.
FRANCESCA: Well, maybe you should take your shirt off.
KOWALSKI: Frannie!
FRANCESCA: Well, he could have internal injuries.
HUEY: If it's internal, you can't see them.
FRANCESCA: Yeah, I know, but I could palpitate them.
FRASER: Do you mean palpate?
FRANCESCA: Yeah, you know, feel around a little.
KOWALSKI: Personally, I think he's suffered enough, Frannie.
WELSH: [arriving with Stella] Ah, are you feeling better, Constable?
FRASER: Much better, thank you, sir. Thanks to Francesca's excellent care.
WELSH: Good, good. I've told Ms. Kowalski the story.
KOWALSKI: So we're gonna nail Warfield?
STELLA: Unfortunately, there's nothing to tie the attack on Constable Fraser to Mr. Warfield.
KOWALSKI: Nothing? He was attacked right outside of Warfield's club.
STELLA: Yeah, and Lincoln got shot in Ford's theatre. Didn't mean Mr. Ford did it.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, was Ford mobbed up?
WELSH: Can you identify any of the assailants, Constable?
FRASER: No, they were — they were all wearing masks. [Francesca puts a bandage on the bridge of his nose.]
KOWALSKI: Look, we know that they were Warfield's guys.
STELLA: Knowing something and proving it are two different things.
KOWALSKI: Well, how about we just go roust them up anyway?
STELLA: More harassment? Forget it, Ray.
KOWALSKI: [calls to her to stop her before she goes] Stella. I was thinking maybe if you had some time, we could, uh, have some eggnog and maybe trim a tree or —
STELLA: [scoffs] Yeah, and I could shoot moonbeams out my —
WELSH: Ms. Kowalski, thank you. [She leaves.]
KOWALSKI: Ah, she was never that big on Christmas. Or me, for that matter.
WELSH: Constable, I'm afraid we haven't been too much of a help to you on this one.
FRASER: I've come to believe that I have unrealistic expectations. [Francesca is tying a gauze bandage around his head.]
KOWALSKI: A little impractical, maybe, but —
FRASER: No, Ray, you were right. You can't beat the system. [He gets up and starts gathering his things.]
KOWALSKI: Let me give you a ride home.
FRASER: No, I think I'll walk. A walk will do me good.
FRANCESCA: Uh, Frase — hey, take it easy, okay?
FRASER: Understood.

He leaves. The whole squad room watches him go.

And Francesca doing all this first aid is certainly a callback to Elaine doing all the first aid in "The Deal," but while that scene made me despair for Elaine, this one actually gives me the feeling that Francesca is moving on a little bit. I mean, she says take your shirt off, I could feel around a little, but she says it with a kind of tone that feels to me like she knows she's never going to get anywhere with Fraser and has come to accept it and is even ready to joke around a little bit about how big of a torch she used to carry for the guy. Good for you, Francesca.

Scene 28

Fraser is walking home and talking to himself.

FRASER: I've been selfish, I know. My feelings above everyone else's. [He looks around.] Dad? [Bob is not there.] Oh, you're ignoring me now. That's great. That's great.

He passes some carolers holding candles.

CAROLERS: ♫ — holy night. ♫

Bob steps out of the group of carolers.

BOB FRASER AND THE CAROLERS: ♫ All is calm — ♫
CAROLERS: ♫ — all is bright — ♫
FRASER: Oh, hi. Do you think I'm being selfish and single-minded?
CAROLERS: ♫ — round yon virgin mother and child. ♫
BOB FRASER: Oh, you're more than that, son. You're obsessive, overbearing, possibly even arrogant.
FRASER: Well, thanks a lot, Dad, that — that makes me feel a whole lot better.
CAROLERS: ♫ Holy infant so tender and mild. ♫
BOB FRASER: But you've been right. ♫ — tender and mild. ♫ [He goes back to join the carolers.]
BOB FRASER AND THE CAROLERS: ♫ Sleep in heavenly peace — ♫

Kowalski's GTO drives up, honking its horn.

KOWALSKI: Hey, Fraser.
CAROLERS: ♫ — sleep in heavenly peace. ♫
FRASER: You know, Ray, I, I really would rather walk.
KOWALSKI: Well, you you can walk all you want, Fraser, but, uh, there's something I want to tell you, and, uh, it's not the easiest thing for me to say, but: I'm proud of you.
FRASER: You are?
KOWALSKI: Yeah. You've been right about this thing all along.
FRASER: I have?
WELSH: [for he is in the back seat] Yes, you have, Constable. We've just been too hung up on all this bureaucratic crap to give you the help you really needed.
FRASER: Well, you know, sir, I understand that you have to contend with practicalities.
WELSH: To hell with them. Hop in.
FRASER: Well, I'm —
KOWALSKI: Ride shotgun.
FRASER: Okay.

He gets in the car. He and Kowalski look at each other for a moment before they drive on.

He has not been right about this thing all along. That's a terrible lesson for him to be taking from this!

Scene 29

A couple of patrol cars pull up to Warfield's club along with the GTO. A siren whoops.

BOUNCER: Nah, nah, nah. Forget it. No way you guys getting back in here again.
WELSH: [shows them his badge] He's with us. Move.

Welsh, Fraser, Huey, Dewey, and Kowalski let themselves in to the club. Music cue: "Mind" by Steve Clark (instrumental). Kowalski moves in on a young woman on the stairs who has a glass in her hand.

KOWALSKI: Got some ID?
GIRL: What?

Huey is looking around the dance floor.

KOWALSKI: Have you got some ID?
GIRL: What?
KOWALSKI: ID?
GIRL: Oh, are we gonna play cops and robbers?
KOWALSKI: No, just cops. [He shows her his badge.] You better be over twenty-one.

Huey steps up to the bar where a woman is about to snort something through a straw. He grabs her arm and shows her his badge. Fraser stands in the middle of the floor and looks around. Welsh steps through a beaded curtain into an alcove where several young women and middle-aged men are sitting.

WELSH: Welcome, shoe salesmen of America. I see you've come to sample some of our local delicacies. Haven't seen these women together since I worked south side Vice. [Kowalski steps up to join Fraser.] Hey, company's getting better. Cut the music. Cut the music.

Someone cuts the music.

Scene 30

In his office, Warfield is smoking a cigar.

WARFIELD: Get Eddie in here tomorrow.
MARTY: I don't think he's coming.
WARFIELD: Why the hell not?
MARTY: I heard he's got something going with Vinnie the Hole.
WARFIELD: He got something going with Vinnie, he's dead.
MARTY: What it is, Mr. Warfield, you gotta start getting on top of things, 'cause they're like sharks out there, and they're smelling blood in the water.
WARFIELD: I'm starting to smell you, Marty. [His phone rings.] What?
SOMEONE FROM THE CLUB: Yo, boss, we got cops out here! They got —

Warfield slams down the phone and storms out into the club.

WARFIELD: I'll have all your badges for this!
WELSH: We're only enforcing Illinois code —
WARFIELD: You've been lined up to harass me!
KOWALSKI: Nobody's harassing you.
DEWEY: Yeah, we're just cleaning up the riff-raff hanging out in your club.
HUEY: Kind of doing you a favor.
WARFIELD: [gets right up in Fraser's cut-up face] Screw you!
KOWALSKI: Look, we can come back here tomorrow night.
WELSH: And the night after.
WARFIELD: Not after my lawyers are finished with you.
WELSH: That could take some time. It would be very bad for business.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, you got a lot of other places we can visit. Think about it.
WARFIELD: Well, maybe you don't walk out of here tonight. [Marty isn't sure about that.]
KOWALSKI: You really wanna try that? 'Cause we're good to go.
FRASER: You abused the system for a long time, Mr. Warfield. You distorted the law and turned it against its own interests. You've used tricks and force and bullying, and it's worked.
WARFIELD: [doesn't want to listen to a monologue] Oh . . .
FRASER: But eventually, good people do stand up.
DEWEY: Yeah, Fraser! Right on!
WELSH: [looks at Dewey, then turns back to Warfield] So what's it gonna be, Warfield?
WARFIELD: Do 'em. [heads back toward his office]
MARTY: Mr. Warfield, they're cops.
WARFIELD: I said, do 'em!
MARTY: No.
WARFIELD: [turns around, laughs, comes back] No, huh? All right, so what? What, what the hell do you want from me?
FRASER: You know what I want. [Tommy is on the landing behind him.]
WARFIELD: [entirely insincere] Oh. I'm sorry I slapped the kid.
FRASER: Thank you kindly. Merry Christmas.

Scene 31

Fraser is coming down the hall with a pile of wrapped gifts. Kowalski runs up to meet him. The background music is a nice tinkly "Joy to the World."

KOWALSKI: Fraser, whose name did you get for the gift thing?
FRASER: Uh, as of the moment, Lieutenant Welsh.
KOWALSKI: Perfect. I got Francesca. Trade me.
FRASER: Why?
KOWALSKI: Well, with Francesca, it's always too heavy. Either she's gonna love what I get her or she's gonna hate it. Either way, emotional contact, who needs it? Plus, I've got this box of Cuban cigars. Lieutenant'll love 'em.
FRASER: Very well. Right pocket.

They reach the squad room, where Thatcher and Turnbull are present along with everyone who actually works at the 27th precinct.

WELSH: How you feeling, Constable?
FRASER: Oh, much better, thank you kindly, sir.
FRANCESCA: Oh, good, everybody's here. Okay — [as Fraser puts his gifts under the tree] — in the spirit of Christmas, keep your meat hooks off the gifts until I call your name.
FRASER: [seems to realize something] Oh, dear.
TURNBULL: [dressed as Santa Claus] Ho ho ho ho! Ahem.
FRASER: Excuse me for one second. I need to have a word with Santa.
FRANCESCA: Sure. [Her phone rings; she hurries to answer it.] Squad room. Yeah, just a minute. [She holds it up for Welsh.] It's for you.
WELSH: Yello.

Scene 32

Fraser has followed Turnbull to the holding cell.

TURNBULL: [whispers] Fraser, it's me, Turnbull.
FRASER: Ah, Turnbull, I — I took you for Santa.
TURNBULL: Understandably. I know how busy you've been lately, sir, so I took the liberty of bringing your work in progress.
FRASER: Oh, dear.
TURNBULL: Problem, sir?
FRASER: Well, yes. You see, when this was to be for Ray, it was going to be an elk. Then it was going to be for Lieutenant Welsh, and it was, uh, going to be a grizzly bear. Now it's for Francesca, I just —
TURNBULL: Fret not, sir. [He produces a block of wood.] Yukon heart of pine.
FRASER: Good thinking.
TURNBULL: [opens a box of knives] Your accoutrements.

Fraser selects a pair of knives and waves them around quickly, creating a flurry of wood shavings.

I call shenanigans: In scene 18, Fraser had not yet traded for Welsh, and yet there is simply no way what he was carving in that scene was an elk. I can allow grizzly bear rather than polar bear, but elk, no way. (I mean I also call shenanigans on how quickly Fraser is carving whatever he's carving right now, but.)

Scene 33

Diefenbaker and Ante run along the hallway together. Turnbull and Fraser return just as Welsh is hanging up Francesca's phone.

WELSH: Well, it seems like Warfield was letting things slide at the office lately. It was out he was in jail, some of his associates decided they'd be better off without him.
KOWALSKI: So they ratted him out?
WELSH: Precisely. Organized crime was waiting as soon as he made bail. He was mad, and he was talking. Lot of guys gonna go away for a long time.
TOMMY: It's true? He's, he's really in jail?
FRASER: Yes, he is.
FRANK: Are you okay?
FRASER: Mm-hmm. I'm fine.
FRANK: I let you down. I'm sorry.
FRASER: No, you didn't let me down. You did what you could do, that's all anyone can ask.
FRANCESCA: All right, it's present time!

People are chatting about how they hope other people like their gifts. Diefenbaker and Ante seem to be sharing a Christmas stocking. Francesca opens a present.

FRASER: I made it myself. Out of wood.
FRANCESCA: [pulling a wood carving out of the box] Wow. Hey, is, is this Geraldo, the guy who delivers water to my mother?
FRANK: It's Michelangelo's David. For four hundred years, it's been considered to be the most perfect nude. [Fraser nods.]
FRANCESCA: Wow, it's beautiful. I love it! Thanks, Frase.

She comes at him to kiss him. He flinches back. She moves in carefully and kisses his cheek. Dutch starts singing.

DUTCH: ♫ Silent night, holy night. ♫

Fraser is opening his present from Thatcher.

THATCHER: It's a sword.
FRASER: [drawing it] A sword, I see.
DEWEY: Well. Calling Dr. Freud.
THATCHER: Ah — purely ceremonial. You don't have to use it.
FRASER: I see. It's very nice.
DUTCH: ♫ All is calm, all is bright — ♫

Welsh opens his present from Kowalski.

WELSH: [sniffs a cigar] Ahh.
DUTCH: ♫ — round yon virgin mother and child. ♫
BOB FRASER: Cubans. Can't get those in heaven.
FRASER: And they're illegal in the United States.
WELSH: Come on, Constable, lighten up. It's Christmas.
DUTCH: ♫ Holy infant so tender and mild. ♫

Kowalski and Dewey are laughing over Dewey's present to Kowalski. It is a ray gun.

KOWALSKI: Ah, you know, I already got one of these.
DEWEY: Get out!
KOWALSKI: I do. Merry Christmas. [He hugs Dewey.]
DEWEY: It's all right. Okay.
DUTCH: ♫ Sleep in heavenly peace — ♫
KOWALSKI: Mind if I, uh, donate it? [He nods to Turnbull.]
DEWEY: Yeah, yeah.

Kowalski gives Turnbull the ray gun. Turnbull is transported with delight.

TURNBULL: Cool. Semiautomatic?
KOWALSKI: Yeah.
TURNBULL: [shooting] Hit the deck! Assassin Santa coming through! [He runs from the squad room, firing madly.]
DUTCH: ♫ — sleep in heavenly peace. ♫
THATCHER: Here we go!

She has a tray of drinks. Everyone comes and gets one. Kowalski is wearing Fraser's hat.

WELSH: Constable?
FRASER: No, thank you, sir.
FRANCESCA: Hey, who wants to make the toast?
WELSH: I got a toast. Toast!
DEWEY: Bottoms up!
FRANCESCA: How about you, Frase, you wanna make the toast?
FRASER: All right, um. [Somehow of course the room quiets down.] Christmas is more than just a religious holiday. It is a time that has come to have special meaning for people of many different faiths. Or lack of them. My own Christmases I remember with a great fondness, and, ah, a certain sense of horror. [Bob is behind him. He looks sort of sad.] We always had Arctic tern instead of Christmas turkey, or sea buckthorn bush instead of an evergreen, search and rescue flares instead of Christmas lights, and — well, I've, I've learned to forgive all of that. Most of all, Christmas is about forgiveness. Merry Christmas, everybody.
EVERYBODY: Merry Christmas.
FRANCESCA: Hey, what's this? [There is one more present under the tree.] Fraser, it's for you.
FRASER: For me?
FRANCESCA: Yeah.

He opens the box and takes out a framed photo.

KOWALSKI: What is it?
FRASER: It's my family.
BOB FRASER: [standing over his shoulder, looking at the picture] Merry Christmas, son.
FRASER: Merry Christmas, Dad.
DUTCH: ♫ Sleep in heavenly peace. ♫

It's fun that Dewey got Kowalski the last ray gun but one (because we know Kowalski got the last one). It's very sweet that Kowalski donates it to Turnbull. Aww.

The framed photo Fraser is looking at is a black and white shot of a little kid and at least one adult, presumably Fraser and Bob; the kid is well tall enough to reach his father's belt, so he's apparently older than seven, which means if what's kind of obscured by shadow there on the left side of the frame is another adult, it can't be Caroline, who died when Ben was only six, so maybe it's his grandmother? Or maybe there's no one else in the picture at all. Hard to say. And it's a very small frame, certainly not bigger than 4"x6", possibly smaller, which, sure, a 60s-vintage photograph is going to lose a lot of resolution if you enlarge it too much, but look, scene 15 of this very episode had Bob and his friends making paintings to brighten the Christmases of lost children with no families—why was Fraser's supernaturally delivered extra Christmas gift not a painting of his family, for FUCK'S SAKE?

And "Christmas is about forgiveness" is a nice message, but if that's the point Fraser is trying to make, why the hell did he just spend 45 television minutes and however many days of his own life, including getting the shit comprehensively kicked out of him, to make sure Warfield faced justice? Is that forgiveness? Gah!

Cumulative body count: 36
Red uniform: The whole episode, sometimes without the tunic

Previous | Index of annotated transcripts | Next