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return to Due South: season 2 episode 18 "Flashback"
Flashback
air date May 30, 1996
Scene 1
Fraser and Vecchio are walking up the street. Vecchio has a bag of sandwiches.
VECCHIO: All right, what have we got here? A, uh, a tuna on white for Welsh, a turkey on wheat for Huey, and Elaine wanted the, uh, pastrami on sourdough.
FRASER: Rye.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: Elaine wanted rye bread.
VECCHIO: Anh, what's the difference?
FRASER: Well, actually, Ray, the difference is considerable. For one thing — [A couple of women in niqab bump into him as they walk the other way. One hurries along.] — oof. I'm terribly sorry.
SECOND NIQABIAH: [stops and looks at him over the gold rim of her sunglasses] It's fine.
FRASER: Sorry. [The woman continues on her way.] You see, Ray, sourdough requires —
Vecchio's tone when he talks about Elaine wanting the pastrami on sourdough sounds like he knows that isn't what she asked for at all and he's trying to pick a fight. Doesn't it?
In a jewelry store.
JEWELER: Mark. [He hands Mark a necklace on a stand.] Bring up number thirty-eight. [The two women in niqab come in to the store, along with a heavily pregnant woman with a scarf over her hair who was about half a block behind Vecchio and Fraser outside.] Ah, good afternoon, ladies.
NIQABIAH: Good afternoon.
JEWELER: Is there, uh, something in particular I can help you with?
NIQABIAH: What do you have that is ridiculously expensive?
JEWELER: Ah, they say that diamonds are a girl's best friend, so I'd be happy to show you some of the best diamonds in the city.
NIQABIAH: I could use a few new friends, actually.
JEWELER: Well, then, make friends with these.
Back on the sidewalk, Fraser and Vecchio are still walking.
FRASER: — in order to make the culture roughly four — hang on a second. [He turns and looks back the way they came.] That woman looked right at me.
VECCHIO: So?
FRASER: Well, Ray, for a, a Muslim woman to make direct eye contact with a strange man, it violates deep cultural tradition.
Oh boy, are we going with Fraser Is More Culturally Sensitive Than Anyone In Chicago? Because that's . . . a risky proposition.
In the jewelry store, the niqabiah is pleased with the diamonds.
NIQABIAH: They're beautiful. I'll take them.
JEWELER: Which piece would you like?
NIQABIAH: [pulls out a handgun] All of them. Now put them in the bag.
PREGNANT WOMAN: [pulls out a handgun] Everybody down on the floor.
NIQABIAH: Quickly.
PREGNANT WOMAN: Nobody move.
The niqabiah smashes a display case. Back on the sidewalk, Vecchio is arguing with Fraser.
VECCHIO: Fraser, I don't think that's a violation under the Illinois Criminal Code.
The jewelry store alarm goes off.
FRASER: That is.
They run back toward the store, where the women are waving their guns around.
SECOND NIQABIAH: [to another couple of customers] You! Over there. Hurry.
NIQABIAH: [to jeweler] Get out from behind the counter. Now. Quickly.
Vecchio and Fraser burst in.
VECCHIO: Police! Drop your weapons!
PREGNANT WOMAN: You drop yours.
VECCHIO: That's not how it works.
NIQABIAH: [holding her gun to the jeweler's neck] We're walking out of here. And you try and stop us, I'll blow his head off. Drop your gun. Drop it.
PREGNANT WOMAN: Drop it.
SECOND NIQABIAH: Drop it.
VECCHIO: [puts down his gun as Fraser drops the bag of sandwiches] Nobody gets hurt.
NIQABIAH: [as the pregnant woman and the second niqabiah are hustling the jeweler out of the place] Stay back from the door. Back. Stay back.
The three women are hauling the jeweler out of the store and locking the door behind them from the outside.
JEWELER: Hey, hey, hey, listen, what are you people, terrorists?
PREGNANT WOMAN: Shut up!
JEWELER: Listen, I'm not a politician. I don't even follow politics.
PREGNANT WOMAN: Shut up!
NIQABIAH: Quickly!
Vecchio and Fraser go to follow the women, who are hustling the jeweler across the street. Our heroes find that they are locked in.
VECCHIO: Anybody got a key?
Mark gives Vecchio a key. The women bundle the jeweler into a minivan and then all jump in themselves. The second niqabiah shrugs off her niqab before she gets in the driver's seat; she is a White woman with dark hair, wearing a white hoodie and black leggings. Music cue: "Charming" by She Stole My Beer.
Well, roll out the river then make you scream out in pain
Fraser comes out of the store and sees the van pulling away.
I make it seem so easy, I'm gonna drive you insane
Fraser and Vecchio take off running after the van.
Pull that steel wool out from inside your eyes
Fraser runs over the hood of a car and grabs onto the back of the van as it drives away. Vecchio runs after it.
I'll take you to your wildest dreams if you believe all my lies
(Instrumental break.)
VECCHIO: Fraser!
I'm charming
I'm charming
The van careens around a corner. Fraser holds on.
I'm charming
I'm charming
(Instrumental break.)
The jeweler sees Fraser clinging to the back of the van. He is nervous. Fraser can't get a good grip. The next time the van goes around a corner, he falls off and rolls a few times. The van screeches away. Vecchio runs up to Fraser.
VECCHIO: You okay? Fraser, you okay?
FRASER: Yeah, I'm fine.
VECCHIO: [helps him stand up] You're sure you're okay?
FRASER: [nods, then looks at Vecchio] Who the hell are you?
VECCHIO: Stop kidding around. You know damn well who I am.
FRASER: [looks at his uniform] Who the hell am I?
VECCHIO: Oh, dear.
As a matter of interest, the song lyrics we don't hear, between "if you believe all my lies" and "I'm charming," are "gonna strip you of your dignity, gonna rob you of your wife/ I'll take away your riches, better run for your life/ make you feel like a million, but that's money you can't fold/ make the sun shine where it never can, I'm stone cold."
It defies belief that Benton Fraser, who can cling to the top of a panel van as it goes around a spiral parking lot ramp, who can jump not only onto the top of a moving car but also from the top of one moving car to the top of another moving car and roll off the latter when it stops and lose only his hat, who has also jumped onto and into other vans that were already moving, who can handily survive a fall from the top of a moving train, will fall off this van just because it's gone around a second corner too fast. On the other hand, he hit his head so hard in a plane crash that he temporarily lost his sight and later the use of his legs, so once he does fall off the van, I suppose it's plausible that he could knock himself into amnesia without losing consciousness, sure, why not. The dude does have repeated traumatic brain injuries, is what I'm saying, so anything is theoretically possible?
It's a fun switch to have Vecchio be the one to say "Oh dear."
Credits roll.
Paul Gross
David Marciano
Beau Starr
Tony Craig
Catherine Bruhier
(plus Lincoln the dog)
Daniel Kash, Ramona Milano, Camilla Scott, Sandra Nelson, Tony Rosato, Kristin Lehman, and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.
Scene 2
Vecchio is walking in a hospital hallway with an emergency room doctor.
DOCTOR: It's a good thing your friend's got a hard head.
VECCHIO: Well, I'm glad someone else finally noticed.
DOCTOR: There doesn't seem to be any concussion, but the trauma of the impact seems to have induced a total loss of recall.
VECCHIO: We've got a hostage whose life depends on something that Fraser saw. Is there anything we can do?
DOCTOR: Well, exposing him to familiar things might jog his memory. Friends. Places. Things you've done together.
I am no kind of neurological expert, but I think what Fraser is suffering from is a specific kind of retrograde amnesia that is found in television characters, which is the only type I've ever heard of that can be mitigated with reminder treatment.
Scene 3
Fraser is in an exam room, following a light with his eyes.
VOICE ON THE PA: Dr. Frankel to maternity, please. Dr. Frankel.
The nurse with the light leaves the room and Vecchio comes in.
VECCHIO: Hey, Fraser, how you feeling?
FRASER: Who?
VECCHIO: You. Fraser. That's your name.
FRASER: F-R-A-S-I-E-R?
VECCHIO: No, F-R-A-S-E-R.
FRASER: Ah. And you would be?
VECCHIO: Ray.
FRASER: R-A-Y?
VECCHIO: That's correct. Detective Ray Vecchio of the Chicago PD.
FRASER: Am I under arrest?
VECCHIO: No, you're not under arrest. You're a cop too. Your name is Benton Fraser, of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
FRASER: Oh, so we're in Canada.
VECCHIO: No, we're in Chicago. We're after some diamond thieves. You got their plate number.
FRASER: Ah.
VECCHIO: All right. Uh, maybe we should start at the beginning.
We're starting before the beginning with hanging a hat on the fact that Vecchio has never once pronounced "Fraser" the way Fraser pronounces it. It's not that he has some sort of speech impediment where he is unable to pronounce the sound normally spelled by the letter z, so who knows what it is? But it's there, all right.
Scene 4
Flashback 1: Pilot
Mountains. The ground is covered with snow, but the sky is clear. We're above the tree line. A grey-haired man is tromping around looking for something.
VECCHIO (VO): Your father was a Mountie. A legend.
Flashback 1 continues.
Somewhere, someone chambers a round in a long gun. The man looks around the landscape but can't see anyone.
GREY-HAIRED MAN (BOB FRASER): You're going to shoot a Mountie? They'll hunt you to the ends of the earth.
The gun fires; the man falls to the ground and slides a bit.
VECCHIO (VO): Somebody shot him, and you came to Chicago on the trail of some dentist. And that's where we met.
Flashback 2: Pilot
Fraser walks into a police station on the west side.
DESK SERGEANT: Look, here's Nanook of the North.
FRASER: Constable Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
DESK SERGEANT: No kidding. You got a dog?
FRASER: He's in quarantine. I'm looking for an officer assigned to this case number.
DESK SERGEANT: Oh yeah. You're going to like this fella.
FRASER: His name?
DESK SERGEANT: You can't miss him. Just look for Armani.
Flashback 3: Pilot
In a holding cell, two well-dressed men are talking.
WELL-DRESSED DUDE 1 (VECCHIO): Can you read that? Does the label not say Armani? Of course it's original merchandise. A friend of mine just sorta found a truckload sitting on the side of the road.
WELL-DRESSED DUDE 2: Isn't this kind of a strange place to do business?
VECCHIO: Hey, at least in here you know who you're dealing with, right?
FRASER: Excuse me. I'm looking for a Detective Armani?All but one of the people in the cell are mad to learn that the last person in the cell is a detective. They close in on him.
VECCHIO: Come on. You mean me? Guard!
Flashback 4: Pilot
Vecchio leads Fraser into the squad room.
VECCHIO: Okay, who let the Mountie into the holding cell?
Everyone raises their hands without looking up from what they were doing.
FRASER: I'm sorry, I believe it was an unfortunate confusion due to an unfamiliar idiomatic trade name —
VECCHIO: What the confusion was, was down here you don't bust in on some guy when he's about to take down the biggest operator in the garment district for buying stolen merchandise.
FRASER: Oh, so you were attempting to sell him a truckload of illegally obtained men's clothing?
VECCHIO: That's right.
FRASER: Isn't that entrapment?
VECCHIO: What do you want from me?
FRASER: I was told that you were in charge of this case.
VECCHIO: Ah yes, the dead Mountie thing, like I couldn't have guessed. Look, I've got your list of names in my basket here. The moment I get a chance I'm going to go to the computer, pick up the phone, and call you with the information so you can go get your Boy Scout points. Now, is there anything else?
FRASER: Yes. The dead Mountie was my father, and I would appreciate it if you would check the names while there's still a chance of catching the man who killed him. Oh and by the way, he's not in the garment business.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: Your man in the cell. He had a hole in his shoe. I'm not familiar with your city, but I'd assume a big garment buyer wouldn't be caught dead with a hole in his shoe, so — like you — he is pretending to be someone he's not.
FRASER: And then we, um . . .
VECCHIO: Bonded.
FRASER: Bonded. We bonded?
VECCHIO: Yeah, you could say that.
Flashback 5: Pilot
Fraser is in front of the consulate in his red uniform standing guard like a Beefeater at Buckingham Palace.
VECCHIO: [walks up and right past him into the consulate] Hey, what's up? [pause] It's you! I didn't recognize you standing there like that. Okay: I acted like a jerk. I didn't realize it was your father; I should have checked into it earlier. I'm sorry. Anyway, you know, you were right about the goombah in the cell. Now I dig around and I find out that this guy is Internal Affairs, trying to nail my butt for illegal entrapment. Can you believe that? This guy's trying to entrap me into entrapping him. Cops. [sigh] In any case, I figured I owed you one, so, uh, here it is: Thanks. [He offers his hand to shake. Fraser does not react.] You're kidding, right? This is your job? This is, like, your real job? [talking to passers-by] Do you believe it? This is his job. They actually pay people to do this in Canada. [back to Fraser] Sorry. [A random couple wants to take his picture with Fraser.] Oh. [pose]
VECCHIO: Now, you're sure you don't remember anything?
FRASER: No.
VECCHIO: You don't remember one thing. Anything that happened? Anything that you saw just before the accident?
FRASER: What accident?
VECCHIO: It was a jewelry heist. A man was taken hostage by three women. They threw him into a van. The van sped away, you jumped onto the van, and as you were leaning back to get the license —
FRASER: Hang on, hang on. [laughs incredulously] I jumped onto a moving van?
VECCHIO: Yeah, it's something you do all the time.
Flashback 6: Pilot
Fraser chases Drake's van and manages to get on top of it as it careens around the parking ramps. He drives a ten-inch knife through the roof of the thing to pull himself along the top of the van and get to Drake. Drake crashes the van and Fraser rolls off the top, but he leaps back up.
FRASER: What am I, stupid?
VECCHIO: No, you're a hero.
FRASER: [skeptical] Oh.
Flashback 7: Pizzas and Promises
Tire-squealing noises come from outside. Fraser and the pizza guy rush to look out the window.
PIZZA GUY (LENNY): My car. They got my car!
VECCHIO (VO): And since we've met, you've ridden just about anything that moves.
Flashback 7 continues.
Fraser jumps onto the roof of the moving car.
FRASER: Please stop immediately. This is not your automobile.
The car does a banking turn and Fraser slides and falls off the top.
Flashback 8: Chicago Holiday part 1
Fraser jumps from the roof of his cab to the roof of Jerome and Miss Nichols's cab and lies down on it, leaning over to speak to her through her window.
FRASER: Would you consider discussing this over coffee?
JEROME: This man is seriously crazy.
FRASER: Oh, dear.Jerome stops the cab. Fraser rolls off the top, taking the taxi sign with him, and rolls to his feet.
Flashback 9: Chicago Holiday part 2
Fraser runs through the department store and up the escalator, pushing people out of his way.
FRASER: Sorry.
Fraser, having grabbed a toboggan from a winter display, sleds down the non-working escalator, going between C.M. Nuffig's legs and crashing into a giftwrap display.
Flashback 10: A Cop, a Mountie, and a Baby–Flashback 11: Free Willie
Fraser tests an electric wire, then pulls off his belt and zip-lines down to the alley. He is clinging to a drainpipe that separates from the building.
FRASER: Oh.
FRASER: You think maybe you got me mixed up with someone else, maybe?
VECCHIO: All right, look, Fraser, we've got to get you back to normal. Here, put this on. [He hands Fraser his red tunic.]
FRASER: Oh, that's bright.
VECCHIO: Yeah, but you look good in it.
FRASER: Really bright.
Nice editing in flashbacks 10 and 11—you don't want to know how long I looked for that as a single scene before I realized that he's wearing the brown uniform when he jumps and the red uniform when he's holding onto the drainpipe.
Scene 5
At a very nice stone house, the jeweler and his captors are arguing.
JEWELER: Are you gonna shoot me? Just let me go.
NIQABIAH: Be quiet.
SECOND NIQABIAH: Get out!
The pregnant woman opens the van. The jeweler is still whimpering. The women are dragging him out of the van.
JEWELER: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Come on! I don't know what the hell is going on here. Please, please, now maybe we can work something out here.
NIQABIAH: Be still. [She comes at him with a length of fabric.]
JEWELER: I don't want a blindfold. I don't want a blindfold. Hey, wait a minute. That ring. [He grabs the niqabiah's hand.] That ring. I recognize that ring. That ring belongs to — [She snatches her hand back.] — my wife. [He pulls her veil down.] Sheila? [He looks around at the other women. The second niqabiah was already unveiled, of course.] Karen? [The pregnant woman takes off her sunglasses.] Wanda? [A fourth woman who met them at the house is also there.] Darlene?
NIQABIAH (SHEILA): Hello, Clifford.
JEWELER (CLIFFORD): I'm a dead man.
I do not love that these evidently rich suburban ladies (three of them White, one Black) decided that impersonating religious Muslims was the best way to carry out their operation (which appears to have targeted Clifford the Jeweler specifically rather than to have been about robbery or general terror). Were no disguises available that did not involve putting on someone else's cultural identity (and accent!) like a costume? Badly done, Sheila.
Scene 6
Fraser and Vecchio leave the emergency room through a pair of swinging doors. Fraser's falls shut in the face of an older woman behind him. Vecchio goes back to help her.
VECCHIO: Fraser!
FRASER: What?
VECCHIO: You didn't hold the door for this woman!
FRASER: So?
VECCHIO: You always hold the door for women.
Flashback 12: Pilot
Fraser blocks Armani (Vecchio) from getting onto the elevator ahead of others.
FRASER: It only takes an extra second to be courteous. After you, ma'am. Oh, after you, sir. [Fraser keeps letting other people onto the elevator.]
ARMANI (VECCHIO): Are we gonna get on, or what?
VECCHIO: Just like you help old ladies across the street and you let people in front of you in line.
Flashback 13: Chicago Holiday part 1
Fraser is standing aside letting everyone else get in the police transport van before him and Miss Nichols.
FRASER: After you, ma'am. No, please, after you. After you, ma'am. After you, sir. After you.
VECCHIO: Will you get in the truck? Just get in there, okay?
FRASER: Ah. I'm sorry, Ray. [to Miss Nichols] After you. [as he climbs in] Hello everyone. How are you?
VECCHIO: It's what you do.
FRASER: Why?
VECCHIO: 'Cause you're polite.
Flashback 14: Diefenbaker's Day Off
The nurse is on the phone, and the guy who hit Charlie Pike is at her counter.
NURSE: Just a moment.
FRASER: Pardon me. Is there a pay phone?
NURSE: Down there.
FRASER: Thank you kindly. [to driver] Sorry.
Flashback 15: They Eat Horses, Don't They?
Elaine has told Fraser about a major horse auction taking place that day at Arlington.
ELAINE: I thought you'd want to know. [She goes back to another part of the department.]
FRASER: Thank you very much, Elaine.
Flashback 16: Chicago Holiday part 2
Fraser, Vecchio, and Christina Nichols are in Vecchio's car.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
Flashback 17: Chicago Holiday part 2
Mrs. MacGuffin is going to open Christina's hotel suite door because Christina has lost her key.
FRASER: Well, thank you kindly, ma'am.
Flashback 18: Chinatown
Fraser and Vecchio are in the car driving through Chinatown.
FRASER: Thank you kindly, Elaine.
Flashback 19: Juliet is Bleeding
Welsh dismisses Fraser.
FRASER: Ah. Thank you kindly.
Flashback 20: You Must Remember This
Welsh gives Diefenbaker a sandwich.
FRASER: Thank you kindly, Lieutenant.
Flashback 21: Mask
Elaine has read Fraser and Vecchio the details about the Indigenous youth in the interview room.
FRASER: Thank you kindly, Elaine.
Flashback 22: Pilot
The door to a scuzzy bar bursts open.
FRASER: Excuse me. May I have your attention, please? [record scratch as someone cuts the music] Thank you. Anyone carrying illegal weapons, if you would place them on the bar. You are under arrest. [Practically everyone in the place pulls a presumably illegal gun. Someone throws a knife, which embeds itself in the doorjamb inches from Fraser's head.] You realize I'm going to have to confiscate that.
FRASER: [laughs and claps Vecchio on the shoulder] Come on, mac, no one's that polite.
VECCHIO: You are! [follows him out, sulking] And my name's not Mac, it's Ray.
Fraser is wearing his uniform all wrong; the lanyard is looped over his shoulder and the crossbody belt is missing. Nice way to visually distinguish between the flashbacks and the present day, in addition to showing his complete failure to recall any details of his life. (And is it just me, or does the old woman in whose face he lets the door fall shut look like a young person in a very bad grey wig?)
Scene 7
Fraser and Vecchio are driving across town.
VECCHIO: Did you get anything on that plate? One letter, even?
FRASER: Nope. Nothing.
VECCHIO: Do you remember this car?
FRASER: Can't say as I do, no.
VECCHIO: Beauty like this is one in a million.
Flashback 23: The Man Who Knew Too Little
Fraser and the suspect are in Vecchio's car. It is raining. Vecchio comes to the driver's side to speak to Fraser.
VECCHIO: This is a nineteen-seventy-one mint condition Buick Riviera.
FRASER: You know, Ray, you really don't have to do this. I'm sure I can find someone who'll lend me a car.
VECCHIO: How many people have we asked?
FRASER: Well, uh, basically everyone I know. It does seem rather curious that they've all decided to leave town at exactly the same time.
SUSPECT (IAN): Are — are you aware that the gas tank on this particular make of car explodes on impact?
VECCHIO: You want to ride in the trunk?
FRASER: Ray, you know, I appreciate this offer, I really do, but you have some kind of special bond with this vehicle. Now, I'm not saying I understand it, but I do respect it.
VECCHIO: Shut up before I change my mind.
VECCHIO: It's irreplaceable. Thanks to you it got blown up.
Flashback 24: The Man Who Knew Too Little
Fraser is taking cover under the front window frame of an abandoned diner. Vecchio has rolled to a position where he can see the Riviera. He is sighting down the barrel of his gun and trembling.
FRASER: Right now would be quite a good time.
Diefenbaker peeks around a corner. The bad guys start to stalk toward Ian. Vecchio shoots. The Riviera explodes. The bad guys go flying.
VECCHIO: Twice.
ELAINE: [on the radio] Ray? It's Elaine. I've got bad news. Nothing on the van.
VECCHIO: I was afraid of that.
ELAINE: I thought you'd want to know Welsh's temperature is rising by the minute. How you doing with Benton?
VECCHIO: Great. Making a lot of progress.
FRASER: Can I ask you something?
VECCHIO: Yeah.
FRASER: What the hell kind of name is Benton anyway?
VECCHIO: Ah. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
In Fraser's defense, the second time the car blew up wasn't his fault at all.
Scene 8
At the 27th precinct, Elaine is doing something with a plastic model of a skeleton.
ELAINE: Ray, no news on the van. Hi, Benton.
VECCHIO: New boyfriend, Elaine?
ELAINE: No, it's for Lieutenant Welsh. [She hands Welsh the skeleton and scoots off to another part of the squad room.]
WELSH: Vecchio. How you doing on that jewelry heist?
VECCHIO: Fraser got a good look at the license plate, sir.
WELSH: Great. What are you waiting for? Run it.
VECCHIO: Ah, there's a problem. He, uh, fell off of the van and lost his memory.
WELSH: You've forgotten it?
FRASER: Complete blank.
VECCHIO: Benny, why don't you look around and see if anything looks familiar.
FRASER: [looks around briefly] No.
WELSH: Is this legit?
VECCHIO: Ah, yes it is, sir.
WELSH: [to Fraser] Excuse us for a second. [He and Vecchio step aside.] Vecchio, we got a hostage out there.
VECCHIO: I know, sir, but if he gets his memory back, we can close this case.
WELSH: Why don't we leave medicine to the doctors, okay? Let's just do some solid police work. Don't got time to play "This Is Your Life."
VECCHIO: Yes, sir.
Welsh heads back to his office. Fraser stops him on the way and shakes his hand firmly.
FRASER: [rejoining Vecchio] What'd he say?
VECCHIO: That, uh, he's happy I'm helping you get your memory back.
FRASER: Hmmm.
Welsh isn't wrong, except that playing "This Is Your Life" is what the doctor literally advised.
Scene 9
Huey is at the nice stone house speaking to the nice White lady whose husband was kidnapped at the jewelry store.
HUEY: Ma'am, I assure you, we'll do everything within our power to get your husband back.
SHEILA: [weeping] Oh, Clifford! Oh.
HUEY: I'm sorry, ma'am. We'll keep you informed.
Sheila sees him out, sobbing; once the door is closed behind him, it turns out she and Karen are laughing themselves silly.
Scene 10
Clifford is tied to a chair while the pregnant woman (Wanda), who is not pregnant at all, waxes his legs.
CLIFFORD: Ow! God, give me some warning, willya?
SHEILA: Okay. Do it slower this time. [Wanda laughs.]
CLIFFORD: Ah, ah, never mind, never mind, that's worse.
WANDA: Hey. Cliffie. We all did it for you. Plucking.[She hands Sheila a pair of tweezers.] Waxing. Preening.
SHEILA: Didn't anyone ever tell you that it was wrong to cheat on your wife? [She tweezes a nose hair harshly.]
CLIFFORD: Ow!
WANDA: And that cheating on her with three women who work out at the same club is just stupid?
KAREN: You lied to us, Cliffie.
DARLENE: You made fools of us. [Sheila tweezes another nose hair.]
CLIFFORD: Ow! Look, what do you guys want?
SHEILA: What I want is to kill you. [She tweezes again.]
CLIFFORD: Ow!
Okay I will say that finding out your husband has cheated on you must suck, but being angry at him rather than at the other woman (or, in Sheila's case, women) seems quite sensible? Not that I'd expect a person in that situation to be sensible, but look, Karen and Wanda and Darlene aren't married to Sheila, are they? They never promised her anything. It's Clifford who's the lying bastard here, and he evidently lied to all four of them, and good for them for uniting to make him suffer. I mean, I still think the niqab and jewelry heist of it all was uncalled for, but get at him with a depilatory, sure.
Scene 11
A woman comes down the stairs at the 27th precinct. It turns out to be Rhonda, who offered Fraser but not Vecchio a lift when she was driving to Miami from somewhere north of Michigan in "The Man Who Knew Too Little."
RHONDA: Hello there. We meet again. [She squeezes between Fraser and Vecchio on her way to wherever she's going.]
FRASER: Hi. [When she is gone, he spins around to look at Vecchio.]
VECCHIO: What's the matter?
FRASER: Well, I mean, that — that woman just, you know — [He makes "you know what I mean?" noises.]
VECCHIO: Well, that happens all the time.
FRASER: Really?
VECCHIO: Oh, yeah.
Flashback 25: Free Willie
Elaine is going to run a composite drawing through the system for a match.
FRASER: Thanks, Elaine.
ELAINE: You want me to call you at home?
VECCHIO: My case, Elaine. Me. Detective Vecchio. Police officer. You talk directly to me, okay?
ELAINE: But I should probably have your number just in case.
FRASER: Oh, uh — I'm afraid I don't have —
VECCHIO: He uses smoke signals. We'll call in. Willie? Come on, mush.
Flashback 26: A Cop, a Mountie, and a Baby
The guys have taken the baby out of the car and are back in the diner. Fraser is feeding the baby and surrounded by women. Vecchio is sitting at the booth.
WAITRESS WITH A BLONDE CHIGNON: I mean, call me old-fashioned, but I think there's nothing as attractive as a man with baby formula on his sleeve.
VECCHIO: Oh, please!
FRASER: Oh, could you, uh, would you mind —Two of the waitresses collide trying to get to a rag to clean up Fraser's sleeve. The waitress with the dark bob wins.
Flashback 27: Pizzas and Promises
Fraser, in disguise as Billy Bob, is on Tex Markle's used car lot.
HOT CUSTOMER: Excuse me. I'd like to take a test drive.
TEX: Yes, ma'am, right this way.
HOT CUSTOMER: Uh, no. With him. [points to Fraser]
FRASER: Oh, certainly. Uh, which car?
HOT CUSTOMER: All of them. [She takes Fraser by the arm and walks away. He looks over his shoulder at Tex as they go.]
Flashback 28: Chicago Holiday part 1
Fraser follows Miss Nichols through the club, but a couple of identically dressed women in pigtails and pinafores block him. He gives them the Long Island Iced Teas.
FRASER: Would you, uh . . .
TWINS: [in unison] Any time.He is a bit nonplused, but goes between them to follow Miss Nichols. The twins turn to watch him go and lick brightly colored lollipops in unison.
Flashback 29: An Invitation to Romance
Fraser goes bravely into the bridal shop.
WOMAN IN BRIDAL SHOP: May I help you?
FRASER: Uh, yes. I'm, I'm looking for a woman. [The woman smiles.] A, uh, particular woman. Her name is Miss Burns. Would you happen to know if she's here?
WOMAN IN BRIDAL SHOP: I haven't any idea. I don't work here.
FRASER: Then how could you possibly help me?The woman raises an eyebrow.
Flashback 30: The Man Who Knew Too Little
Diefenbaker is lying by the side of the road. Fraser is cleaning his boots. Vecchio is holding out his thumb. A sleek sports car pulls over.
WOMAN: Need a lift?
VECCHIO: Oh, yes, thank you.
WOMAN: Not you. [to Fraser] Which way you going?
FRASER: Oh, well, we're traveling together, ma'am.
WOMAN: Ditch him.
VECCHIO: I'll go without him.
WOMAN: Not likely. [to Fraser] Too bad. If you ever get to Miami, just ask for Rhonda.She winks and drives off.
VECCHIO: As a matter of fact, even my own sister has eyes for you.
Flashback 31: They Eat Horses, Don't They?
Vecchio is in the shower. Fraser is looking at bugs in a plastic bag. Francesca comes into the bathroom suddenly.
FRANCESCA: Oh! Sorry. I didn't know you were in here.
MARIA: [comes in to get a hairbrush] Didn't know! She's been standing in the doorway timing it so you'd be undressed.
FRANCESCA: You are such a liar!
VECCHIO: [shouts from behind the shower curtain] I am naked in here! Does that mean anything to anybody?
FRANCESCA: [simultaneously] Oh, who cares?
MARIA: [simultaneously] Shut up!
FRANCESCA: [to Fraser] Here, you can use my towels.
FRASER: Well, thank you, but I'm afraid I'm not having a shower.
FRANCESCA: Oh, don't be silly, it's really no trouble. [to Vecchio] And don't use all the hot water! [to Fraser] I'll wait for mine.
MARIA: [leaving] Yeah, by the keyhole.
FRANCESCA: [following her] You know, I've really had enough of your mouth.
Flashback 32: Pizzas and Promises
Francesca is on the car lot speaking into a wire.
FRANCESCA: Can you read me?
FRASER: Loud and clear. Oh, um, once again, I'm terribly sorry about the confusion. I, I thought that you understood my intention.
FRANCESCA: Don't worry, really. I've forgotten all about it. [stops to talk to a woman looking at cars] Let me ask you something. If a guy asks if you're busy tonight, he's asking you out, right?
WOMAN LOOKING AT CARS: Yeah, I'd think so.
FRANCESCA: Yeah, so would I. [She shoots a look at Vecchio's car.] You seen a salesman?
VECCHIO: And when my sister wants something, she makes no bones about it.
Flashback 33: The Deal
Fraser is lying down. Then he hears a noise; the door opens, and a bit of light comes in from the hallway. He opens his eyes, alarmed. Francesca comes in and drops her coat to the floor. She is wearing some black lace arrangement from the lingerie shop in "The Deal" scene 5.
FRANCESCA: Don't be afraid.
Fraser sits up and looks at her and is indeed afraid.
Flashback 34: Heaven and Earth
Fraser and Vecchio (who is unshaven) are in the hallway outside the break room at the 27th precinct.
VECCHIO: You slept with my sister?
FRASER: Did she say that?
VECCHIO: No, she did not say that. She is my sister. I do not discuss sex with my sister.
FRASER: So, she didn't say —
VECCHIO: No.
FRASER: Oh, well. Very well. Forget that I mentioned it. [He flees.]
VECCHIO: Hey, Fraser —
FRASER: Really? With your sister. And you were okay with this?
VECCHIO: Sure.
Flashback 35: Heaven and Earth
Vecchio is talking to Francesca in an interrogation room.
VECCHIO: Did you sleep with him?
FRANCESCA: Oh — [she laughs sadly] — God. Why? Why? Would it matter to you if I did?
VECCHIO: Yes, it would. You're my sister. I care about you. [She smiles, hugs him, swats his chest, and leaves the room without answering his question.]
Flashback 36: Heaven and Earth
Fraser, Diefenbaker, and Vecchio are driving in the Riviera.
VECCHIO: Stupid, right? I mean, if I want anybody to sleep with my sister, and I'm not encouraging this, I'd want it to be you.
FRASER: That's very generous of you, Ray.
FRASER: Hey, what if I don't get my memory back?
VECCHIO: You'll get your memory back.
FRASER: But what if I don't?
VECCHIO: Look, you'll get your memory back, all right? Just trust me on this.
FRASER: Do I trust people?
VECCHIO: Implicitly.
FRASER: Good.
Scene 12
Vecchio has brought Fraser to his apartment.
VECCHIO: Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Ring any bells?
FRASER: Not any big ones. I live like this? Am I being punished?
Flashback 37: Free Willie
Fraser and Vecchio are stepping over people on the stairs up to look at an apartment.
SUPERINTENDENT (DENNIS): Yo. I found the key.
FRASER: I'll be right, up sir. [whispering] Ray. Ray. Ray.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: Is my lanyard straight?
VECCHIO: He's a slum lord!
DENNIS: Up here on the terrace level is where you get your great view. Of course it costs a little extra, but it's worth every penny.
VECCHIO: Is there a terrace?
DENNIS: No.
FRASER: Would you like to see my references now?
DENNIS: References?
VECCHIO: It's like a rap sheet.
DENNIS: No, that's okay. This is the place. The furniture, appliances and all of this great stuff is included. [Fraser pulls a light switch chain; the light bulb bursts.] Utilities are extra. [Fraser goes to look out the window.] On a good day, you can see Canada just across the lake.
FRASER: Canada is four hundred and eighty miles due north.
DENNIS: You have to really squint.
Diefenbaker appears, grumbling. Fraser flattens himself against the apartment door.
VECCHIO: It's okay. It's Diefenbaker, your wolf.
FRASER: I own a wolf?
Diefenbaker barks twice.
Flashback 38: Pizzas and Promises
Vecchio and Lenny are running around to the end of the alley. The car flies by.
LENNY: Hey! Hey! That's my car! [He runs after it.]
FRASER: Ray! Stop Diefenbaker! Stop him!
VECCHIO: Hey! Stop! Halt!
FRASER: Stop him!
VECCHIO: Unmush!Diefenbaker runs by and keeps chasing the car. Fraser and Vecchio run after him.
FRASER: Where's your car?
VECCHIO: [I can't hear where Vecchio says his car is.] You ought to get that dog a hearing aid.The car is driving off. Diefenbaker is still following it. The three men—Fraser, Vecchio, and Lenny—have all given up running.
FRASER: It's my mistake. I never should have sent him.
VECCHIO: He'll come back.
FRASER: No, he won't. He won't stop until he catches it.
VECCHIO: If they don't stop?
FRASER: He'll die trying.
Flashback 39: Diefenbaker's Day Off
Diefenbaker jumps through the animal control van and runs off.
Flashback 40: Bird in the Hand
Gerrard gets ready to swing his two-by-four again, but Diefenbaker charges him and knocks him down.
Flashback 41: The Wild Bunch
Diefenbaker knocks down Flat Cap and Bandanna on his way to running away with Maggie.
FRASER: Am I allowed to have a wolf in Chicago?
VECCHIO: Not normally, but I got you a permit. And you'd think he'd show a little appreciation.
Flashback 42: Chinatown
In the hallway outside the supply closet at the 27th precinct.
FRASER: [to Diefenbaker] Well, are you coming? [Diefenbaker turns and goes the other way.] You know — you, you let a wolf save your life, they make you pay and pay and pay . . .
VECCHIO: That's why I don't own a wolf.
Diefenbaker is licking Fraser's hands.
FRASER: Well, he's very friendly.
VECCHIO: Yeah, he's your best friend as long as you're carrying something covered in chocolate.
Flashback 43: They Eat Horses, Don't They?
Vecchio is walking Diefenbaker on a leash and trying to eat a cupcake, which Diefenbaker is jumping for.
VECCHIO: Don't don't even think about it, okay? Don't even think about it, all right? Listen, just do what you've got to do so I can get out of here, okay? You know why you can't go, don't you? It's all that sugar. Remember that the next time you try to eat something of mine. This is what happens to bad wolves. Come on! Think results here! Go, willya?
Flashback 44: They Eat Horses, Don't They?
Vecchio has driven Fraser to visit the Gamezes.
FRASER: Would you mind dropping by my place and checking on Dief? He's been in the apartment all day.
VECCHIO: Oh, great. I can't wait to see what I'll find.
FRASER: Thanks, Ray.
Fraser is sitting on a hutch flipping through a little notebook.
VECCHIO: That's your dad's diary.
FRASER: My father. [He may remember something.] Wait a minute. Something's coming back. I remember. We were in a car.
Flashback 45: The Gift of the Wheelman
Fraser and Vecchio (and Diefenbaker) are in the car staking out the Porter place.
VECCHIO: What are you reading?
FRASER: My father's journals. I'm just going over old cases to see if there's anything similar.
VECCHIO: Is there?
FRASER: Not that I've found.
VECCHIO: I'm going to go to the gas station. I'll be right back. [He gets out of the car. Diefenbaker follows him. Fraser resumes reading.]
BOB FRASER: But Sam's case was nothing like this.
FRASER: No, I know, but what I can't seem to find is — [He suddenly realizes his father is in the car with him, which was not the case a moment ago.]
BOB FRASER: Hello, son.
FRASER: Hello, Dad. How are you?
BOB FRASER: I'm dead, son. Other than that, do you mean?
FRASER: No, that's what I was asking.
BOB FRASER: Well, that's good. Never be ashamed to ask a stupid question, son. I taught you that, didn't I?
FRASER: Not specifically, no.
BOB FRASER: Well, no time like the present. So fill me in on the case.
FRASER: Well, in a nutshell, there was a bank robbery today. Now, we've identified the perpetrators, but the wheelman — that's the driver in Chicago parlance — double-crossed his partners. Now, what we can't seem to figure, is there any insanity in our family?
BOB FRASER: No, not that I'm aware of.
FRASER: Good.
BOB FRASER: Well, there was your uncle Tiberius, who died wrapped in cabbage leaves, but we assume that was a freak accident. Go on, go on.Fraser looks at him like he can't tell who's nuts.
FRASER: He was in the back seat. We were on a stakeout. What?
VECCHIO: Ah, it's just that I never met your dad. He's been dead going on two years.
Flashback 46: The Gift of the Wheelman
Vecchio returns to the car where Fraser is talking to his dead father.
VECCHIO: Anything happen?
FRASER: In what sense?
FRASER: Oh.
VECCHIO: Come on. You need a change of scenery.
I appreciate that we're having sets of flashbacks for Fraser's relationships with each of the most important characters in and aspects of his life on this show, and that those are (though probably not in order of importance) Vecchio, his own lack of a self-preservation instinct, his own obsessive politeness, Vecchio's car, women chucking themselves at him, his apartment, Diefenbaker, and Bob.
I also appreciate that Fraser asks "I live like this?" just as Mark Smithbauer and Inspector Thatcher did before him.
Scene 13
Clifford is still tied to his chair with one pants leg scrunched up to his knee. Wanda walks by.
CLIFFORD: Wanda. Wanda. Let me talk to you just for a second. Please, Wanda. Please, please, please.
WANDA: [reluctant] What.
CLIFFORD: Listen. I'm sorry. Listen just for a second, okay? [She sits down facing him.] Look, I know I don't deserve this, but please just listen to me for one second, okay? Look, I'm sorry, okay? I know I've been a real jerk. I apologize. I love you. You know what I did today? I bought the tickets.
WANDA: What tickets?
CLIFFORD: To Nassau. One-way tickets to Nassau, Wanda. The whole new life like we always kept talking about. Remember? I got 'em sitting there in the safe in the office. I was gonna call you today and tell you to pack. I mean, this is ridiculous.
WANDA: Don't do this, Cliff.
CLIFFORD: Like I'm telling you. Fifteen million, eight hundred and thirty-nine thousand, seven hundred and twenty-three dollars and twenty-five cents.
WANDA: What's that?
CLIFFORD: That's all the money I got stashed in that secret account. I've been doing a little bit of creative accounting.
WANDA: Oh.
CLIFFORD: Wanda, I know it doesn't seem like it, but I love you more than anybody else. I'm sorry I've been acting like this, but listen, we could start a brand new life with that kind of cash. Just you and me. [The other women have come into the room behind him.] If I've been lying to you, Wanda, may God strike me dead.
SHEILA: Uh-uh, Clifford. God's gonna have to stand in line. [Wanda and Karen are laughing.] Now, you be a good boy and give me that account number.
CLIFFORD: No.
SHEILA: Let's take him to the sauna, girls. [The women pick him up, chair and all.]
CLIFFORD: Ah, come on, Sheila. Sheila, come on. Hey, come on, guys that's not — come on, what are you guys doing? This is insane.
This guy's a real asshole, isn't he, plus he's not too bright. When you already know that your wife is now besties with your three other girlfriends and the four of them have ganged up on you, why would you think trying to divide and conquer would work at all? (One is not surprised to learn he's also an embezzler; that house looks plenty expensive, and entertaining a wife and three secret girlfriends is almost certainly not cheap. Not that I would know, of course, but I'm assuming.)
Scene 14
Clifford and Darlene are in the sauna. Darlene has a glass of ice water.
CLIFFORD: Darlene. Darlene, you gotta let me out of here.
DARLENE: Hmm, it's hot in here.
CLIFFORD: It's too hot. I can't stand this. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I swear to God, I'm gonna die.
DARLENE: You must be dying of thirst.
CLIFFORD: Please, just a little bit of water, okay?
DARLENE: Sure, Cliffie. You just give me your account number, and you can take a long cool drink.
CLIFFORD: The account number? I, I, I, I can't remember it. Okay? It's, it's, it's in the office somewhere. I gotta go back to the office to get it.
DARLENE: Oh well.
CLIFFORD: What are you doing? [She pours the water on the stones.] Come on, Darlene. I'm gonna die in here. For God's sakes, I'm gonna die. Darlene. [Darlene turns the temperature up.] After all we've been through, huh?
DARLENE: Call me when you remember. [She leaves the sauna.]
CLIFFORD: Wait, wait, wait, Darlene, Darlene, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Surely the women wouldn't kill Clifford in the sauna, as then they'd definitely not get the account number they're after—though presumably Sheila would inherit all his assets, which she could then share with the others. Sheila/Karen/Darlene/Wanda OT4.
Scene 15
Vecchio has brought Fraser to the Canadian consulate.
FRASER: This is my desk? [He is looking in his stationary drawer, in which a half-dozen pink erasers are lined up very tidily.] Boy, I must make a lot of mistakes.
THATCHER: You really don't know who I am.
FRASER: No.
THATCHER: Inspector Meg Thatcher. I'm your commanding officer.
FRASER: It's nice to meet you.
VECCHIO: Meg. [She glares at him.] Uh, ma'am. Maybe you can remind him of something you two shared. A case, some special training? You know, Mountie stuff?
THATCHER: Eggs.
FRASER: Eggs.
VECCHIO: No, please, not the eggs.
THATCHER: Eggs.
Flashback 47: We Are the Eggmen
Fraser and Thatcher are hiding behind some barrels in the eggery.
FRASER: Can you throw?
THATCHER: One-point-three ERA over thirty games.
FRASER: That's good. [He hands her an egg.] Hit the red button.Fraser moves off to where he can ambush the egg men once they're distracted. Thatcher sidearms the egg and hits a red button marked "emergency." The thug is startled and pulls his gun.
SNEED: What's going on?
Thatcher throws another egg and hits the thug right in the face. Fraser leaps out and grabs the guy's gun, dodges a couple of punches, and punches the guy in the stomach and then in the eggy face. Sneed runs away. Fraser pushes the thug into the egg wash and presses the button to hoist Buxley out.
BUXLEY: Way to go, Mountie!
Sneed is creeping around in a storage area, feeling apprehensive. He thinks he hears something and turns around and shoots at it. Thatcher throws an egg and hits him in the back of the head. He turns around to shoot at her but she dives out of the way. Fraser throws an egg and hits him in the back of the head. He turns around and shoots but Fraser jumps to safety. Sneed is backing around pallets of eggs shooting more or less at random in his paranoia. Eventually he backs into Vecchio's gun.
VECCHIO: Not so fast, pal. Unless you want to play chicken.
FRASER: [as he and Thatcher come out from behind a stack of eggs] Ray!
VECCHIO: Evening, Benny. Inspector.
FRASER: Well, it's very good of you to come. May I? [He takes Sneed's gun.]
VECCHIO: Ah, no problem.
FRASER: Eggs. [He shrugs.]
VECCHIO: Anything else? [Thatcher gives him a Look.] Excuse me. [He steps away to give them some privacy, but he is clearly listening over his shoulder.]
THATCHER: Fraser, you don't remember anything about . . .
FRASER: About . . . ?
THATCHER: You know.
FRASER: I do?
THATCHER: You must.
Flashback 48: All the Queen's Horses
Fraser and Thatcher are bound together. He has one of her hairpins in his teeth. He brings it around to her front so she can take the other side in her teeth and they can unbend it together—but it drops into her cleavage. They look at it for a moment, then look at each other, then she steels herself and nods to him to get on with it. He nods and dives in. She keeps her eyes on the ceiling while he's working. Finally he pops up with the pin in his teeth again; she takes the other side in hers; they turn their faces away from each other so the pin unbends. He reaches around her to take the unbent pin in his fingers and work on picking the lock to his handcuffs. Finally, he gets his handcuff unlocked and leans back.
FRASER: I give up. What is the perfume you're wearing?
THATCHER: I'm not wearing anything, Fraser. I hate perfume.
FRASER: Ah.He lifts his arms and slides down her body to get out of the circle of her arms, which are still cuffed together behind him. Her eyes roll back a bit. The train horn sounds.
FRASER: I don't.
VECCHIO: Of course. Right. Carry on, gentlemen. Keep me apprised. [She leaves the office.]
FRASER: Ray, this woman, are she and I — [He makes "you know what I mean?" noises.] ?
VECCHIO: She hates you.
FRASER: Ah. That's too bad.
VECCHIO: Yeah.
I am uncomfortable with this Fraser who is checking Thatcher out in this manner.
Scene 16
Fraser and Vecchio are driving across town.
FRASER: You're sure? The inspector and I never —
VECCHIO: Absolutely sure.
VECCHIO: But you just gave me a great idea. [They are looking at a revolving door into a lobby with an atrium.] Well? If this doesn't do it, nothing will. Do you remember her?
FRASER: [looks at a woman coming out the door] Her?
VECCHIO: No, no, not her. Victoria. This is where you saw her.
Fraser looks into the revolving door.
Flashback 49: Victoria's Secret part 1 and part 2
In Fraser's mind, he stands outside the revolving door. It is snowing inside the building atrium. People are coming up and going down the stairs, oblivious to him, going about their business. Music cue: "Possession" by Sarah McLachlan. Victoria comes slowly up the stairs, looking right at him.
Listen as the wind blows
From across the great divideVictoria does not come through the door but stands looking sadly at him. She knits her brow at him; we see her ask "Why?"
Voices trapped in yearning
Memories trapped in timeFraser is dealing with the cash in his hat as he shoulders the door open to leave the diner again. Victoria is just coming in; they meet in the vestibule.
VICTORIA: Hi.
FRASER: [He can't believe it.] Hi.
VICTORIA: It was you. I thought I saw you standing in the middle of the road. I, I — I wasn't sure if I was just seeing things.
FRASER: No, that, that, that was me. I was, ah — [Someone else comes into the diner and goes between them.] I was standing in the middle of the road.
VICTORIA: I, I, I never thought I'd see you again.
FRASER: Neither did I.
VICTORIA: Um — [Other people are squeezing past them in the vestibule to leave the diner.]
PERSON LEAVING THE DINER: Sorry.
FRASER: Where were you, um —
VICTORIA: Uh — [The other people finish squeezing past them.] Prison.
FRASER: — no — going. Where were you going? [He smiles at her.]
VICTORIA: Oh. [She smiles at him.] I — it doesn't matter.
WAITER: You still want this to go?
FRASER: [not looking at him] No.Someone tries to open Fraser's apartment door, but it is locked.
VECCHIO: Hey, Benny, you okay?
Vecchio getting ready to kick the door in when Fraser answers it. He is dressed in his undershirt and suspenders (and must therefore be wearing uniform trousers, though which uniform is unclear).
FRASER: Morning, Ray.
VECCHIO: Hey, the consulate said you didn't show up, so I figured you had to be pretty sick. Are you all right?
FRASER: Yeah, I'm fine.
VECCHIO: So you're not sick?
FRASER: [He has kind of a goofy smile on his face, in fact.] No, I'm fine.
VECCHIO: But you didn't go to work.
FRASER: [shrugs] Must have slept in.
VECCHIO: [doesn't understand] Are you in some kind of trouble?
FRASER: No, no, no. No. No, I just, I, ah — I have a friend visiting, and I, I'm —
VECCHIO: Oh. Well, what kind of friend? [Fraser does an eye-rolling shrug.] A guy friend? A girlfriend? [Fraser bursts into embarrassed, nervous laughter.] You got a woman in there?
FRASER: [pulls himself together, but still beaming] Yes.
VECCHIO: [chuckles and punches him bro-ily in the ribs] Way to go, man, way to go! You got an actual woman. You. [Fraser raises his eyebrows and nods.] Wow.
FRASER: Thanks for dropping by, Ray.
VECCHIO: Wow, way to go. [He gives Fraser a sincere thumbs-up. Fraser returns it much less sincerely, yup-yup-thumbs-up. Vecchio speaks to a neighbor who is peeking into the hallway as he leaves.] He's got a woman in there.Fraser is on the train platform. The last car of the train rolls by. He watches Victoria go.
VICTORIA: Fraser! [He sees Vecchio and everybody arriving on the other platform.] Come with me!
He starts to run. She smiles. He runs faster. She is waiting for him. He is running; he looks over and sees Vecchio running along the next platform. He runs faster. He reaches for her. Vecchio's gun is drawn. Fraser is reaching for Victoria. Victoria is reaching for Fraser. A gleam of light reflects off the train near her hand as it goes by.
VECCHIO: She's got a gun!
Victoria is reaching for Fraser. Fraser is reaching for Victoria. He catches her hand. She pulls him onto the train. Vecchio fires.
Fraser's eyes go wide. Victoria looks at him. He looks at her. Huey and Gardino and Welsh catch up with Vecchio. Fraser looks at Victoria. He can't hold onto her. He starts to fall backward.
Fraser turns from the revolving door to look at Vecchio.
FRASER: You shot me?
VECCHIO: Well, I didn't mean to.
FRASER: Well, are you definitely sure that we're friends?
VECCHIO: Yes, we're friends. I've done more for you than anybody.
Flashback 50: A Hawk and a Handsaw
Fraser and Vecchio are in a padded cell. They are both bound up in straitjackets.
VECCHIO: HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP!
FRASER: It would appear to be a soundproof room.
VECCHIO: You got a better plan?
FRASER: Yes. Relax.
VECCHIO: That's a plan?
FRASER: The more you struggle, Ray, the tighter it becomes. All you have to do is relax completely, dislocate your shoulder, and pull your arm out of the sleeve.
VECCHIO: Yeah, or you could help me out.
FRASER: Well, yeah. That would work too.They tear down one of the panels of padding and uncover a vent.
VECCHIO: Bolted shut.
FRASER: Well, Archimedes said, "Give me a fulcrum and a lever long enough, and I can move the world."He unthreads the metal tubing that was holding up the wall padding. Vecchio is on his knees with the metal tube over his back while Fraser tries to pry the vent cover loose.
VECCHIO: Why do I always have to be the fulcrum?
FRASER: You know something, it's probably better that there are some things I don't remember.
VECCHIO: Yeah, you're probably right.
"My best friend has had a traumatic brain injury," Vecchio said to himself, "that has induced severe global autobiographical amnesia. I think a good way to help him recover his memories of his entire life and career including his late father and his own identity is to remind him of another extremely traumatic event in his life, in which he dealt with his own debilitating guilt and then with unbearable betrayal at the hands of the woman he more than once described as the only one he ever loved, and then I myself shot him in the back! What could possibly go wrong?" It is indeed better that there be (Benton Fraser in his right mind would use the subjunctive, surely) some things he doesn't remember, and Vecchio being the fulcrum ain't it. I think they just put that Hawk/Handsaw flashback in there to remind us that this is actually a buddy-cop drama/comedy.
The "Victoria's Secret" flashback is all we see of Detective Gardino in this whole episode, so that's the basis on which Daniel Kash is billed above both Ramona Milano as Francesca and Camilla Scott as Thatcher in the guest credits. I guess Former Series Regular is a thing that gets a guy to the front of the list. I might have tried to lobby with a "special appearance by" if I'd been him, but as they didn't use any flashbacks in which he actually spoke, it might have been a reach.
Scene 17
Fraser and Vecchio are driving across town again.
FRASER: Ray.
VECCHIO: What?
FRASER: You keep saying that we're friends.
VECCHIO: What are you asking me, Benny?
FRASER: Well, why are we friends?
VECCHIO: Well, you know.
FRASER: Well, no, that's just it, I don't. I mean, from everything you've told me, I'm, I'm —
VECCHIO: Annoying.
FRASER: Yes, exactly.
Flashback 51: Free Willie
Morgan is holding her gun to Vecchio's neck. Fraser has picked up the bonds.
FRASER: So you see, the problem is, now that I have the bonds in my hands, I'm honor bound not to give them to you.
VECCHIO: Give her the bonds, Fraser.
FRASER: I can't do that, Ray.
MORGAN: You got three seconds and I shoot him! One.
FRASER: I'm sorry, Ray.
VECCHIO: What do you mean sorry?
MORGAN: Two.
VECCHIO: Give her the damn bonds.
FRASER: Can't do it. I'm walking out of here with them. [He turns and walks away.]
MORGAN: That's it! He's dead!
FRASER: Sorry to hear that.
VECCHIO: Fraser!
MORGAN: Three!She shoots toward Fraser instead. He dives out of the way. Vecchio grabs her arm and tackles her to the ground. Fraser leaps over top of the stack of boxes; Morgan shoots at him from the floor. He falls and boxes fall on top of him. Vecchio handcuffs her and hurries to check on Fraser, who looks stunned.
FRASER: She shot my hat, Ray.
VECCHIO: She shot you in the hat?
FRASER: I can feel air coming in through the hole.
VECCHIO: She shot you in the hat, all right.
FRASER: How does it look?
VECCHIO: Doesn't look good.
FRASER: We'll have to go home and get my other one.
VECCHIO: We can do that, Fraser.
FRASER: Thanks, Ray.
VECCHIO: Well, it's . . . you know, guys aren't any good at talking about this stuff.
FRASER: Oh, they aren't?
VECCHIO: No.
FRASER: No, right. Yeah. Yeah.
Flashback 52: Pizzas and Promises
Fraser jumps into Tammy's path.
TAMMY: You're testing the wrong person, Billy Bob.
She keeps speeding at him. He does not budge. She is not going to stop the way Lenny did. At the last possible second, Vecchio t-bones her out of the way before she can hit Fraser. They rush to her driver's side window.
VECCHIO: Dead?
Fraser pulls Tammy back against the seat.
TAMMY: I hate men.
FRASER: No, just disappointed.
VECCHIO: What is wrong with you?
FRASER: Pardon me?
VECCHIO: [He gives Fraser his handcuffs.] What the hell is wrong with you? She almost killed you in there. Didn't you think she would flatten you here?
FRASER: Oh, I knew she was prepared to kill me. [He cuffs Tammy to the steering wheel.]
VECCHIO: Well, then, why did you stand there?
FRASER: Well, I heard you coming. I had to keep her attention fixed on me long enough so that you would be able to intervene.
VECCHIO: But what if I didn't?
FRASER: Well, I knew that you would take the car parked next to hers, and the Plymouth accelerates two seconds faster over the quarter-mile than the Cadillac.
VECCHIO: I took the Chevy.
FRASER: Oh. Oh, well. You know, you really should tell me next time.
VECCHIO: Tell you what?
FRASER: Well, I mean, if you're going to change a plan like that — I was standing in front of a car, Ray.
VECCHIO: Plan? Plan? What plan? You mean to tell me — there were two cars to choose from, all right? Are you telling me I took the wrong car?
FRASER: No apologies necessary. It's already forgotten.
VECCHIO: I mean, it's just one of those special cases where alone we're incomplete, but together we're better than we are separately, you know what I mean?
Flashback 53: The Man Who Knew Too Little
Vecchio's car is stuck in the mud. Fraser has been wedging sticks under the stuck wheels for traction. Ian McDonald is in the driver's seat, cuffed to Vecchio himself.
VECCHIO: ONE! [Ian drives. Fraser and Vecchio push. The car gets unstuck. Ian keeps driving. Vecchio is running alongside.] Okay, stop the car, smart guy. Stop the car!
IAN: I can't! I can't! My leg's cramped up!
VECCHIO: Stop the car, you slime-sucking toad.
IAN: You better undo these things.
VECCHIO: You can go to hell! [He is being dragged alongside the car. Fraser is running behind it.] Fraser!
IAN: Ow, ow, my leg, ow!He speeds up. Vecchio can't keep up. He unlocks the cuffs and rolls away from the car. Fraser leaps for the back bumper and catches it; Ian drags him for a little way.
FRASER: Yes. Yes, I do, I do. It's like — [flashback to scene 1 of this very episode; he is scrubbing mud off the van license plate with his hands] — it's like that time we were hanging onto that van by our fingernails and I was trying to open the door —
VECCHIO: I don't remember that.
FRASER: Sure you do, sure you do. I leaned down to, to try to read the license plate, and I, ah —
VECCHIO: Fell off!
FRASER: Yes.
In the flashback to scene 1, the van careens around the corner and Fraser falls off and hits his head.
VECCHIO: Benny, you remember it!
FRASER: Yes.
VECCHIO: What was the license plate number?
FRASER: Well, it was partially obscured by mud. In fact, the general deterioration and the condition of the —
VECCHIO: Benny!
FRASER: What?
VECCHIO: What was the license plate number?
FRASER: Oh, the license plate number. Ah, RCW one-three-nine.
VECCHIO: RCW one-three-nine, are you sure?
FRASER: Yes, of course I'm sure.
VECCHIO: Oh, Benny, I could kiss you!
FRASER: Well, I thought we were just friends, Ray.
VECCHIO: Oh, we are. [He grabs his radio.] Elaine!
Vecchio does a U-turn and speeds back the other way.
Okay I do love "one of those cases where alone we're incomplete but together we're better than we are separately," and you know you do, too, so just admit it. I'm not positive this particular scene from "The Man Who Knew Too Little" is the best illustration of that, and I'm not sure why they didn't shove in something from (say) "North," but never mind. I don't even really mind the "I thought we were just friends"/"Oh, we are" bucket of cold water on the question of whether either of these dudes is in love with the other one because "one of those cases where alone we're incomplete" is so good.
Also, what have I said about that license plate number? Who would have known it would turn out to be so important?
Scene 18
Sheila and her sister girlfriends are hanging out outside the sauna. Darlene is on an exercise machine of some kind; Karen is making a smoothie; Wanda is doing her nails; Sheila herself is reading a magazine.
CLIFFORD: All right, I'll give it to you. Just open up, okay?
SHEILA: Did you hear something?
WANDA: I don't think so.
KAREN: I'll go check.
CLIFFORD: Hello?
Karen opens the door.
KAREN: Hmm. I think he's done.
CLIFFORD: Two-one-three, eight-five-nine, three-one.
SHEILA: [writing this down in a notebook] Perfect.
Fraser and Vecchio have arrived at the house and knock at the door. When there's no answer, they step back to have a look at the windows. Diefenbaker barks and leads them around the back. They follow him; Vecchio has his gun drawn. Inside, Sheila has a gun also. She picks up a cocktail as she speaks to Clifford, whom she and the others have allowed out of the sauna.
SHEILA: Well, Clifford darling, I'm afraid this here is where we part company.
CLIFFORD: Oh my God. Come on, Sheila, you're not serious. Come on, Sheila, you can't really kill me!
SHEILA: Why shouldn't I? You're a cheater, Clifford.
WANDA: A cheater and a crook.
CLIFFORD: Look, Sheila. Come on, we had some good times. Didn't we, girls?
Vecchio and Fraser come in from the patio.
VECCHIO: All right, ladies, drop the gun.
CLIFFORD: Oh, thank God.
VECCHIO: Drop the gun. [Sheila puts down the gun.] All right. Now, we're going to go downtown, and we're gonna get to the bottom of this, you understand?
SHEILA: Absolutely, officer. We'd, we'd be happy to cooperate. We'll tell you everything. [She pretends to hug Clifford.] Even about Nassau.
VECCHIO: Nassau? What about Nassau?
CLIFFORD: Uh, listen, uh, this was just a surprise.
FRASER: A surprise.
CLIFFORD: Yeah. Uh, for my birthday. Uh, this, this, this is my wife Sheila, these are her friends, and they came down to the store, and they wanted to surprise me, and they got me, and, uh . . .
FRASER: And they tied you up.
CLIFFORD: Exactly. [He laughs a little hysterically. Sheila is playing with his hair.] For my birthday. What a surprise. Wh . . . whoopee.
VECCHIO: Is this your story too?
SHEILA: Absolutely. Go ahead and fire the gun.
Vecchio picks up the gun. Everyone watches nervously. He fires it at the ceiling; it shoots a flag that says "BANG!"
FRASER: Hmm. You know, Ray, I think there's more to this than meets the eye. The bonds on Mr. Clifford's hands are tied for security, not as if they'd been playing a game. Although, you know, it does bring to mind an Inuit ceremony I once witnessed — [The women can't quite believe he's for real.] — in which the bridegroom is tied to the bride by means of a walrus pelt —
VECCHIO: You know, Benny, I'm really glad you're back, but, ah, would you mind shutting up?
FRASER: No. Not at all.
Uniformed officers have arrived at the patio doors.
VECCHIO: All right, everybody, hands over your heads. [He gestures with the gun.] You too, Cliffie.
Clifford holds up his hands as best he can while they are still tied to the arms of the chair. All four women raise their hands as well. Sheila's one hand is raised exactly high enough that she can still sip her cocktail.*]
FRASER: Ray.
He nods to the gun. Vecchio realizes he is still gesturing with the "BANG!" gun; he puts it away and gets out his real one.
So okay: Fraser has been Not Himself through this whole episode, putting his uniform on wrong, letting doors fall shut in people's faces, not standing at attention, calling Vecchio "mac," slapping him on the shoulder, generally being Far Too Relaxed and Possibly Even A Bit Rude—but as uncomfortable as I was with the Fraser who checked Thatcher out as she walked away, the difference wasn't quite enough for me to feel the rush of relief I think I was meant to feel when he started in on the Inuit ceremony story. I refer you to the Doctor Who (2005) season 3 two-parter "Human Nature"/"The Family of Blood" for what a The Hero Is Not Himself episode can feel like, and specifically to the dramatic climax of the latter for what a Oh He's Back moment should feel like. Fight me.
Scene 19
Uniformed officers are leading the women and Clifford, who is in his shorts, out of the house.
CLIFFORD: Let me get some pants, all right? Just let me get some pants on?
They do not stop to let him get pants. Vecchio and Fraser and Diefenbaker watch them go. Fraser sees the state of his belts and lanyard.
FRASER: Great Scott, Ray, look at my uniform!
VECCHIO: Yeah, I was wondering when you were going to notice that. [Fraser begins setting his uniform to rights.] So, listen, Fraser.
FRASER: Yes?
VECCHIO: While you were not back, there were some words that were said —
FRASER: Don't worry, Ray, I remember very little.
VECCHIO: All right. Good. So, ah, you wanna tell me more about that Eskimo walrus pelt thing?
FRASER: It's Inuit, actually. [He continues to fix his uniform as they walk away.] The tribe I was speaking of, they believe that two people who've been bound together will be more effective.
VECCHIO: Fraser.
FRASER: I should stop talking?
VECCHIO: Yes.
Behind the closing credits is a laugh reel; we don't hear most of the things making the cast crack up in various scenes from this season, but they look great doing it. The last thing but one is an outtake from this episode: Mark, the jewelry shop employee, is looking in the sandwich bag, and Vecchio rushes in with his gun out shouting "Hey, just drop it!" Mark puts the sandwich bag down. Everyone laughs.
What words were said while Fraser was Not Back that Vecchio feels like he needs to say something about? That puzzles me.
The last thing of all is Our Heroes sitting in the back of the car in the junkyard near the end of "The Duel."
MARCIANO: [nodding] We liked it.
And that's a wrap on season 2, at which point the show was cancelled.
Episodes not flashed back to in this flashback episode are the following:
Some of these omissions make sense to me and others really don't.
- Manhunt
- An Eye for an Eye
- The Blue Line
- Letting Go
- North
- Vault
- Witness
- The Promise
- One Good Man
- The Edge
- Starman
- Some Like It Red
- White Men Can't Jump to Conclusions
- [eta: Body Language, an episode I reliably forget even exists]
- The Duel
- Red, White, or Blue
Of course we know there's another (or another two, depending how you count) season(s), but at the time this episode aired, this was all there was, hence the retrospective. I myself am going to file this transcript and then take a break at least until after Yuletide. See you all much sooner than 15 months from now —
Cumulative body count: 24
Red uniform: The whole episode except when he's in the hospital, although it's in disarray for most of the time