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return to due South: season 4 episode 6 (or season 3 episode 19) "Odds"
Odds
air date November 11, 1998
Scene 1
A hand of poker is just ending. At least four people were playing: Three men, one of whom is wearing a wedding ring and a heavy watch, and a young woman who's raking in the pot. None of the men's faces are visible. Another couple of guys are standing by the door.
WEDDING RING: [throwing in his cards] Well, that's it. I'm gutted.
WOMAN: Usually a half moon screws me up. Tonight, I'm lucky. Go figure.
WEDDING RING: Well, it's been a bad month. It's been a bad night. Well, a bad year.
WOMAN: Hey, there's always another table.
WEDDING RING: Yeah. Always another hand.
WOMAN: That's right.
WEDDING RING: Well, till then.
WOMAN: Thank you. [She shakes his hand.]
WEDDING RING: Oh, any time. [He hangs his coat over his arm and leaves.]
WOMAN: C'mon, Ante! [She whistles, and a miniature poodle with a bow in its hair yips and hops up onto the empty seat Wedding Ring just vacated. The woman croons at the dog.] That's my lucky charm. That's a good girl. [One of the guys by the door—Kowalski, in an expensive blue suit—comes around behind the chair and goes over to a window. The woman speaks to the table.] You in, gentlemen? You can't win if you're not in.
Is it just me, or does "It's been a bad month, it's been a bad night, well, a bad year" not actually make sense? He should have said "It's been a bad night" and then escalated from there.
In poker, a half moon is a semicircular table. So the woman, sitting on the straight edge, is the dealer; this is her game.
Scene 2
In a van, Fraser adjusts a dial on some audio equipment. Apparently Kowalski is wearing a wire.
FRASER: She sounds very confident. [The dealer is keeping up her patter as she deals the next hand and takes bets.]
DEWEY: With reason. Denny Scarpa's one of the best. They call her Lady Shoes.
FRASER: Why's that?
HUEY: She likes shoes.
And "scarpa" means "shoe." She should be named Donna Scarpa, why not.
FRASER: Oh.
DEWEY: Good as she is, I think I could take her.
HUEY: Please. You think you can take her?
DEWEY: Yeah, I think I could take her. And you want to know why?
HUEY: Why?
DEWEY: 'Cause she's a woman. [Both Fraser and Huey roll their eyes.] I mean, not to disrespect the gender, but the game of poker was designed by men, for men. And that is why the men know —
FRASER: Actually, if I'm not mistaken, poker derives from the ancient Persian game of As-nas, which was designed as a diversion for the young women of their imperial court.
HUEY: No kidding.
While Fraser is speaking, someone wearing wide-leg trousers tucked into boots and carrying a messenger bag tapes a circuit board to a wall underneath a notice about workers' compensation. Music cue: "Ancient of the Old" by Christina Quinn. The person's right little fingernail is extra long and painted black.
FRASER: Well, it first made its way to North America by way of the Persian sailors who taught it to the French settlers of New Orleans. [In the room, Kowalski moves away from the window. Having finished taping up the circuit board, the person with the one long fingernail puts on a ski mask.] Now, of course, the French added their own terms for betting to the game, such as, uh — [He adopts a French accent.] I poke you for a dollar, I poke against you for two dollars. [Kowalski wanders over and looks at a framed picture on the wall of a card game.] I poke against all three of you for three dollars — [That's enough of that.] — well, and so on. Eventually, under the influence of the Northern or the — [scare quotes] Yankee accent — [Kowalski steps away from the picture.] — the game came to be known as poker.
Ski Mask With One Painted Fingernail presses a button on their detonator. The bomb was on the wall on the other side of the picture; it blows into the room and knocks Kowalski against the opposite wall. The dealer and the other players duck and cover their heads.
DEWEY: Go! Go!
Fraser and Huey and Dewey and Diefenbaker jump out of the van. Ski Mask is coming through the hole in the wall, gun drawn. Kowalski draws his own gun, but Ski Mask kicks it out of his hand. He hands his messenger bag to the dealer, Denny Scarpa. She seems scared. Fraser and the others are rushing toward the building. Ski Mask is putting the bag back over his shoulder after Scarpa has filled it with the cash. Kowalski tackles him and pulls the ski mask off; it's a youngish white guy with dark hair and a beard. He elbows Kowalski in the stomach and seems to threaten Scarpa before he starts to go out the door. Fraser and the others are running up the stairs, so the guy comes back in and dives out the window instead. Conveniently, there's a corrugated awning or shed roof or something exactly one window wide under the window he happens to have dived through, so he doesn't fall two stories down to the ground. He drops off the awning onto the front steps of the Oak Hotel, for that is where the game was being played, as Fraser and Huey and Dewey arrive in the room. Huey and Dewey begin arresting the players. Fraser goes to the window.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, I would not —
Fraser does. He jumps out the window and lands on the same awning, which collapses and drops him hard onto the front steps. He falls through the railing and rolls onto the ground, where he lies there, hurt.
KOWALSKI: — do that.
Ski Mask throws his messenger bag in a car and hurries to drive off. Kowalski comes out the door and shoots at the car, jumping over the railing sideways to get a better angle, but the guy gets away. Kowalski goes to where Fraser is still lying on the ground.
KOWALSKI: You all right?
FRASER: [trying to sit up, failing; speaking very stiffly] I'm not sure. I got — my back —
KOWALSKI: [putting away his gun] You know, Fraser —
FRASER: Mm-hmm?
KOWALSKI: — from the second floor —
FRASER: Mm?
KOWALSKI: — there's always the other option.
FRASER: Which is?
KOWALSKI: The stairs. [He grabs Fraser's hand and pulls him to his feet.]
FRASER: Oh. Right, well, I'll remember that.
KOWALSKI: You get the plate?
FRASER: No, I was — [cracking his neck, stretching his back] — indisposed.
KOWALSKI: Great. That is — great, that's another night wasted. All night, for nothing.
Diefenbaker and Ante come down the stairs. Dewey comes down and climbs over the railing sideways, because the awning has fallen over the front of the steps; he helps Scarpa down the same way. Diefenbaker barks.
FRASER: Where do you think you're going? [Diefenbaker paws at Ante.]
WOMAN (SCARPA): [picks up her dog] My poor baby. [to Fraser] She hates explosives.
FRASER: Most animals do.
Dewey takes Scarpa and Ante away.
I can make out almost none of the lyrics to the song—it seems to begin with "Sounds beneath the window" and I can hear "the ancient of the old" because I've been told (by the end credits) that's the title, but not much else. Can't find it online anywhere. Anyone got any help?
As-Nas as the ancestor of poker: very possibly. "I poke you" en français: it seems less likely.
Fraser is looking at Denny Scarpa with the same kind of expression of finding this woman compelling and not really understanding why that he had when he met Janet Morse, so this is sure to go well.
It's not surprising that Dewey thinks he could beat an expert in her own area of expertise just because that expert is a woman. This is a world in which one in eight men (in a nonscientific survey, though one imagines precisely none of the men in the survey were tennis players) believed they could score a point against Serena Williams. And much as in the case of the Dude Perfect Show, I would love to see Detective Thomas Dewey try to bluff Lady Shoes at her own table. For fuck's sake.
Credits roll.
Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.
(plus Draco the dog)
Stephanie Romanov, Andrew Tarbet, Paul Miller, Jack Nicholsen
(plus Dacquim the dog)
Scene 3
Dewey is loading Scarpa and Ante into a police transport van. Fraser is sitting on the hood of a patrol car, pressing his hand to his back, Kowalski standing next to him.
FRASER: Dief, she's out of your league. [Diefenbaker barks.] Well, she is.
KOWALSKI: What's with Dief?
FRASER: I'm not sure. Might be love. Then again, it might just be worms.
KOWALSKI: What's the diff? [They start to head back to his car.] Man, I sure as hell did not think explosives, you know? I'm supposed to be the inside guy on a simple gambling bust so I can go to court and say to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury, "the defendant was raking in the cash."
FRASER: Well, Ray, it's very difficult to anticipate an exploding wall. [He pats Kowalski on the back reassuringly, releasing a cloud of drywall dust.]
KOWALSKI: Fraser, I'm paid to anticipate.
FRASER: You can't always predict the outcome. [The van siren whoops as it pulls away. Fraser looks over his shoulder and watches it go. Kowalski notices him looking.]
KOWALSKI: Please. Don't tell me you've got a thing for her.
FRASER: For who?
KOWALSKI: [smiling, putting on his coat] You know who. Lady Shoes.
FRASER: I don't know her.
KOWALSKI: Exactly, and you never will. She's a card player. You never get to know a woman like that.
FRASER: If you say so.
KOWALSKI: Well, yeah, it is, that's what I just said.
FRASER: Well, I know, I heard you say that.
KOWALSKI: Yeah. Forget about it. [His phone rings before he can get in the car. He answers.] Yeah.
WELSH: [shouting; Kowalski holds up the phone so Fraser can hear] Guy blows a hole through a wall, jumps through with a gun, and you don't get him, Detective? No, not good! That's why the press is always pushing —
Kowalski notices it too! As if Fraser has never before fallen for a woman he didn't know.
Scene 4
Welsh is in his office, on the phone, yelling.
WELSH: — for more SWAT teams, because we got cops who don't know how to use their guns.
He slams down the phone. Francesca cautiously enters the office. She is wearing a shoulder holster.
FRANCESCA: Ah, sir? [She carefully closes the door.]
WELSH: Have you got a license for that?
FRANCESCA: No, for this? No! I'm just sort of trying — [She pulls out the gun, which Welsh immediately pushes away so it's not pointing at him.]
WELSH: No, no, no, no, no — [He looks at her, horrified.]
FRANCESCA: I'm just trying it out. [She takes aim at the window in his office door.] You know, sort of as a — [She pulls the trigger and sprays water at the window. It is a squirt gun.] — preamble to wearing heat. [She looks at him, proud of herself. He rolls his eyes. She gives him a "what do you want" expression.] I'm taking self-defense!
WELSH: [stalking out of his office] You gonna defend yourself by drowning somebody to death?
FRANCESCA: Well, I thought it'd be a little more humane than, you know, blinding some guy — [She aims the gun and squirts something in the squad room. Someone yelps.] — or kicking him in the, uh, you know. The nether regions.
WELSH: Nether regions. [He's got his coffee and heads back to his office.]
FRANCESCA: [following him] Yeah, well, um. [She replaces the water pistol in her holster and pinches her finger.] Ow. Actually, sir, I'm, um, I'm kinda wearing this for a different reason.
WELSH: Fashion.
FRANCESCA: No. Uh — I've sorta been thinking about the, um. The Academy.
WELSH: You wanna become a cop?
FRANCESCA: Well, become a cop, I mean, I don't know about that. I'm just, um — I'm just, you know, really, sort of — basically, uh — tossing it around in my mind right now, until I can, um, resolve the uniform issue.
WELSH: The uniform issue?
FRANCESCA: Yeah, well, my head is shaped a little weird, and I can't really wear a hat. I was the only girl at my First Communion at Our Lady of Immaculate Conception who couldn't wear a veil.
WELSH: Well, uh, you know, that would be a problem.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. But, um, until I work that out, I, I was just kind of hoping that, you know, maybe you could steer me in the right direction.
WELSH: Oh, sure, I can give you all the advice you need to get into the Academy. I don't know what I can do about this hat thing.
FRANCESCA: That's great! That, that, that's fine! I'll, I'll, I'll worry about the hat thing. That's — thank you! [She has almost backed out of the office, but she stops at the door.] Um — yeah, sir, do you, do you think we could, um — you know, just sort of keep this under —
WELSH: Under our hats?
FRANCESCA: Well, yeah. Until — in case it doesn't really work out. You know. Thank you.
She leaves the office and closes the door. Welsh looks a little flummoxed.
I think Francesca becoming a cop is a terrible idea, of course, but (a) I understand her struggle to Find Herself and (b) I have to say I have not stopped loving the Welsh-Francesca father-daughter dynamic. ❤️
What kind of odd head shape would prevent a person wearing a veil? I have a deceptively large head, myself, so mass-produced hats tend not to fit me and I usually have to go with the largest size when I'm knitting myself a hat, but doesn't a chapel veil just drape over the head? I'm confused by Francesca's hat situation.
She is also, since we're talking about the shape of Francesca's body, not at all puffy or wearing a top layer or hidden behind her desk or a file folder or a vase or otherwise visibly dealing with the fact that the actress is pregnant at this time. This episode aired just a week after the previous episode, but who knows what order they were shot in, which I suppose is another reason not to give the character the same pregnancy as the actress. 🤷
Scene 5
Ante the dog hops off the table in the interview room, where Scarpa has her feet propped up. She is wearing blue suede slingbacks and a suit with a very short skirt that makes her legs look even longer.
DEWEY: Looks like you might be here a while, so can I get you a coffee or a tea?
SCARPA: Yeah, I'll take a coffee. Black.
DEWEY: Black. [He turns to the door.]
SCARPA: It's gonna be hard to drink it with these on.
She holds up her hands where her wrists are cuffed together and makes eyes at Dewey.
I mean, I don't think so? You can hold a coffee cup in two hands?
Scene 6
Welsh is in the hallway, walking and talking with Fraser and Kowalski.
WELSH: All right, where is she now?
KOWALSKI: Ah, she's in interview one. She's not being very helpful. Said she didn't see the guy.
WELSH: She's trying to cut a deal?
KOWALSKI: Uh, can't tell. I brought up those assault charges from the poker game in Arkansas. I said you'll do time, she says, "so I'll do time."
WELSH: Not easy to scare Denny Scarpa. This mook I know, his cousin sat at one of her tables, must have been ten years ago. Even then she had ice water in her veins.
KOWALSKI: Uh, she claims we tried to kill her.
FRASER: Well, she does have a point, Ray.
KOWALSKI: No, she doesn't have a point, she's just pissed that she didn't make me for a cop.
WELSH: Point is, if she doesn't identify this guy, she's not a material witness.
KOWALSKI: She was looking right at him.
WELSH: Oh, so she's lying? Why?
KOWALSKI: Uh, hiding something.
FRASER: Or perhaps she's frightened.
WELSH: Yeah, well, maybe I'd better go talk to this legend. See who's got the better bluff.
Fraser turns to leave Welsh's office, and his back seizes up.
FRASER: Mmf!
WELSH: What, what, back?
FRASER: Yeah.
WELSH: Back. Put both hands on the desk —
FRASER: [breathing through it] Mm-hmm. [puts both hands on the desk]
WELSH: — uh-huh. Take a knee. [He has both hands on the desk also and goes down to one knee next to Fraser.]
FRASER: [goes down to one knee, humming loudly through the pain as his back crackles like bubble wrap] Mmm!
WELSH: Now breathe.
FRASER: [vocalizing as he breathes deeply] Hoo.
WELSH: Breathe.
FRASER: Huhh.
Kowalski has gone to sit at Welsh's desk while this therapeutic stretching and breathing is going on. He breathes with Fraser and Welsh a couple of times and then looks up as two dudes come into the office and show badges.
WELSH: Oh. Feds.
FIRST DUDE: Agent White.
SECOND DUDE: Agent Exley.
WELSH: Oh, feds. [He and Kowalski help Fraser stand up.]
FIRST DUDE (WHITE): You want us to come back after yoga, gentlemen?
The feds smirk. Our heroes smile politely.
SECOND DUDE (EXLEY): You're Constable Benton Fraser of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
WHITE: First came to Chicago on the trail of his father's —
WELSH: Yes, he is. Now, what do you want?
EXLEY: Denny Scarpa.
WELSH: When we've finished.
WHITE: It's been cleared.
Exley hands Welsh a document he's pulled out of his inside jacket pocket. Welsh and Fraser and Kowalski look at it, unhappy.
It's no wonder Fraser's back is giving him trouble, being how he landed (a) hard (b) [right where the bullet is still threatening his spine(https://fox.dreamwidth.org/1503518.html#cutid3). Yikes.
White and Exley, of course, are the main characters in L.A. Confidential, the latter of whom is the son of a famous detective who was murdered—where have we heard this before? Anyway, I'll take Russell Crowe and Guy Pearce over these two cats any day.
Scene 7
In the interview room, Scarpa—no longer handcuffed—spreads out the cards.
HUEY: I play a little poker.
DEWEY: Me too.
SCARPA: Of course you do. All cops play poker. A little poker.
DEWEY: A little poker? What's that supposed to mean?
SCARPA: I'm just stating the facts, gentlemen. Card? [She has drawn a face card. They each draw a card as well.] Not quite good enough. Next.
The next time, Huey draws a 3; she draws an ace. Dewey draws a 6; she draws a 10. Huey draws a queen; she draws an ace. Dewey draws a 5; she draws an 8. Huey draws an 8; she draws a king. Dewey draws a king; she draws an ace. Huey draws an 8; she draws a jack. Dewey draws a 10; she draws a king.
DEWEY: No one can be that lucky.
SCARPA: [gathering the cards] Are you insinuating that I cheat, Detective?
As Dewey is doing a "you said it, not me" sort of shrug, Welsh comes in with the feds, who hold up their badges again.
WELSH: Gentlemen, take five.
WHITE: Agent White.
EXLEY: Agent Exley.
Huey and Dewey go with Welsh.
HUEY: Nice suits.
EXLEY: So. Denny Scarpa.
SCARPA: And you are?
WHITE: Couple of guys who might be able to help you out.
SCARPA: In exchange for?
EXLEY: You give us Alex Farah.
She considers this.
What would she have done if one of the detectives had drawn the ace of spades, I wonder?
Scene 8
White and Exley are bringing Scarpa out into the hallway.
WHITE: Hang onto her.
EXLEY: You clear it with Welsh.
SCARPA: Mind if I use the ladies'?
White stops and looks back over his shoulder at Exley. He nods. Exley nods. White nods. Exley nods. White nods. Exley nods.
EXLEY: Yeah, it's all right.
SCARPA: [nods] Okay. [Ante yips and runs off down the hallway.] Ante!
She shrugs at Exley and heads into the ladies' room. Exley sits down on the bench in the hallway to wait.
Goood.
Scene 9
White is in Welsh's office.
WHITE: We're gonna cut a deal.
WELSH: Ah. Imagine our surprise.
WHITE: She's got a game set up. We got word that one of the guys we're looking for is gonna be there. Alex Farah. He's suspected of extortion, market fraud, murder. He's a card player. Been out of the country for a couple of years, but he's coming back for a grudge match against Scarpa. We'd like to put in an appearance.
KOWALSKI: Well, Farah sounds rough. Why don't you just get Scarpa to tell you where the game is, you know, and —
WHITE: The lady's the attraction. He doesn't want to just play poker, he wants to go toe-to-toe with Lady Shoes. She doesn't show, he doesn't show. It's been a pleasure.
He smirks and scoots off.
WELSH: Those two guys bug me.
Scene 10
Scarpa is standing at the sink in the ladies' room. A civilian aide comes in wearing a heavy poncho.
SCARPA: Hi.
CIVILIAN AIDE: Hi. [She shrugs out of the poncho.] Ah. Feels good to get that thing off.
SCARPA: Yeah. Traffic bad?
CIVILIAN AIDE: A cop cut me off. You believe that?
SCARPA: Mm-hmm.
Both women laugh. The civilian aide goes into a stall; Scarpa looks at her poncho and bicycle helmet. On the bench out in the hall, Exley bends down to pull up one of his socks. Scarpa—for we can see her blue suede shoes—comes out of the ladies' room. Exley drops his badge. He picks it up and then drops his gun. He picks that up. He stands up; Scarpa, wearing the civilian aide's poncho, goes down the hall while Exley practices drawing his badge quickly like a gunslinger.
WHITE: We're all set. Where's Scarpa?
EXLEY: In the restroom.
CIVILIAN AIDE: [coming out of the restroom] Hey, where's my poncho?
EXLEY: Will you excuse me for a moment? [He goes into the ladies' room, then calls for his colleague.] Agent White?
White rolls his eyes and goes into the ladies' room.
The predictability of this stunt is slightly hampered for me by its depending on a poncho. Why is this civilian aide (apparently a civilian bicycle aide?) wearing a poncho? Is it raining?
Scene 11
Kowalski and Fraser are brainstorming with Welsh.
KOWALSKI: She saw him, Lieutenant. All we have to do is, um —
Francesca comes in with Ante the dog in her arms.
FRANCESCA: Sir, Scarpa got away. The feds let her go to the bathroom, and she —
WHITE AND EXLEY: She outwitted us.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. [She leaves. Ante hops up onto the sofa with Diefenbaker.]
WELSH: You want me to call the Bureau, or you guys think you can handle that?
WHITE: I think we should take a look at this from another angle, Lieutenant. You find her —
EXLEY: — we don't tell the Bureau that your station house lost a federal asset.
Their pagers go off simultaneously. They look at them, look at each other, and leave.
WELSH: Well, I guess we'd better find her.
KOWALSKI: How?
Those feds are a couple of fuckwits.
Scene 12
Ante is running down the street. Diefenbaker is following her. Fraser and Kowalski are following him.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, you think this is one of your good ideas, following around the wolf?
FRASER: It's the only lead we have, Ray.
The dogs go into an apartment building. Fraser and Kowalski follow them. The doorman blows a whistle.
DOORMAN: No dogs in the building!
KOWALSKI: Says who?
DOORMAN: Me.
KOWALSKI: [turns and keeps walking through the lobby] You are?
DOORMAN: I'm the guy who keeps the dogs out of the building.
KOWALSKI: And, uh, what about that dog? [Ante and Diefenbaker run into the elevator.]
DOORMAN: Well, that dog's different. That dog I know. This dog I don't know.
KOWALSKI: Well, this dog's with me.
DOORMAN: Yeah, and who are you?
KOWALSKI: Chicago PD. Where does this dog live?
DOORMAN: Fourteen-ten, but she's never in.
KOWALSKI: [as he and Fraser get on the elevator] Who, the dog?
DOORMAN: She's not a dog. No, she's got legs that go, uh, all the way to the top. [Fraser raises his eyebrows.] But like I said, she's never in.
KOWALSKI: Good, I'll leave a note. Out.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
The elevator door closes.
Scene 13
Ski Mask is changing his shirt in Scarpa's bathroom. She is wrapping up in a white silk bathrobe.
SCARPA: Not so smart to come here, Joey.
SKI MASK (JOEY): Well, you're okay, you got out of it.
SCARPA: Yeah, I took care of it. But the game is still on.
JOEY: What for? We got plenty of money.
SCARPA: Mm, just one more time.
JOEY: It's dangerous.
The dogs are running down the hallway. Fraser and Kowalski are following them.
FRASER: We aren't really going to leave a note, are we.
KOWALSKI: No. We're gonna break in, look through her personal possessions, and use her can without a warrant.
Scarpa and Joey are kissing.
SCARPA: Just one more time, and then we can be together always. [Diefenbaker barks. Scarpa and Joey look at the door, startled; then she gets a gun off her hall table.] Joey. Take this.
The apartment door opens, Kowalski having picked the lock; he and Fraser are surprised to see Scarpa there.
KOWALSKI: Look, generally it's not a great bet to come back to your place of residence once you've escaped police custody.
Fraser and Scarpa are kind of staring at each other, intrigued, when Joey scoots out behind Fraser and Kowalski and runs away down the hall. Fraser turns and follows him. Kowalski follows Fraser. Joey gets to the end of the hall, turns around, and fires at Fraser, who ducks back around a corner. He chases Joey down the stairs and outside. He doesn't see Joey, but he hears tires squealing. A small sporty car comes screeching down the alley. Kowalski comes running, takes aim at the car, and realizes even if he shoots it he's going to get run over. He turns and runs; Fraser grabs him by the coat and lifts him out of the path of the car, because of course Fraser is clinging to a line connecting the buildings across the alley.
FRASER: [can't hold on] I'm sorry! [He drops Kowalski and then lets go of the line and falls to the ground.] Augh!
KOWALSKI: Damn it, Fraser, if you were gonna drop a guy, you gotta say something first, like, "Ray, I'm gonna drop you."
FRASER: I'm sorry, Ray, but with my back being the way it is, it was extremely difficult to hang on.
KOWALSKI: Okay, I guess I'll let it go this time. You get a plate?
FRASER: No, I was otherwise occupied.
KOWALSKI: I guess I gotta do everything.
FRASER: Oh, so you got the plate, then?
KOWALSKI: [helping him stand up] No, I did not get the plate, Fraser, but —
FRASER: All right, well, what did you get?
KOWALSKI: — I got the girl.
They look up; they can't see from the alley, but 14 floors above them, Denny Scarpa's bare foot is cuffed by the ankle to her hall table.
I don't see why she doesn't just lift the table out of the cuff? It's not as if it's bolted to the floor? So I don't know, maybe she's not that bright after all.
I do enjoy the extras going by at the end of the alley puzzled and entertained by Fraser and Kowalski lying there on their backs talking to each other. (They can't be random passers-by, can they?, because randos would stop and try to watch the scene being filmed, which wouldn't do at all.)
The license plate on the car was LGB 648. We've seen that one before.
Scene 14
Kowalski is waiting in the alley for where Fraser is bringing Scarpa, now dressed normally, down to join him.
SCARPA: People lose money, they carry grudges. It's a danger that comes with the territory. It's just never been this close.
FRASER: You say you've never seen this man before. You've never played with him?
SCARPA: Mm-mm.
FRASER: Likely he was hired by a third party. Uh, if you don't mind me saying so, you pursue a very dangerous occupation. [Kowalski turns his back so Fraser can't see him smiling as they approach.]
SCARPA: You know, the strange thing is, I wanted to be a physician. I was in premed at NYU, and one weekend sat down at an open table in Atlantic City. Put my textbooks in the garbage can, and I never looked back.
FRASER: Do you regret it?
SCARPA: After this thing? Yes.
KOWALSKI: [as she gets in his car] Watch your head. [He closes the door.] Don't tell me, Fraser. She is one great lady. She feeds starving children. So we're gonna have to stick out our skinny necks.
FRASER: Well, I'm not sure about the starving children, Ray, but —
KOWALSKI: You're a good guy, Fraser. And one of the good things about you is you take people at face value. She's different. She is a card shark.
FRASER: Ray, we know that this man is dangerous, and that he probably came here to eliminate a witness. And if that's the case, he'll undoubtedly try again. Furthermore, in the absence of a hard and fast deal, if we hand her over to the federal agents it's unlikely that her protection will be a high priority.
KOWALSKI: Do not fall for her, Fraser.
FRASER: We have to protect her.
KOWALSKI: [looks over the top of his sunglasses] Do not fall for her.
FRASER: I'm not.
KOWALSKI: All right. What's the plan?
- Fraser is totally falling for her. Observe that he says "I'm not" in the same tone he used in "Bird in the Hand" to say "[I don't sulk](https://fox.dreamwidth.org/1506769.html#cutid19)" when he was, in fact, sulking.
- I'm getting tired of his assumption that women need protecting.
- Before anyone argues that Kowalski should have said "card sharp" instead of "card shark," I looked into it, and both terms have been in use for more than 100 years.
Scene 15
In his office at the consulate, Fraser hands Scarpa one of his red union suits. (He himself has taken off his tunic but is otherwise still in uniform.)
FRASER: Of course, I'm not, uh, well, I'm not sure what it is that you actually wear when you're not, uh, when you're not wearing any clothes. I mean, when you're — ah, sleeping — this may not be appropriate.
SCARPA: No, it's perfect. Thank you. [awkward pause] Are you just going to stand there and watch me, or —
FRASER: Oh, I'm sor— [He covers his face.] — ah, I'm sorry.
He dashes for the door and goes out into the hall. Thatcher comes in the front door of the consulate.
THATCHER: [sternly] Fraser! [Then she basically skips over to him, tossing her head from side to side. She is drunk.] Fraser, Fraser, Fraser, Fraser, Fraser. [She holds onto him and speaks earnestly.] Off duty and still working. [She pokes at one of his shirt buttons and then, when he looks down at it, tweaks his nose.] You really gotta learn to relax. I mean, look at me. [She steps back so he can look at her and almost falls off her shoes.] How do — how do I seem? [She walks around him.]
FRASER: How — do you seem, sir? [He turns around to follow her; she drapes her arm around his shoulder as they both spin.]
THATCHER: Yeah. I mean, do I seem tense to you?
FRASER: Uh, no, sir, you appear to be very loose-limbed.
THATCHER: [whispers] That would be the Latin influence. [A car horn does "shave and a haircut."] That would be a Latin horn. [She nods matter-of-factly.]
FRASER: A Latin horn.
THATCHER: I gotta pee. [She goes into her office.] I was having tapas with the Spanish ambassador. [A man comes in the front door.] He's remarkably erudite. [The man sprays breath freshener in his mouth. Fraser is kind of paralyzed with horror.] Learned, well-read, and really, really, really hot-bodded. [She returns from her office, wearing her coat, carrying a bottle, and catches Fraser again so she doesn't fall.]
SPANISH AMBASSADOR: ♫ Volare, oh! ♫
THATCHER: See what I mean?
SPANISH AMBASSADOR: ♫ Cantare, whoa-oh-oh-oh! ♫
THATCHER: Um, we're gonna continue — um —
SPANISH AMBASSADOR: ♫ Let's fly way up to the clouds — ♫
THATCHER: [whispers to Fraser] I, um. I have a really high level power, um, meeting at oh-nine-hundred hours, so don't — I'm gonna be late.
SPANISH AMBASSADOR: ♫ — away from the maddening crowds — ♫ [Thatcher goes to join him. Denny Scarpa peeks out Fraser's office door; Thatcher and the ambassador are leaving the building.] You are so beautiful in the moonlight.
I . . . kind of love Drunk Thatcher. I also enjoy Fraser standing there having no real idea what (if anything) to do—although he should probably be glad she's off her face, because Sober Thatcher doesn't like it when he houses random women in the consulate even when Fraser is the only one wearing a union suit—but Drunk Thatcher is pleasing me greatly.
Scene 16
Fraser switches on a desk lamp and sits down. He is looking at a file prominently headed "Adoption Release Information" with a "CONFIDENTIAL" stamp on it. Scarpa drops some cards in front of him—a couple of aces and a couple of something else, maybe face cards or maybe jokers—and gives him eyes when he looks up and she reaches down to pick them back up again. He moves his file out of the way and looks up at her, a little enraptured. She is sitting on the edge of the desk, which it turns out is the reception desk in the consulate front corridor. She spreads the cards out in front of him. He picks one. She picks one.
FRASER: [picking another one] You handle cards very well.
SCARPA: [picking another one] It's what I do.
FRASER: [picking another one] Are you naturally lucky, or do you cheat?
SCARPA: [picking another one] That depends on how you define cheating. [She gives him a flirty smile. A dog whines a bit; she looks over at where Diefenbaker and Ante are spooning.] Looks cozy, doesn't it? [Fraser starts to get up from the desk but sits back down again, massaging his back. Scarpa moves around behind him.] Is it sore? Is it here?
FRASER: Yes.
SCARPA: [kneading] I used to do this for my dad when he'd get home working late. [Fraser exhales in relief. She keeps working.] My kid brother, too. Do you have a brother?
FRASER: No.
SCARPA: Sister?
FRASER: No.
SCARPA: It's tough when they can't take care of themselves. My kid brother was just one mess after another. Right here? [She is driving her thumbs into his back between the suspenders.]
FRASER: Mm-hm. You handle muscles well also. [His head is hanging forward.] Do you mind if I ask you a question?
SCARPA: Mm-mm.
FRASER: Are you protecting someone?
SCARPA: [She has moved up to his shoulders.] Just myself and my dog.
FRASER: Sounds very lonely.
SCARPA: You tell me.
FRASER: Are you suggesting our situations are similar?
SCARPA: Both outsiders, one step ahead of everybody else. Yeah, I think so.
FRASER: What do you plan to do about the FBI and Mr. Farah?
SCARPA: If I can't cut a deal I'll face charges, and if I can cut a deal I'll face Farah. Either way I'm kind of boxed in.
FRASER: It's a dangerous game.
SCARPA: Life is a dangerous game. The trick is to minimize the risk.
FRASER: How do you plan to minimize the risk in the game with Farah?
SCARPA: I'd have to have someone with me. Someone I could trust.
FRASER: Someone like me, you mean?
SCARPA: [speaking right into the back of his neck] You would be perfect.
She continues massaging his shoulders. He continues moaning. There is a knock at the door.
FRASER: I should answer that.
SCARPA: You're bluffing, right? [another knock]
FRASER: [sits up, leans back into her for a moment] No, I never bluff. [another knock] Excuse me.
He gets up and goes to the door. She makes a pouty face and sits in the desk chair. Kowalski and an older man come in when Fraser opens up.
KOWALSKI: This is Tommy, our sketch artist. [Tommy is looking around, a little awed. Kowalski looks at Fraser without his tunic, looks back at Scarpa sitting at the desk, and tugs at his collar for a second.] Ah, don't you feel a little, ah, naked without the, ah, long johns?
FRASER: I have several pair.
KOWALSKI: Hmm. [Fraser and Scarpa are still doing a lot of eye contact.] Ah, ballistics was positive with the gun. The guy who was shooting at us was the same guy who took down the game.
TOMMY: [whistles from the double doors] This is nice. Really nice.
FRASER: Thank you.
TOMMY: Real wood and everything.
KOWALSKI: Tommy doesn't get out much.
FRASER: Ah.
KOWALSKI: This is your witness.
TOMMY: [comes past Kowalski to peer at Scarpa] The woman?
KOWALSKI: Right.
"Depends on how you define cheating" means she totally cheats, doesn't it.
But mainly: That massage scene was not far shy of soft porn, holy crap. The low light, the sultry music, the moaning? The last time we saw Fraser this intimate and unguarded with anyone was when he put Victoria's fingers in his mouth, which of course means, 🚨🚨🚨
Scene 17
Tommy and Scarpa are sitting at the table in the conference room. He has a sketch pad right up under his nose.
KOWALSKI: Blind as a bat — damn, he knows his way around a pencil. Fraser. [They step out into the hallway.] Uh, you know what the hell you're doing?
FRASER: What is it you think I'm doing?
KOWALSKI: Ah, you tell me. You're the one who's got a shark swimming around in your underwear.
See in cable syndication you can do a lot more innuendo than you could do when you were on network television so I know they're talking about all of her rather than about any part of him but they also just went ahead and said SHARK IN HIS UNDERWEAR?!
FRASER: It's purely a matter of practicality, Ray. Her clothes were not particularly conducive to sleeping.
KOWALSKI: Oh, so you just had to take them off. [He cuts the cards: 2 of diamonds.]
FRASER: No, she managed that all by herself. [He cuts the cards: We don't see what he gets, but it's safe to assume he wins.]
KOWALSKI: Look, Fraser, all I'm trying to say here is this woman is a dangerous customer. I mean, she's covering angles, she's looking at the odds, she's looking for insurance. This is not the, you know, little girl from the igloo next door.
FRASER: You think she's protecting someone?
KOWALSKI: Yeah, maybe. Boyfriend.
FRASER: But we have no proof of that.
KOWALSKI: Oh, man, is she reeling you in.
FRASER: Well, why do you say that?
KOWALSKI: Would you be so diplomatic if she wasn't such a beautiful woman?
FRASER: Certainly.
KOWALSKI: Awful thing is, I believe you.
Tommy comes out of the conference room and fondles the baluster at the bottom of the stairs.
TOMMY: Mahogany. All done.
No proof that she's protecting someone, Fraser? Did we not learn underneath Lake Superior that Kowalski's instincts are worth listening to?
Scene 18
Tommy has drawn a pencil sketch of someone who doesn't, to my eyes, look much like Joey.
FRASER: Admittedly I did only catch a glimpse of him and he was wearing a hat, but I was quite sure his hair was dark.
SCARPA: No, I'm pretty sure it was blond. This is him.
KOWALSKI: Uh, get that out on the wire right away. [Tommy takes the sketch book and heads further back into the consulate.] Tommy, Tommy. [He points to the front door. Tommy turns around and goes.]
TOMMY: Real cherrywood. Wow.
SCARPA: Well, good night. Dief! Ante! [She claps her hands and whistles. The dogs follow her back to Fraser's office.]
FRASER: Good night. [He waves.]
KOWALSKI: Night.
They stand there and watch her go.
Scene 19
Scarpa lets the dogs into Fraser's office and closes the door behind her. She picks up his phone and dials. Out in the corridor, the doorbell rings.
WHITE: Agent White.
EXLEY: Agent Exley.
WHITE: Where is she?
KOWALSKI: No idea.
EXLEY: Is that why you needed a sketch artist this evening?
KOWALSKI: No, the thing of it is, I love art. Paintings, mostly. A sculpture does not turn my crank. Uh, but I love oils and watercolors, and — [Scarpa has come out of Fraser's office and appeared in the corridor behind them.] Hey, now! Where the hell did she come from?
WHITE: You just brought yourself some trouble.
FRASER: Trouble?
WHITE AND EXLEY: With a capital T.
She couldn't claim asylum?
Scene 20
In Welsh's office, White and Exley put their badges back in their pockets.
WHITE AND EXLEY: We're filing charges.
WELSH: What charges?
EXLEY: Harboring a fugitive, for starters.
WELSH: Well, she's our fugitive. Maybe he was just holding her.
EXLEY: In the Canadian consulate?
WELSH: A bit unorthodox.
WHITE: I don't want to hear about it.
EXLEY: We're taking her, right now.
WELSH: Or else what?
WHITE: We'll take your boy here instead.
KOWALSKI: Boy?
FRASER: Ah, gentlemen, I think I may have a solution to this.
WHITE: What?
FRASER: Well, I've spoken to Ms. Scarpa, and I believe that she'll agree to cooperate with you on one condition.
EXLEY: Condition being?
FRASER: She wants someone at the table that she can trust.
WHITE: You?
EXLEY: She trusts you?
FRASER: I believe she does, yes.
WHITE AND EXLEY: [look at each other for a moment, then back at our heroes] You're on. [Their phones ring; they answer as they leave Welsh's office.]
WHITE: Agent White.
EXLEY: Agent Exley.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, you don't know how to play poker.
FRASER: No, I — well, I'm not entirely unfamiliar with it, Ray. Although perhaps a refresher course in some of the fundamentals might be a good idea. Is an ace still considered a high card?
Fraser, Fraser, Fraser, you are someone she can use.
Scene 21
Kowalski and Fraser and Huey and Dewey and Welsh are playing poker.
KOWALSKI: Okay, this is retarded.
[flinch] Ooh, he said that. Oof. It was 1998 all right.
KOWALSKI: You cannot learn to play poker in one night and hope to beat a shark.
FRASER: Possibly. Although, you know, one time I did manage to learn almost all of Milton's Paradise Lost in a single evening. Of course, my chances for survival were very slim at the time, I had to keep my mind very focused —
KOWALSKI: Ah! Prove it.
FRASER: Prove what?
KOWALSKI: Do the, uh, Paradise Lost thing.
FRASER: Of Man's first Disobedience, and the Fruit of that forbidden Tree whose mortal Taste brought Death into the World, and all our Woe, with Loss of —
KOWALSKI: Okay, okay, okay. Maybe we got a shot. Okay, let's get down to basics. Poker is a game of money and deception.
WELSH: Penalties go to the weak, rewards go to the strong.
HUEY: In poker, you're on your own.
DEWEY: The loser makes himself a loser.
KOWALSKI: And the winner makes himself a winner.
FRASER: I see. And where do the cards fit into this?
KOWALSKI: Ah, the cards are incidental. Think about it this way: Poker is sheer justice. [He deals. They are betting with m&ms.] Okay, low card brings it in. [Everyone places one candy in the pot.] Okay, we are on Fourth Street.
FRANCESCA: I bet my salary on Fraser. A year's worth. [She drapes her arm over his shoulder.] Hi, Frase.
FRASER: Francesca.
WELSH: That would be illegal, Ms. Vecchio.
FRANCESCA: Why?
WELSH: The state of Illinois has laws against illegal gaming, okay. Betting on poker, even a small sum such as your salary, would be considered illegal.
FRANCESCA: [She reaches for Kowalski's m&ms. He swats her hand away.] Well, that's just stupid.
WELSH: Stupid or not, it's the law, and you should know the law if you wanna become a —
FRANCESCA: [smacks his shoulder] Hey, sir, watch your cards there.
FRASER: If you want to become a what, Francesca?
FRANCESCA: Um — nothing, I was just musing. Hypothetically. Can't, ah, gamble since I can't break the law.
KOWALSKI: Oh, yeah? Since when? [deals more cards] Down and dirty.
FRANCESCA: This morning.
FRASER: Oh, ah — do I still have to bet?
KOWALSKI, WELSH, HUEY, AND DEWEY: Yes.
FRASER: But I've already won. It would seem to be gloating. [They all roll their eyes and put down their cards. Fraser clears his throat.] Well, it would seem that I have a blush, four low. [He puts down the 4, 6, 8, 9, and ace of diamonds.]
WELSH: Constable, you have a flush, and it's ace high, and you can't do that. You can't be bluffing when you're not bluffing.
FRASER: I wasn't bluffing, sir, I was just telling the truth.
KOWALSKI: Poker is not about the truth.
WELSH: It's about deception, Constable.
HUEY: You stink, Fraser.
FRASER: Of what?
KOWALSKI, WELSH, HUEY, AND DEWEY: The truth!
"We are on Fourth Street" just means Kowalski is dealing out the fourth card of the hand.
Huey has played poker with Fraser before, is the thing. (We talked then about how gambling is illegal in Illinois, too, but the show seems to overlook that when it's inconvenient.) Remember, he lied to get him to fold a straight flush. Fraser's been hit on the head a couple of times since then, but why wouldn't Huey remember that?
Scene 22
Welsh and Kowalski are sitting on the couch in Welsh's office, drinking whiskey.
WELSH: You think Fraser's up to this?
KOWALSKI: As long as he doesn't have to lie.
WELSH: Or bluff.
KOWALSKI: Or hold.
WELSH: I guess cheating is out of the question.
KOWALSKI: Imagine living like that?
WELSH AND KOWALSKI: Forget about it!
Welsh takes a sip of his drink.
WELSH: How 'bout those feds?
They both burst out laughing.
Scene 23
Scarpa, back in her own clothes, is curled up on the cot in the holding cell with Ante and Diefenbaker. Fraser watches her for a moment, then turns to go. She sits up.
SCARPA: Leaving?
FRASER: [comes back, cocks his head, looks at her fondly] I thought you were sleeping.
SCARPA: You've been up all night.
FRASER: Hmm. As have you? [She nods.] Are you nervous about tomorrow?
SCARPA: Yeah, I'm scared. I had a run-in with Farah a couple of years back. He's a tough guy. He'll have bodyguards. Anything can happen.
FRASER: You think something will happen?
SCARPA: I don't know. I'm a card player, not a psychic.
FRASER: You know, sometimes telling the truth is the only way out.
SCARPA: [comes over to face him through the bars] You'll never make a poker player.
FRASER: Well, actually, I, ah — I won a bag of candy. [He's got like a pound of m&ms in a plastic bag. He offers her some.]
SCARPA: Anyone can win when the stakes don't matter.
FRASER: True enough. I took the liberty of looking into your record.
SCARPA: Of course.
FRASER: You were arrested for assault in connection with a knifing at a poker game in Arkansas.
SCARPA: [nods] When in Rome.
FRASER: And you confessed to the stabbing even though witnesses at the scene said your brother Larry actually committed the crime.
SCARPA: Witnesses can be wrong.
FRASER: Or you could have been protecting your brother. He had a record. A judge would have been stern with him.
SCARPA: You look out for your family. Larry — he couldn't take care of himself.
FRASER: What color is his hair?
SCARPA: Dark. Was. Larry's dead. He couldn't let things go. He was in Bakersfield and ran into another man who couldn't let things go. And I wasn't there to help him. [She leans closer to him, face between the bars.] Are you testing me?
FRASER: Yes.
SCARPA: [hands on his chest] Can I trust you?
FRASER: Mm-hm.
She touches his face. He leans closer; they kiss.
SCARPA: Then why can't you trust me?
FRASER: Who says I don't? [He gives her the bag of candy.] I should go.
After the neck massage in scene 17, that kiss was practically chaste. (Practically.)
Scene 24
Fraser has put his tunic back on and is splashing water on his face in the gents'. Kowalski comes in but doesn't say anything.
FRASER: You know, my father used to say that duty was a passion. Maybe the only one that really counted.
KOWALSKI: You have no duty here, Fraser. All you got is risk. You know, what if you start to sweat and Farah twigs to the scam? I mean, anything could go down.
FRASER: Well, I'm aware there are risks.
KOWALSKI: You know, Fraser, ah — when I was in college, I used to go to the track and play the horses. One day I was down there and I met this, ah, chick from Albany. She had a good line. And I bought it — hook, line, sinker — you know, before she left, she'd taken everything.
FRASER: You think I'm confusing duty with passion?
KOWALSKI: No. I think that, um, there's a lot of things that you can do with a woman like this, but trusting them is not one of 'em.
FRASER: Who says I trust her?
🤨 It's been less than 90 seconds since he asked her who said he doesn't trust her. Turns out our boy does know how to bluff.
KOWALSKI: You telling me everything? You can back out, you know.
FRASER: No, I can't do that.
Can he not back out because doing this scam is going to make him a man?
Scene 25
Fraser meets Francesca at the bottom of the stairs on the way into the squad room.
FRASER: Ah, Francesca, I wonder if you'd mind looking up some information for me?
FRANCESCA: Sure, Frase, but first, can I ask you a question about your work? [They go into the squad room—]
FRASER: Well, of course I'll try to answer, but as a member of the RCMP I have taken an oath of secrecy. As a consequence, there are certain matters that I am bound not to discuss. [—and now they're coming down the stairs and going in again, as if they were living in an Escher drawing.]
FRANCESCA: What do you mean? Like about the Queen and Inspector Thatcher?
FRASER: Well, I am loyal to them both. However, actually, I was referring to — well, discussions of matters that might compromise national security.
FRANCESCA: Oh.
FRASER: So, what do you want to know?
FRANCESCA: Yeah, um. Is the hat really necessary?
FRASER: Absolutely essential. [He flips his hat and puts it on.] This is the information I require. [He hands her a piece of paper.]
FRANCESCA: Okay.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
He leaves, and she heads back toward the squad room, where Kowalski is in the hallway.
KOWALSKI: What were you guys just talking about?
FRANCESCA: Nothing. Headgear.
KOWALSKI: Come on, he just gave you a piece of paper. What, what, what, what was on the paper? [He hops over a mop someone is pushing in the squad room.]
FRANCESCA: Nothing, Ray! Just take it — he just wanted me to look over a few things for him. Why? Is that a crime, too? Because, because if that's a crime as well, then there's just way too many crimes, and I can't get — all these crimes in my head, I'm going to have to rethink the whole thing.
KOWALSKI: You do that. You think. That, that, that would be a good hobby for you.
The janitor with the mop comes in the door Francesca just went out, because the Escher drawing is still going.
Scene 26
Diefenbaker and Ante are in the hallway outside Scarpa's apartment. Fraser and Kowalski are there with Scarpa.
SCARPA: All right, I have to get ready now. I can't eat on game day. I can't use mint toothpaste. I can't face any corner of the room for more than ten seconds. And I can't smell a man until I sit at the table. So you both are going to have to leave.
KOWALSKI: I knew gamblers were superstitious, but —
SCARPA: It's not superstition, it's discipline. And discipline is part of the game.
KOWALSKI: And this discipline works?
SCARPA: I win. [She shuts the door in their faces.]
FRASER: I think I'll stay here.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, I'll go cover the rear exit. Wake me if anything happens.
In the apartment, Scarpa checks a revolver to make sure it's loaded, then does a tiny secret smile.
Although she has a Russian name, the actress was born in Las Vegas, so damned if I can see why she should suddenly in the beginning of this scene seem to have a trace of an accent.
Scene 27
Fraser and his Chicago PD pals are moving away along a hotel hallway in formation: Kowalski and Welsh in the front, Fraser in red in the middle, Huey and Dewey in the back. Huey has a garment bag over his shoulder.
DEWEY: He can't wear a tuxedo.
HUEY: Why not?
DEWEY: Because he'll look like a waiter at Chico's.
WELSH: Only if it's light blue.
HUEY: It's not blue. It's black and beautiful, just like me.
KOWALSKI: He's gotta look expensive, like the boys in Vegas.
WELSH: Vegas? They wear track suits.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, but he's gotta look like he knows what he's doing. He's gotta look slick. He's gotta look —
They turn a corner, coming forward along the hallway, and the conversation resumes. Same formation, but now Fraser is in black tie.
KOWALSKI: — good. You look good. You look, uh —
DEWEY: Sharp.
HUEY: Très sharp.
WELSH: Yeah, you're a real fashion plate, Constable. [Kowalski's phone rings.] Look, here's your stake, courtesy Chicago PD.
KOWALSKI: [answering his phone] Yeah, Vecchio.
WELSH: Now, understand that anything you earn off of that belongs to the Chicago Police Department.
FRASER: Ah, yes, sir.
WELSH: Let's check out the setup. [He goes in a door.]
DEWEY: You want another card and the dealer's smiling? Don't take it. [He goes in.]
HUEY: And if the guy next to you smells like bacon bits, definitely see him and raise him. [He goes in.]
KOWALSKI: That was Frannie. She got the information you wanted. Curious?
FRASER: I appreciate it.
KOWALSKI: [checking his notes] Two years ago, Farah played a game in Bakersfield. The night ended with a homicide. That was the last time Farah was seen in the country. The deceased was a guy named Lawrence Packard. What does that mean?
WELSH: [sticks his head back out into the hall] All right, showtime. Let's go, Detective. Good luck, Constable.
Hmm, a man named Lawrence was killed in Bakersfield, not unlike Denny Scarpa's brother Larry? Hmm. Never mind: Has this whole episode been an excuse to get Fraser into a tuxedo? Because I'm okay with that.
Scene 28
Welsh and Kowalski are in the room with a couple of dozen feds watching the game on monitors.
WELSH: Is he all right?
KOWALSKI: I don't know, he's a little whacked.
EXLEY: Here's our next player. This one's Malone.
WHITE: Out of Oklahoma. Oil money. Plays the circuit. [On the monitor, Malone gives an attendant his coat.]
EXLEY: Runner up, ninety-five World Championships, Reno.
WHITE: Next guest.
The attendant opens the door for Fraser.
FRASER: Good evening. [He looks around for a moment and then steps into the suite. Scarpa is looking out the window nursing a martini. She turns around and sees Fraser step up to the bar, where he fumbles to take a brandy from the bartender.] Ah, cider. Thank you kindly. [He sniffs the glass.] Ooh. Stiff apples.
Scarpa raises her glass to him and nods. She goes off in one direction; he goes the other.
WHITE: Mountie's in place.
EXLEY: Nice tux.
WHITE: For a rental.
HUEY: Hey, I own that tux.
EXLEY: What do you charge?
White chuckles. They hear a knock on the game room door. The attendant opens it and three guys come in.
WHITE: Here we go.
EXLEY: It's Farah. Game's on.
Okay I think "Hey, I own that tux" / "What do you charge?" is funny.
Scene 29
Fraser and the other guests are mingling before the game. Scarpa steps over to the bar and puts her drink down.
CARSON: Name's Carson. Steel-Eyes Carson. So — cold up in Canada?
FRASER: Well, it can be, yes.
FARAH: [coming over to Scarpa] Delighted. [He kisses her hand.]
SCARPA: Glad you could make it. Gentlemen, shall we get started?
They all take their places around the table. Besides Fraser, Carson, Farah, and Scarpa, there are two other guys—Malone, who came in earlier, and Joey.
CARSON: I went north once. Looking for bear. Froze my little toe.
FRASER: You know, Steel-Eyes, extremities are often insufficiently protected against the challenge of the northern winter. As a matter of fact, I once knew a man who lost the crotch of his pants on a barbed wired fence, and later that night, a particularly harsh night, he almost lost his, ah — [Kowalski and Welsh and Huey and Dewey and the feds are watching them on the monitor.] — well, that's a, that's another story. So where is everyone else from?
MALONE, FARAH, CARSON, SCARPA, AND JOEY: Miami.
KOWALSKI: We'd better go in.
WHITE: That's not the protocol, Detective.
KOWALSKI: It's not the what?
WHITE: We're pursuing the AC strategy.
WELSH: AC?
EXLEY: Al Capone.
WHITE: We got witnesses lined up to testify against Farah.
EXLEY: No one will testify unless he's in custody.
WHITE: So we'll nail him on gaming. But to get this charge to stick —
EXLEY: — Farah's got to take a pot.
They've got monitors on three of the players as well as on the whole table.
CARSON: You in?
FRASER: Well, let me see. There's fifty-two cards in a deck, four cards in any given suit. Now, what is the possibility of getting three of those four cards in a seven-hand game, with none of them showing, um — well, I don't think the odds can be any greater than one in two thousand, seven hundred and fifty-six.
JOEY: Are you playing, or talking?
SCARPA: Let him bet, Joey.
Fraser bets. Farah calls. Fraser turns his cards over; Farah glares at him and throws his cards down. Fraser has won.
FRASER: Terribly sorry.
WHITE: What's your man doing?
WELSH: He's winning.
FRASER: [raking in the pot] There is something compelling about having vast quantities of money coming in one's direction, isn't there? [Kowalski laughs.]
EXLEY: This is not good.
WHITE: Farah has to take a pot.
EXLEY: We can't take Farah.
All the feds sip their coffee.
Relax, you pinheads, it's been one hand.
Scene 30
Farah is betting.
FARAH: One thousand.
CARSON: [calls] Looks like the makings of a flush to Steel Eyes.
FRASER: Steel Eyes. That's an interesting moniker, Mr. Carson. Perhaps I should adopt a nickname.
FARAH: We could call you Big Mouth.
FRASER: Now, that would seem to be apt. And you're known as Lady Shoes, I believe. [Joey feels like this conversation is hinky.]
SCARPA: Some people call me that.
FRASER: And your last name, Scarpa, that's not your name from birth, is it?
SCARPA: [staring him down] Maybe it is and maybe it isn't.
FRASER: Ah. If I'm not mistaken, ah — your given name was actually Packard.
FARAH: Packard?
Music cue: "Ancient of the Old" by Christina Quinn.
KOWALSKI: Packard?
WELSH: What's he doing?
Kowalski shakes his head. He doesn't know.
He's going rogue, that's what he's doing.
Packard wouldn't have been her given name, of course; he means it was her original surname. I guess this is where they pay off the adoption records he was looking at in scene 17?
FRASER: [dealing] Truly fascinating game, poker. Very few pursuits so effortlessly combine money, deception, truth — and so often, the real stakes far exceed what's actually on the table.
KOWALSKI: He's showing his hand. We gotta go.
WHITE: We sit tight.
FRASER: By way of example, I only recently heard of a game that was played in Bakersfield.
JOEY: [scratching his temple] Who cares?
FRASER: The stakes were so high they resulted in a homicide. A man by the name of Lawrence Packard. [Farah nods to one of his bodyguards. The bodyguard looks at Joey.] Cards?
The monitor shows that Joey's right little fingernail is long and black.
KOWALSKI: This is the guy from the takedown.
EXLEY: What are you talking about?
KOWALSKI: It's a setup, you morons. Packard was her brother. Denny's here to take out Farah, and Joey is the trigger man. Let's move, now!
WHITE: We sit tight.
KOWALSKI: We move! Now!
WHITE: Hold your positions, men.
Kowalski storms out.
FRASER: Mr. Farah, you were at Bakersfield, were you not?
FARAH: [throws his cards at Fraser] What kind of game are you playing?
FRASER: I believe it's called poker.
Kowalski leans out over a skylight above the poker table. The cameras go all Dutch. Denny Scarpa looks one way. Farah looks another. Kowalski looks down through the skylight.
She walks the narrow cobblestones
Plots on her escape
She doesn't know method or magic
A waiter brings another round of drinks on a silver tray. Fraser takes one and sees Kowalski reflected in the tray. Fraser does the "bunt" sign, swiping his thumb over the end of his nose. Kowalski does the same. In the monitor, Welsh has seen Fraser do this.
She can see the other circle
Almost close enough to touch
Now it's time
WELSH: We move. [He and Huey and Dewey move out.]
Farah snaps his fingers. His bodyguards draw their guns. Fraser looks up. Kowalski jumps down through the skylight, landing straight on the table. The players scatter. The door to the room bursts open and feds pour in.
She opens up the window
To the [something] cold
Lets the music move [something]
WHITE: Federal agents! Nobody move!
Fraser jumps up and restrains Farah.
[more lyrics]
KOWALSKI: Freeze! Chicago PD.
FRASER: Thank you, Ray.
KOWALSKI: No problem, Fraser.
WELSH: Drop it! Move and you're dead.
[more lyrics]
Fraser looks around and realizes that the room is full of men with guns—but not Denny Scarpa. He rushes off to find her. She is in fact standing on a ledge. He steps out into another part of the suite and over to a window. She is creeping along the ledge (wearing some lovely strappy shoes that nobody in her right mind would be wearing with nylons on her feet, come on) when the ledge gives way and she starts to fall. Fraser reaches through the window and grabs her arm just in time. She screams.
FRASER: You play a dangerous game.
SCARPA: Farah killed my brother.
FRASER: So you ordered Joey to kill Farah.
SCARPA: Just trying to even out the game.
FRASER: Using me in the process.
SCARPA: You could have let me go.
FRASER: Who says I won't let you go now?
SCARPA: You're bluffing.
FRASER: I never bluff.
He lets go of her hand! but immediately, before she's done screaming, grabs her with his other hand.
SCARPA: I thought you said you didn't bluff.
FRASER: I'm learning.
He pulls her up. White and Exley are holding their badges up in the next window.
The Joey-and-Denny thing feels a little underdeveloped to me. He's the trigger man, but he apparently doesn't know that she's out to get Farah for personal reasons rather than just to rob everyone at her game and keep all the money for herself (although if she's that good, either at poker or at cheating, why does she need to have Joey come in and bomb the place to get all the money)? But anyway, he's had enough and wants to get out of this line of work, and she talks him into doing one more game—only he's at the table in this one rather than disrupting it, so, okay—and then they can be together always? So basically she's using him even more than she's using Fraser, right? But why on earth can't she shoot Farah herself with that gun she was smiling about a few minutes ago? I don't really see the point of Joey at all, to be honest.
Scene 31
Fraser and Kowalski are at Kowalski's desk. Fraser is still wearing his tuxedo, though he's taken off his jacket. The guy with the mop is still at it. Diefenbaker and Ante are sitting together by the door.
KOWALSKI: So she's off to Club Fed. Five card, one draw. What tipped you off?
FRASER: Well, there was something about her manner in the hotel room that suggested that she wasn't truly in any mortal peril. Also, she claimed to have been a medical student at New York University, but there was no record to support that claim. What's the ante?
KOWALSKI: I don't know, we'll, ah, play for air.
FRASER: All right. [He mimes throwing something in the pot.] Ante is in. In addition, when she was kissing me —
KOWALSKI: Wait a minute. You kissed her?
FRASER: Well, no, she kissed me.
KOWALSKI: What was it like?
FRASER: The kiss? Delightful.
KOWALSKI: Why didn't you tell me?
FRASER: That the kiss was delightful?
KOWALSKI: Not the kiss, not the kiss. That you suspected her.
FRASER: Well, I wasn't sure. And as you had instructed me, there are certain cards that are better left hidden until they are absolutely needed.
KOWALSKI: So you were bluffing.
FRASER: Evading.
KOWALSKI: Bluffing.
FRASER: Delaying.
KOWALSKI: Bluffing.
FRASER: Equivocating.
KOWALSKI: Bluffing.
FRASER: Bluffing.
KOWALSKI: Thank you. What do you think the odds are that in this universe, Francesca will take to that dog?
FRASER: [chuckles] Difficult to compute. But Ante needs a good home, and Francesca has a good heart, so.
KOWALSKI: How many cards?
FRASER: I'll take none, thank you.
KOWALSKI: None.
FRASER: None.
KOWALSKI: Okay, two can play that game. I'll take none too. Bet?
FRASER: A hundred.
KOWALSKI: Of?
FRASER: A hundred of air. [He does the mime again.]
KOWALSKI: Okay, I'll see your hundred, and I raise you fifty. [He does the mime too.]
FRASER: All right, I will see that fifty — [mime] — and I'll call.
KOWALSKI: What do you got?
FRASER: Once again, a crowded home.
KOWALSKI: [dismayed] House.
FRASER: Crowded house.
KOWALSKI: [hand to forehead] Full house.
FRASER: Full house. Full house. [He scrubs his hands over his face.] I'll take that air now, Ray.
KOWALSKI: I'm tapped out.
FRASER: I'll accept an IOU.
KOWALSKI: An IOU on air?
FRASER: I want you to honor your wager.
KOWALSKI: That's stupid.
But Kowalski does owe Fraser air. He did even before they bet air on this poker game just now.
Fraser is wearing a sleeve garter on his right arm (and probably also on his left, but we can't see it from here). Can it be that he's borrowed Huey's shirt along with the rest of his tuxedo (presumably including the tie and studs and cufflinks), and the sleeves are too long? (By the way, with a black tie he should have worn a fold-down collar; that stand-up wing collar goes with white tie. Hardly anybody actually follows this rule anymore, but they should.) Or is the sleeve garter just there as part of the gambling costume? He didn't take his jacket off at the poker table, so what's the point—except looking good, which I admit it does? (The deck they're using has Canadian flags on the cards, which I think is adorable.)
Cumulative body count: 35
Red uniform: Most of the episode, though without the tunic some of the time, and finishing in black tie