return to due South: season 3 episode 12 "Mountie on the Bounty part 1"

[fox]

Mountie on the Bounty part 1
air date March 15, 1998

Scene 1

Music cue: "The Robert Mackenzie" by Paul Gross. Fraser and Kowalski skid to the edge of a roof. Gravel falls over the edge.

Thirty-two down on the Robert Mackenzie!

The roof belongs to a sort of covered fire escape situation on the outside of a large concrete lakeside building. They don't have a way down off the side—too far, they'd land on concrete—and off the front they'd go right into the water. Whoever it is they're running from shoots at them from the main rooftop. They duck under a tiny corrugated lean-to. Kowalski returns fire and the guys keep shooting.

FRASER: All right. The way I assess it is, we could stand our ground and wait for backup, or we could give up. Now, if we stand our ground, they'll likely shoot us. If we give up — well, they'll likely shoot us anyway. What else would they do?
KOWALSKI: Well, they could surrender, but I wouldn't count on that.
FRASER: You know something? We could jump.
KOWALSKI: Like hell we could.
FRASER: No, no. Would you make a jump like that if you didn't have to?
KOWALSKI: Look, I have to and I'm not gonna.
FRASER: All right, I'll go first.
KOWALSKI: No.
FRASER: All right, you go first.
KOWALSKI: No means no!
FRASER: What is wrong with you?
KOWALSKI: I can't swim.
FRASER: The quality of the water alone will probably kill us.
KOWALSKI: Look, does this conversation seem strangely familiar to you?
FRASER: Oddly, yes. All right. On the count of three?
KOWALSKI: One. [They scurry out from under the lean-to.]
FRASER: Two. [They are running for the edge.]
KOWALSKI AND FRASER: [as they go over the edge] Three!

It takes them a long time to hit the water, because they must have jumped from five stories up and the film goes into slow motion.

(Kowalski didn't stress about not being able to swim when he had to drive the car into the lake, did he? How'd he get back up to the surface then?) The conversation feels familiar because it's straight out of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)—in which the two leads are a couple of antiheroes running away from the cops, but never mind.

BUTCH: Damn it! Well, the way I figure it, we can either fight or give. If we give, we go to jail.
SUNDANCE: I been there already.
BUTCH: We fight, they can stay there and starve us out. Or go for position and shoot us. Might even get a rockslide started and get us that way. What else could they do?
SUNDANCE: They could surrender to us, but I wouldn't count on that. They're going for position all right. Better get ready.
BUTCH: Kid, the next time I say let's go someplace like Bolivia, let's go someplace like Bolivia.
SUNDANCE: Next time. Ready?
BUTCH: No, we'll jump!
SUNDANCE: Like hell we will.
BUTCH: No, it'll be okay. If the water's deep enough and we don't get squished to death, they'll never follow us.
SUNDANCE: How do you know?
BUTCH: Would you make a jump like that, you didn't have to?
SUNDANCE: I have to and I'm not gonna.
BUTCH: Well, we got to. Otherwise we’re dead. They're just gonna have to go back down the same way they come. Come on.
SUNDANCE: Just one clear shot, that's all I want.
BUTCH: Come on.
SUNDANCE: Uh-uh.
BUTCH: We got to.
SUNDANCE: Stop! Get away from me.
BUTCH: Why?
SUNDANCE: I wanna fight 'em!
BUTCH: They'll kill us!
SUNDANCE: Maybe.
BUTCH: You wanna die?
SUNDANCE: Do you?
BUTCH: All right. I'll jump first.
SUNDANCE: Nope.
BUTCH: Then you jump first.
SUNDANCE: No, I said!
BUTCH: What's the matter with you?
SUNDANCE: I can't swim!
BUTCH: [laughs in his face] Why, you crazy? The fall'll probably kill you!
SUNDANCE: Oh . . . [They jump.] . . . oh shit!

Are we therefore mapping Paul Gross onto Paul Newman and Rennie onto Redford? . . . (You might very well think that, but I couldn't possibly comment.)

Scene 2

Huey and Dewey are escorting some guys in handcuffs along the lakefront.

DEWEY: Heave. Not heat. Frost heave. Why would I say "frost heat?" What the heck could "frost heat" mean? It's frost. It doesn't have heat, right?
HUEY: But what does "heave" mean?

Fraser and Kowalski are climbing out of the lake.

KOWALSKI: If we had waited two seconds, they would have been here.
FRASER: What if they hadn't come?
KOWALSKI: You're a maniac, Fraser.
FRASER: Ray, you are overreacting.
KOWALSKI: I'm not overreacting.
DEWEY: Heave is like when you throw up, you know? The frost sort of throws up the ground, right? That's why your foundations have been moving. And that's why you got a basement full of water.
HUEY: No, I got a basement full of water because the sewer backed up.
DEWEY: That's water, you have water, why are you talking about a different problem now?
WELSH: [hops out of a car as it arrives] Dewey, you seen Vecchio?
DEWEY: Yeah, they've been going at it for a while down there.
WELSH: What's the problem? It's a good collar. They did good.
DEWEY: Differences.
WELSH: Differences, huh?

Fraser and Kowalski are arguing by the lakefront.

FRASER: What do you propose we do, Ray? We are officers of the law.
KOWALSKI: I know that. We're cops. I don't have a cape, you don't have a cape.
FRASER: No, but I do wear a uniform. You carry a badge. My Sam Browne is sort of like a —
KOWALSKI: Look, why are you arguing with me?
FRASER: I am not arguing with you!
KOWALSKI: Yes you are! That's that thing again. You're correcting. You're niggling. You're doing that thing with the, with the T's and the I's, and I say "A," you say "B," I say "night" and you say "day."
FRASER: I think you should be reasonable. I don't do it all the time.
KOWALSKI: Look! You just did it again!
FRASER: I —
KOWALSKI: You just did it again! It's like some kind of disease.
FRASER: It's not a disease.
KOWALSKI: Look, I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear it! I don't understand, I don't want to hear it!
FRASER: Ray, would you just listen to me?
KOWALSKI: Look, I swear, I swear to God I will punch you right in the face. Fair warning.
FRASER: Well, what does that mean? You're going to punch me?
KOWALSKI: Just look, I'm going to punch you in the face! Why don't you listen to me?
FRASER: Just think calmly —

Kowalski punches Fraser in the face. They stare at each other, neither of them really able to believe that just happened. Then Fraser turns and walks away; after a moment Kowalski walks away in the other direction.

Okay, it's true that Fraser doesn't correct Kowalski all the time, but in Kowalski's defense, "No, I don't correct you all the time" is an example of a correction and this was definitively Not The Time, Fraser. Also, Kowalski said he was going to sock him if he didn't knock it off, and rather than knock it off, he basically taunted him into going ahead and doing it. . . . Look, violence is seldom the answer, but I'm 100% on Kowalski's side in what is really looking like a breakup.

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.

(plus Draco the dog)

Dean McDermott, Douglas Campbell, August Schellenberg, and Jan Rubeš as Mort

Scene 3

Kowalski goes into the station by himself, dejected. He goes into the squad room and sits on the edge of Francesca's desk. She is on the phone and taking down notes.

FRANCESCA: Okay, so, orange baseball cap, orange slacks, orange shirt, carrying a pizza. [She puts down her pen. Kowalski gets up and walks away from her desk.] Is there a light on the car outside with flashing lights marked "pizza," by any chance?
WELSH: Vecchio. You want to come in here for a minute?
FRANCESCA: Okay, and one last question. Did you order a pizza?

Kowalski heads into Welsh's office.

Rennie is playing guy-who-just-lost-his-best-friend (-at-least) to the hilt. I love Francesca and the sensible questions she's asking! Look how well she's doing at this civilian aide job!

Scene 4

Thatcher comes into Fraser's office without knocking, where he's changing into dry clothes.

THATCHER: Fraser, I have something here that I'd like to discuss with you that — [He has frozen. She turns around and realizes he's in his undershirt and shorts. She averts her eyes again immediately. He scrambles to put trousers on.] Constable, I understand that you live here, but during the day —
FRASER: Yes, sir. It's just that, you see — well, Detective Vecchio and I were — we were in pursuit of three individuals who were from the FBI's Most Wanted list —
THATCHER: Just — just stay in, in uniform, Fraser.
FRASER: Yes, sir. [He zips up.]
THATCHER: I have something for you.

Whatever it is, he's surprised to see it.

Thatcher's not wrong that generally people shouldn't change their clothes in their offices during the day; but on the other hand, if the door was closed, knocking on it wouldn't have been monumentally out of line. All the Canadians are earning demerits today.

Scene 5

In Welsh's office, Kowalski is looking at a memo on CPD letterhead.

WELSH: This came in today.
KOWALSKI: A transfer?

THE CHICAGO POLICE DEPARTMENT
[ something something ] DOCUMENT DISTRICT 27
To the attention of: DETECTIVE RAYMOND VECCHIO
August 13, 1997

NOTIFICATION OF TRANSFER

Dear Detective Vox:

This is to inform you that we have completed our review of your performance at the Division of Detective Division are to be commended for your excellent service under [one word; extremely?] difficult circumstances.

As a result of our review, we are pleased to offer you the opportunity to transfer SOMETHING SOMETHING position of your choice within the department. Should you decide to accept this [two words], we should like to schedule a meeting to discuss the more sensitive details in person.

In the meantime, please contact me at the personnel office to discuss a bit of the possible [one word].

[The signature block is not visible off the bottom of the screen.]

August 15, 1997? How long had Kowalski been Vecchio-ing by then? About five minutes? And who's been holding onto this notification of transfer for seven goddamn months?

Scene 6

Fraser has apparently also been offered a transfer.

THATCHER: To Ottawa.

Fraser nods, surprised. Kowalski is still standing at Welsh's desk.

KOWALSKI: So I can get my own life back? My own name?
WELSH: Frankly, I'd choose something a little more interesting if I were you, but if that's what you want, go ahead.

Fraser is still reeling.

THATCHER: Well, you're not going to take it, are you?
FRASER: Well, I, I haven't —
THATCHER: Because over the years we've developed a relationship. Working, of course, working relationship, and, and, and, you might be hard to replace. Cost-wise. I, I, I mean, not everybody would live here in his underwear — uh, work — live in a place where he works.

Fraser is baffled. Thatcher leaves his office, flustered.

Is . . . is Fraser being paid less than he should be because he's living in the consulate? Surely a government agency has pay bands and that sort of thing?

Scene 7

Fraser and Kowalski go to the banks of the lake at night. They pass three guys going the other way.

KOWALSKI: This is where it started, so this is where we'll end it.
FRASER: All right. I was over there.
KOWALSKI: All right. [They switch places.]
FRASER: I can't do this, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Look, you have to.
FRASER: This is for good?
KOWALSKI: You put in your transfer, I'll put in mine. It's quits.
FRASER: [unhappy] You're sure about this?
KOWALSKI: [nods] Do it. [Fraser punches him in the jaw.] There. Done. Pleasure working with you. [He turns and leaves.] Come on, I'll give you a lift.

Fraser is miserable.

Even-steven, right? (I mean, the fact that even as they return to the scene of their biggest fight to square up, Fraser was unable to avoid correcting Kowalski pretty much identifies one of the issues he needs to work on in therapy, right? Why is it so important to him to be right all the time?)

Scene 8

Kowalski is in the car, holding his jaw and waiting for Fraser. Fraser gets in the passenger side. Neither of them says anything for a minute; then Kowalski starts the car. But before he can take his foot off the brake, a man with a hook for a left hand and a knife in his back falls on the hood. They stare for a second; then Fraser gets out of the car and Kowalski grabs the radio.

KOWALSKI: This is one-one-seven, we've got a ten-fifty-two at South Speedway, need immediate assistance.
MAN WITH KNIFE IN HIS BACK: [looks at Fraser with one eye; he's got a patch on the other] Treasure chest.

He collapses on the hood of the car. Fraser feels for his pulse and shakes his head.

FRASER: He's dead.
KOWALSKI: All right. Okay. One more case. [Fraser nods.] Then we're done.

10-52 is apparently the police code for "ambulance needed."

Scene 9

Mort undrapes the body on an exam table. There is a squiggly scar on the chest.

MORT: Treasure chest? Maybe?
KOWALSKI: [takes a quick look, then turns his back again; still squeamish] Looks like the head of a dog.
MORT: Very good work. It looks like it was carved into the skin.
FRASER: With his hook, maybe.
MORT: Captain Hook? [He smiles and shakes his head. Fraser fetches a clipboard and a pen.] It would seem to be a map.
FRASER: Could be.
KOWALSKI: Of course it's a map. He's a pirate.

Fraser and Mort look at him.

Scene 10

Kowalski is back in the squad room.

KOWALSKI: Frannie? Can you run some prints for me, check 'em against any known pirates?
FRANCESCA: Pirates? What do you mean? Like, pieces of eight and sliver me timbers?
KOWALSKI: It's "shiver me timbers."
FRANCESCA: It's "sliver."
KOWALSKI: Frannie!
FRANCESCA: Ray! What can that mean, "shiver me timbers"? That doesn't mean anything.
KOWALSKI: Sure it does. It means, like, shake your booty, something like that.
FRANCESCA: Ray, pirates. They slide down masts. Wooden masts. Sliver, you get it? Sliver in their timbers? [scoffs] Shiver.
KOWALSKI: I never got that.
FRASER: You know, Ray, we do not know that he's a pirate. For all we know, he might be an accident-prone accountant.
KOWALSKI: You ever try to run a calculator with a hook?
FRASER: No, but appearances can be deceiving. You know, I once knew a trapper in Great Slave Lake who ran his trap lines dressed in a three-piece suit. He looked like a banker. Of course, he carried his bait in his pocket, so the smell was — well, that's a, that's a different story.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, a guy dies. He's got a hook and he's got an eye patch. He says "treasure." He says "chest." What do you think he is?
FRASER: Ray, if there are any pirates on the Great Lakes, which I sincerely doubt, I think it's highly unlikely that they would go about dressed like some character invented by Robert Louis Stevenson.
KOWALSKI: Stevenson!
FRANCESCA: Hey, Ray, I got an ID. His name's Billy Butler. He worked the lake boats most of his life. He's got three convictions for drug smuggling and one for assault.
KOWALSKI: Accountant?
FRASER: Pirate.
KOWALSKI: Thank you.

Francesca's shirt has never been more cropped. (And it is "shiver me timbers," but Francesca's etymology is not without its logic.)

I like how Kowalski has still had it up to here with Fraser, and Fraser knows it but still can't help correcting him and going off on his tangents anyway. There's a look in his eye when he says "that's a different story" whose subtext is "I'll shut up now," and I love it. It's taken almost four years, but he's learning.

I'd like it even better if he'd apologized to Kowalski or at least used the words "I was wrong," but baby steps, I guess.

Scene 11

Fraser and Kowalski go into a seedy dockside bar.

GUY IN THE BAR: Who are those guys?
ANOTHER GUY IN THE BAR: Never seen them here before.
KOWALSKI: [shows a picture to the bartender] Recognize this guy?
BARTENDER: Yeah. Used to live in that chair. Moved out about a year ago. Haven't seen him since.
KOWALSKI: [shows the picture to the guy at the bar] You seen this guy?
GUY AT THE BAR: Nah.
KOWALSKI: [addresses the whole place] Anybody here seen Butler? [The place goes dead silent. Most guys are avoiding his gaze. He goes up to the one guy who's looking at him.] You know this guy? [asks the guy next to him, who's keeping his head down] You seen him before? [moves to the next guy] How about you?
NEXT GUY: Is that a wolf?
FRASER: Ah, yes, as a matter of fact, it is.
NEXT GUY: A wolf in a bar's bad luck.
GUY LOOKING AT KOWALSKI: No, man, that's a woman on a ship.
NEXT GUY: Well, that too.
GUY WITH HIS HEAD DOWN: No, that's whistling on a ship, you idiot.
NEXT GUY: Wolves, there's gotta be something about wolves.
FRASER: Well, I know there are a number of nautical superstitions, but I can't think of any offhand that actually feature wolves.
NEXT GUY: You can't be too careful these days.
FRASER: And why is that, sir?
NEXT GUY: There's bad things stirring in the waters. Ghost ship, with a crew long dead, flying the colors of the Mackenzie.
GUY LOOKING AT KOWALSKI: Eh, come on, you old bastard. You had too much to drink.

The guy who was looking at Kowalski helps the guy who was on about wolves leave. Kowalski is showing the picture around the rest of the bar.

KOWALSKI: You seen this guy? You seen him? Butler is the name. [Everybody gets up and leaves rather than talk to him.]
GUY IN THE BAR: I'll see ya.
ANOTHER GUY IN THE BAR: Come on.
GUY AT THE BAR: I don't want to hear none of that.
KOWALSKI: [to Fraser, when everyone is gone] Goat ship?
FRASER: Ghost ship. It seems to have scared them all off.
BARTENDER: Hey. He left some stuff down in the cellar, if you want to go through it.

I'm impressed with how violent these guys aren't getting when a couple of cops come in asking questions. Also with how mad the bartender isn't that they've emptied his place, although I guess the regulars will be back tomorrow.

Scene 12

Fraser and Kowalski are in the cellar. Fraser is feeling around the bottom of an empty foot locker.

KOWALSKI: What are you doing?
FRASER: Well, my Uncle Tiberius owned a very similar trunk in which he had hidden some pictures of naked — aha. [He has found a secret compartment. Kowalski takes something out of it.]
KOWALSKI: [whistles] Gold.

It's hard to see clearly, but the number stamped on the gold bar looks like it might be 55073.

Scene 13

They are leaving the bar.

KOWALSKI: I told you. Pirates.
FRASER: Possibly.
KOWALSKI: What do you mean, possibly? The guy said "treasure," the guy said "chest." You know? We found the chest, and this is the treasure.
FRASER: One bar?
KOWALSKI: Well, where there's one, there's a, there's a pile, you know. That's, that's the way treasure works.

They walk down the street. A tapping sound follows them, metal on brick. They stop; the tapping stops. They resume walking; the tapping resumes. Fraser makes a hand signal; Kowalski agrees; they walk in place for a few steps. The blind man, for his cane was the source of the tapping, comes up behind them and collides with Kowalski.

BLIND MAN: What are you doing? You could get somebody — [He rears back and is ready to hit them with his cane.]
FRASER: Sorry, sir. Terribly sorry.
KOWALSKI: Who the hell are you? Why are you following us?
BLIND MAN: The name's Lou.
FRASER: Blind Lou, by any chance?
BLIND MAN (LOU): That's right. I got information about Billy, if you're wanting it.
KOWALSKI: What do you got?
LOU: Ahh. Seventy bucks.
KOWALSKI: Seventy bucks?
LOU: Yeah. Get an old blind man a decent meal.
KOWALSKI: Where you going to get it, Europe? Twenty bucks.
LOU: Fifty. It's deductible.
KOWALSKI: Look, this better be good.
LOU: Ahh, it is. [Kowalski gives him cash. He hands Fraser a piece of paper.]
KOWALSKI: What is it?
FRASER: It's an editorial about crabgrass.

Oh my God, Albert Sumner is still at it.

LOU: Wait, wait, wait. Here. [He swaps with Fraser for another piece of paper.]
FRASER: This is more like it. According to this, Billy Butler was drowned at sea. Over a year ago.

Thirty-two down on the Robert Mackenzie!

Kowalski looks unhappy. Lou grins.

I don't know why "Blind Lou" is a meaningful name for Fraser (I mean, the guy is named Lou and he is blind, but aside from that), unless it's because Louis Braille was blind?

Scene 14

In the squad room, a detective—the same one who was arguing with a young woman outside Welsh's office in the first scene of "Dead Guy Running"—puts a cap on a bottle of water when his phone begins to ring. Meanwhile, Fraser and Kowalski are at Francesca's desk.

FRANCESCA: Okay. Whaling Yankee. Yankee as in "Yankee Doodle Dandy," Civil War Yankee?
THIRSTY DETECTIVE: [answers his phone] Yeah.
FRASER: That's correct.
THIRSTY DETECTIVE: Okay, I'll be right down. Yeah. [Diefenbaker steals his water bottle when he's not looking.]
FRANCESCA: Okay, and whaling as in sperm?
FRASER: Sperm?
FRANCESCA: Well, yeah —
KOWALSKI: No, Francesca, that's whaling as in whaling on a guy's head.
FRANCESCA: Okay. [typing]
KOWALSKI: Look, I don't believe this. A guy on the wharf has better information than we do.
FRANCESCA: Says who?
KOWALSKI: Says this. [shows her the paper Lou gave them] Billy Butler sank on the Whaling Yankee a year ago.
FRASER: [quoting] "Here lies the body of John Brown, who was lost at sea and never found."
KOWALSKI: Francesca, ask Fraser what's that supposed to mean.
FRANCESCA: [looks back and forth between them, exasperated] It's supposed to mean that your guy drowned, and then what? He swam? Crawled? Stabbed himself so that he could hang out with Mort.
KOWALSKI: Okay, so we got a bit of a mystery.
FRASER: Indeed we do.
FRANCESCA: Hey, I got it!
FRASER: That's excellent, Francesca.
FRANCESCA: Thank you, Fraser.

Francesca has pulled up an image of a newspaper article with a picture of their eyepatched dude and the caption "Crewman Billy Butler drowns at sea." The headline is "Local crewman drowns at sea."

FRASER: Whaling Yankee. Went down a little more than a year ago. All hands lost.
KOWALSKI: And now I found one of 'em.
FRANCESCA: [presses another button] Hey, there's the crew.
KOWALSKI: There's my friend Billy. Wait a minute, wait a minute. I just found two of 'em. [He's pointing to pictures of two more of the guys from the crew. One of them is one of the guys who went by him on his way to let Fraser punch him at the lake shore in scene 7.] This guy — I saw this guy the night of the murder.
FRASER: We both saw him, Francesca. [Francesca rolls her eyes.]
KOWALSKI: Make it bigger, will you, Frannie?
FRANCESCA: Okay. [She presses a couple of buttons and zooms way too far in on a picture of Andy Calhoon.] Oh, whoops.
KOWALSKI: Come on, Frannie, no whoops. Don't blow it here.
FRANCESCA: Okay, okay, just relax. [Fraser presses a couple more keys and zooms out again. Andy Calhoon's whole face is visible.] See?
KOWALSKI: Yeah. Learn fast, Fraser's not going to be around to help much longer. Andy Calhoon. Print that out, will you, Frannie? [He heads for the printer.]
FRANCESCA: Um. You're leaving, Frase?
FRASER: Well, I've been offered a transfer to Ottawa.
FRANCESCA: Oh. [She looks away.] That's great, that's just — that's great. [She's dabbing at her eye.]
FRASER: Is there something wrong?
FRANCESCA: No. I've, um, just got something in my eye.
FRASER: Ah. Well, if you pull your lower eyelid out and fold it over your —
FRANCESCA: I'll be okay. [She dashes away from her desk.]
KOWALSKI: Let's go. This guy's the killer.
FRASER: How do we know he's the killer?
KOWALSKI: Two supposed dead guys show up in more or less the same place, and one of 'em gets a knife in the back, and you think somebody else did it? [They have left the squad room and are heading out of the station.]
FRASER: Well, it could have been a deranged accountant.
KOWALSKI: That is so stupid. A deranged accountant? That's like saying a raging librarian. [Francesca comes out of the ladies' room as they pass by.] Francesca, can you, uh, run Calhoon for me and see all you can get on the Whaling Yankee?
FRANCESCA: [glum] Yeah.
FRASER: Francesca? Could you — [He makes a "wait one second" gesture and turns to Kowalski.] — the other evidence.
KOWALSKI: I was going to hold onto that.
FRASER: Ray, it is evidence. [Kowalski digs the gold bar out of his pocket and hands it to him. Fraser goes over to Francesca.] Francesca — are your eyes all right?
FRANCESCA: Perfect.
FRASER: Good. I wonder if you wouldn't mind checking this serial number for us?
FRANCESCA: [sighs] Gold. This could have been made into hundreds of wedding bands.

She heads back to her desk, passing Diefenbaker coming the other direction.

FRASER: Ah, Dief, we have to step out for a couple of minutes. Could you do me a favor and just keep an eye on Francesca? [Diefenbaker barks and barks and jumps around eagerly, then runs after Francesca. Fraser is a little wounded.] Hurts my feelings.

Kowalski looks at Fraser like he's nuts.

Okay, "whaling as in whaling on a guy's head" is spelled the same as "whaling as in sperm," so once again Kowalski has no business correcting Francesca; but how are you going to have a whaler in the Great Lakes? Should it have been the Wailing Yankee?

Francesca has a lot of pictures taped around the edges of her computer monitor. I recognize none of the dudes in them.

The article accompanied by the picture of Billy Butler, under the heading "Local crewman drowns at sea," is about tennis. The next headline is "Israeli women on the firing line," which happens to have been the banner on page 1 of the Chicago Tribune on July 6, 1997, though I can't get a closer look at the actual page than this on account of I'm not a subscriber and the Trib's own archive site isn't working for me today. But the tennis article didn't originally come from above that Israeli Women headline. Here it is (bold is what we see on the screen):

PIOLINE OUSTS STICH; IN FINAL VS. SAMPRAS
By Filip Bondy and Knight-Ridder/Tribune
Chicago Tribune
•
Jul 06, 1997 at 12:00 am

WIMBLEDON, England — [In the show there's a fake byline here, and one sentence of text that's illegible and must be from another source.] Another German champion left Wimbledon for good Friday night, fighting all the way, but Michael Stich fell just short of a championship match against Pete Sampras.

Instead, in a twisting, five-set semifinal, Stich was an upset victim of Cedric Pioline of France 6-7 (2-7), 6-2, 6-1, 5-7, 6-4.

"Not perfect, but close," Stich said about his farewell performance. "I would have loved to win and get to the finals. But a match like this is rare, and I'm proud to be part of it.

"It's difficult to get any better."

Typically, Stich was overshadowed by countryman Boris Becker here, even as he advanced one round further. Becker, always the more popular player at home and abroad, stole the headlines with his surprise retirement Thursday.

Stich took parting shots at Becker and Sampras on his way out.

"(Becker) didn't retire altogether, just from Grand Slam tournaments," said Stich, the 1991 Wimbledon champ. "If he wants to play small tournaments, that's his choice. I wouldn't do that, because all the excitement is in the Grand Slams."

Of Sampras, Stich noted: "He's a person who just focuses on tennis, day and night. He doesn't care about anything else. That's something I couldn't have done."

Stich, like Becker, bid goodbye to his opponent at the net, after the match.

"Thank you for making it so exciting," Stich told Pioline.

Pioline, unseeded and sore-shouldered, now faces Sampras in the final on Sunday morning in a match that should be one-sided if it plays to form. Sampras, at the top of his game during a 6-2, 6-1, 7-6 (7-3) semifinal victory Friday over Todd Woodbridge, has never lost to Pioline in their seven meetings, including a straight-set final in the 1993 U.S. Open.

"I'm tired of this player," Pioline said of Sampras before heading to his hotel for a serious massage and some sleep. "He beats me every time. But you never know."

Stich, 28, his bad back wrapped tightly, tired at the start of the final set and was broken in the first game when he netted a forehand volley and then double-faulted.

Although Pioline's serves were not particularly vicious, they were well-placed. Stich's returns did not match his opponent's bullets, in velocity or imagination. Pioline, the first French finalist at Wimbledon since 1946, was broken only once in the match, and carried to deuce in only five games.

Stich had his last, best chance in the eighth game of the fifth set, with two break points. But Pioline pulled off a backhand volley and a forehand winner to get back to deuce, then finished matters before misty twilight gave way to complete darkness.

"There were big shots every game in the fifth set," said Pioline, who had dropped nine five-setters already in his career. "I lost a couple of matches like this, so I was a little bit nervous."

Sampras controlled everything in his match with Woodbridge except the rain delays on Centre Court. He struck 10 aces and 33 unreturned serves in a match that lasted only 1 hour 52 minutes. He broke Woodbridge in the second game, waited out an hour of drizzle, then came back zinging.

"I can't play any better, and I'm getting better each match," said Sampras.

In the third point of the third set, Sampras fell flat on his stomach behind the baseline, rose, then fought his way to the net, where he won the point with a volley.

"Today I played one of the greatest players playing great," said Woodbridge. "It was a pleasure to be out there against him. It's something I'll always talk about, how good he was."

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1997-07-06-9707060286-story.html]

The last paragraph, under the photo, appears to say something like "head smash en route to his semifinal victory over Todd Woodbridge in the semifinals," which doesn't really make any sense (although the transfer notice prop in scene 6 had "your performance at the Division of Detectives Division are to be commended," so the typesetting prop maker is not covering themself with glory in this episode); and as you can see, this article also appeared on July 6, 1997, but not (as I said) above the "Israeli women on the firing line" item; and I guess I don't understand why the folks making the fake headline and the fake photo and fake caption couldn't have made a fake article as well? Instead of slapping a fake byline on a real one? Because this story, which we can see on the screen, is not by Shane Thomas or whoever's similarly shaped name is shoved in there in a slightly different font than "Story by" where the original reporters' byline actually appeared.

ALSO, a couple of sentences at the bottom of the columns of the story above the tennis article are visible, and they are from the top story about Israeli women on the firing line. In the left-hand column, we can see "Schoener maneuvers a joystick to raise her 155 mm artillery piece to the proper height and pivots the giant barrel to the azimuth targeted on her comp-uter screen," and in the center column we can see "In a Jewish state known for its pioneering spirit, Schoener and her gung-ho female com-rades are training hard at this artillery school in order to become the officers who will train the men who fight in the Israel Defense Force." (https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-1997-07-06-9707060197-story.html) I mention all of this only because there is no credit anywhere in the episode to the Chicago Tribune or the actual writers of the articles that are visible on the screen, and I'm sure there would have been if there'd needed to be?, but still, this seems kind of half-assed work by the art department, is all I'm saying.

Anyway, Francesca also has a lovely floral cover on her desk lamp, which is probably a giant fire hazard, and she's taken out at the knees by the idea of Fraser leaving town, which is sad but come on, Francesca, you've been after this dude for several years at this point, it was never going to happen.

In other news, Kowalski has still had it up to here with Fraser, but who knows how angry (or otherwise emotional) librarians can get if provoked? Fraser probably has better intel on that than Kowalski does.

Scene 15

Fraser and Kowalski are back down at the docks, in daylight this time, showing a picture of Calhoon around to some guys who are repairing a rowboat.

KOWALSKI: Anyone seen this guy? See him?
SOMEONE: No.
KOWALSKI: How about you?
SOMEONE ELSE: Never seen him.
KOWALSKI: You know this guy?
STILL SOMEONE ELSE: Nope.
KOWALSKI: Anyone?

Fraser has wandered over to another knot of guys. They circle up around him.

FRASER: Gentlemen, good day.
A GUY: What kind of outfit is that?
FRASER: Well, my name is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
ANOTHER GUY: Oh, yeah? What brings you here?
FRASER: Well, I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father.
A GUY: And what, you just stayed?
FRASER: As a matter of fact, I did, yes, attached as liaison with the Canadian consulate.
ANOTHER GUY: Interesting.
FRASER: Oh, well, thank you. Thank you kindly. I wonder if I could trouble you gentlemen to tell me about the ghost ship?

All the guys are uncomfortable and scatter.

ANOTHER GUY: Nah. Don't pay to talk about ghosts. Those that do are bound to see 'em.
A GUY: And those that see them are doomed to sleep on the bottom of the ocean.
KOWALSKI: [joining him as he stands there alone] Wow, that Canadian charm is working overtime today, Fraser.
FRASER: These men are afraid, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, nobody saw anything.
FRASER: [points to where Blind Lou is going by at the end of the alley] Perhaps he did.
KOWALSKI: [following him] Is that a joke, Fraser? 'Cause that's not funny. That's not at all sensitive or Mountie-like. That's completely rude. [On their way to Blind Lou, they pass someone wearing a black beanie, lurking and glaring at them, whom they do not notice.]
FRASER: Can I borrow your gun?
KOWALSKI: What for?
FRASER: You'll see. [Kowalski hands him the gun.] Excuse me, sir. [He holds the gun right in Blind Lou's face.]
LOU: [turns toward the sound of Fraser's voice and rears back hard from the gun in his face] Whoa! Oh, oh!
KOWALSKI: [taking his gun back from Fraser] So he's not blind.
FRASER: No, he is not.
KOWALSKI: How'd you know that?
FRASER: There's an involuntary movement of the pupils. It's a dead giveaway.
LOU: I was born blind. My eyesight's slowly getting better.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, right, pal. Know this guy?
LOU: Never clapped eyes on him.
KOWALSKI: Well, that's too bad, 'cause if you helped us out, we wouldn't have to arrest you for impersonating a blind guy. Hey! Drop the act!
LOU: [quits squinting] I seen him around the Albatross.
FRASER: Do you recall anything he happened to say?
LOU: He talked about the Mackenzie. Said he'd seen the ghost ship prowling around the waters near Six Fathom Shoal. It's not something you want to hear. Didn't go by the name of Calhoon, by the way. Called himself Vic Hester. Okay?
FRASER: Thank you.
LOU: Okay? Can I — can I go?

Kowalski's phone rings, and he answers it as Lou runs off. The guy in the black beanie who was glaring at Fraser and Kowalski is still visible in the background, still glaring at them.

KOWALSKI: Yeah?
FRANCESCA: Hey, Ray, it's me. You know that guy Andy you're looking for?
KOWALSKI: Yeah.
FRANCESCA: He's got a longer rap sheet than your guy Billy.
KOWALSKI: Yeah? For what?
FRANCESCA: Attempted murder, assault. Nasty stuff.
KOWALSKI: Okay, thanks, Frannie.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. Oh, and hey! I checked out some of the other guys on the Whaling Yankee. Everybody in it has a long sheet.
KOWALSKI: That's queer. Who owns it?
FRANCESCA: I found out his name is Gilbert Wallace. He's the president of Illinois Lake Freight.

The guy in the black beanie walks away.

ADR alert: Lou visibly said "Fitzgerald" rather than "Mackenzie" when the scene was shot and dubbed over it at a later time. We'll come back to that in a minute, but it turns out it is possible to re-record dialogue after a scene is shot, which just makes me sadder about all the times they chose not to.

Meanwhile, impersonating a blind person is probably misdemeanor fraud if you do it for the purpose of soliciting donations or concessions that you wouldn't be entitled to if you didn't have that disability. Otherwise it's just a dick move but probably not grounds for arrest. However, it is absolutely not the case that blind people's pupils don't move involuntarily.

But let's hear it for Francesca doing solid research work!

Scene 16

Fraser and Kowalski are talking to Gilbert Wallace at Illinois Lake Freight.

KOWALSKI: What do you mean it's not unusual? That was like the Con Air of boats.
WALLACE: Look, we hire sailors. We don't kill ourselves checking their morals.
FRASER: Well, sir, of the thirty crew members you had, twenty-nine of them have serious criminal records.
KOWALSKI: And the other one we haven't tracked yet.
FRASER: That would seem to be a much higher proportion than could be accounted for by the law of averages.
WALLACE: You go to the Union Hall, you get what you get.
KOWALSKI: What do you know about Vic Hester?
WALLACE: As I said before, nothing. I knew none of these men. Now if you gentlemen will excuse me, I got work to do.
FRASER: [as Kowalski is about to say something] We understand. Thank you kindly for your time.

Wallace shuts himself in his office. Kowalski glares at Fraser. Fraser realizes he is being glared at. They're halfway down the stairs before Kowalski starts yelling.

KOWALSKI: Do not do that, Fraser!
FRASER: Do what?
KOWALSKI: Cut me off like that! I was going on my gut. When your partner's going on his gut, you got to go with the flow, you got to let it ride, you got to — [They hit the bottom of the stairs. Kowalski keeps going to the left; Fraser stops.]
FRASER: Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray.
KOWALSKI: What!
FRASER: The car's this way.
KOWALSKI: Right. Car's this way. I knew that.
FRASER: Wallace said he hired the crew from the Union Hall.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, so?
FRASER: Vic Hester may be looking for work.
KOWALSKI: Then we'd better go to the Union Hall.
FRASER: So we're still partners, then?
KOWALSKI: Look, the problem is we're stale. Like bread or something. You know, maybe it is time for a change.
FRASER: I imagine you'll be taking that transfer, then.
KOWALSKI: And you'll take yours.

Con Air (1997) is an action movie in which Nicolas Cage, serving 10 years for involuntary manslaughter, is paroled and flying home on a transport jet that is hijacked and taken over by an assortment of not-at-all-paroled incarcerated dudes. (It's not relevant to Kowalski's reference, but the chaotic-good Nic Cage character goes along with the hijacking plan just until it's safe to team up with the lawful-good U.S. Marshal played by John Cusack and save the day.)

Why is Gilbert Wallace wearing a hard hat—or, more importantly, why are Fraser and Kowalski not?

The law of averages is the belief (per Wikipedia) "that a particular outcome or event will, over certain periods of time, occur at a frequency that is similar to its probability." (Wikipedia also says this belief "usually reflects . . . a poor understanding of statistics.") It's not really a law. I'll cop to relying on it or something like it when I worked out how often the Toronto Blue Jays "should" have won the World Series in "Eclipse," but I'll give myself credit for admitting that the whole rant was based on an assumption not supported by, you know. Facts. 😊 Fraser probably means to refer to the law of large numbers, though as numbers go, 30 isn't that large, is it.

It's hard for me not to still be on Kowalski's side in this argument. Fraser's being a genuine smug know-it-all here and I'm not surprised Kowalski's sick of it. And shouting "Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray." as he walks away rather than, I don't know, following him so he doesn't get too far before reminding him the car is the other way would have been a more partnerly choice he could have made.

Vecchio hung out with Fraser for two years before Fraser had got sufficiently on his nerves that bad guys could exploit the weakening spot in their relationship; Kowalski's only been here six and a half months. Something something burns twice as hot for half as long? Something?

Scene 17

Fraser and Kowalski are at the Union Hall waiting for the admin to check what job Vic Hester might have gone out on. Fraser is quite patient. Kowalski is quite im-.

ADMIN: No. No. No. Aha. [Kowalski comes back to her desk.] Henry Allen.
KOWALSKI: Henry Allen? Another alias.
FRASER: No, I think she's referring to a ship, Ray.
ADMIN: Yeah. Sailing from Sault Sainte Marie at nine in the morning. Your guy's on it.
FRASER: Thank you kindly.

They head back out.

Scene 18

Fraser and Kowalski are outside the Union Hall having trouble finding where they parked.

FRASER: Now, if I had a sextant, Ray, I could locate the vehicle in a heartbeat.
KOWALSKI: Mr. Sextant, I told you exactly where the car was.
FRASER: Yes, you did, but we've been walking around in circles for the last five minutes. I think it's to the right.
KOWALSKI: To the right of what? That's not a description of where the car —
FRASER: To the right of where we —

At least three guys jump out of the dark and set upon our heroes. One guy takes a swing at Fraser, but Fraser ducks and blocks him into a stack of pallets. Another guy has a gun pointed at Fraser; Kowalski smacks the gun down and punches the guy in the face. The guy hits him back, and he staggers against the pallets himself. The guy crowds up to him.

GUY: Don't go lookin' for the Mackenzie!

Kowalski headbutts the guy. The first guy is still getting into it with Fraser. A third guy grabs Kowalski, who picks his feet up and kicks the second guy away from him. Fraser is done with the first guy. All three of them run away again.

KOWALSKI: Come on! [Fraser picks up the gun the second guy dropped.] Look, Fraser. There's the car. Right by the boat, right where I told you.
FRASER: I think we're onto something, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Oh, yeah. Like getting killed. Look, I may be damaged, Fraser, but I'm not stupid. There's more to life than dying. [He heads for the car.]
BOB FRASER: Partnership is like a marriage, son. Give and take, up and down, who left the empty butter dish in the fridge. It isn't easy.
FRASER: No, it isn't.
BOB FRASER: Buck Frobisher and I were a team. Maybe the best team the North has ever known. One day we fell out, and it all but destroyed us.
FRASER: What did you do?
BOB FRASER: We swallowed our pride for the greater good. Someone's using a brave ship's name for an evil purpose, and you've got to stop them. You need the Yank. Swallow the pride, son.

Bob steps back into the shadows. A foghorn blows. Fraser goes to Kowalski where he's leaning against the car and glowering.

FRASER: Ray —
KOWALSKI: Look, Fraser, I know what you're going to say. You give me a reason. You give me one reason why we should risk our skinny asses chasing the Robert Mackenzie. That is way out of our jurisdiction. We have no authorization. Okay?
FRASER: On November first, nineteen-sixty-nine, the Robert Mackenzie left a pier in Thunder Bay carrying twenty-eight thousand, one hundred and ten long tons of high-sulfur coal bound for the steel mills in Detroit. She was eight hundred and ten feet long, eighty feet wide, crewed by thirty-two men, and captained by Scotty Phillips. Now, no one on board could have known they were headed into a gale known as the Witch of November. By two a.m. on the second, the seas were already running at twenty feet. The winds were gusting at fifty miles an hour. [Background sounds for the rest of the monologue are winds howling and men shouting.] At three-thirteen, the Mackenzie radioed her sister ship, the Phoenix, to say she'd taken a wave over the wheelhouse, knocking out her radar. She was blind in the water, navigating by dead reckoning. Captain Phillips decided to head south to the shelter of Bete Grise Bay by way of Keweenaw Point. But by then, the seas were running over forty feet. Winds were blowing at a hundred miles an hour. At four-twenty-three, a wave broke, exposing a mountain of rock known as Six Fathom Shoal. The time stopped. The Mackenzie hit the shoal broadside, cutting her in half. The stern was still under full power, and it rammed the bow, crushing men on metal as they were caught amidships scrambling for lifeboats. It hit the bow three times before it finally drove it under. And then the stern continued into the night, all its lights blazing, fires burning from the ruptured boilers, like some kind of headless beast. Captain Phillips' last transmission to the Phoenix read, "Thirty-two down on the Robert Mackenzie."

The sounds of the storm and the men struggling to save the ship or at least themselves fade away. A music cue of bagpipes comes up. It's not the Last Post, but something mournful like that. Kowalski is convinced.

KOWALSKI: All right. Say we drive like hell, I mean, put the pedal to the metal. Could we get to, ah, Sault Sainte Marie and get on the Henry Anderson before she sails?
FRASER: Allen. The Henry Allen. [Kowalski does a tight smile. Fraser knows he's done it again.] Yes.
KOWALSKI: Right. Allen. Come on.

Thirty-two down on the Robert Mackenzie!

They get in the car and peel out on a road trip.

Partnership is like a marriage? Like a marriage? I know I just said "twice as hot for half as long," but the show is pretty much elevating the subtext almost all the way to text at this point, isn't it. The plausible deniability is clinging for dear life to how much work the word "like" is doing. It's definitely a married-couple level of bickering Fraser and Kowalski are doing about where they left the car and the way Fraser had to have known perfectly well that Kowalski was misremembering "Henry Allen" when he said "Henry Anderson" and therefore was it actually at all important to correct him? It was not. But has Benton Fraser ever, in his life, even once let anything go?

🦗🦗🦗

Anyway, there never was a Robert Mackenzie. The SS Edmund Fitzgerald had sunk in Lake Superior with the loss of all hands in 1975, well within living memory of people who were adults when this episode was made. They'd intended to refer to the Fitzgerald as the ghost ship and to use Gordon Lightfoot's "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" in the episode; Lightfoot's condition for releasing the song stipulated that the families of the drowned crew had to agree. Which rather than ask all 29 families for permission to fictionalize the loss of their husbands and fathers and brothers and sons—but not to dramatize it, if you see what I mean; this isn't the story of what happened to the Edmund Fitzgerald and her crew, it's suggesting that the lost ship and the lost crew (none of whose bodies were ever recovered) are still out there haunting the lake; it would be making people's drowned loved ones into a plot device—Paul Gross and series theme song and incidental music composer Jay Semko made the much more humane and sensitive choice to invent a fictitious ship for the purpose instead, whose name had the same prosody, and the Robert Mackenzie was born (and then christened and then sunk, all in one fell swoop). But apparently not until after some of the episode had already been shot, hence Blind Lou saying "Fitzgerald" in scene 15 and being dubbed; here in scene 17, we can't see the guy's mouth moving who says "Don't go looking for the Mackenzie," but I speculate may have been Gross doing the pickup himself. It is definitely Rennie as Kowalski asking why he and Fraser should risk their skinny asses chasing the Robert Mackenzie, but note that we're looking at Fraser when we hear him; and obviously Fraser's whole monologue about that ship refers to it and its invented misfortune, but the camera is pointing up at him with a foggy night sky behind him, that is, he needn't have been on the dock set or even in the same room as Rennie when he shot that speech.

(It doesn't sound like he says the ship left the pier at Thunder Bay headed for the steel mills of Detroit, but that's definitely the lyric in the song, and also, what else could he be saying? All I've got is that at about 5:30 in "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald", Lightfoot sings "Dee-troy-it," apparently because in that verse he suddenly cares about scansion; so maybe Paul Gross was nodding in that direction even though by the time he recorded this monologue he was talking about the Robert Mackenzie instead. I am confident, as a person who grew up in Cleveland, that nobody who has ever lived within a hundred miles of a Great Lake has ever pronounced the name of that city in that way.)

Sault Ste. Marie is 470 miles from Chicago via (eventually) I-75 through the mainland of Michigan or 489 miles via I-43 through Wisconsin and the Upper Peninsula. Google Maps makes it seven or eight hours of driving, though Kowalski could probably do it in more like six if he put his foot down (and granted that he'd be driving in the middle of the night). Assuming they're having this conversation before about 2:00 a.m., they should be able to get there in enough time, though maybe not, you know. Safely.

Scene 18

It is daytime. Crates are being loaded, lines spooled; guys are running on the docks and on the decks of a ship. Music cue: "Sophia's Pipes" by Ashlee MacIsaac (instrumental). Kowalski's car zooms up alongside, and he and Fraser hop out in slow motion. Fraser is still in uniform, of course, but he's carrying his red tunic and his belt and lanyard over his arm. More making-ready is going on. Fraser and Kowalski board the ship, so this is apparently the Henry Allen. In the wheelhouse, an old man, probably the captain, sees a guy outside giving him a signal.

CAPTAIN, PROBABLY: All ahead one-third.

The ship pushes off from the dock.

So they drove all night, probably stopping once or twice to gas up the car and get themselves some food. They've got to be exhausted as well as kind of rumpled and grody. Why does the show never acknowledge the ickiness of wearing the same clothes for days at a time? Is it because it's distracted by how suspenders outline a nicely built dude's back and shoulders, or is that just me?

Scene 19

Shortly thereafter, Captain Probably is heading down some stairs with Fraser and Kowalski.

CAPTAIN, PROBABLY: Good to see you, Benton, boy.
FRASER: Yes, and you too, sir.
CAPTAIN, PROBABLY: Stirs up memories.
KOWALSKI: Wait a minute, Fraser. You know this guy?
FRASER: Yes. Captain Smithers is an old friend of my father's. As a matter of fact, he taught me how to tie my first knot. [The captain hands him a rope.] Oh, dear.

They chuckle. Lightning-quick, Fraser ties the knot and tosses the rope back to the captain.

CAPTAIN, PROBABLY (SMITHERS): Yeah, double clove and half hitch. Tie a knot in his tail to hold the devil down.
KOWALSKI: Does everybody in Canada know everybody?
FRASER: No.
SMITHERS: Ah. Old Bob Fraser.
BOB FRASER: [going by outside a port hole] Old? Who's he calling old?
SMITHERS: Yeah —
BOB FRASER: I've been dead for years, and I still look twice as good as he does!
SMITHERS: — we go back a long way, me and Bob. Mm. I saved his life in a bar fight once in, ah —
BOB FRASER: Skagway.
SMITHERS: — Skagway. How did you know that? Oh, yeah, your father told you. In fifty-nine.
BOB FRASER: That's a crock.
SMITHERS: Ah. Bart Anderson got liquored up and came after him with a harpoon.
BOB FRASER: It was a small pocket knife.
SMITHERS: Luckily, I got between him and your dad.
BOB FRASER: He sure did. He was as goggle-eyed as old Bart. I had to throw them in the brig to sleep it off.
SMITHERS: Those were the days.

Fraser is listening politely. Kowalski clears his throat.

KOWALSKI: I hate to interrupt memories, but we think you might have a killer on board.
SMITHERS: In my crew?
FRASER: In your crew, sir.
SMITHERS: Well, son, you show me the maggot and I'll take him apart like that Moor in the Dardanelles! By God, I'll throw him in the brig!
KOWALSKI: You got a brig?
SMITHERS: Well, no.
BOB FRASER: Oh, you see? He wouldn't be able to tell the truth if his life depended on it!
SMITHERS: [closing the port hole cover] It's cold in here.
FRASER: Ah, sir, we don't think that there's any pressing need to disassemble this man. At the moment, he's just a suspect. We would like to observe him, unobtrusively.
SMITHERS: Unobtrusively.
FRASER: Yes, sir.
SMITHERS: How are you going to do that?

Kowalski's question about everyone in Canada knowing one another is 100 percent fair. Maybe it's just that Bob Fraser knew everyone? How was he in the Mounties for 35 years or more and living in a series of who-knows-where in the far north but still had a close enough friendship with a Great Lakes shipping captain that the fellow could teach Benton Fraser some number of knots (and Benton Fraser would remember him all these years later)? I think it would have made more sense if Smithers here had been an old friend of Fraser's grandparents'.

The lightning quick knot-tying is sped up just as the typing was in "Spy vs. Spy," which makes me think we're in Kowalski's POV for a moment here. (Not for long, because naturally he wouldn't be able to see Bob Fraser.)

I'm not sure about the "Moor on the Dardanelles" reference. The Dardanelles is the strait connecting the Sea of Marmara to the Aegean Sea (and thus separating the Gallipoli peninsula from the Asian part of Turkey). It used to be called the Hellespont; is Smithers referring to Othello's (the Moor of Venice) consuming rage at what he thinks is Desdemona's betrayal? Iago suggests Othello might change his mind back and love her again, and Othello says no:

Never, Iago. Like to the Pontic sea,
Whose icy current and compulsive course
Ne'er feels retiring ebb, but keeps due on
To the Propontic and the Hellespont,
Even so my bloody thoughts, with violent pace,
Shall ne’er look back, ne’er ebb to humble love,
Till that a capable and wide revenge
Swallow them up.

Scene 20

Fraser and Kowalski have changed into raggedy crewmen's clothes. Kowalski is sitting on some stairs holding a bucket while Fraser shovels coal ash into it.

FRASER: Now that we're out here, we're away from the city, doing good, honest work — there's nothing like it, is there?
KOWALSKI: Hell, maybe.

Three crewmen go by, chatting ostentatiously. One of them is Vic Hester aka Andy Calhoon.

HESTER: Bad luck bringing strange crew on board.
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: Especially on the North Shore route.
THIRD CREWMAN: Why's that?
HESTER: We're passing by the graveyard they call Six Fathom Shoal.
KOWALSKI: Is there anything on this ship that isn't bad luck?
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: Eddie Walters saw her last week. He was on the Bailey Madison. Robert Mackenzie cut across her bow. Dead men on the deck, crying out for help. [He and Hester both kiss their fists superstitiously.]
HESTER: I saw her once myself. She come up on us in the night. Nothing on radar, and then there she was. I don't want to see her again. I say we get the captain to take the south route.
THIRD CREWMAN: Yeah, I'd like to see you tell old Ironbottom where to sail his ship. He'll have your guts for garters in a second.
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: Well, he's got no call crossing us with no ghost ship.
HESTER: I don't want to see the face of a dead man staring back at me in the middle of the night.
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: Jeez, I hate ghosts.

I can see where sailors would be superstitious, but I guess I don't see how a crew made up of guys who pick up gigs here and there at Union Halls isn't all "strange crew."

Scene 21

Back at the police station, Thatcher and Turnbull are in the squad room because it turns out Fraser and Kowalski didn't tell anyone they were going to Sault Ste. Marie—not even Diefenbaker, who is listening to what he can hear of the conversation and eyeing Welsh's sandwich and coffee.

WELSH: Maybe they got involved in a case and forgot to report in.
THATCHER: Constable Fraser failed to fill out his daily one-zero-nine-eight-nine-B report.
WELSH: He failed to fill out a report? Vecchio hasn't done one in three months. It's not cause for general panic.
TURNBULL: While there was breath still in his body, Constable Fraser would never neglect to do his paperwork. Never. No real Mountie would.
THATCHER: Thank you, Constable.
WELSH: All right, Inspector. What do you suggest we do?
THATCHER: I think we should mount a coordinated search effort. I am offering you the entire resources of the Canadian consulate.
WELSH: And those would be?
THATCHER: Constable Turnbull and myself. [Diefenbaker yips.] And the wolf.

The whole scene, except Welsh's first line, is shot from Diefenbaker's POV, which means it's in black and white, kind of distorted visually, and with subtitles because of course the dog is deaf. I'm not kidding when I say I feel like some choices are getting made because DPs are getting bored. Also, though, if Thatcher and Turnbull represent the entire non-Fraser resources of the Canadian consulate, and they're both here at the 27th precinct, then who (if anyone) is minding the store?

Nevertheless, the fact that Fraser and Kowalski didn't call and leave someone a message is shocking.

Scene 22

In the mess on the Henry Allen, it is dinnertime. Some guys are at tables eating; Hester is holding court over by the microwave.

HESTER: Cold night. Dark, as if the stars themselves had fled. She come out of the fog, draped in seaweed, a foul stench rolling across the water. [He keeps telling his story while other guys chatter, including Fraser and Kowalski.]
KOWALSKI: What is this?
FRASER: Food, Ray. Good, hearty food. Just the thing after a long day's work.
KOWALSKI: Does it come with instructions?
FRASER: Yeah. Open mouth, put in.
HESTER: [glaring at them] And when the moon broke through the clouds and shone her light on the faces of the dead, their eyes were like the devil's own. And their faces were pale.
KOWALSKI: [gets up and whispers to Fraser before he splits] Keep them occupied.
FRASER: [looks around] Gentlemen. There's something I'd like to get off my chest.
SOMEONE ELSE IN THE ROOM: What's that?
FRASER: [starts to sing "Barrett's Privateers" by Stan Rogers] ♫ Oh, the year was seventeen-seventy-eight. How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! A letter of marque came from the king to the scummiest vessel I'd ever seen, God damn them all! I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns — ♫ [One guy is nodding along and finally joins in.]
FRASER AND THE NODDING-ALONG GUY: ♫ — shed no tears! Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫
FRASER: ♫ Now, the Antelope sloop was a sickening sight. ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! ♫

Kowalski is sneaking down a passageway somewhere else on the ship.

FRASER: ♫ She'd a list to the port and her sails in rags, and the cook in the scuppers with the staggers and jags — ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ — God damn them all! ♫

One guy, the Second Superstitious Crewman from before, isn't singing. He puts down his fork and leaves the mess, nodding to Hester (who is also not singing) as he goes.

FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns, shed no tears! Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫

Kowalski picks a lock to get into a cabin.

FRASER: ♫ On the king's birthday we put to sea. ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! ♫

Kowalski is in someone's cabin, snooping around, looking in drawers and cabinets.

FRASER: ♫ We were ninety-one days to Montego Bay, pumping like madmen all the way — ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: [scattering back to work] ♫ — God damn them all! I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns, shed no tears! Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫
FRASER: ♫ On the ninety-sixth day we sailed again. ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! ♫

Kowalski opens the closet in the cabin and finds some radar-type machinery in there.

KOWALSKI: Oh, yeah. [He hears a noise at the cabin door and moves carefully back toward it.]
FRASER: ♫ When a bloody great Yankee hove in sight, with our cracked four-pounders we made to fight — ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ — God damn them all! I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns, shed no tears! Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier — ♫

Kowalski inches the cabin door open, and the Second Superstitious Crewman is right there glaring at him.

FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ — the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫
KOWALSKI: You know what's funny? This is not the room I was looking for. I was looking for the skull. The, the top. The front.
FRASER: ♫ The Yankee lay low down with gold. ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! ♫
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: The head?
KOWALSKI: The head.
FRASER: ♫ She was broad and fat and loose in the stays, but to catch her took the Antelope two whole days — ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ — God damn them all! ♫
KOWALSKI: You see, I been drinking, and I'm lost, so I just, I got all — It's a large boat. Ship.
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns, shed no tears! Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫
KOWALSKI: And I'll just circumnavigate myself up this way, and the head will probably be . . . [He wanders off down the corridor.] . . . down . . . there.
FRASER: ♫ Then at length we stood two cables away. ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! ♫
FRASER: ♫ Our cracked four-pounders made an awful din, but with one fat ball the Yank stove us in — ♫

The Second Superstitious Crewman looks into his cabin. Kowalski makes it back to the mess where, of course, Fraser and most of the crew are still singing.

FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ — God damn them all! I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns, shed no tears! ♫ [Fraser leans over to listen to Kowalski whispering while he's singing.] ♫ Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫
KOWALSKI: His locker's full of electronic gizmos. Transistors. [Fraser nods.]
FRASER: ♫ So here I lay in me twenty-third year. ♫
ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now! ♫
FRASER: [whispering to Kowalski while the crew are singing the response] Stay here. I'll inform the captain. [singing] ♫ It's been six years since we sailed away, and I just made Halifax — ♫
FRASER AND ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ — yesterday, God damn them all! ♫ [Fraser gets up and leaves the mess; the crew are still singing.]
ALMOST THE WHOLE CREW: ♫ I was told we'd cruise the seas; for American gold we'd fire no guns, shed no tears! Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier, the last of Barrett's privateers. ♫

On his way out of the mess, Fraser passes the Second Superstitious Crewman on his way back in. The Second Superstitious Crewman goes straight to Hester and whispers something to him as the song ends.

Fraser misses out the verses about Barrett assembling the crew in the first place and about the Antelope getting pitched on her side, Barrett being smashed like a bowl of eggs, and the narrator losing both of his legs (which is why he's lying rather than standing there in his 23rd year), but the crew don't seem to mind, singing along with all this enthusiasm. Of course I don't see why Kowalski can't be the one to inform the captain that the second superstitious crewman has a radio in his locker (nor why the guy shouldn't have a radio in his locker, for that matter).

I don't know who was responsible for dressing Fraser in this dingy cream-colored cable-knit sweater with the collar all frayed, or if it's the same person who dressed him in a (bulkier, but otherwise) cream-colored cable-knit sweater with a frayed collar in the pilot, but can I just say damn, wardrobe friend?!

What would Fraser and the crew of the Henry Allen have made of the TikTok sea shanty revival during the COVID-19 pandemic, I wonder? Conversely, what did Kowalski make of this singalong? Was he the only person in the room who didn't know what was happening when Fraser started singing? I'm reminded of a time when I was about 17 at a medium-sized extended family gathering. My aunt had a sound system with speakers on her large covered deck, so she always had music piped out there at dinner time as if she lived in a restaurant, and we were all having dinner minding our business—gosh, how many of us were there? Her family was six, possibly including a couple of girlfriends who might have been there with my cousins; our family was four; my other uncle and aunt would have been there; I can't remember if my grandparents were there or not; and almost certainly up to half a dozen other family members from further-out branches on the tree, for a total of at least something like 15 or 20 people, of whom I was the second-youngest (the youngest of all being my brother, three years behind me). So the chatter and laughter will, you understand, have drowned out the background music pretty comprehensively. And then all of a sudden, every single person at the table except my brother and me sang the chorus of "The Witch Doctor" by David Seville, a song of whose existence I had previously been unaware.

Try to imagine being a teenager, in a perfectly normal dinnertime conversation, and out of nowhere everyone around you is singing "♫ ooh, eeh, ooh aah aah, ting tang walla-walla bing-bang! ♫" x2 and then resuming the conversation as if this had not just happened:

• I'd never heard the song before;
• I couldn't hear the speakers so I didn't know it had been playing;
• I absolutely did not understand what was happening to my parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins and for a moment was really afraid that either they were losing their minds or I was losing mine;
• My brother somehow did know the song and could hear it playing on the speakers, so he knew they were singing along and didn't see what I was so freaked out about.

I think Kowalski handled Fraser's bursting into song pretty well, considering.

In other news, I don't know what to do about Kowalski asking if the food comes with instructions. That's the kind of thing Ray Vecchio might have said about Chinese food or, I suppose, Kowalski might reasonably say about "foreign" food of any variety, but what he's got on his plate is some sort of stew with what looks like a couple of potatoes in it, and Fraser is buttering a slice of bread. "Open mouth, put in" is not really a mystery here. Maybe Kowalski is confused by the stew not being in a bowl? He drinks instant coffee with candy in it, so it's not like he's a gourmand all of a sudden.

Scene 23

In the squad room, Francesca is on the phone.

FRANCESCA: Whoa, that's great! [She runs to Welsh and Thatcher.] You — uh — okay. [She runs back to her desk and grabs the gold bar Kowalski handed over in scene 16.] The gold robbery. The big gold robbery.
THATCHER: What gold robbery?
FRANCESCA: The, the, the, the big one, the big one, you know! This is from there! Ray had this —
WELSH: Francesca!
THATCHER: Take a deep breath.
FRANCESCA: Okay.
WELSH: All right, let it out slowly.
TURNBULL: And think of the color yellow. [Thatcher looks at him like he's lost the plot. He keeps mouthing the word "yellow" as he demonstrates calming deep breathing.]
WELSH: What is it?
FRANCESCA: Okay. Okay. Fraser and Ray found this in the stuff of the dead pirate.
THATCHER: Pirate?
WELSH: Guy with the hook, the eye patch. Billy Butler. [Thatcher realizes Turnbull is still doing "yellow" and swats him.]
FRANCESCA: Mm-hmm. So I just called, and they traced it. This was part of the big shipment that got stolen from the Chicago Federal Reserve Bank last year.
WELSH: You're kidding.
DEWEY: That was huge.
HUEY: That was a hundred million in gold bullion.
WELSH: Yeah, they were seasoned pros. They killed the six guards.
THATCHER: This is what Fraser and Ray are investigating?
WELSH: Apparently.
TURNBULL: And not to get lost in the shuffle, we have an excellent lead. All we need to do is find the robbers, and we'll find Constable Fraser!

Everyone, even Francesca and Dewey, looks at Turnbull like he's an idiot.

Look at our girl being all competent at her job! (Also, I for one appreciate the "yellow is a soothing color" callback, even if no one else does.)

Scene 24

In the hallway on board the Henry Allen, Kowalski is picking the lock on a room marked "Communications." When he leans in to look inside, something or someone clocks him and pulls him all the way in. A moment later, Hester and the Second Superstitious Crewman are dragging Kowalski, unconscious, into a storage room of some sort. Hester cuffs him to the stairs and the Second Supersitious Crewman gets out a roll of tape.

Oh dear.

Scene 25

Fraser comes into the Henry Allen wheelhouse, passing by a couple of other crewmen, to speak to the captain.

SMITHERS: Ah, Constable Fraser. I thought you were undercover.
FRASER: Well, I was, sir.
SMITHERS: [turns around, sees that they're not alone] Oh. Sorry about that.
FRASER: That's not really important anymore. What is important is that I have reason to believe that someone has tampered with your radar.
SMITHERS: My radar?
FRASER: Yes.
SMITHERS: It looks all right.
FRASER: Well, nevertheless, I think —
SMITHERS: Huh?
FRASER: [looking at the radar screen] Can you manipulate this image?
SMITHERS: Sure.
FRASER: Can you make it seem further out?
SMITHERS: Yeah. [He zooms out a couple of times.]
FRASER: [remembering] Looks like the head of a dog. [He gets a piece of paper out of his pocket—a drawing of Billy Butler's scar.]
SMITHERS: Well, I think you're right, it does. It looks like a golden retriever or a —
FRASER: Could be a Labrador.
SMITHERS: — Doberman, eh?
FRASER: Doberman?
SMITHERS: Yes. Heh heh.
FRASER: It's also a motive for murder.
SMITHERS: What?
FRASER: It's also a motive for murder.
HELMSMAN: Ship! Ship in the water! Dead ahead!
SMITHERS: No sign of it on the radar screen.
HELMSMAN: She's a ghost! It's the Mackenzie, the Robert Mackenzie!
SMITHERS: No, stop blithering, you idiot!

Smithers hurries out onto the deck. Fraser follows him. Several crewmen are already there, drawing parts of the ghost ship to one another's attention. There definitely is a ship in the water dead ahead of the Henry Allen.

I don't have a ton of confidence in this captain, I have to say.

Scene 26

The Henry Allen is indeed sharing the water with another ship. On the deck of the—let's go ahead and call it the Robert Mackenzie—on the deck of the Robert Mackenzie, a couple of guys are standing there looking like extras from Pirates of the Caribbean, just staring across the water.

BOB FRASER: You see what I mean, son? There's something funny about this whole setup. Those are the worst-looking ghosts I've ever seen.
SMITHERS: Don't look too good.
BOB FRASER: What's wrong with them?
FRASER: Well, theoretically they're dead.
BOB FRASER: Well, I'm dead. Nothing wrong with me. Look at them.
SMITHERS: They look pale.
BOB FRASER: Look at me, I'm pink.
FRASER: They're draped in seaweed.
SMITHERS: [rushing back into the wheelhouse] Helmsman! Helmsman!
FRASER: Are you all right?
BOB FRASER: Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing —
SMITHERS: Helmsman!
HELMSMAN: No way! [The crew have all scarpered.]
SMITHERS: Helms— lash down the wheel, Benton. I'll deal with the crew.
FRASER: Lash down the wheel?
SMITHERS: Ah, use a running bowline. [He's off after the crew.]
FRASER: Right you are. [looks around] Running bowline, running bowline, running bowline.
BOB FRASER: You know what this is, son. You know what this is.
FRASER: What is it?
BOB FRASER: The rabbit comes out of the hole, runs around the tree, goes back in the hole, and then — no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
FRASER: What?
BOB FRASER: Wait, it's, you know what it is —
FRASER: What?
BOB FRASER: — it's, it's not a rabbit. It's a squirrel —
FRASER: A squirrel.
BOB FRASER: — because he goes up the tree. And it's a squirrel because the tail is longer, meaning the end of the rope. And it doesn't go back in the hole —
FRASER: [trying to tie the knot] Well, of course it doesn't go in the hole. It's a squirrel.
BOB FRASER: Exactly.
FRASER: Well, what does the squirrel do?

Wikipedia, of course, has information about the running bowline knot, but it does not include anything about squirrels.

Scene 27

Smithers is hollering at his crew.

SMITHERS: Off my bridge!
HESTER: [coming up the stairs, holding a sledgehammer or maul or possibly a fire axe] All you gotta do is head south. Stay out of Robert Mackenzie territory!
SMITHERS: She's my ship. I'll head her anywhere I damn well please, you mutinous, scab-sided, scum-sucking son of a poxy sea witch!
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: [waving a crescent wrench] You shut up! You do what he says! We ain't crossing no ghost ship!
SMITHERS: [pushing past him to get back to the wheelhouse] I'll hang you from the nearest yardarm before I turn this ship!
HESTER: [to the rest of the crew] You going to let this old man get us all killed?
HELMSMAN: Come on, Ed, would it hurt to turn the ship?
SMITHERS: You get back to your stations and do what I tell you, or I'll gut you like herring! I'll tear you apart like I disassembled that Moor in the Dardanelles!

The crew are shouting and threatening Smithers almost unanimously now.

FRASER: [emerging on the wheelhouse steps, back in uniform] It is not a ghost ship.
HESTER: Don't listen to him!
FRASER: It's the Whaling Yankee disguised to look like the Robert Mackenzie.
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: He's lying!
FRASER: And the crew are not ghosts. They are criminals.
HESTER: How come she don't show up on the radar then, huh?
CREWMEN: That's right.
FRASER: Because you tampered with the radar. He also killed a man in Chicago, a man who was carrying a map that pinpointed a location roughly thirty miles east of here.
CREWMAN: What's that?
HESTER: I never killed anybody!
FRASER: He killed that man to prevent him from revealing that location. A location so secret that they invented a phony ghost ship to scare people off. [The crew are starting to believe Fraser and look daggers at Hester.]
SMITHERS: Are you going to side with this cowardly, murdering scum?
FRASER: Will you side with those who would destroy the reputation of the men who sailed the Robert Mackenzie?
HELMSMAN: How do we know you're telling the truth?
SMITHERS: Look at him. He's a Mountie. [The crew, except for Hester and the Second Superstitious Crewman, reflect that Fraser is wearing that hat and therefore must indeed be a Mountie. Smithers turns to Fraser] Now what?
FRASER: Stay your course.
SMITHERS: All right, you miserable sons of —

He snarls them all back to work. Fraser follows the crew belowdecks and corners Hester and the Second Superstitious Crewman.

FRASER: Tell me where my partner is.
HESTER: Why should we tell you?
FRASER: Because it's the right thing to do. [The Second Superstitious Crewman laughs in his face.]
BOB FRASER: Now, this is where you need the Yank, so he can threaten them with force, or tell them he's going to kick them in the head or jump Bogart all over them or one of those other colorful expressions he's so fond of.
FRASER: I can do that.
BOB FRASER: Oh, they wouldn't ever believe you, son.
FRASER: Well, they might.
BOB FRASER: Anh. Give it a try.
FRASER: So I shall. [He steps right up into the bad guys' space.] Tell me where my partner is, or I will kick you in the heads.
SECOND SUPERSTITIOUS CREWMAN: Really?
FRASER: [after a long pause] Ah, no, not — not really.
SMITHERS: Ghost ship dead ahead, Benton!
FRASER: Stay your course. There's nothing they can do to you.
SMITHERS: Right!

And then the ghost crew of the Robert Mackenzie, that is, the Whaling Yankee, fire a very real cannon. Music cue: "Sophia's Pipes" by Ashlee MacIsaac.

CREW: They're firing at us!
FRASER: Oh, dear.
SMITHERS: Abandon ship! [Guys run around like mad getting lifejackets and hurrying to lifeboats.] By rights, I should be last off.
FRASER: But I can't leave, sir.
SMITHERS: Look, she's a big ship. You may not find him.
FRASER: He's my partner. I have to try.
SMITHERS: Well, good luck, Benton. [shakes his hand]
FRASER: Thank you, sir.
BOB FRASER: I'm glad to see the back of him. [Smithers runs for a lifeboat with the rest of the crew.] You could be in some trouble, son.
FRASER: You may be right.

The Henry Allen begins to sink.

Why would the Whaling Yankee have guns in the first place? These are cargo vessels, not warships.

I think the captain is supposed to be the last one off the ship after having made sure everyone else got off safely, right? So if he had someone who refused to leave the ship, he'd be okay to go without him, but in this case, shouldn't the captain be staying and helping Fraser find Kowalski? Instead of making this one half-assed attempt to get Fraser to abandon Kowalski and then buggering off himself? 🤨

Scene 28

Fraser runs down the steps and is looking for Kowalski below decks.

FRASER: Ray?! Ray! Ray? [The crew are still scurrying.] Ray? Ra-ay? [Kowalski is trying to shout for Fraser, but his mouth is taped. Fraser comes into the storage room and finds him anyway.] Ray! [hurrying to him] Are you all right? [Kowalski nods.] All right, I'm going to have to remove your tape. [Kowalski nods.] It's probably easier if I do it fast. [Kowalski shakes his head.] You'd prefer that I do it slowly? [Kowalski nods slowly. Fraser braces his hand and tears the tape off quickly.]
KOWALSKI: Ahh, God! Okay, I'll kill them. Where are they?
FRASER: Well, they're in a lifeboat.
KOWALSKI: A lifeboat.
FRASER: Well, yes. The ship is sinking.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, ship is sinking. [The ship takes another hit. Kowalski starts to panic.] Ahh! Okay, the ship's sinking!
FRASER: Ray. Ray. Ray. Ray. Calm down. Calm down. We need your keys.
KOWALSKI: What keys?
FRASER: The keys to your handcuffs.
KOWALSKI: Keys to my handcuffs. Lemme think.

The Henry Allen is going down fast.

I mean, I appreciate how the two of them call for each other in this sort of emergency. ❤️

Scene 29

In the storage room, Kowalski is underwater trying to saw open his handcuffs. After a moment he bobs to the surface; he and Fraser are literally in it up to their necks.

KOWALSKI: Left jacket pocket. Now I remember. Left jacket pocket. [Fraser shows him the keys from his left jacket pocket.] No! Those are the keys to my old car. Right jacket pocket. [Fraser shows him the keys from his right jacket pocket one at a time.] Apartment. Old apartment. Locker. Don't know. Don't know.
FRASER: Ray, you know, you really should try to keep your things a little more organized.
KOWALSKI: Look, Fraser, this is the wrong time for advice on neatness.
FRASER: It could be the wrong time for advice, Ray, but it's never the wrong time for neatness.
KOWALSKI: Those guys must have taken the key.
FRASER: It would seem likely.
KOWALSKI: So. You got another plan?
FRASER: You betcha I do. I'm going to pick the lock. [He dives under the water.]
KOWALSKI: Pick the lock! That's good, Fraser. That's very good. [Fraser is swimming around under there not picking the lock.] Come on, come on.
FRASER: [resurfacing with a 15-gallon tub] Here, I want you to put your head under this bucket. [He slaps the tub down over Kowalski's head.]
KOWALSKI: Thanks, Fraser. I guess.

The ship is still sinking. An alarm is going off in the storage room. Fraser is underwater trying to pick the lock on Kowalski's handcuffs. He pops up to the surface again.

FRASER: Ray.
KOWALSKI: [under the tub] Fraser!
FRASER: Ray.
KOWALSKI: Fraser! [The water is up over his chin.]
FRASER: Ray.
KOWALSKI: Fraser! Fraser! —
FRASER: [ducks up under the bucket with him and covers his mouth] Ray, please. You have to stop yelling. The echo in here is just — well, it's very jarring.
KOWALSKI: Mmm.
FRASER: Oh, sorry.
KOWALSKI: Get my gun.
FRASER: Oh. I imagine you would like me to shoot off your handcuffs.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, sometime this week would be nice, Fraser. [Fraser reaches into Kowalski's shirt.] Not! Not the —
FRASER: Your gun is gone.
KOWALSKI: [trying to keep his mouth above water] Not that gun, my boot gun, my boot gun.
FRASER: Boot gun, right. [He dives again and gets the gun out of Kowalski's boot.] Ready?
KOWALSKI: Ready.
FRASER: All right.

Kowalski tries to hold still and keep his hands as far apart as possible. Fraser shoots the link of the handcuffs, and Kowalski is freed. He stands up immediately—the water is only up to his waist—and staggers around the storage room, gasping and throwing off the bucket.

KOWALSKI: See, this is why we're getting stale, Fraser. Communication, we're not doing it.
FRASER: What are you talking about? I thought we communicated remarkably well, considering you had a bucket over your head.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, well, it's gotta be more like instinct, like breathing. [He has gone up the stairs to the storage room door, which is letting in water around the edges.]
FRASER: Ray, that door, I'm not sure that —
KOWALSKI: What?!
FRASER: All right, Mr. Instinct!
KOWALSKI: Right.

Kowalski opens the door, and water pours in.

Thirty-two down on the Robert Mackenzie!

The ship continues sinking. Caption: To be continued . . .

I think the bucket was supposed to give Kowalski a little more of an air bubble; the water level under there should have stayed lower than the water level outside it? Because while he was cuffed to the railing he couldn't stand up, so he'd have drowned a lot sooner than Fraser. But I'm not sure it gave him an air bubble at all. I'm also not sure this was exactly the right moment for Fraser to give in and let Kowalski have his way.

The title of this episode, of course, refers to Mutiny on the Bounty, or possibly to the actual mutiny on the actual HMS Bounty, and fair enough, Hester and his buddy do intend to mutiny on the Henry Allen, but otherwise . . . "Mountie" sounds a little like "mutiny" and the story is taking place on a ship, is what they have in common.

Cumulative body count: 34
Red uniform: The whole episode except when he's in the ratty frayed sweater

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Comments

[resonant]

FRASER: Allen. The Henry Allen. [Kowalski does a tight smile. Fraser knows he's done it again.] Yes.

The twist of Ray's mouth in that scene breaks my heart. It says, "Yeah, you ask for what you need and then you don't get it. I know this song."

About Fraser living in his office: I used to work for some guys from British Aerospace temporarily assigned to an office in Illinois, and BA paid for their housing directly (some other stuff too, like healthcare) and then paid them a stipend.

About the bucket: I was expecting Fraser to press it down, pushing the air bubble down as the water level rose over Ray's head, but I didn't see him do that.