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return to Due South: season 2 episode 3 "Witness"
Witness
air date December 14, 1995
Scene 1
Fraser is running on the sidewalk, dodging other pedestrians, with a dry cleaning bag in his hand. He stops and vaguely salutes a red-uniformed Mountie doing mannequin guard duty and then rushes into the consulate. The theme music plays extra quickly as he hurries up the stairs. Ovitz holds Thatcher's door open for him.
OVITZ: Good luck.
Inspector Thatcher is peering through her glasses at a small laptop screen. She whips the glasses off and squints at the computer when Fraser enters, but she doesn't look up.
THATCHER: You're late.
FRASER: Yes. Uh, there was a delay at the dry cleaner's.
THATCHER: I thought true blue types like you didn't believe in excuses, Fraser.
FRASER: Well, you're quite right, and I'm sorry for apologizing. If I'd only noticed the smoke earlier, I —
THATCHER: [Now she looks up.] Smoke?
FRASER: Well, yes. Apparently the pressing machine short-circuited. Now, by the time I got the cashiers out, racks A through E were already in flames, and I was only able to save this. I'm — I'm afraid it's a little singed.
THATCHER: You ran into a burning building to save a mohair sweater?
FRASER: Yes, sir.
THATCHER: Well, pardon me if that sounds like sheer stupidity.
FRASER: Yes, sir.
THATCHER: You don't agree.
FRASER: No, sir. Stupidity would have been if I'd gone back in for your leather chaps.
THATCHER: [looking back at her computer] Dismissed.
FRASER: That's what you said yesterday.
THATCHER: Well, it may take a few days. You're a civil servant. There are formalities. I have to get confirmation from Ottawa. Or you could make it easy on me and request a transfer.
FRASER: Yes, I suppose I could.
THATCHER: Think about it.
FRASER: Yes, sir, I will.
THATCHER: Dismissed.
FRASER: Don't you need your glasses, sir?
THATCHER: I don't wear glasses.
FRASER: Understood.
He leaves the office. She immediately puts her glasses back on.
Constructive dismissal is the order of the day, apparently. Leann Brighton didn't like picking up dry cleaning either, but she was the assistant, not the deputy liaison officer—in fact that was her main complaint. Inspector Thatcher here seems to be trying to manage Fraser out of this job for reasons that are not obvious to us right now (except that she has found his methods unorthodox and is out of sympathy with his preference for the brown uniform, both of which frankly sound like issues she could correct herself if she were an effective boss and Fraser were a reasonable employee—which I realize we don't know). (Also, she is apparently at least slightly vain.) (Also, she apparently owns leather chaps, about which I am . . . not un-intrigued, although they seem to have been lost in the fire at the dry cleaner, alas.)
And Fraser calls her "sir," which, okay, same respectful form of address for one's superior officer no matter that officer's gender, fine, but he did call her "ma'am" just one episode ago. 🤔
Scene 2
Fraser emerges from Thatcher's office. Ovitz hands him a form.
OVITZ: Transfer request.
FRASER: Huh.
OVITZ: I understand the leaves are changing in Kamloops.
Fraser heads down the stairs, looking at the form.
It's December. Won't the leaves have changed in Kamloops months ago? Is Ovitz trying to help Fraser feel positive about a change in posting, or is he speaking in code? ("The leaves are changing in Kamloops." "Yes, and the lark sings at dawn.")
Scene 3
Vecchio is testifying in court.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: You were the arresting officer, correct?
VECCHIO: That's correct.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Detective, what time did you receive the call to go to the scene?
VECCHIO: I got the call at around nine-fifteen, and I arrived approximately five minutes later.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Please tell us what happened from the time you arrived outside the liquor store.
VECCHIO: When I arrived, the crime scene had already been established. Uniformed officers had taped off the area, and the medical examiner was in the process of removing the store owner's body.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Were there signs of a struggle?
VECCHIO: No.
Fraser is sitting in the courtroom looking at his transfer request form while he observes the testimony. His father is sitting next to him reading the form over his shoulder. Fraser snatches the form away from him.
BOB FRASER: You thought about it yet, son?
FRASER: [whispering] It's only been an hour.
BOB FRASER: Well, you ought to, you know.
FRASER: Dad. [He mimes zipping his lip.]
The testimony is continuing.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Were there any witnesses on the scene?
VECCHIO: Yes. An eyewitness had come forward, a Mrs. Rosanna Torres. I questioned the witness and based on her description was able to put together a lineup of probable suspects.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Was she able to make an identification?
VECCHIO: Yes. She identified the accused.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Can you identify him, please?
VECCHIO: Mr. Robert Kruger.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: After Mr. Kruger was identified, you applied for a search warrant?
VECCHIO: I did. And we found a nine-millimeter handgun, recently fired.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Which perfectly matched the bullet that killed Mr. Garcia. This ballistics report is state's exhibit twenty-three, your honor. What happened next, Detective?
VECCHIO: I arrested Mr. Kruger on charges of armed robbery and first-degree murder.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Thank you. That's all.
JUDGE: You may leave the witness stand, Detective Vecchio. [Vecchio steps down and passes by the state's attorney on his way to sit next to Fraser.]
STATE'S ATTORNEY: I'd like to call Mrs. Rosanna Torres, your honor.
BAILIFF: Rosanna Torres to the stand.
VECCHIO: [to Fraser] She wants me bad.
FRASER: I think she wants to kill you.
VECCHIO: Mm-hmm, that too.
Rosanna Torres is on the witness stand already.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Mrs. Torres, on the night of June fourteenth, nineteen-ninety-four, you were walking home along Center Street when you heard gunshots.
Vecchio gets up to leave.
FRASER: [whispering] Shouldn't we wait and listen to her testimony?
VECCHIO: [whispering] No, no, no, no, no. It's all over now except for the shouting.
FRASER: [whispering] What shouting?
Fraser gets up to go with Vecchio. The state's attorney is finishing her first question.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Can you describe to us what you saw when you turned and looked toward the sound of gunfire?
ROSANNA TORRES: No. [Bit of a stir. Fraser and Vecchio stop at the door and do not leave the courtroom.]
STATE'S ATTORNEY: You did not see the defendant exit Azarelo's Liquor Store?
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Objection. Leading.
ROSANNA TORRES: No.
JUDGE: Sustained.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: What did you see?
ROSANNA TORRES: Nothing.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Nothing? What about your sworn statement to Detective Vecchio?
ROSANNA TORRES: It was dark. I'm sorry.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: What about your statement?
ROSANNA TORRES: It was a mistake.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: A mistake?
ROSANNA TORRES: I tried to tell him, but he —
VECCHIO: Okay, what the hell is going on here?
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Your honor, I move for a dismissal.
JUDGE: Both of you, in my chambers. Now.
STATE'S ATTORNEY: [at Vecchio] Great. Just great.
Oh, that shouting.
I feel like Vecchio should have said Rosanna Torres identified the defendant, rather than the accused. I also definitely feel like she shouldn't have been in the courtroom until she was called to testify. The state's attorney is the same one who was offering him a deal to roll on Fraser. I'm glad that's all sorted now and no hard feelings?
Credits roll.
Paul Gross
David Marciano
Beau Starr
Daniel Kash
Tony Craig
Catherine Bruhier
(plus Lincoln the dog)
Camilla Scott, Lee Purcell, Aiden Devine, Conrad Dunn, Silvio Oliviero, Sherry Miller, Scott Gibson, Paulina Abarca, and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.
This is a lot of guests in the opening credits, yo. Also Pinsent is back to and/as even though it's a regular (non-movie) episode.
Scene 4
In the judge's chamber, the attorneys are arguing. The defense attorney is doing a lot of gesturing with his hands. Vecchio is sitting in a wing chair watching the argument and scowling. The judge is sitting at her desk.
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: Burden of proof, admissibility, relevance, failure to disclose —
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Armed robbery, murder, criminal intent.
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: — perjury —
VECCHIO: Perjury?
DEFENSE ATTORNEY: — not to mention a blatant disregard of my client's fifth and seventh amendment rights. You don't rule on this immediately, I will file charges of misconduct faster than you can say "subordination of a witness."
JUDGE: Save your grandstanding for the paying customers, Mr. Sedaris.
DEFENSE ATTORNEY (SEDARIS): Will you rule on my motion to suppress the gun?
STATE'S ATTORNEY: Judge —
SEDARIS: No witness, no warrant. No warrant, no gun. No gun, no case. It's all fruit of the poisoned tree.
JUDGE: Ms. St. Laurent?
STATE'S ATTORNEY (ST. LAURENT): Judge, Detective Vecchio is an experienced officer with a commendable record.
SEDARIS: Of manufacturing evidence.
VECCHIO: Bull.
JUDGE: I caution you, Detective, you are still in the court's jurisdiction during this proceeding. What about your witness?
SEDARIS: She just swore under oath that she didn't see him.
ST. LAURENT: Oh, yeah? And I've got a signed deposition in my hand that says she did.
SEDARIS: Your honor, Detective Vecchio has a history with my client.
ST. LAURENT: That's irrelevant, your honor.
JUDGE: We're in chambers. Nothing is irrelevant.
SEDARIS: It's clearly persecution.
VECCHIO: Oh, please, give me a break.
JUDGE: Okay, let me get this straight. Detective Vecchio, you and Kruger have a history?
VECCHIO: [stands up and approaches her desk] Uh, yes, your honor. I arrested Mr. Kruger on similar charges two years ago.
SEDARIS: My client walked on that, your honor. It's a case made entirely in Detective Vecchio's head, not unlike this one, apparently. [to Vecchio] You never got over that, did you?
VECCHIO: He beat an old woman in a smoke shop and got off on a procedural foul-up.
SEDARIS: And you have been on him ever since.
VECCHIO: Oh, maybe that's just an overreaction to the fact that he keeps committing crimes?
JUDGE: What we have here is a woman who says you coerced her into giving false testimony.
VECCHIO: She's lying, and maybe somebody ought to find out why.
JUDGE: You will have no further contact with the witness, understood?
ST. LAURENT: Your honor, I'd like to request a postponement while the state revisits elements of the case.
JUDGE: I'll consider it, Ms. St. Laurent. In the meantime, this is what I want. A report on the lighting conditions outside the victim's store that evening as it pertains to visibility. I want Mr. Kruger's previous arrest report. And most of all, I want your case notes on both incidents, Detective.
VECCHIO: Your honor, I'm not sure —
JUDGE: You do keep personal notes on your cases?
VECCHIO: Well, I do, but I don't —
JUDGE: Get 'em. You've got till three o'clock this afternoon.
Vecchio and St. Laurent leave the judge's chambers. Sedaris ponders.
Other TV judges would no doubt say the defendant's previous criminal history is irrelevant to the present case. The cast of Law & Order would be all up in arms about that. 😛 (And "got off on a procedural foulup" is a fancy way of Vecchio saying he didn't do his job properly so it was absolutely right that the guy should have been released.) I'm also judging this judge a bit for "a report on the lighting conditions outside the victim's store that evening as it pertains to visibility." I mean. As it pertains to is doing no meaningful work here, and also, what else would lighting conditions have to do with except visibility? And also also, it is now December 1995, and she's asking for a report on lighting conditions near a crime scene from June 1994, what the fuck?
Earlier, though, the defense attorney ran his mouth to particularly nonsensical effect. I'm not, as I've said, a lawyer, but it sure sounds to me like the scene begins with him just saying words — burden of proof, admissibility, relevance, failure to disclose, perjury. (Okay, perjury: He's suggesting Vecchio has perjured himself. Failure to disclose: It's not clear what he's on about there; nothing about this has anything to do with the state withholding exculpatory evidence from the defense. Relevance: It's not clear what he's suggesting might be irrelevant. Admissibility: It's not clear what he's suggesting ought to be inadmissible. Burden of proof: Sure, the burden of proof is on the prosecution, and what of it? The prosecutor is trying to meet that burden.) Anyway, then he says "a blatant disregard for my client's fifth and seventh amendment rights." The seventh amendment guarantees the right to trial by jury in civil matters, so it's not material here. The fifth amendment guarantees the right against self-incrimination and double jeopardy, which . . . is also not the issue? Maybe Mr. Sedaris means to split the difference and refer to the sixth amendment, which guarantees the right to speedy and public trial and to confront and cross-examine witnesses? Which also doesn't seem like it's being violated here, but at least we're in the same vague neighborhood now? And finally, when he says "subordination of a witness" I'm confident he means subornation of a witness or, more actually, subornation of perjury, that is, persuading a witness to lie under oath.
After all that, I think the "fruit of the poisoned tree" thing sounds legit (again: I'm not a lawyer, but), but probably the defendant now has a case for appeal based on his (sixth-amendment) right to assistance by competent counsel.
Scene 5
Vecchio is walking with Fraser in the hallway of the courthouse.
VECCHIO: The witness says I coerced her.
FRASER: Well, will your case notes prove that you're telling the truth?
VECCHIO: No, but if I don't produce them, it'll look like I'm lying, Kruger walks, and I'm toast. [They reach the elevators; the prosecutor is there.]
FRASER: Ah, Ms. St. Laurent.
ST. LAURENT: Oh, God, the other one. Old habits die hard, eh, Vecchio?
VECCHIO: Louise, did I neglect to tell you how fine, in a prosecutorial way, you look in that suit?
ST. LAURENT: Do your friend a favor, Fraser. Convince him to find those case notes. I don't give second chances. [She gets in the elevator and doesn't hold the door for them.]
VECCHIO: She's just playing hard to get.
FRASER: Stairs. [They head for the stairs.]
VECCHIO: Don't you think?
FRASER: Think what?
VECCHIO: That's she's playing hard to get.
FRASER: To get what?
VECCHIO: Oh, never mind.
NO, I DO NOT THINK SHE IS PLAYING HARD TO GET, VECCHIO, SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL JUST LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE, AND HOW SHE LOOKS IN THAT SUIT IS IRRELEVANT, AND WE SHOULD ALL THANK FRASER FOR AT A MINIMUM PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ON ABOUT.
Scene 6
At the 27th precinct, Vecchio and Fraser are looking for Vecchio's notes. Welsh is yelling.
WELSH: Unofficial case notes. And why do we keep them? Stupidity? Carelessness? Any ideas, Vecchio?
VECCHIO: Well, they're my personal notes, sir. I didn't expect anybody to ask me to produce them.
WELSH: No, no, we never do. You just jot things down on matchbooks and napkins. We don't use the proper forms. And then we're surprised when a lawyer accuses us of withholding things that shouldn't have existed in the first place.
VECCHIO: Every cop in the station keeps a notebook, sir.
WELSH: Yeah, but every cop doesn't hang on to them in the hope that someday they might incriminate them. [looks at Fraser, whispers to Vecchio] What is his involvement in this?
VECCHIO: Ah, strictly unofficial, sir.
WELSH: Why do I not find that reassuring? [Fraser stacks some files carefully before replacing them in their drawer.]
VECCHIO: Well, he can't help that. It's a Canadian thing, sir. I think he gets extra points for neatness.
WELSH: It's a quality I admire. Still, knowing the state's attorney's past fondness for Big Red — [Fraser pulls a rearview mirror out of the file drawer, looks at it, and places it on top of the file cabinet.] — I would have thought you had gone to great pains to keep the both of them far apart. The handling of this case is, uh, reaching new heights of futility.
VECCHIO: Well, no one's more discouraged then myself, sir. [Huey and Gardino walk up.]
GARDINO: Hey, sorry to hear about your troubles, man.
VECCHIO: Well, thanks for your feigned concern.
HUEY: State's attorney called. They want photos of the lighting set-up on the street by the liquor store.
WELSH: Well, do as the state's attorney asks.
HUEY: Yes, sir.
WELSH: And Gardino, lose the goatee. [Huey, Gardino, and Welsh biff off. Vecchio turns to Fraser.]
VECCHIO: You check the case? [Fraser holds up a granny boot with a three-inch heel.] No, we won't be needing that. [He has an epiphany.] County records! Elaine, did you send my — [Elaine's desk is deserted.] — Huh.
Suuuddenly not loving Lt. Welsh as much as I did before. "Withholding things that shouldn't have existed in the first place"? Shouldn't have existed? No, no, no, what this department needs is a records retention policy, ideally one in which detectives take notes in notebooks with numbered pages (like lab notebooks, only smaller) so it can be clear that no pages have been removed, and those notebooks are kept in the files for a fixed amount of time after they are completed (or after the last court case pertaining to anything in them is closed, or whatever), and all other notes are routinely destroyed—like, the last business day of each month someone or someone's civilian aide goes through the squad room with a burn bag and collects everything that isn't in a real notebook. It might mean some administrative time is spent transferring things you want to keep from your burn notes to your notebook notes. But that way, when someone says "and these are all the notes your detectives have on that case, Lieutenant?" you can say "as a matter of policy we keep these records and we don't keep those things that are not records." Piece of cake. Welsh's position appears to be that the only kind of notes detectives should take are the second kind,* the shred-them-every-month kind, which sounds unfortunately plausible and alas it's time we reminded ourselves that although he is hero-adjacent, he is still a cop. Our heroes are still cops. Ugh, why do we have to love a cop show.
*I mean, there's a sliver of daylight where he could mean "for Christ's sake, Vecchio, we have a records retention policy, why on earth did you keep your unofficial notes wherever you kept them instead of transferring them to your proper-form notebook and tossing the originals in the shredder like you were supposed to." I'll cling to that rather than be irretrievably disappointed in Welsh.
Scene 7
Vecchio is driving.
ELAINE: Thank God you called, Vecchio, because otherwise I might be enjoying myself right now. [She is in the passenger seat. Her hair is wet.] Let's define our terms here. Day off. Does that mean anything to you?
FRASER: [from the back seat] Towel?
ELAINE: [takes the towel, applies it to her hair] One day out of two weeks I ask for a little peace, a little relaxation, a little personal nurturing.
VECCHIO: Elaine, you have no life, stop whining.
FRASER: Conditioner? [He hands her a bottle.]
VECCHIO: Kruger, Robert D. Arrested June ninety-four. Armed robbery, murder one. No pretrial, went straight to the grand jury.
ELAINE: No idea. Take me home.
VECCHIO: Elaine.
ELAINE: I hate county records. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
VECCHIO: Elaine, a man died in that hold-up. Kruger killed him. But nobody's going to care about that if they think that the cop that charged him is dirty, okay? I need your help, okay?
ELAINE: Okay.
VECCHIO: And besides, Fast Eddie's on security. He likes you.
ELAINE: What?
FRASER: Hot brush?
I love Elaine and the fact that there is an aspect of her job that she loathes enough to actually whine about it. We've all got at least one. Also, she ought to be able to take her day off in peace. Shouldn't there be another civilian aide whose day off doesn't overlap with hers? (And shouldn't the starship Enterprise have its senior staff evenly distributed across watches rather than all being on duty all at the same time, and also shouldn't they not build their away teams out of the heads of all the departments?)
I also love Fraser offering her things out of her bag like some sort of spa waiter. I do not love Vecchio pimping her out to Fast Eddie.
Scene 8
Elaine and the guys are at county records.
FAST EDDIE: So it's a case file you're after?
VECCHIO: Uh, yeah, Eddie, that's usually the reason why we come down to county records.
FAST EDDIE: [leads them through shelves and shelves of records, doing annoying vocal percussion as he walks] So you want something here? And you want it fast? You come to me. That's why they call me Fast Eddie. That and other reasons. [vocal percussion] Of course it's not all in strictly alphabetical order, but I could help you with that. [vocal percussion]
The racks in the records repository are at least 10 shelves high on each side of the aisle; each shelf holds two layers of banker's boxes, and from where the camera stops to the end of the room—as far as we can see—is probably 50 or 60 boxes in a row.
That's a total of . . . carry the one . . . about 2400 boxes visible in shot at the end of this scene. And this is just one bay in basically an airplane hangar full of shelving units. Each box holds three or four thousand pages. The moral of the story is, if you ever want to see the Ark of the Covenant again, you should treat your records manager well. (Fast Eddie is annoying, and his vocal percussion is annoying, and of course his shit isn't in alphabetical order because that would be an idiotic way to store them. The fact remains: Records managers are the ones who know how to find things.)
Scene 9
Vecchio and Fraser are back at the courthouse. They meet Huey coming the other way.
VECCHIO: So?
HUEY: No street lights. Not within two blocks. No neon. Not even a billboard.
GARDINO: Shoulda told us about it, man.
VECCHIO: Hey, look, the light was coming from somewhere, all right? If I could see it, so could she.
HUEY: Look, don't get pissed with us, Vecchio. You're not straight with us, we can't back you up.
VECCHIO: Yeah, thanks for your vote of confidence.
ST. LAURENT: [calling from the judge's chambers] Vecchio?
Vecchio goes in. Fraser waits in the hallway. Rosanna Torres is there. At the other end of the hall is a long-haired man in an overcoat. Fraser notices Rosanna Torres and the man glancing at each other; he himself goes to a drinking fountain so he can keep an eye on the man.
Sigh. The show wants us to believe Vecchio is a straight-up detective, so his colleagues should support him because that's what colleagues do. It wants us to be annoyed that Huey and Gardino feel like they can't back him up based on what they can see with their own eyes, and if he'd only been a little more conversational about his cases in progress at the time, they'd be in more of a position to support him now. But this is a show that has shown us Vecchio kicking in apartment doors without a warrant, picking a lock and setting a fire to manufacture imminent danger so he could bust into a hotel room, falsifying official documents so Fraser could show a "wolf license" for Diefenbaker. Beating the living crap out of a bully in his old neighborhood—who needed the crap beaten out of him, but still! Huey and Gardino, the antagonists, are right!, and Vecchio isn't necessarily a model officer, is he.
Scene 10
The judge is looking at the lighting report.
JUDGE: On the matter of visibility, I have photos here that indicate it's highly unlikely the witness would have been able to see anyone exiting the liquor store.
VECCHIO: She came to me voluntarily. She said she could ID the guy who shot the store owner. Voluntarily.
SEDARIS: And you didn't think at the time to ask her how she could possibly make an identification under those conditions?
VECCHIO: She IDed a guy I knew to a tee. A known felon. I picked him up, she picked him out of the lineup, and no, we did not discuss the damn lighting.
JUDGE: I assume your case notes will support that. Do you have them?
VECCHIO: Uh, no. I just need a little more —
SEDARIS: Your honor, I move for a dismissal, and I want charges brought against this officer for harassment and perjury.
VECCHIO: This is not about case notes. This is about some piece of garbage with a good mouthpiece —
ST. LAURENT: Vecchio!
VECCHIO: — who's trying to make a good cop look like a bad guy so his client can go free on a murder charge.
JUDGE: Detective, I instructed you to have those case books in my office by three o'clock. You're in defiance of a court order.
VECCHIO: I'm not in defiance of anything. I'm being railroaded here. Come on, your honor, don't let some ass-kissing defense lawyer's paper chase give this guy a walk.
SEDARIS: Ass-kissing?
JUDGE: Careful, Detective.
VECCHIO: Look, if you let this scum back out on the street, he's gonna murder somebody else, and I'm gonna have to turn around and arrest him all over again.
ST. LAURENT: Vecchio, just stop now. Stop!
VECCHIO: Back off.
JUDGE: That's enough, Detective. You're in contempt.
VECCHIO: You're damn right I'm in contempt. I'm in contempt of this whole lousy process. I'm in contempt of you, you, and you.
JUDGE: Get the deputy in here.
Vecchio goes to leave the office.
Here's a question: Who gives a shit that there are no street lights at the liquor store now? She asked for a report on the lighting conditions that evening. Anyway, Vecchio is indeed Behaving Badly and the judge is right to hold him in contempt. (I was going to make a Liar Liar reference—Jim Carrey yelling "I hold myself in contempt!"—but that movie didn't actually come out until 1997.)
Scene 11
Vecchio comes out of the judge's chambers being escorted by a uniformed deputy. He hands his badge, his phone, and his keys to Fraser.
VECCHIO: I know there was lighting in that alley. You're on your own. The Riv's parked out front.
St. Laurent and the judge are coming out of chambers at the same time.
ST. LAURENT: This is a capital case. You can't throw it out on a procedural matter.
JUDGE: Nothing happens until he's prepared to apologize. See you back in court in forty-eight hours. Mrs. Torres?
Rosanna Torres goes into chambers. Fraser stops St. Laurent.
FRASER: You know he would not fabricate evidence.
ST. LAURENT: That is the least of what I know about him. And if I could find a way to tie you into this, it would make my year.
Fraser watches her go, perturbed.
The deputy is leading Vecchio out of the building. Kruger, the defendant, calls to him from the back of the van.
KRUGER: Hey, Vecchio! Looks like we're gonna be neighbors for a while.
The deputy leads Vecchio past the van to an ordinary patrol car.
VECCHIO: First time arresting a cop?
Fraser watches the deputy put Vecchio in the back of the car. Both the car and the van get ready to drive away.
Yeah, it looks like St. Laurent still thinks Fraser got away with something.
Scene 12
Fraser gets into the driver's seat of the Riviera and makes Diefenbaker budge over. He puts the keys in the ignition but stops before he starts it up. He gets out of the car, measures the distance to the car parked in front of him (three steps), and gets back in the car, where Bob is in the passenger seat looking at the transfer request.
BOB FRASER: So we're off, then.
FRASER: Do you mind? [takes the form from him] That is private.
BOB FRASER: I don't know about you, but I could use a change of scenery.
FRASER: What possible difference could scenery make in your condition?
BOB FRASER: Oh, I always liked a good view.
FRASER: What? Barren rocks and snow? [He fastens his seatbelt.]
BOB FRASER: You used to thrive on it.
FRASER: I still do. [He adjusts the rearview mirror.]
BOB FRASER: Well, let's choose one, then. [He unfolds a map that he's produced from somewhere.]
FRASER: Dad, I don't have time for this. I'm in the middle of a case.
BOB FRASER: Oh. Fort Nelson. Your mother and I had a cabin. One bedroom with stove and all the coal she could carry. And three hundred and sixty–degree view of the strip mine.
FRASER: Sounds attractive. [He's managed to turn on the windshield wipers.]
BOB FRASER: Three months and your mother was a raving lunatic. Then we moved on to Nelson Forks, and Nelson House — names alone drove her around the bend. We finally ended up in Rat River. Oh, I have fond memories of the Rat. Your mother didn't.
FRASER: I can imagine.
BOB FRASER: Gotta look ahead, son. Not back.
FRASER: I haven't left yet.
BOB FRASER: You will.
He pulls out. In reverse. Horns blare.
It sounds like Fraser's mother was very patient indeed. And that Fraser himself—because Bob is his subconscious mind, remember—knows he won't be in Chicago forever. Hmm.
Scene 13
At the Cook County Department of Corrections, Division IX Maximum Security Dormitory.
GUARD: [into a walkie-talkie] Open C-two-oh-three. [A door opens and then closes. Vecchio is in a prison jumpsuit being escorted by a correctional officer.] We're at the stairs right now. C-two-fifteen. [A door opens.] You got a lot of friends here, Ray.
VECCHIO: I got a lot of friends everywhere.
GUARD: Not like these friends. Word spread fast about you joining us. [A lot of folks in the jail are watching Vecchio being brought in.]
VECCHIO: Hey, you trying to scare me?
GUARD: [into his walkie-talkie] C-two-eighteen. [to Vecchio] Just telling you the way it is.
VECCHIO: Appreciate it. [They go through some more doors.]
GUARD: C-two-five-four. Your lieutenant called. We're gonna do our best. You know the drill.
VECCHIO: Yeah. I know the drill.
The guard leaves him in a central holding tank where his fellow incarcerees are hanging out.
Well, it doesn't make sense to me that a sworn officer being held for contempt would be (a) put in with the general population or (b) locked up in maximum security in the first place—surely they'd stash him in an ordinary station holding cell, maybe not in his own precinct, but come on—or (c) that people incarcerated in that maximum security jail would all be hanging out in the hallway like it was a college dorm. I'm not an expert, but dudes.
Scene 14
Fraser is driving the way he has mainly seen Vecchio drive, that is, recklessly. He parks in front of a fire hydrant and turns off the car.
FRASER: Dad? [Bob is gone.] Good. [Diefenbaker grumbles.] Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad. [Diefenbaker grumbles.] Baby.
He is at Azarelos Liquor Store, where the hold-up and shooting took place. He almost steps on broken glass and looks up to see where the glass got there from. He climbs a brick wall, using a drainpipe for support; he gives Diefenbaker a thumbs up. Diefenbaker grumbles. Fraser finds some fastenings in the wall where a light or security camera could formerly have been affixed. There are cut wires coming from the holes.
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Hey! Spiderman! You mind coming down from there, sir?
FRASER: No, not at all. [He jumps down.]
UNIFORMED OFFICER: Just stay off the walls on my beat.
FRASER: Understood. [He goes back to the car; he has a parking ticket, which is when he notices the fire hydrant. He waves to the cop.] Thank you kindly. [He gets in the car; Diefenbaker grumbles and hides in the back seat.] Oh, stop complaining. [Fraser tries to replace the rearview mirror, which has apparently become detached. He gives up and tosses it over his shoulder. He pulls out clumsily, and a car swerves around him and honks. He waves.] Sorry! [He pulls all the way out into traffic and gets honked at by a van coming the other way.] Sorry!
I've said before about Fraser driving a car, haven't I?
Scene 15
Fraser is driving and talking on the radio at the same time.
GARDINO: Sixteen-eighty West Madison, apartment four-ten.
FRASER: Ah, thank you, Louis. [He's driving too slow; a taxi swerves around him.]
GARDINO: If St. Laurent hears about this —
FRASER: I understand. [The taxi cuts him off in the curb lane.] Oh, dear — [He brakes and swerves to avoid the taxi and crashes into a flower stand. The flower seller pounds on the hood.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
FLOWER SELLER: Are you crazy?
FRASER: It's my mistake.
FLOWER SELLER: Get out of here!
SOMEONE ELSE: Get off the sidewalk!
FRASER: No, no, it's entirely my fault.
FLOWER SELLER: Look at the stand! My flower stand! You're nuts!
FRASER: I'll just, uh — [He tries to back out into traffic.]
GARDINO: Did you hear me, Fraser?
FRASER: My lips are sealed, Louis. [He pulls back out onto the road.]
FLOWER SELLER: Get out of here!
Fraser drives away. The flower seller and his friends are furious.
It's a miracle he got home from the car wash in one piece that time.
Scene 16
Vecchio is in the prison infirmary.
ORDERLY: Vecchio, I'll be right with you. Grab the mop. [Vecchio grabs the mop.] Try and keep a low profile, all right? This corner right here.
Vecchio nods, goes to the corner, and starts mopping. Someone steps on the mop. Vecchio looks up and sees a guy with number 1277 on his shirt.
1277: Ray. How are you?
See, you don't put cops and lawyers in the same population with the people they have previously prosecuted if you want your jail to be safe (for the people who work there as well as for the people you're holding there).
Scene 17
Fraser is talking to Rosanna Torres in a laundromat.
ROSANNA TORRES: These lawyers. They bring me to the courthouse. They ask me the same questions over and over. For months I have been answering these questions.
FRASER: [helping her with the laundry] Do you have any hangers?
ROSANNA TORRES: Basket. I don't have time for this. I have children, work . . .
FRASER: Well, have you tried telling them the truth?
ROSANNA TORRES: Yes. I don't trust those people. In my country, those people . . .
FRASER: Can you, uh — [He holds up a sheet. They start to fold it together.] Was your husband at the courthouse today?
ROSANNA TORRES: No.
FRASER: Oh, I'm sorry. I — I noticed your wedding ring.
ROSANNA TORRES: My husband doesn't time for questions either.
FRASER: No, of course not. So who was that man with you today?
ROSANNA TORRES: What man?
FRASER: The tall one with the long hair.
ROSANNA TORRES: Don't know him.
FRASER: He seemed to know you. Where is your husband, Mrs. Torres? There's no men's clothing in this laundry.
ROSANNA TORRES: Look, my husband is none of your business.
FRASER: You're a religious woman, aren't you? You wear a St. Sebastian medal. Patron saint of prisoners. The medal protects them. Of course, in today's prisons, a prisoner wouldn't be allowed to wear such a medal. But someone might wear it for him.
ROSANNA TORRES: Look, I'm sorry about your friend, but he's a policeman. They take care of their own.
FRASER: [out of patience] Do you know what perjury is? [She does not like that question.] There was a light in that street. Three months ago it hung from the building less than twenty feet away from that liquor store. That light may not be there now, but there will be records, and there will be permits, and when the lawyers get a hold of it, there will be more questions. So I will ask you again: Do you know what perjury is?
ROSANNA TORRES: I don't have time for this.
She takes her laundry and leaves.
Right, yes, Fraser: The judge asked for a report on the lighting conditions at the liquor store at the time of the incident, like I said, so why the screaming fuck did St. Laurent ask Huey and Gardino for pictures of the lighting conditions at the liquor store now? Why hasn't someone already gone to get the records and the permits and shown the judge what the lighting was like at the place then, given that that's what she asked for? Why does it depend on Fraser scaling brick walls and threatening witnesses? (Why isn't St. Laurent in defiance of a court order?) Ugh.
St. Sebastian (the one who was riddled with arrows) is the patron of soldiers and athletes, not prisoners. St. Vincent de Paul is the patron of convicts, and of course many other saints were imprisoned in the course of their martyrdom, but google "patron of prisoners"—you'll get a handful of the same names over and over, and Sebastian won't be one of them.
Scene 18
Fraser is in the prison visiting center talking to Vecchio.
FRASER: Torres, Edgar H. Two prior convictions, both for grand theft auto.
VECCHIO: Getting crowded up here.
FRASER: He was transferred in from Joliet two weeks ago to face a parole hearing.
VECCHIO: Kruger. What you want to bet they're bunkmates?
FRASER: Well, perhaps we should notify the state's attorney.
VECCHIO: Oh, yeah, she's going to be thrilled you're talking to a witness, and ten to one says she thinks I put you up to it.
FRASER: Well, maybe you could find Torres, try to talk to him, offer him immunity —
VECCHIO: In my position I can't offer him anything, and besides, how am I going to get to him from segregation?
FRASER: Ah, it does seem as if our options are somewhat limited. [points to Vecchio's forehead] And don't tell me, uh, you fell?
VECCHIO: I was mopping. Floor jumped up, hit me right in the head.
FRASER: [nods] You know, you could try apologizing.
VECCHIO: To who?
FRASER: To the judge.
VECCHIO: [shakes his head] Not my style.
A correctional officer pats Vecchio on the shoulder: Time's up. Fraser waves; they hang up, and Vecchio goes back inside.
To whom, Vecchio. But Fraser, oof—offer him immunity? From what? The guy has already been convicted. Do you mean clemency? And also, cops can't really do that, can they; it's the prosecutor's decision.
Scene 19
Fraser is in Welsh's office.
FRASER: I'm not asking for your permission, sir, nor should this be construed as some kind of bid for absolution. I simply felt that you ought to be informed. As a superior officer. I mean, I realize you're not my superior officer. We don't work for the same police force. Or for the same country, for that matter. On the other hand, it would appear my own superior officer would prefer not to be my superior officer. Therefore, in the circumstances, it didn't seem entirely inappropriate —
WELSH: Stop.
FRASER: Yes, sir.
WELSH: This has to do with Vecchio, doesn't it?
FRASER: That would be a safe assumption, sir, yes.
WELSH: You've seen him?
FRASER: Yes, sir, and he claims to have had an altercation with a floor.
WELSH: Any particular type of floor?
FRASER: Interlocking linoleum, I believe.
WELSH: Oh, yeah, yeah, that can be very tricky. Is there anything that I could do to assist?
FRASER: Well, nothing, actually, sir, no. Ah, due to the nature of the situation, I would prefer to do this off the record and on my own initiative. I simply felt that I ought to notify someone. Force of habit, I imagine.
WELSH: I see. And this new inspector, she's not the type of person you could —
FRASER: Oh, sir, she's not the type of person you could — well, let me put it this way. We seem to lack rapport.
WELSH: Any idea why?
FRASER: Not in the slightest.
WELSH: [beckons him closer and whispers] Women in authority. It's a quandary. It shouldn't be, but it is.
FRASER: Sir?
WELSH: I mean, you want to treat 'em like the rest of the guys, you want to have them nod off in strategic planning sessions, you want them to have sweat rings and maybe a little too much garlic on their breath, but no. No, not women. Women smell good. And women look good. And then they smile at you, and before you know it you're smiling back. And the first time they tear a piece off you, it's like somebody sticking an ice pick through your heart. [He is off someplace else now.]
FRASER: Sir? [Welsh does not respond.] Sir? [Welsh turns and looks at him.] I have no idea what you're talking about.
WELSH: Permission granted, Constable.
FRASER: Thank you, sir. [He opens the door of Welsh's office. A woman with a gold badge is coming in.]
GOLD BADGE: Harding.
FRASER: [bows to her as he goes] Excuse me.
GOLD BADGE: Yeah. [to Welsh, with a document in her hand] This is much better. Thank you.
WELSH: Yes, sir.
GOLD BADGE: [turns to go, but turns back] You okay?
WELSH: Yeah, sure.
GOLD BADGE: Good.
She smiles. He smiles back. She leaves the office. He sits down and leans back in his chair.
Okay so I have no idea what's happening with Welsh here. Some sort of midlife crisis, apparently.
Scene 20
Fraser is in a bodega with Huey and Gardino.
GARDINO: You sure you want to do this?
FRASER: Quite sure.
HUEY: Once we do, there's no going back.
FRASER: I understand.
GARDINO: And after this, no more favors, okay?
FRASER: No, I'll never ask again.
GARDINO: Okay. Nice and slow.
FRASER: Mm-hmm.
GARDINO: Take your arms out.
FRASER: Mm-hmm.
GARDINO: Grab the Milk Duds, and put them in your pocket.
FRASER: Understood. [reaches for the Milk Duds; stops] Perhaps I should pay for them first.
GARDINO: Then you wouldn't be stealing.
FRASER: [to Huey] That's a good point. [reaches for the Milk Duds; stops] Should you be watching?
HUEY: He's right. We'll be over there.
GARDINO: Right.
FRASER: [Diefenbaker yips and looks at him, judging him.] What? [reaches for the Milk Duds; Diefenbaker yips] Yes, I realize this is setting a bad example, but it is necessary. Shh. You'll give up the game.
Diefenbaker trots away. Gardino mouths "NOW!" Fraser nods. He takes a deep breath, reaches for the Milk Duds, and then turns and hurries over to Huey and Gardino instead.
HUEY: What?
FRASER: I can't. I mean, maybe if it was less expensive or —
GARDINO: They're Milk Duds.
HUEY: It doesn't matter how much it costs. You're not going to take 'em, we're going to arrest you. Got it?
FRASER: [to Gardino] It's a good point.
HUEY: Fraser. You can do this.
FRASER: [laughs bro-ishly] I can do this. [He takes two steps back toward the candy, then turns around again.] I can't. I can't. I can't do this.
GARDINO: Okay, that's enough. [hauls him around, grabs a box of Milk Duds, shoves it in Fraser's pocket]
HUEY: There. You're under arrest.
FRASER: [sighs with relief] Oh, thank you kindly. [as they lead him out, Gardino slipping a box of Milk Duds into his own pocket] I have the right to remain silent. Anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to an attorney . . .
The idea that you'll go to maximum security for shoplifting is utterly preposterous, of course, but why on earth does Fraser need to be genuinely arrested at all—can't he just go in undercover? (I mean we've seen his success at undercover work, but never mind.) Wouldn't it be better, in fact, for the jail staff to be in on the plan? Or, if it's important that he be incarcerated for real, can't he have Huey and Gardino make up something to charge him with? Or would the lying be even worse? Can't he hit someone and be arrested for assault? That's way more likely than stealing Milk Duds.
Scene 21
Vecchio is mopping the prison infirmary. He sees Fraser being led in by a correctional officer. Fraser gives him a surreptitious thumbs up.
VECCHIO: Oh, God.
The guard opens a door and lets Fraser into the lockup.
FRASER: Oh, ah, I'll be fine from here. [The guard rolls his eyes and goes away. Fraser greets his new friends.] Good evening. Evening, fellow prisoners. My name is Fraser, B., uh, number — [He looks at his shirt.] — one-two-one-nine. And you would be? [The guy he's talking to looks at him in disbelief, so he looks at the guy's shirt.] Ah, well, you would be eight-three-five-six. It's nice to meet you. Good evening, sir. [to someone in the middle of the aisle] Excuse me, I wonder if you might be able to, um — [The guy stares at him.] — no, I don't imagine you could. [He sees an unoccupied bunk.] Ah! There's the ticket. [He starts whistling "♫ Swing low, sweet — ♫"] Evening. ["♫ — chariot ♫" as he starts making up the bunk. Guys cluster around and stare at him. He keeps whistling. "♫ Comin' for to carry me home. Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me — ♫"] Ah. I suppose you're all wondering what it is that I am attempting to achieve. Now, the secret to perfect corners lies in the tuck. A firm tuck from corner to corner. Now, if you could just grab that end, please? [Guy grabs the end.] Good. Now, grasp the sheet tightly. [Guy tears the sheet in half. Everyone laughs.] No, now, you see, that would be far too firm a grasp. Anyone else? [The door bangs. The group disperses. Fraser stands up and sees a big mean-looking dude coming across the room.] Good evening, uh — [looking at the guy's shirt] — two-three-five-three. Would you prefer the upper or the, uh, lower — [Without a word, 2353 takes the lower bunk.]
VOICE ON THE LOUDSPEAKER: Lights out, cell block sixty-seven. [The lights go out.]
FRASER: Well, I guess I'll just — well. [He climbs up into the top bunk and lies back.]
BOB FRASER: Nice.
FRASER: What now?
BOB FRASER: Course, it's not the Rat. But very few places are.
FRASER: Go to sleep, Dad.
BOB FRASER: Yeah, good night, son. [He starts singing softly.] ♫ Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home. Swing low, sweet chariot, comin' for to carry me home. ♫
FRASER: That's enough, Dad.
BOB FRASER: Thank you.
Absolutely nothing about this makes any sense at all, starting from the fact that they are housing all these dudes in a single barracks-like room and extending through Fraser not getting the shit kicked out of him the minute he says "Evening, fellow prisoners."
Scene 22
Fraser is in the chow line at breakfast time.
FRASER: Boy, oh, boy, I tell you, I haven't spent a night like that since — well, I guess since basic training. Although, I did spend a very restful evening once on an ice floe moving through Northumberland Sound. Now, picture this —
4774: Shut up.
FRASER: Understood. Ah! It that cinnamon?
SERVER: Carbon.
FRASER: Ah, well, thank you kindly.
He moves on without taking any. 2353 comes in and grabs a tray.
SERVER: We're out. [2353 holds out his tray.] Move on! [2353 grabs the server by the front of his shirt.] Carl, Carl, guard, guard, guard —
FRASER: You know something, I, I'm feeling kind of full this morning. Would you be interested in —
2353 (Carl) drops the server and takes Fraser's tray. Fraser gives the server a nod. Within moments, Fraser has another breakfast tray and is looking for a place to sit. Guys keep nipping in and not leaving him a seat and laughing about it. Across the room, Kruger sees him go by and calls to Carl.
KRUGER: Hey, Carl, you want mine? [Everybody laughs.] Hey, come on, Eddie, give him yours. Carl's a growing boy.
Carl glares at Kruger. Eddie, sitting next to Carl, looks uncomfortable. Fraser looks around at the three of them and works some stuff out in his head.
Northumberland Sound again.
So Carl is the biggest dude, and he takes what he wants and manhandles people when he doesn't get it, but Eddie is perfectly willing to sit next to him, and neither of them likes Kruger, who's a bully. Interesting.
Scene 23
Fraser's job is being the prison librarian, of course. He pushes his cart into the common room where Vecchio is playing solitaire.
FRASER: Afternoon, gentlemen. I happen to have a complete eleven-volume set of The Story of Civilization by Will and Arial Durant. Any takers?
VECCHIO: Yeah, right here.
FRASER: Ah. [He steps over to Vecchio's table.]
VECCHIO: Benny, what are you doing in here?
FRASER: Well, I'm delivering books, Ray.
VECCHIO: I can see that. How did you get in here?
FRASER: Well, the same way most people get in here, Ray. I committed a crime.
VECCHIO: You committed a crime? Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police, committed an actual crime?
FRASER: Ray, I know that you think I'm incapable of this, but I'll have you know I am not entirely naive to the ways of the world. I've been arresting criminals my entire life, and it didn't seem to be a particularly large step to actually steal.
VECCHIO: Steal?
FRASER: Yeah.
VECCHIO: You stole something?
FRASER: Yes.
VECCHIO: What did you steal?
FRASER: I'd rather not talk about it.
VECCHIO: No, no, come on. What did you steal? A car?
FRASER: No.
VECCHIO: Television set?
FRASER: No.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: [mumbles] Uh, mlk duh.
VECCHIO: Excuse me?
FRASER: Milk. Duds.
VECCHIO: [chuckling] Milk Duds. What did the judge give you, an hour and a half?
FRASER: [sits down across from him] Well, actually, he was inclined to be lenient. It was Detectives Huey and Gardino who insisted that he throw the book at me.
VECCHIO: Benny. You know you might get yourself killed in here?
FRASER: It's nonsense, Ray. Nobody knows who I am. And in my capacity as book monitor I have free passage throughout the entire institution.
VECCHIO: Book monitor.
FRASER: Yes.
VECCHIO: What is that? Like a librarian?
FRASER: It's similar. I monitor books. I pass books out, I pick books up, I try to collect on overdue fines — although I'll tell you something, it is proving hellish in this place. It's absolutely remarkable how many people in here think nothing of folding, spindling, mutilating —
VECCHIO: Benny!
FRASER: What?
VECCHIO: Get to the point.
FRASER: Right. I found him.
VECCHIO: Who?
FRASER: Prisoner three-two-zero-five. Torres, Edgar. Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel García Márquez.
VECCHIO: Optimist?
FRASER: Apparently. It is twelve days past due. I think I should pay him a visit.
VOICE OVER LOUDSPEAKER: Thirteen-thirty, visitors' hour in cell block twenty-eight.
FRASER: [gets up to continue his rounds] Oh, I almost forgot. Here. This is for you. À la recherche du temps perdu by Marcel Proust. It's, uh, missing a couple of pages, but seeing the whole thing is basically one long run-on sentence, I — I don't think you'll mind.
VECCHIO: Is it funny?
FRASER: Oh, it's hilarious, if — if you like that kind of thing. All right, last chance for the complete eleven-volume set of Will and Arial Durant's The Story of Civilization. Going once, going twice — [He leaves the room.] — your loss, gentlemen.
"No one knows who I am," Fraser says, thirty seconds after Vecchio called him "Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police" out loud in this echo-y room. I swear, sometimes it's like these two guys are trying to get themselves maimed or killed.
Chronicle of a Death Foretold tells a story of a murder everyone knows is going to take place ("Nunca hubo una muerte tan anunciada," "Never had there been a death so foretold") and hardly anyone tries to stop it or even warn the victim. À la recherche du temps perdu is the original French title of In Search of Lost Time (originally translated as "Remembrance of Things Past"), a famously long and rambling seven-volume novel in which, among other things, the narrator explores the nature of memory (which may be why Fraser gives Vecchio what I have to assume is only the first volume or some sort of massive abridgement).
My mother had The Story of Civilization on the bookshelf in my childhood home and probably read the whole thing over a period of years. I've never read a word of it.
Does anyone still really say "television set"?
Scene 24
Eddie Torres comes into the visiting room. He is happy to see his wife but can tell she is upset about something. They pick up the phones.
EDGAR TORRES: Mi amor, ¿que pasó?
ROSANNA TORRES: Nothing, it's nothing. It's all right. [He looks at her until she tells him.] A man came to see me. Some kind of policeman.
EDGAR TORRES: What did you tell him?
ROSANNA TORRES: Nothing. Eddie, please, don't get upset.
EDGAR TORRES: Rosanna.
ROSANNA TORRES: He knew. I didn't tell him anything. He just knew.
EDGAR TORRES: [He looks back at the cell block for a long moment.] Okay, then go home. Just go home.
ROSANNA TORRES: It's until tomorrow. All you have to do is stay out of trouble. Go to Kruger. Talk to him. Maybe he will —
EDGAR TORRES: No. No. If he hears talk of the police, he'll kill me. Do you want that?
Rosanna Torres hangs up the phone and tries not to cry. Eddie hangs up and gets up to go back to his cell.
Why would he begin speaking to her in Spanish ("My love, what happened?") and then conduct the whole conversation in English? (To be fair, Margarita Gamez spoke to her children in English as well; I was surprised by that at the time, but I suppose I can make a case that those kids were growing up bilingual—the Torreses are both second language speakers and would almost certainly speak Spanish between themselves, especially in a visiting room situation like this.)
Scene 25
In a hallway, Fraser is chatting with a library patron.
PATRON: Walden, Life in the Woods by Thoreau. This is a thriller?
FRASER: Ah, not exactly, no. It outlines one man's dream to live a life of perfect fulfillment.
PATRON: I had a dream like that once.
FRASER: Really?
PATRON (9262): Yeah. I dreamed me and Jane Fonda was on a couch naked.
FRASER: I see. And was this couch in the woods?
9262: Yeah, it just so happens that it was.
FRASER: Ah, well, you should enjoy this, then.
9262 Great. Any pictures? [Edgar Torres comes through the door and pushes past them.]
FRASER: Ah, excuse me. [He pushes his cart after Eddie.] Excuse me, sorry. Coming through. Bookmobile, coming through.
I am unavoidably reminded of Andy Dufresne and his buddies in The Shawshank Redemption (1994) sorting the books for their prison library, and Andy telling the guys The Count of Monte Cristo (by Alexandry Dumbass) is about a prison break—so Red shelves it in "Educational."
Scene 26
Fraser pushes his cart all the way out to the yard. Music cue: "Waitin' 4 the Streets" by Plains of Fascination feat. Nelly Furtado. Someone has a boom box playing in the yard; the song is almost inaudible behind the atmosphere and dialogue.
FRASER: Excuse me. Bookmobile. [Nobody is actually in his way, but whatever.] Ah, Mr. Torres. I believe you have an overdue book.
EDGAR TORRES: Yeah? So what?
FRASER: Well, another prisoner has requested it. I believe you may know him. He's a friend of mine. [They can see Vecchio in the next yard.]
EDGAR TORRES: No. I don't know him. [He's finished loading up his barbell and gets down on the bench to press.]
FRASER: I'll spot for you. He's a police officer. This friend of mine. He arrested a man named Kruger for killing a shop owner, but at the trial, something went wrong. His witness lied. And now my friend's in prison, and Kruger will be set free.
EDGAR TORRES: I don't know your friend, and I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
FRASER: You see the problem is, Mr. Torres, that Kruger found out that the witness has a husband in prison and threatened to kill him, and now that man is alone, and he has no one to protect him.
EDGAR TORRES: Your friend the cop is the one who should be worried, not me.
FRASER: Well, yes, he should be, but he's not. Now, I promise you Mr. Torres, if you help me, I will guarantee you safe passage to your parole hearing without incident.
EDGAR TORRES: I don't want your help.
FRASER: Well, you may have no choice. [They rack the barbell. Kruger is looking at them.] But don't let me influence you.
Torres walks away from Fraser. Fraser looks at Vecchio in the next yard. Torres goes and gets in line to go back inside. One of Kruger's friends shoves him back and gets in line in front of him; Kruger gets in line behind him.
KRUGER: You're very talkative, Eddie. You must like cops.
EDGAR TORRES: I didn't say nothing, man.
KRUGER: [laughs] I'm sure. Not a very good move. See, I'm not prepared to return to incarceration. [He has Torres's arm behind his back; he shakes a knife down out of his own sleeve.] Before I would do that, I would hurt you — [He laughs again.] — hurt your wife, hurt your kids.
He cuts Torres with the knife. Carl sees this and gets up in case he needs to break up a fight. Fraser comes toward them with the bookmobile.
FRASER: Uh, excuse me, Mr. Kruger. [Torres jumps out of line and goes to get patted down so he can go back inside.] Excuse me. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Kruger, but apparently your copy of Don't Call Me Sugar Baby! is overdue.
Kruger pushes the cart out of the way and goes back to the yard. Torres is still with the guard getting patted down. The crisis has been averted.
Don't Call Me Sugar Baby! is a real book, but more importantly, what the ever-living hell is Fraser doing telling an incarcerated person that another guy on the yard is a police officer? I'm so baffled about that that I can't even muster up the energy to be annoyed that he's promising Torres safe passage to his parole hearing when he should absolutely not be promising him anything of the kind.
Scene 27
In the infirmary, Vecchio is mopping. Fraser is sitting on a bed talking to him. Torres is getting his arm bandaged.
VECCHIO: So we're gonna protect him. You and me surrounded by nine thousand violent offenders.
FRASER: For God's sake, Ray, don't blow the situation out of proportion. There's only eight thousand nine hundred and seventy-three prisoners here.
VECCHIO: And I thought our odds didn't look good.
FRASER: Look, Ray, it's only for one evening. Tomorrow Torres will be free, his wife will testify.
VECCHIO: Look, a lot of people can get killed in one evening. If Kruger wants to get to Torres, he's going to get to him, you can count on it.
FRASER: Exactly. So we make it easy for him.
VECCHIO: Look, Benny, you're not getting the hang of this.
FRASER: Ray, the best place to hide a person is in plain view. Now, Kruger knows that Torres is injured, knows that he's in the infirmary. Fine. Let's keep it that way.
VECCHIO: All right, fine. So what do we do?
FRASER: Well, it could be a long night, how about we take in a movie?
I assume there's at least one good reason they're not involving the correctional staff of the prison in this discussion? Making them aware (if they weren't already) that Kruger is threatening Torres and his family? Honestly, the assumption that Fraser and Vecchio are the only law enforcement officers who can ever get anything done. 🙄 And assuming Torres gets parole and then Rosanna goes and changes her testimony back to what she said in the first place—that's not going to make her seem more reliable as a witness, now, is it? So it's not going to help the people's case against Kruger. But also, suppose Torres goes to his hearing and doesn't get parole? Nobody seems to have considered that possibility.
Scene 28
In the common room, the incarcerated men are gathering to watch Sullivan's Travels. Guys are walking between the projector and the wall. Other guys are yelling at them to sit down. Carl sits down and blocks people's view of half the screen. Someone in the back yells at him to watch his head. Guys are booing and jeering. One guy does a shadow puppet, and someone else tells him to get out of the way.
VECCHIO: What's wrong with the picture? It's in black and white.
FRASER: There's nothing wrong with it, Ray. It's just old.
VECCHIO: Yeah, well, if it was any good, it would be in color.
FRASER: Well, it, it was made in black and white, Ray. It's a classic.
VECCHIO: The Ten Commandments is a classic, Benny. The Poseidon Adventure is a classic. Saturday Night Fever with my man John Travolta, that's a classic. This is black and white.
FRASER: Shh.
Kruger and his buddies come in and glare at Fraser and Vecchio as they cross between the projector and the screen. Kruger high-fives someone and points at our heroes. They discuss for a moment. Someone nearby shushes them; Kruger grabs the shusher's popcorn and throws it in his face. His buddies laugh, and the lot of them go to sit in the back.
FRASER: Perhaps you should have ordered a personal guard.
VECCHIO: Yeah, maybe you should have gotten us a better movie.
After a guard goes by behind him, Kruger shakes his knife down out of his sleeve and cuts his own arm. He goes back to the guard booth begging for help. They call the infirmary. Vecchio looks to the back of the room and sees that Kruger is gone. He whispers to Fraser, who looks and sees the same thing.
Sullivan's Travels; The Ten Commandments; The Poseidon Adventure; Saturday Night Fever. I feel like they should have just gone all-in with the Shawshank thing and played Gilda, but probably they're not affiliated with Columbia and couldn't afford the licensing.
The Roy Rogers Show was black and white, but maybe Vecchio likes his classics a little less classic than this.
Scene 29
Kruger is getting his arm stitched up.
DOCTOR: I need some gauze.
Kruger nods, and when the doctor has gone, he shakes his knife out of his sleeve and goes over to Torres's infirmary bed. He pulls back the blanket and finds a heap of clothes and whatnot as a decoy. He is angry.
I'd be angry too. It's a pretty obvious trick. Good enough to fool a Nazgûl, but you'd think a man with human eyes would be able to tell a bed was full of something other than a breathing human being before he got the covers pulled down.
Scene 30
The movie is still playing. Bob Fraser is trying to share snacks, but of course nobody knows he's there.
VOICE OF JESS LEE BROOKS AS THE PREACHER IN SULLIVAN'S TRAVELS: Well, brothers and sisters, once again we're going to have a little entertainment. And once again, brothers and sisters, we're going to share our pleasure with some neighbors less fortunate than ourselves. Now won't you please clear the first three pews so they may have seats? [Fraser twitches the curtain under the projector to be sure it is concealing Torres, who is hiding in there.] I'm going to ask you once more neither by word, nor by action, nor by look, not to make our guests feel unwelcome.
Vecchio looks at the back of the room. Still no Kruger. On the screen, the characters in Sullivan's Travels are watching a Disney cartoon and laughing uproariously. Vecchio looks at the back of the room again. Still no Kruger. Then Kruger comes up on his blind side.
KRUGER: [quietly] Where did you put him? [He sits down and speaks out loud.] I smell bacon. [Other incarcerated people don't like the sound of that, of course.]
VECCHIO: Any suggestions?
FRASER: Nothing springs to mind.
VECCHIO: Well, you better think of something quickly.
FRASER: All right. [As guys are yelling "Soo-eee!" he gets up and stands in front of the screen.] Stop right there. I am a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
That goes about as well as you'd imagine. Guys rush at Fraser and Vecchio. Vecchio hustles Fraser out a side door. Most of the other movie-goers are yelling and rising up. The correctional staff back in the booth jump up and try to come in to quiet them down, but guys have blocked their way with overturned tables. Other guys are smashing chairs. Carl makes sure he can still see the movie. Fraser, Vecchio, and Torres are visible through a window, and Kruger moves to follow them. They try a couple of locked doors but are cornered in a restroom. The window to the outside is barred. A bunch of guys come into the restroom entrance menacingly.
VECCHIO: Hey, come on, guys, you don't want to do this, huh?
FRASER: Oh, I think they do, Ray. [Kruger comes to the front of the group.]
VECCHIO: All right, look, you must have seen a way out of here. A vent?
FRASER: No vent.
VECCHIO: Grate?
FRASER: No grate.
VECCHIO: How about a drain?
FRASER: We're too big, Ray.
KRUGER: [stands down a couple of his guys] Boys. I been looking to do this myself.
Fraser and Vecchio are shoulder to shoulder, protecting Torres, who is several steps behind them. Kruger advances on them slowly, his knife out. As he goes to swing at them, Fraser moves to block his knife hand, but somehow Carl is there grabbing Kruger with one hand on his wrist and the other hand on his throat, lifting him right off the ground.
CARL: I don't care for you. You have to understand something. This man? He has behaved with decency and courtesy. And you've been rude. You have made him feel unwelcome. And that's a shame. 'Cause for what lessens him lessens us all. Do you understand?
Kruger lets go of the knife. Carl lets go of Kruger's throat, and Kruger falls on the floor. Carl turns to go. Fraser and Vecchio and Torres can't quite believe what just happened.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
CARL: [stops, turns] No. Thank you.
Carl strolls out. Ray beckons to Torres and puts him between himself and Fraser as the three of them leave the restroom through the aisle left by Carl's passage.
VECCHIO: Wow. Hey, what book did you give him?
I've got a deus ex machina for Constable Benton Fraser? Sign here, please. (With extreme gratitude to Cleolinda Jones, whose recap of The Return of the King is the source of that line.)
So okay, they couldn't use Gilda because they needed that exact sound clip from Sullivan's Travels to reach Carl. It's a little clunky, but I'll buy it. Meanwhile, in case anyone has come in to whom it's not obvious, Kruger's sing-song "I smell bacon" means there are police officers (pigs) in the room, which is why the rest of the incarcerated men start rioting and why it was a terrible idea to hold Vecchio (and then Fraser, when he insisted on getting himself arrested) in the same population with other offenders, who probably as a general rule in their lives don't talk to cops.
Scene 31
Vecchio parks the Riviera very sloppily in front of a county building and hops out to meet Elaine on the sidewalk. She hands him a notebook.
VECCHIO: Thanks, Elaine. I owe you one.
He kisses her cheek and runs off. She stands there in bewilderment.
In the judge's chambers, Vecchio takes his notebook back from the judge.
VECCHIO: And you have my sincerest apologies. My behavior was inexcusable, even though I was right and the accused was found guilty and I was completely exonerated. But enough said. [He beams and leaves the chambers.]
ST. LAURENT: Thank you, your honor. [The judge nods. Sedaris the defense attorney glowers. St. Laurent follows Vecchio out into the hallway.] Vecchio. This does not end here.
VECCHIO: I should hope not.
Still beaming, he drops his notebook in a trash can that looks like a vintage spittoon.
When did Vecchio learn that Elaine had found his notes? Why did finding his notes make him willing to apologize to the judge? When did he get out? Why did the judge accept Rosanna Torres's re-reversed testimony? Why did the jury accept it? What doesn't end here? Why is discarding his notebook in a bin it doesn't even fit in a good way to dispose of information he doesn't want preserved (rather than, as I've said, shredding at the very least)? What's going on here?
Scene 32
Fraser is in Inspector Thatcher's office.
FRASER: Sir, I would like you to know that I've given very serious thought to the matter of a transfer.
THATCHER: And?
FRASER: While I find the prospect of returning home appealing, I would prefer not to leave at this time. I've come to feel that I, um . . .
THATCHER: You feel that maybe in some small way you have something to offer them. [She smiles.]
FRASER: Yes, sir.
THATCHER: [still smiling] Dismissed. [It is clear that she does not mean he's fired.]
FRASER: Yes, sir.
He leaves the office. Thatcher is still smiling.
This is pretty much three storylines in one, isn't it. Maybe two and a half. There's the Kruger's-murder-trial thing and the Vecchio-in-jail thing, which are related, although it's frustrating that Fraser is the only one who's willing to work out why Vecchio's witness lied. There's actually no dramatic need for Vecchio to have been in the same jail as Kruger and Torres (and as I ranted about a couple of times it seems particularly unrealistic, so they could have just given it a miss entirely). There's no actual need for Fraser to have been in there either; couldn't he have gone down at visiting time and asked to speak to Torres? Couldn't he (or someone? anyone? Welsh, if he could get his head out of his ass long enough?) have, as I said, alerted the correctional staff and had them keep Kruger and Torres separate? (Those guys never seem to cotton on to the fact that Kruger always has a big knife up his sleeve, so maybe they wouldn't be much help in any event.) In a bind, couldn't Fraser have gone undercover as a correctional officer rather than getting himself arrested and going inside?
Anyway, then there's the ongoing Fraser-and-Thatcher thing, which seems to be awkwardly glued on around the outside of the main plot. I don't mind the concept that Fraser and his new boss aren't a great fit. I don't even mind the potential transfer of it all, because the dude was only supposed to be lying low in Chicago until enough people moved on from being mad at him about exposing the shenanigans at the East Bay Power Plant, so if what's going on here is Thatcher obliquely signaling that Fraser would be welcome in Canada again and Fraser realizing he's not ready to go back just yet, okay. Is that because he almost didn't survive his vacation? He almost didn't survive Chicago either. It's a stumper. But I'm not sure I dig "in some small way you have something to offer them," like Fraser is the only competent law enforcement officer in all of Chicago (although sometimes it seems that way). I don't know, this episode doesn't make me as angry or uncomfortable as "An Eye for an Eye," but there's a lot here that's not great.
Title-wise, are we doing a reference to the 1985 film Witness, in which an Amish boy witnesses a murder and Harrison Ford is wounded while returning the child and his mother to their community so he lives there undercover while he recovers and then they all defeat the bad guys together? . . . Maybe just a little and that's why the episode is not called "The Witness" (or is it? IMDb says it is, but IMDb names the defense attorney "Siracusa," which is a name not spoken in this episode, so what does IMDb know. The Due South wiki at fandom.com says it is; but TVDb and Wikipedia say it's just "Witness," and I'm leaning that way given this show's noted habit of naming episodes after existing titles almost wherever it can).
Cumulative body count: 16
Red uniform: Fetching dry cleaning, in court, at court and therefore driving on Vecchio-saving errands, in Thatcher's office