return to Due South: season 1 episode 13 "An Eye for an Eye"

[fox]

An Eye for an Eye
air date February 2, 1995

Scene 1

It is nighttime. An older man cashes a check in a check-cashing place, counts the bills, puts them in his pocket, and leaves. He looks up and down the street before starting to walk home. A lot of fliers flutter in the wind and land on the sidewalk. He hears a noise he isn't sure he likes; he sees a shadow and walks faster. He is preoccupied and distracted and almost gets hit by a car crossing the street. After he goes by, a younger man runs through a park on a path.

The older man walks up the stairs to his apartment. As he unlocks his door, he looks at the stairwell to see if he has been followed. The younger man comes up behind him on the other side and slams his head into the apartment door, knocking him to the floor.

YOUNGER MAN: Give me the money. [He flips open a knife.] Money! Come on. [The old man is groaning. He gives the young man cash from his pocket.] This all the money you got?
OLDER MAN: Yeah. [The young man starts feeling in the old man's pockets.] Take what you want. Just leave me alone.
YOUNGER MAN: Keep your head down. Keep it down, you understand? [The old man is mumbling.] Keep it down!

The young man runs away down the stairs. As he is going, the old man lifts his head and sees the young man's face.

I can't hear what the old man is saying when the young man is telling him to keep his head down. Anyone?

Scene 2

It is daytime. Fraser, Vecchio, and Diefenbaker are in the Riviera. They are driving through the park the young man ran through in scene 1.

VECCHIO: Okay. Safety on the street is a matter of common sense. You must ask yourself . . . damn. What, what? You must ask yourself what?
FRASER: [reading off a trifold brochure] Ah, "You must ask yourself, Is it safe to walk in my neighborhood during the day or night?"
VECCHIO: This neighborhood? Of course it's not safe. It's a slum. What kind of bozo comes up with a safety tip like that?
FRASER: The Mayor's Blue Ribbon Panel on Safety for Senior Citizens.
VECCHIO: Yeah, a bunch of do-gooders sitting around solving other people's problems, sipping on cappuccinos. I'm dead, Fraser. These people are gonna eat me alive.
FRASER: They don't seem particularly threatening, Ray.
VECCHIO: Old people just make me nervous.
FRASER: Well, you know, the aged are just like people, too. Only they're older.
VECCHIO: In the last five weeks, six of their neighbors have been beaten and robbed. Nobody can ID the guy, we got no leads, and Division sends me down here to reassure them? [He sighs.] They're gonna rip me limb from limb. [brightens] Hey, maybe I should bring the night stick.
FRASER: Ray.
VECCHIO: Okay, okay.

They get out of the car.

FRASER: Diefenbaker. [Diefenbaker does not budge from the back seat.] Now, don't be selfish. I've told you, taking an hour out of your day to visit with the elderly can be as rewarding an experience for you as it is for them. [Diefenbaker whimpers.] Come on. When's the last time I asked you to do a good turn? [Diefenbaker whines.] No, no, no, no. That was different. Those were orphans, and that taffy pull was for charity. [Diefenbaker grumbles.] Well, I shaved it out of your hair, didn't I? [Diefenbaker sits down in the footwell and will not be moved.] It's hopeless. [Fraser closes the car door.]

Speculating about the various events Fraser has dragged Diefenbaker to gets funnier and funnier. First Yukon Light Opera and now taffy pulls? (Forget Timmy and Lassie; they're Han and Chewie, aren't they? "Well, that was a long time ago. I'm sure he's forgotten about that.")

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
David Marciano
Beau Starr
Daniel Kash
Tony Craig
Catherine Bruhier

(plus Lincoln the dog)

Carl Gordon, Clarice Taylor, Andre Mayers, Arthur French, Ardon Best, Gladys O'Connor

Scene 3

Fraser and Vecchio are in the community center. Vecchio is giving his Senior Citizen Safety presentation.

VECCHIO: [reading off a page] "Step six: How can I prevent myself from becoming a victim?"
A MAN AT THE MEETING: Deadbolts.
VECCHIO: Deadbolts. That's correct. Uh, "purchase a strong deadbolt lock and be sure to keep it fastened at all times."
A WOMAN AT THE MEETING: I got a deadbolt. It doesn't help when the doorjamb is rotting.
VECCHIO: Yes, and, uh, windows. "Make sure the windows are fastened with key lock mechanisms and that bars are installed on all the lower levels."
A MAN AT THE MEETING: Yeah, tell that to my landlord. And while you're at it, tell him to put in a hot water heater.
VECCHIO: Yes, sir, uh, we appreciate your plumbing problems, but that's not what I'm here for.
ANOTHER WOMAN: Then what are you here for? You sure didn't do nothing when that animal attacked my mother. I want to know what you people are gonna do!
VECCHIO: Psst. [turns to Fraser for help] Benny.
FRASER: [who has been looking at pictures on a shelf] It's an honest question, Ray.
VECCHIO: Well, I realize that, Fraser, but the division doesn't want me to answer it. They only want me to talk about deadbolts and window bars.
FRASER: Well, perhaps these people don't consider that to be a realistic solution.
ANOTHER WOMAN (SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER): Damn right it isn't.
VECCHIO: [to Fraser] Will you keep your voice down? [Fraser backs off. Vecchio tries to remember the next part of his presentation.] Yes, uh, "when on the street, what is the best method of personal protection?" Anyone? Anyone? [Fraser raises his hand.]
FRASER: A positive attitude. I'm merely suggesting, Ray, that one shouldn't allow fear to dictate one's actions. Oh, and traveling in groups is a good deterrent, and it can provide some pleasant companionship.
VECCHIO: Fraser, these people aren't going lawn bowling. They're trying to survive in an urban hell-hole.
FRASER: Well they can try to survive in it alone, Ray, or they can meet the challenge. But that's up to them.
OLDER MAN: That's easy for you to say.
FRASER: Well, yes, perhaps it is. I haven't lived in this neighborhood as long as you have. Where I come from, the challenges are quite different. There are no drug dealers or pimps, and few thieves to bother with. There's only the environment. And surviving in the face of it is the challenge of the Inuit. A mother gives birth somewhere out on a glacier field, hundreds of miles from the nearest outpost, and she knows that the odds are stacked against her son even living to see the spring. Disease, or lack of food, the elements. And even if they should survive, and if he should grow to be a boy, she knows very well that all he has to do is lose his footing on the smooth surface of a glacier, and that'll be that. In other words, she should know that her son cannot live. So why should she try? Well, I know this woman. I helped deliver her son. She was weak and, ah, undernourished. But the next morning she stood up, and she picked her child up into her arms, and — and she set out again into the blinding snow. And I think . . . I think that was the single most courageous act I've ever seen.

Okay: This is not Fraser and Vecchio at their best. Either of them. I mean clearly, Vecchio is not doing well in this presentation. But when Fraser starts helping, by me, it is not actually helpful. The neighbors are right that telling a room full of renters to install deadbolts and window bars is a load of crap. Having the police come in and talk to people at all about Taking Responsibility For Their Own Safety is skating perilously close to victim-blaming bullshit, and that lady whose mother got beat up is right to say it. But then in comes Fraser like Mary fucking Sunshine talking about a positive attitude being the best method of personal protection? Fuck all the way off. And this is a particularly inapt Inuit story as well: If you're trying to persuade people that there's safety in numbers, what the hell is the point of telling a story about how brave a lone woman is to take her baby by herself back out into the snow and ice where you've just said statistically there's little if any chance the baby will survive?

I'm with the neighbors here: unimpressed.

Scene 4

Fraser and Vecchio are back at the 27th precinct.

VECCHIO: This is what's wrong with you, Fraser. You see a problem and you gotta fix it. You can't even go to the men's room without stopping to tell some simple, stupid, charmingly witty Inuit story that inspires people to take on the world's social ills.
FRASER: Well, I'm sorry, Ray, but I fail to see how a small group of people banding together to form a neighborhood watch constitutes a form of political anarchy.
VECCHIO: Well, at least this morning they had the good sense to be scared. Now there's probably hordes of them wandering the streets doing God knows what.
FRASER: Ray, that's just silly.
VECCHIO: Remember, it's on your head. If one of those old people so much as slips putting up a poster on that ice, just remember, you're the one they voted block captain.
FRASER: I'll remember that. Oh — what exactly is a block captain?

Okay I'm not sure what to do with this scene. I don't think it's wrong to want to fix problems; I don't think Fraser's Inuit story was charming or witty (or even relevant, as I said); I do think there's something in "at least they had the sense to be scared"; and I don't know where Fraser is getting "political anarchy" from anything Vecchio said. The only thing that makes any sense to me is that Fraser has some general responsibility as block captain (and I will concede that he does live in the neighborhood himself, so it's not quite 100% meddling in other people's lives).

Scene 5

At the community center. Elaine is helping Fraser get the neighborhood watch set up. She puts down a box.*]

ELAINE: You'll be needing these. We ordered them the last time someone tried to do a watch in this neighborhood. The guy got shot before he could get them out of the box. [Fraser takes a walkie-talkie out of the box.] So far, so good.

Fraser is at a table registering neighbors for the neighborhood watch.

FRASER: Thank you, Mrs. Fisher. And Mr. Porter, thank you very kindly. Mr. Reubens, there you go.
MR. REUBENS: Can I keep it?
FRASER: Uh, no, sir, I'm afraid not.
MR. REUBENS: Do I get a badge?
FRASER: None appear to have been provided.
MR. REUBENS: How about a hat? That's nice.
FRASER: You mean . . . [points up at the brim of his own hat]
MR. REUBENS: Yeah, your hat.
FRASER: Oh, well, I'm . . .
MR. REUBENS: What size is it?

A woman zooms by on a power wheelchair. She goes past where Diefenbaker has been co-opted by a little old lady.

LITTLE OLD LADY: It was nineteen-forty-two, and Benny Goodman was playing his bit at the Orpheus. And I'm telling you, back at that time, I could really cut a rug. [Diefenbaker is unimpressed.] Would you like a taffy? [Diefenbaker whines and hides under a chair.]

Vecchio and Elaine are doing neighborhood watch orientation. Vecchio holds up a whistle.

VECCHIO: Now, if anybody bothers you, you take this, you put it to your lips, and you blow as hard as you can. Elaine. [Elaine demonstrates.] You think you can do that? Good. You ready? On three. One. Two. [They all blow their whistles.]

Point the guy to an RCMP surplus store, Fraser, come on.

I don't have a lot to say about this scene except that it features (a) the payoff of the taffy pull reference already, very early in the episode, and (b) Fraser in a very nice chunky cable-knit sweater that I think we could all stand to see a lot more of.

Scene 6

Fraser is in the park with a posse of neighborhood watch ladies. The older man who was robbed in scene 1 is sitting at a chess table playing both sides by himself.

FRASER: Good morning, Mr. Colling. I was hoping you'd join us.
OLDER MAN (MR. COLLING): I come here every day. What's new?
FRASER: The neighborhood watch. We could use your help.
MR. COLLING: I'm busy.
FRASER: Uh, well, yes, sir, I can see that you are.
WOMAN WITH A BLUE HAT: He keeps to himself.
FRASER: Ah. Shall we?

They buzz along. Mr. Colling watches them go.

I am pleased to report that we are indeed seeing more of the chunky cable-knit sweater.

Scene 7

Two neighborhood watchers are arguing. Vecchio and Fraser drive up.

FIRST YELLING MAN: No, this is my post. Sixteenth and Morgan. It's marked right here on the map.
MR. REUBENS: You're guarding my building? You who twice cheated me at canasta?
FIRST YELLING MAN: I didn't cheat you, old fool. You fell asleep and missed your turn.
VECCHIO: Well, the neighborhood's definitely in safe hands now.
FRASER: They just need a little drilling, Ray. They'll get the hang of it.
VECCHIO: Yeah, right.

Fraser is handing out fliers as he and Vecchio walk through the neighborhood.

FRASER: Neighborhood watch meeting Thursday night, I hope you'll join us.
VECCHIO: I've double checked every statement, I've interviewed the neighbors, I've talked to every shopkeeper on the street. Nobody's seen this guy, and even those who did can't describe him. It's like the guy doesn't exist.
FRASER: Well, maybe he doesn't, Ray, at least not to the casual observer.
VECCHIO: He follows people through the neighborhood, he beats and robs them, yet nobody notices him?
FRASER: Well, apparently so, but we do know he's in a position to notice them. How else could he know his victims' movements well enough to know when to rob whom and when not to?
VECCHIO: Okay, so he notices them, they don't notice him, but he's here?
FRASER: He has to be.

"Maybe he doesn't exist, at least not to the casual observer" is way too philosophical.

Scene 8

The woman from the meeting with the rotting doorjamb is walking through the park. She tries to call her friend on her walkie-talkie so someone knows to expect her.

A WOMAN AT THE MEETING: Edith. I'm on my way. [She isn't sure the walkie is working properly.] Edith. [She hears static but oh-wells and keeps walking.]

Someone is skulking behind a tree. The woman feels like someone is behind her; she looks and sees the young man from scene 1. She tries to walk a little faster. He looks around as he walks. She is heading for a pedestrian tunnel. He is definitely following her. She goes into the tunnel and tries to hurry. The skulker is still skulking. The young man goes into the tunnel. The woman tries to use her walkie again.

A WOMAN AT THE MEETING: Hello? Hello? [static] Anybody there? Hello? [She gets through the tunnel. The tree where someone is skulking is at its mouth. The young man is following her intently. Now that she's out from the tunnel she tries the walkie yet again.] Hello? Hello?

As the young man comes out of the tunnel, the skulker behind the tree—which turns out to be Mr. Colling—hits him right in the guts with a baseball bat. The woman screams. Now her walkie is working.

FIRST YELLING MAN: Hello?
MR. REUBENS: Hello?
FIRST YELLING MAN: Who's there? Come in!

Fraser and Vecchio are still fliering; they hear the first yelling man on Fraser's radio.

FIRST YELLING MAN: There's screaming down in the passageway! Call the police!
FRASER: All right, Mr. Porter, we're on our way. [He and Vecchio run toward the park.]

Mr. Colling is standing over the young man he has decked with his bat.

MR. COLLING: You see this face? [The young man is gasping and wheezing.] You take a good look. You come back here again, it'll be the last face you'll ever see.

He starts to walk away. The young man grabs his ankle and pulls him down; Mr. Colling bats him on the head. The young man is about to come at him again when they hear Fraser coming.

FRASER: Mrs. Chaffee?

Mr. Colling and the young man get up and run away in opposite directions. Fraser and Vecchio come running through the tunnel.

A WOMAN AT THE MEETING (MRS. CHAFFEE): Hey. Hey.
FRASER: Mrs. Chaffee, are you all right?
MRS. CHAFFEE: Yes. I seen him. He was following me.
VECCHIO: Who?
MRS. CHAFFEE: I don't know. There was two of them.
FRASER: Ray. [There is blood on the ice.]

Look, I don't know this lady and I don't know this neighborhood, but I do know that if I'm in a neighborhood where half a dozen people have been mugged in a short period of time and I feel like someone is following me and then I see someone following me I'm probably going to stay where other people can see me, walkie-talkie or not. (In her case, not. And if she couldn't get the thing working in the open air, I'm not sure why she thought she'd have more success with it underground.) We don't blame the victim here, but there is such a thing as common sense, right? She's not new.

Scene 9

Fraser and Vecchio are still at the tunnel with Mrs. Chaffee, and a crime scene team is investigating.

VECCHIO: Now, the attacker, was he the smaller man or the bigger one?
MRS. CHAFFEE: I don't know. By the time I looked, they were both running away.
VECCHIO: Okay, would it be safe to say that what you actually saw was two big blurs?
MRS. CHAFFEE: [chastened] Yes, I suppose it would.
FRASER: Thank you very much, Mrs. Chaffee. You've been — you've been a great help.
VECCHIO: No wonder he robs old people.
FRASER: But why Mrs. Chaffee? It's broad daylight; she's wearing a red vest and carrying a walkie-talkie. It's like mugging a bull's-eye. It doesn't make sense.
VECCHIO: Which is why he picked another victim.
FRASER: And where's the victim? Why did he run?
VECCHIO: Well, for the same reason a lot of people don't hang around to report crimes. They're either too intimidated or too embarrassed.
FRASER: Maybe.
VECCHIO: You got a weapon?
CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR: I don't know, probably something big and blunt. Vecchio, you'll get my report in the morning. [to his assistant] Come on, come on!
VECCHIO: Great. We got witnesses, we got evidence, we still got nothing.
FRASER: What's this? [They look at the snow where Mr. Colling fell down.] Look at this. By the right footprint.
VECCHIO: It looks like a crutch.
FRASER: Or something he was using as one. [They hear Diefenbaker whine before he appears.] Diefenbaker? [Diefenbaker is walking on a leash, wearing a hand-crocheted sweater with a matching doily or bonnet on his head. Fraser and Vecchio exchange a look. Diefenbaker whines. Fraser does a stiff smile.] Hi, Gladys.
LITTLE OLD LADY (GLADYS): Hello, how are you?
FRASER: Hi, Dief. [Crouches to skritch him and speak quietly.] Now, listen. I had no idea it would come to this, I swear. [He does another pleasant smile at Gladys.] She's very nice, and there's a very nice dog biscuit in this for you, I promise. Okay?
GLADYS: Come on, Corky. [Diefenbaker looks pleadingly at Fraser as she leads him away.]
FRASER: Dief. [They go.] Oh, boy. [to Vecchio] He's so embarrassed.
VECCHIO: It's hideous.

My growing discomfort with how the neighbors are being infantilized has reached a peak in this scene. In the meeting back in scene 3, they had solid points to make and weren't taking crap from Vecchio. Now they're being taught how to blow whistles and squabbling over who stands where and feeling ashamed that they didn't notice details in a fast-moving scary situation? I'm grumbling at best about a neighborhood watch made up almost entirely of older people, mostly people of color (with the notable exception of the stereotypically Jewish fellow named REUBENS, for Christ's sake), being run by a young strong white guy who doesn't have the same stake in the neighborhood (and, not unrelatedly, could afford to live elsewhere but has chosen not to).

So let's talk costumes. Fraser's sweater and brown leather jacket are a lot shorter than the red tunic and a little shorter even than the brown uniform jacket, which is noticeable when he bends over to talk to Diefenbaker, is all I'm going to say about that. Meanwhile, poor Diefenbaker! And this dog is very professional and a very good sport. How do they get a dog to look desperate and betrayed on cue like that?

Scene 10

Fraser and Vecchio are following the crutch-stander's footprints through the park.

VECCHIO: It looks like his right heel is dragging.
FRASER: He must have been injured in the assault. The man he attacked was indeed bigger, and I think — wait a minute. [They have come to a low fence, which Vecchio is about to step over.] It's this way. [They walk along the fence instead.] He didn't climb it.
VECCHIO: Yeah, well, maybe his ankle is —
FRASER: But even a young man with an injury could step over a wall like this.

They go through a break in the fence, followed by a little boy with a cheeseburger and a baseball bat.

VECCHIO: Okay, so he goes around the fence, he hits the sidewalk, and the prints disappear. Oh, great, another dead end.
FRASER: Gone. The prints are still here, but the crutch is gone.
VECCHIO: Maybe he pitched it.
FRASER: There. [There is a dumpster in a driveway where people are clearing out a house.]
VECCHIO: Aw, no, Fraser, not another dumpster. I am not getting in the dumpster with you.

This scene was basically a long shot of the hem of Fraser's sweater and jacket and his legs in blue jeans, which was a-okay with me. And let no one say I'm unbalanced: Vecchio also looks pretty good in a wool winter coat.

Scene 11

Fraser is in the dumpster.

VECCHIO: Fraser! There is no way I'm getting into this dumpster with you. Don't even think about it, don't even suggest it. You know how many suits I've ruined frolicking in refuse for you?
FRASER: Here, check these. [hands him half a dozen lengths of pipe]
VECCHIO: It's a waste of time. Half the stuff in there will qualify as a weapon.
FRASER: It'll have to be something concealable. Probably under a coat.
VECCHIO: [throwing away pipes] No, that's not it. That's not it. Aha! There it is.
FRASER: That's not blood, Ray.
VECCHIO: Oh, sure it is. It's red and it's sticky. [Fraser tastes it.] Yech!
FRASER: It's ketchup.
VECCHIO: Well, who sits in a dumpster and eats ketchup?
FRASER: [He picks a french fry off Vecchio's coat.] Probably someone who likes french fries.
LITTLE KID: Uh-oh.
VECCHIO: Come here, you little rugrat. Come here, kid. Where do you think you're going? Give me the bat.
LITTLE KID: No!
VECCHIO: Come on, now, be a good kid and give the detective the bat.
LITTLE KID: No! I found it. Get your own.
VECCHIO: Give it.
LITTLE KID: No!
FRASER: Ray, Ray. You know, children are, are just like people, only smaller. All you have to do is reason with them. Now, son, that bat is important evidence in a criminal investigation, and we'd be most grateful if you'd cooperate.
LITTLE KID: A hundred bucks.
FRASER: I see. Ray?
VECCHIO: Okay, kid. Can you spell penitentiary? Let's try it together. P-E-N-
LITTLE KID: Okay, here.
VECCHIO: Scram.
LITTLE KID: Creep. [He runs away. Fraser is giving Vecchio a disappointed look.]
VECCHIO: I reasoned with him.
FRASER: Ray, Ray, Ray.
VECCHIO: Okay, I'm sorry. But I got the bat, and this is definitely not ketchup.
FRASER: But all the victims said the attacker used a knife. Now why would you suddenly switch to a bat?
VECCHIO: Who cares? This is evidence, okay? We match up the blood type, we get lucky with a print, and we got ourselves a thief.
FRASER: I was wrong. [He turns back toward the park.]
VECCHIO: No, no, you weren't wrong, Fraser. Come on, we got a crime and we got a weapon!
FRASER: I tracked the wrong man, Ray. The man with the bat is not the thief.
VECCHIO: Aw, come on Fraser, don't do this to me. [Fraser runs back toward the park.] At least wait up for me.

I'm so annoyed about this little kid and his cheeseburger having got the bat out of the dumpster but then being behind Fraser and Vecchio on their way to the dumpster and appearing out of nowhere and not being remarked upon until oh they magically notice him. Have more kids around, or more extras of any age! Something!

We're apparently trying to do a running-gag thing with "the elderly are just like people, only older" and "children are just like people, only smaller." It's not working for me. For one thing, it's not funny; for another, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing Fraser would say.

Scene 12

Fraser and Vecchio are back at the mouth of the tunnel.

FRASER: He waited here. The snow melted, then refroze under his feet. An hour, maybe longer.
VECCHIO: You live to do this to me, don't you? No sooner do I find a piece of hard evidence that may actually put an actual criminal in jail —
FRASER: Oh, I didn't say the man with the bat isn't a criminal, Ray. He just didn't commit the crimes you think he did.
VECCHIO: Oh, I see. I bet you it's that hero thing. One flub and you think you have to overcompensate.
FRASER: Look at these footprints. We know from the victims that he only preys upon the weak. And yet this man — the man he attacked — has long, agile strides, whereas this man — the man with the bat — he walks with a limp. He couldn't even jump a fence to save himself, Ray. He's old. Now why would an old man try to rob a man bigger and stronger than himself?
VECCHIO: Maybe he felt threatened by the bigger guy.
FRASER: Maybe. [waves the bat] Maybe this was his solution.

FRASER: There was a mighty duel. It ranged all over. They were both masters.
VECCHIO: Who won? How did it end?
FRASER: The loser ran off alone, while the winner followed these footsteps toward Guilder.

What flub? Tracking the wrong guy? Going back and having another look is overcompensating?

I'm realizing that part of what's bothering me about this episode is the clunky writing, of course, but another bigger part of it is that we already know the answers. Which is a species of clunky writing, I guess. I don't think these scenes would have frustrated me quite so much if we hadn't known for sure that the young man following Mrs. Chaffee was the mugger or that Mr. Colling was the one who beat him with the bat. (Or if we hadn't known the weapon was a bat—though I'm not sure how they could have kept that from us—so it wasn't flagrantly obvious the minute the little kid turned up that that bat was what Fraser and Vecchio were looking for. The kid came out of nowhere with a bat in his hand; that's not Chekov's Bat.) As it is, of course, we know both (all!) of those things and it's tiresome that it takes Fraser and Vecchio so long to work out either (any).

Scene 13

At the 27th precinct.

WELSH: A vigilante. I send you out to solve a simple string of robberies, and you bring me a vigilante. A senior citizen, no less.
FRASER: Lieutenant, the responsibility for this is entirely mine.
WELSH: Oh, I'm sure it is. You know, just once I'd like someone besides a Mountie come into my station and confess.
FRASER: Sir, I encouraged these people to not allow themselves to be intimidated. Now, I had no right to compare my experiences to theirs and offer up solutions to a problem that was far more severe in their minds than I could possibly anticipate.
WELSH: That might be so, Constable, but before you put on the hairshirt, none of this would have happened if Detective Vecchio would have found the thief before some little old man.
FRASER: He's right, Ray.
VECCHIO: Oh, thanks, Fraser.
FRASER: No, no, no, no. About the little old man. He waited for the thief in the park, which means he knows the thief. He knows his movements.
VECCHIO: So if we find the vigilante, we find the thief.
FRASER: Thank you very kindly, Lieutenant. And as usual, our conversation has been extremely helpful.
WELSH: I'm so glad, Constable.
FRASER: Also, sir, I think you'll be pleased to know I've taken the liberty of officially reprimanding myself.
WELSH: Good, good. Put it in the file with the rest of them. [Fraser goes to do so. Vecchio extends his hand to Welsh to shake.] Get out of my office.
VECCHIO: Uh, yes, sir.

Okay, Fraser is right that he had no business rallying these elderly neighbors based on his own experiences, as he says. But Welsh is wrong to let him off the hook by blaming Vecchio, who . . . wasn't sent into that neighborhood to solve a string of robberies? but to give a presentation on personal safety for senior citizens? He said so right in the meeting? Division only wanted him to talk about deadbolts and window bars. He was aware of the robberies, sure, but if he was down there to investigate them, isn't this is the first we've heard of it? (Is that what he was doing in scene 7? I thought he was just hanging around with Fraser kicking off the Neighborhood Watch.) And finally, how does Welsh saying "little old man" give Fraser this brain wave? He'd already worked out that the bat-wielder was a little old man, and he'd worked out that he'd lain in wait, so why does he need Welsh to be shitty to Vecchio before he suddenly realizes the little old man was lying in wait for the mugger? (Again: We already know that Mr. Colling knows who the mugger is; we've known that since before the opening credits. It is satisfying to solve a mystery a couple of moments or even a couple of scenes before the hero does. It is not satisfying to watch the hero solve something that is not a mystery because we saw the whole thing as it happened.)

Scene 14

Fraser and Vecchio are looking at a map of the park.

VECCHIO: I thought the thief was somebody nobody would notice.
FRASER: He is. Unless you were patient and had a lot of time on your hands and he didn't notice you noticing him.
VECCHIO: So now we got two people noticing?
FRASER: You'd have to have a clear vantage point. Somewhere with a view of both sides of the tunnel. [points to a spot on the map] Here.
VECCHIO: Fraser, old people do not sit outside in this weather, and if somebody did, he'd be noticed right away.
FRASER: "I come here every day." Where's your coat?

The map says "R.A. Burnside Park." There is a Burnside Park in Chicago, although not R.A. Burnside, and this doesn't appear to be it, of course. Not that one would expect them to use a real place; I'm just saying.

"Two people noticing"—the writing just doesn't get less clunky.

Scene 15

A couple of teenage boys are riding their bicycles on the sidewalk, terrorizing people going about their business. Music cue: "Bone of Contention" by Spirit of the West.

And the bone
Of contention
Has all
Our attention

The boys hop out to bike across the street where they please, forcing a motorist to stop suddenly. They laugh maliciously and keep riding. Mr. Colling is buying a newspaper from a vending machine. A guy is loading sheafs of magazines or something out of a van and stacking them on the sidewalk. The boys take a long run-up and ride right into the stack, scattering them; the guy who's just doing his job is annoyed. Mr. Colling sees this happen and doesn't like it.

The bone
Of contention
Was all
Our invention
Gonna burn the playhouse down
(Instrumental break.)

Fraser and Vecchio are in the park.

FRASER: This was his routine, Ray. Nobody questions a man who keeps to his routine.
VECCHIO: You can't arrest Herb Colling for playing chess.
FRASER: The bruise on his forehead. I should have realized.
VECCHIO: You're not a mind reader, Fraser, you're just a Canadian. Come on. Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll blurt out a spontaneous confession.

And the bone
Of contention
Has all
Our attention

A lady is walking with a bag of groceries. The two boys on bicycles roll past her and swipe a bunch of bananas our of her bag.

LADY WITH GROCERIES: My fruit! He took my fruit!

The boys ride down the sidewalk, chucking bananas hither and thither. The lady stands there, dismayed. A man comes out of another store, and one of the kids swerves to try to hit him.

KID ON BIKE: Get out of the way, you punk!

The bone
Of contention
Was all
Our invention
The bone
Of contention
Has all
Our attention
The bone
Of contention
Was all
Our invention
I gotta burn the playhouse down
Come on and burn the playhouse down
I gotta burn the playhouse down

The boys are riding along, play-fighting with the bananas. Mr. Colling swings a bat and catches one of them in the ribs. He goes down, and his buddy does, too, the pair of them rolling on the sidewalk and their bikes going flying. Mr. Colling tucks the bat into his jacket and walks away. The boy who got hit is lying there; a shopkeeper and some other passersby cluster around to check on him. His friend hops up and grabs his bike and rides away. From across the street, the young man from scene 1 watches all this happening.

First of all, Mr. Colling is buying his paper near a building that is flying a Ukrainian flag, which as I said in "You Must Remember This" isn't relevant to anything but is something we notice here in 2022. Слава Україні.

Nowthen. I suppose this scene is supposed to show us what a Rough Neighborhood This Is, where you can't walk down the street in broad daylight without being accosted by gangs of teenagers!—but there are exactly two of them, they're riding fixies, and they just don't seem that scary. Any of the people they passed by could have grabbed them off their bikes by the scruff of the neck. They didn't look like they needed hitting with baseball bats. I guess it's possible they were themselves armed? But to me they seemed like less of a threat and more of a nuisance.

We only hear the refrain of "Bone of Contention." The lyrics we don't hear are these:

And you grabbed it by the hand
And he pulled and pulled 'till someone pushed 'em and he fell
On the front page of America
And all the bright stars
Came out and shone in his defense
Rehabilitation
What a joke
Is it off to Betty Ford for the handy bloke?

Death by his own hands
When the black cat crossed his path and stayed
As close as the tattoo
It never fades
For the Saturday morning man
The laughs have all been canned
The joke's no longer with him
It's about him, at him, on him

You pull your wire they stack the pyre we light the fire (x4)

Mr. Colling threw his bat in the dumpster after he beat up the young man with it. But now he has another one.

"Blurt out a spontaneous confession" is such specific phrasing; it's what Sad-Eyed Charlie said in the pilot about catching Bob Fraser's killer in Chicago. Did the writers of this episode just not know what they were doing?

Scene 16

Mr. Colling is coming to his chess table in the park. Fraser is already there.

FRASER: Good morning, Mr. Colling. Do you mind if I . . .?
MR. COLLING: It's a public park. [He dusts the snow off the chessboard with his newspaper.]
FRASER: You know this park was created after the great fire of eighteen-seventy-one? The mayor at the time, uh, Joseph Medill, dedicated it to all the citizens of Chicago to enjoy freely and equally. But people don't seem to feel very free now, do they? In fact, most people seem afraid to come here anymore.
MR. COLLING: I'm not afraid.
FRASER: No. I need your advice. I found this in a dumpster. [He lays the bloody bat across the table.] Rather nice bat. Hardly the sort of thing you'd toss away in the garbage, don't you agree?
MR. COLLING: You're in my way.
FRASER: I'm terribly sorry. You see, I thought it might be valuable to somebody. It's obviously been very well taken care of. It's been oiled and cleaned regularly. The oil, as you can see, has been worked into the grain. As a matter of fact — [He slices a bit of the bat off with his knife.] — it's seeped its way into the wood. It's rather like the rings of a tree, don't you think? You see, I think this bat was a memento. I think it belonged to someone who played baseball, someone who loved the game. What do you think?
MR. COLLING: I wouldn't know.
FRASER: It's not your bat, is it?
MR. COLLING: No.
FRASER: That's strange. I saw a picture in the trophy case at the center. It was of a man with a boys' team. He was smiling, and he was holding a bat very much like this one.
MR. COLLING: This was a nice park. Forty years ago, people came all over from the neighborhood. On Sundays they had picnics and sat in the shade. There was a fountain over there. Kids used to take off their shoes and wade in it. Splashed everybody. Made a hell of a noise. Was full of life. But look at it now. When the muggers and the junkies came, the people didn't fight back. They hid inside their homes, behind their doors, until finally, one day when they tried to come out, they couldn't. They just couldn't. Now it's not much, but it's my home. I'm supposed to give it up? For them? For you? No. Not for anyone.
FRASER: Mr. Colling, This bat has been used to hurt people. Now, maybe they deserved it, and maybe they didn't, but that's immaterial. The law simply does not allow us to go about hitting each other over the head with bats. Now, if he tries again, I'll be watching.

Mr. Colling takes his chess pieces and goes home.

This is such a crap scene that these two actors just do their level best with. Fraser can GTFO with his great fire of 1871. How are you going to live in Chicago for six months and tell someone the history of the place who's been living there since before you were born. He's mansplaining (I mean, his target is himself an older man, so I guess he's youngsplaining) and I do not like it. (Like: He's always a know-it-all, but here it bothers me a great deal. I blame the writing.) AND THEN oh here's this baseball bat that I think might be valuable to someone, maybe even to the person I'm talking to, so what I'll do is RUIN IT RIGHT IN HIS FACE. What is that supposed to be, the Judgment of Solomon? If Mr. Colling says No, wait, don't destroy it, you'll know it's his bat and bring him in for assaulting . . . someone? (We have not focused on your total lack of complaining witness.) Didn't work. "Hardly seems like the sort of thing you'd throw away," he says, breezing right past the fact that someone did throw it away. "A bat very much like this one," he says, breezing right past the fact that he was looking at a black and white 5"x7" photograph, so how much detail of the baseball bats in the picture would he really be able to see to identify that that bat must have been this bat? I mean he's not wrong that you can't go around hitting people with bats. But that's the only true or right thing he does or says in this scene, and I don't like not liking Fraser, but I really don't like him right now.

Mr. Colling's monologue about how nice the park used to be is good.

Scene 17

Fraser and Vecchio are in the Riviera.

VECCHIO: So you decided to scare the vigilante by destroying the only piece of evidence we have against him?
FRASER: Well, he may try again, Ray. I felt it was worth the risk.
VECCHIO: You know, Fraser, it's about time someone told you, it's the little things like this that make them not want you back across the border.

Unless the part of the bat he cut off was the part with the blood on it, I'm not sure how Fraser has destroyed the evidence, although the chain of custody is completely fucked, and has been since he found the thing, frankly, so probably he and Vecchio can both shut up on this point. (Worth the risk . . . of what? What has he risked? The writing is so inexplicable in this episode.) But Vecchio's line about Canada not wanting him back is mean and uncalled for. (It's also not accurate, but who cares if a thing is true when you're being a jerk.)

Scene 18

Mr. Colling and Mr. Porter are in Mr. Colling's building.

MR. PORTER: I go to the counter, I buy a paper, I give her a dollar, she gives me my change, just like we've done a thousand times. Only this time, she sees my red vest and calls me Mister. Not Rudy, but Mr. Porter.
MR. COLLING: So?
MR. PORTER: So I wink at her, and she winks back at me. We're going to bingo on Saturday night. Hey, go figure, huh?

Mr. Porter goes on his way, pleased with himself. Mr. Colling smiles after him and goes into his apartment. When he goes to hang up his coat, the young man who robbed him jumps out of the closet. They struggle. From his own apartment, Mr. Porter hears them fighting. He calls Fraser on his walkie-talkie.

MR. PORTER: [on the radio] This is unit seventeen. We got a problem at Parkview Towers, third floor. Copy?
FRASER: That's Herb Colling's building.

Vecchio does a u-turn to head back to Parkview Towers. Music cue: "Stain" by Salvador Dream. Mr. Colling and the young man are fighting in Mr. Colling's apartment. The young man is generally winning, although Mr. Colling grabs the red bat and gets a couple of good swings at him. Fraser and Vecchio arrive and run up the stairs. The young man gets the bat away from Mr. Colling.

Unstable, devoured
Self-conscious denial
Tormented displacements
Unspoiled desire
(Instrumental)

MR. PORTER: He's in here.
FRASER: Mr. Colling?
VECCHIO: Open up. It's the police!

Stain, stain

The young man runs. Fraser and Vecchio kick the door in. The young man jumps out the window. Fraser sees him go and follows. The chase is on over fences and rooftops and down alleys.

Relentless reflection

MR. PORTER: Calling all units. Intruder heading west through the quad.

Forbidden resentment

The young man is running down an alley in which two ladies in red neighborhood watch vests are patrolling.

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH LADY: [on radio] He's in the alley.
FRASER: Thank you kindly, Mrs. Clapp.

Consuming repulsion

Fraser comes running, and the neighborhood watch ladies in the alley point him in the direction the young man went. Mr. Reubens is watching from his window.

A promise retired

MR. REUBENS: I've got him. He's heading south. [Fraser is about to turn south in front of a building.] Behind the building!
FRASER: Roger.

(Instrumental)

Fraser runs behind the building instead. The young man knocks over some barrels as he runs past them. When Fraser gets there he jumps up on one of them and log-rolls for a few feet before jumping down.

MR. REUBENS: Watch out for the trash cans.
FRASER: Thank you very much, Mr. Reubens.

The young man is climbing up onto a rooftop. Diefenbaker's friend Gladys is watching from her window. Fraser catches the young man's leg, but the young man kicks him off and Fraser falls to the ground and drops his radio. Fraser gets up and catches the young man again, but the young man hits him in the head and Fraser falls down again.

GLADYS: [opens her back door] Sic him, Corky! Sic him.

The young man is running along rooftops or ledges. He jumps down level by level. Fraser is following him. The young man is climbing down a ladder. Diefenbaker barks at him from the bottom. The young man sees Diefenbaker in his crocheted doily hat and falls off the ladder onto a wooden pallet. His back is hurt; he writhes. Fraser comes down the ladder and checks if he's okay. While he's kneeling over the young man, Diefenbaker comes and lays the doily hat at his feet. Diefenbaker whines.

FRASER: I'm sorry.

Diefenbaker runs off.

In general this is one of the sillier chase scenes. I mean: Good for the neighborhood watch, using their eyes and their radios and not putting themselves in danger. But did no one call police who could respond in cars so Fraser wouldn't be doing this pursuit all by himself on foot? I don't see why instructing Diefenbaker to be nice to Gladys had to mean allowing her to dress him funny and going home with her. I don't see why Diefenbaker barking should have been enough to cause the young man to fall off the ladder. And I have absolutely no use for the log-roll running. Ridiculous.

Scene 19

At the 27th precinct, the young man is in a lineup. Fraser, Vecchio, Welsh, and Gardino are with Mr. Colling.

GARDINO: Turn left. Turn right. Face front. [to Mr. Colling] Do you recognize any of these men, Mr. Colling? [He does not answer.]
WELSH: Mr. Colling?
MR. COLLING: No.
VECCHIO: No? The guy slammed the back of your head into the wall repeatedly. Don't tell me you didn't see his face.
WELSH: Vecchio! Perhaps you'd like to take another look.
MR. COLLING: I've seen enough. [Gardino leaves the room.]
WELSH: All right, cut him loose. [Welsh leaves the room.]
VECCHIO: Cut him loose? Lieutenant, you can't cut the guy loose. [follows Welsh out]
FRASER: This won't end here. He knows where you live. He knows you've seen his face.
MR. COLLING: It will end.
FRASER: And someone may die.
MR. COLLING: So be it.
FRASER: You know, Mr. Colling, you had the strength to swing that bat. You must have the strength to put it down.

Mr. Colling looks at Fraser for a moment before leaving the room. The young man is being walked out; he goes right past Mr. Colling. Vecchio and Fraser both watch him go and then watch Mr. Colling leave in the opposite direction.

So while they have the young man in custody they don't want to ask him about Mr. Colling hitting him with the bat in the park? Not that there are two equal sides to be played against the middle here, but if they're mad at Mr. Colling for vigilantism, isn't the young man relevant for more than just the fact that he attacked Mr. Colling in his own home?

Scene 20

Vecchio is at his desk typing a report, hunt-and-peckwise. Fraser is carving a stick to a sharp point. Fraser sighs.

VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: Nothing. [Vecchio goes back to typing.] No, it's just, I can't help feeling —
VECCHIO: Well, you see, that's your problem.
FRASER: What?
VECCHIO: Feelings. You've got to keep the feelings out of it. This way it's just a case. Just a docket with a file number and that's it.
FRASER: I suppose that's prudent. [Vecchio types some more.] That's an h.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: "Offender." You meant to hit a d, you hit an h.
VECCHIO: [deploys white-out] You heard that?
FRASER: Yes. You know, Ray, the thing is —
VECCHIO: Fraser, the guy had his chance, okay? There's nothing more we can do for him. Okay?
FRASER: You're right.
VECCHIO: I know I'm right. [back to his typing]
FRASER: That's a zed.
VECCHIO: What's a zed?
FRASER: A z. You meant to hit an s.
VECCHIO: All right, that's it. All right? Look, I'm trying to type here, and what you're doing is really unnerving, okay?
FRASER: I'm sorry.
VECCHIO: Look, you don't know what the guy is going to do. Maybe he learned his lesson.
FRASER: Ray, he's determined and he's desperate.
VECCHIO: And he doesn't want our help!
FRASER: That's true. [Vecchio types a bit more. Fraser turns to him.]
VECCHIO: Don't even think about it.
FRASER: I was going to compliment you on your spacing.
VECCHIO: Oh yeah, right. [He grabs the report out of the typewriter, crumples it up, and throws it away.]
FRASER: I was!
VECCHIO: All right, come on, look, maybe we can't help your friend, but the least we can do is sit on his playmate.

They get their coats and leave the station.

I assume Fraser is carving this vampire-killing stake (and that he didn't start with Mr. Colling's baseball bat) as a sort of meditation, and also that it's somehow okay that he's leaving wood shavings all over the floor. Other than that, I don't have a lot to say about this scene because—as is becoming usual—it's just bothersome to me.

So okay: A thing you learn in drama classes sufficiently elementary that I have taken them is that if the script calls for character Y to interrupt character X, the actor playing character X still has to know the rest of what they were going to say, or else the interruption doesn't sound natural; the rhythm of what they do say is wrong because they come in for the landing too soon. These guys are good enough at their jobs that I am prepared to believe Paul Gross had something in mind, but he's been given so little to work with in this episode that I can't for the life of me guess how the sentences "I can't help feeling" and "the thing is" were supposed to end. Fraser just seems to be whining.

Vecchio comes back with some actual content, about how Mr. Colling doesn't want the police's help so it might be best if they leave him alone—a concept we have discussed before in another instance of Fraser taking it personally when crime occurs in his own neighborhood and charging ahead trying to help even when the people he's trying to help don't want it. He has also in the past wanted to help neighbors who were themselves doing illegal things by going after bigger badder guys for them. Is that what's bothering me so much about this episode; that he was so anxious about the possibility of overlooking Charlie Pike's illegal activities but he's being such a jerk to Mr. Colling? Granted, Charlie was really only hurting himself (and endangering his daughter's welfare in the process), while Mr. Colling is literally hurting other people.

Anyway, having made the point about taking no for an answer, Vecchio then refers to the mugger as Mr. Colling's "playmate," which is glib and infantilizing, so consistent with how elderly people of color are being treated in this episode, way to go, writers.

And the typing stuff is just annoying. Fraser and Vecchio are best friends. Where did these pissbabies come from?

Scene 21

In a gun shop. A sign says "Fight crime: Shoot back."

SALESMAN: Here's your ID back. You check out just fine. Now, there's normally a three-day cooling off period, but you look like a reasonable man, so, uh, in your case I think we can waive it. But, uh, you're not going to go off and shoot someone, are you, sir? [He chuckles. Mr. Colling looks uncomfortable. The salesman puts the gun in a brown paper bag like a forty.] Bought yourself a fine gun. You have any trouble, just give me a call. Thank you.

OH MY CHRIST what is the point of a three-day waiting period if the shop owner can just waive it because he thinks the customer looks reasonable? I'm not a lawyer, but I think that shop owner has just committed a class 4 felony in Illinois and could go to prison for one to three years.

Scene 22

The young man, the mugger, goes into his apartment and picks up the phone.

YOUNG MAN: Yeah, could I have the number for the, for the transit authority? Uh-huh. Thanks. [hangs up, dials again] Yeah, uh, a ticket to Philly. How much? What's that? Yeah. Nah, nah. Nah, I ain't got no credit card. Nah, forget it. Forget it. [He hangs up the phone, counts some money, looks at a flier, puts the flier down, and leaves the apartment again.]

So this is a very small, very crappy apartment, a twin bed and a lamp and a tiny kitchenette, like the whole thing is probably 10'x15'. The refrigerator is very small and is tucked in a closet—you can see the bar with empty hangers above it—and seems to be empty; the young man has a small amount of cash and change in a jar in there. And he doesn't have a credit card, so he can't buy a bus ticket over the phone. Are we meant to at this late hour—36 minutes into the episode—begin to care about this young man? Has he been mugging his elderly neighbors because he can't afford to live in an apartment with more than one room and he wants to go to Philadelphia? I don't know, I feel like making him a sympathetic character could maybe have made this episode a lot stronger, but it needed to happen at least half an hour ago.

Anyway, the flier he puts down before he leaves the apartment is for the check cashing place.

Scene 23

Mr. Colling is going up the stairs to his apartment. He meets another of his neighbors, who is wearing a big white scarf, on his way down for a smoke. The neighbor coughs.

NEIGHBOR: [coughing] I should quit one of these days.
MR. COLLING: Yeah, you should.
NEIGHBOR: Now, Herb, who would care? Not my son. He's supposed to be here every Thursday, end of the month, take me to the check cash. You think he make it? No. Phone me up, gotta work, can't make it, could I make it on my own? I say, sure, isn't that what I been doing the last seventy years? Well, I'm off. [He goes down the stairs, coughing.]
MR. COLLING: [a little way further up the stairs] Oh, uh, Irving.
NEIGHBOR (IRVING): Yeah?
MR. COLLING: Well, I just remembered. Uh, I left a package at Azarelo's market up there. I got to go there right now. You want me to stop at the check cash for you?
IRVING: Oh, I can make it, you know.
MR. COLLING: Yeah, I know, but, uh, no need for both of us to make the same trip.

As an adult with a parent who needs some looking after, I have sympathy for both Irving and his son. (Even though "every Thursday" and "end of the month" are not the same thing. Is the son supposed to come take his dad to the check cash on the last Thursday of every month? I assume this has something to do with when his pension or Social Security checks come in.) It is of course neighborly for Mr. Colling to offer to do the errand for his friend, whom I wish we had met much earlier in the episode.

Scene 24

Vecchio and Fraser are at the young man's apartment building. Vecchio knocks on a door.

VECCHIO: It's the police, Mr. Steg. Open up. [no answer] All right, stand back and watch how we do things here in America. No neighborhood watch, no caring for your fellow man, just good old-fashioned intimidation. [He braces himself on the door across the hall and gets ready to kick.]
FRASER: You know, Ray, your methods are a source of constant inspiration to me.
VECCHIO: Oh, well, thank you, Benny. [He kicks the door open. They go in and look around the apartment; it takes less than 10 seconds. No one is there; Vecchio looks behind the shower curtain into the kitchen cabinets; they both look at the stacks and stacks of fliers in the place.] Look at this guy. He's a junk mail junkie. [They leave the apartment.]

Another inexplicable conversation between Fraser and Vecchio. We have seen Fraser himself kick doors in at least a couple of times. He's been hanging around with Vecchio for several months and has had ample opportunity to see "how we do things here in America." This episode obviously had to be in winter for the footprints-in-the-snow device and for Irving to need that big white scarf, but was it maybe originally pitched as taking place much earlier in Fraser's time in Chicago? (Or is this just sloppy writing again?)

Scene 25

Fraser and Vecchio are in the car on the radio with Elaine.

VECCHIO: You sure he didn't answer?
ELAINE: I made the call, didn't I?
VECCHIO: What about the senior center?
ELAINE: No luck there either.
FRASER: There he is. [They pull over and approach an old man putting out his trash bags.] Mr. Colling? [The man does not respond.] Herb. [It is Irving, wearing Mr. Colling's trilby hat.]
VECCHIO: Where's Herb?
IRVING: He went to the check cash for me.
VECCHIO: Yeah, but that's his coat.
IRVING: He asked to borrow mine. Said he needed it for something. [They are rushing back to the car.] What's wrong?

Sigh. After no setup of Mr. Colling having a distinctive coat, and having met Irving and his distinctive scarf fifteen seconds ago, there is no sense of payoff in this coat-swapping device.

There's also no explanation of why Fraser and Vecchio are looking for Mr. Colling in the first place. I mean, yes, it's because the mugger, Steg, wasn't at home, but the last thing we heard Vecchio say on the subject was that they couldn't help Mr. Colling but they could sit on Steg. Are they now assuming Steg is out looking for Mr. Colling (because the last thing Fraser said on the subject was that Steg knows where Mr. Colling lives) and so now they can help him? So if they find him they're going to make sure he gets home safely? Or are they assuming Steg is in danger from Mr. Colling, because they know he totes baseball bats to beat muggers up with? Unclear because sloppily written.

Scene 26

Mr. Colling, wearing Irving's scarf and flat cap, is counting cash at the check cashing counter. Steg is loitering outside the place. Music cue: "Push" by Moist. Mr. Colling wraps the scarf over his face and leaves.

A little bit more than I ever wanted
A little bit more than you could ever say
Did you really think that I'd forgotten
Kicked out the windshield
Water coming in
Fade away, fade away

Mr. Colling looks over his shoulder as he walks up the street. He sees fliers fluttering in the wind and landing on the sidewalk.

Push just a little too late
Is this what you want
What you need
What you wanted me to be
Always loved me strapped to you
Lock it down and drive me through

Mr. Colling follows the same route he followed in scene 1, but he is focused, rather than distracted and anxious. He goes past the park. Steg watches him, then heads into the park to cut through. Once he's gone through the gate, Mr. Colling comes back and watches him running toward the tunnel.

Tried to give more than you thought I'd take now
Taking more than you could ever say
Push come to shove
You kicked me in the head
You knock me down
I ripped the handle off again
I wanted more than this
Wanted more than this
Fade away, fade away

Vecchio and Fraser drive up to the check-cashing place. Vecchio goes in to talk to the proprietor; Fraser notices boxes and boxes of bundles of junk mail outside the door.

Push just a little too late
Is this what you want
What you need
Is this what you wanted me to be
Always loved me strapped to you
Lock it down and drive me through
(Instrumental bridge.)

Vecchio comes out again.

VECCHIO: We just missed him.
FRASER: He doesn't follow them home, Ray.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: He waits for them. He already knows where they live. He delivers junk mail to their doors. He watches them cash their checks, then he cuts across the park and gets there first. Come on.

They hop in the car and head for the park. Steg is running through the tunnel.

I could give enough
Have enough
Be enough
You could never stand to stay there
Only, only, only
Fade away, fade away

The gate at the far end of the tunnel is chained and padlocked. Steg is annoyed; he turns back.

Push just a little too late
Is this what you want
What you need
Is this what you wanted me to be
Always loved me strapped to you
Lock it down and drive me through

Mr. Colling, with Irving's scarf over his face, steps into the open mouth of the tunnel as Steg comes back. Steg laughs. Mr. Colling pulls the scarf away to show it is him. Steg is unimpressed.

YOUNGER MAN (STEG): Stupid old man. Huh?

Mr. Colling raises his gun.

A portrait of Bill Clinton (who, for the benefit of our younger readers, was president at the time) is visible in the check-cashing place. Are such places federal buildings of some kind?

But speaking of federal employees, the junk mail angle doesn't make sense to me. The kind of junk mail Fraser is looking at, envelopes of coupon mailers, is bulk mail. It would be delivered by a uniformed postal carrier at the same time as first-class mail. Steg is evidently not a USPS mail carrier; apparently his job is just delivering fliers and other whatnot, which I suppose I can accept that that's a job, sort of like a paper route. (He can't deliver it to their mailboxes, because it's not U.S. Mail and he wouldn't have access, but he can stick it in their doorknobs or under their doors, I guess.) But on whose behalf is he doing it? Why does he leave stacks of that shit lying around (a) outside the check-cashing place and (b) in his apartment? Anyway, I don't feel like this was adequately set up or foreshadowed or explained either. Maybe I'd buy it more willingly if anything else in the episode had been written more tightly.

Scene 27

Fraser and Vecchio are driving to and then through the park.

FRASER: Ray. Gates.
VECCHIO: I know. [He crashes through the gates.]

At the tunnel, Steg is looking down the barrel of Mr. Colling's gun.

STEG: You ain't gonna shoot me, man. You're too old, man. You can't even see. You can't even hold that thing straight.

Mr. Colling shoots the overhead light in the tunnel. Steg cringes. Fraser and Vecchio hear it from the car.

FRASER: Gunfire!
VECCHIO: I know a shortcut. [He drives off the path and down a hill.]

In the tunnel, Steg is afraid of Mr. Colling.

MR. COLLING: Oh, you don't like that. You're frightened. I could take your money. I could take your life. You don't know which. Which one should I take? [Steg gets cash out of his pocket and offers it to him.] No.
STEG: Take it.
MR. COLLING: I don't want your money.

Fraser and Vecchio are driving across the park.

FRASER: Ray. Sapling.
VECCHIO: Where?
FRASER: Twelve o'clock. [Vecchio crashes directly into the sapling.]
VECCHIO: Got it.

In the tunnel, Steg is still holding out the cash. The Riviera is approaching.

STEG: Take it! Take it, man, come on.
FRASER: There! There!
STEG: Take the money.

Fraser and Vecchio get out of the car.

MR. COLLING: You stay there. What are you doing?
VECCHIO: Drop the gun!
FRASER: You are intending on shooting this man, aren't you? [to Steg] Good evening. [stands directly in front of Steg]
VECCHIO: Fraser, what are you doing?
FRASER: Well, I, I thought I'd let him shoot me, Ray. All Mr. Colling has to do is shoot me, then he can shoot him.
VECCHIO: Well. As long as you've got a plan.
MR. COLLING: Get out of the way. It's him I want. I just want him.
FRASER: Oh, I understand. I understand. After all, he attacked you. He stole your money. It's perfectly reasonable.
MR. COLLING: That man is evil.
FRASER: And the boys you attacked, what about them?
MR. COLLING: It's not the same.
FRASER: Oh, it isn't? Oh. Well, now, you see, now I'm not so sure that I follow you. I thought it was people like them that had taken your neighborhood away from you. And I thought you wanted to take it back. Now, you see, Mr. Colling, from now on, you will have to decide who's good enough to walk on your streets and sit in your park. You will have to decide who should be protected and who should be punished. And if someone should just happen to get in your way, someone you disagree with, well, then, you will have to decide whether they deserve — oh, now I see. Now I understand. If you kill him, then he can never walk on your streets, he can never hurt another person, and he can never sit in your park ever again. I see your logic. It's airtight. Right. Right then, he's all yours. [He steps out of the way.]
STEG: Hey! [Mr. Colling raises his gun again.]
VECCHIO: Freeze! [Fraser waves him back. Mr. Colling does not shoot. After a moment of standoff, he allows Fraser to take his gun. Vecchio comes into the tunnel to detain Steg.]
MR. COLLING: I could have killed you.
FRASER: Yes, I know.
VECCHIO: Good plan, Benny.
FRASER: Well, actually, I was just kind of making it up as I went along, Ray.
VECCHIO: Not you, Fraser.
FRASER: Yeah, really.
VECCHIO: Oh, imagine that. [He hustles Steg out of the tunnel.]
FRASER: Come on, Mr. Colling. [They follow.]

Ugh.

Is it reverse psychology? Is Fraser trying to make Mr. Colling see that if he kills Steg he'll be just as bad as Steg is (actually worse)? He's right that the kids on bicycles weren't knife-wielding muggers. Other than that, this speech doesn't really work for me. And given that Mr. Colling didn't identify Steg in the lineup, isn't it true that as far as the police are concerned they don't have probable cause to arrest Steg for the attack on Mr. Colling in his own apartment (or for breaking into the apartment in the first place)—meaning, on what basis is Vecchio patting down and handcuffing Steg when all he's done in this scene is get held at gunpoint by Mr. Colling?

This whole episode makes me so mad and disappointed.

Scene 28

Mr. Colling is sitting at his table in the park, playing chess with a young person.

TEENAGER: How much time they give you?
MR. COLLING: Six months' community service. You?
TEENAGER: Five months, suspended. [Mr. Colling frowns at him.] Hey, I'm just a kid.
MR. COLLING: Play.
TEENAGER: [Takes his turn.] Why are we sitting out here? It's freezing.
MR. COLLING: Because I like it. [Takes his turn.] Did you know there used to be a fountain over there?
TEENAGER: [Takes his turn.] Who cares?
MR. COLLING: Well, I do. You sit here long enough, maybe you will, too. [Takes his turn.] Play.

There is no way to know whether five months suspended is a reasonable sentence for whatever this teenager did, because we have never seen him before. (He has a Canadian accent, bless him. "Why are we sitting oat here?") We've also never seen Mr. Colling playing chess with another person. Why start now? Why on earth is his chess partner in this final scene not one of the bicycle kids from scene 15? For that matter, why was the mugger not someone at least one of the neighborhood watchers had some previous connection with? Someone Mr. Colling had played chess with before, if he'd ever played chess with anyone before. Irving's son could have been another option. Something, anything, to give this episode some depth.

Scene 29

Fraser and Diefenbaker are outside the community center with Gladys.

GLADYS: I've packed his sweater and a nice new tam o'shanter. You know, he loves it so.
FRASER: Well, thank you, Gladys.
GLADYS: And I'll see you on Saturday, Corky. [She goes inside.]
FRASER: Well, it's just for an hour. [Diefenbaker runs. Fraser follows him.] All right, half an hour! All right, ten minutes, and then we'll burn the tam o'shanter!

Sigh. What was the point of Gladys? A tam o'shanter is that Scottish cap that looks a little like a beret with a pompom on top, but is the whole reason this woman was in the episode so Fraser could say "and then we'll burn the tam o'shanter"? At least in this scene he's wearing the cable sweater and blue jeans again as he runs away.

This may be the most apt episode title yet, so at least the episode has that going for it. The concept of taking an eye for an eye is from Exodus 21:23–25—"And if any mischief follow, then thou shalt give life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burning for burning, wound for wound, stripe for stripe." People often think of it as prescribing retributive justice, although in Torah it's actually a means of limiting retaliation—an eye for an eye, not a life for an eye. In the context of this episode, though, we're probably supposed to think of the line there is no evidence was ever spoken by Mahatma Gandhi: "An eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind."

Cumulative body count: 9
Red uniform: At the initial presentation in the senior center

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