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return to due South: season 4 episode 7 (or season 3 episode 20) "Mountie Sings the Blues"
Mountie Sings the Blues
air date November 18, 1998
Scene 1
Fraser is in Thatcher's office. She gives him a stack of papers.
THATCHER: These orders are straight from the Minister of Industry, Trade, and Commerce.
FRASER: I see they're classified, sir.
THATCHER: Yes. [She is licking more envelopes.] Well, no. I have my own stamp.
FRASER: Ah.
THATCHER: Canada's Sweetheart needs protecting. [She rolls her eyes.]
FRASER: They feel her life may be in danger while she's here in Chicago?
THATCHER: Danger! As if those pencil-necked geeks in Industry, Trade, and Commerce would know danger if it jumped up and pierced their spleen with an ice pick. I know danger. I live — [She licks another envelope.] — danger.
FRASER: Indeed you do, sir.
THATCHER: We will not be part of any — what is that noise? — [She gets up to investigate the noise.] — publicity circus. My command here in Chicago has been characterized by one word: dignity.
She opens her office door. Turnbull is in the hallway vacuuming, wearing a flowered apron, rubber gloves, and a particulate mask.
TURNBULL: Hello, sir. I was just freshening up the Regal Suite.
THATCHER: You are not a charlady, Turnbull. You are a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted — [The doorbell rings.]
TURNBULL: [jumping up and down] Ooh, ooh, ooh! It's them! It's them! It's them!
Turnbull is too excited to answer the door. Thatcher thumps her head against the wall. Fraser answers the door, where a man in a suit charges in carrying a walkie-talkie.
FRASER: Good afternoon, and welcome —
WALKIE-TALKIE: [stalks around the foyer, then speaks into his radio] It's clear. Bring her in. [Turnbull is making a face; he doesn't like this guy. Walkie-Talkie speaks to Fraser.] Earl Jeffers. I head up security.
FRASER: Ah. My name is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I —
WALKIE-TALKIE (JEFFERS): You came looking for the guy who killed your father.
FRASER: Yes.
JEFFERS: I've seen your file.
FRASER: I see. [A woman and an older man wearing a bolo tie come in.] Good afternoon, and welcome to the —
TURNBULL: Oh! Oh! Oh! It's Tracy! [He swoons dead away.]
THATCHER: — Canadian consulate.
I didn't care for Thatcher's extreme short hair in e.g. "Seeing is Believing," but as it's been growing on her I suppose it's been growing on me. That is, by e.g. "Perfect Strangers" when it wasn't brand-new just-shorn any more, it kind of had an anticipating-Rachel-Maddow vibe, and it looked good for the 30 seconds she was on the screen in "Dead Men Don't Throw Rice," and now she's rocking a definite Hillary Clinton helmet (including the blonde highlights) and making it work. At this point I no longer miss the bubble flip she was wearing back in season 2.
Scene 2
Everyone, including Diefenbaker, is in Thatcher's office. Turnbull has been revived and has divested himself of gloves, apron, and mask; he is looking adoringly at the woman (Tracy).
BOLO TIE: This was faxed to the hotel last night — [He hands Thatcher a printout.] — from somewhere in Chicago.
THATCHER: [reads] "If I can't have you, no one will."
FRASER: It's a death threat?
THATCHER: Possibly.
FRASER: Did you check the number?
JEFFERS: The Cyber Grind. Internet computer joint.
TURNBULL: Oh, over on Madison.
JEFFERS: Yeah. That's the one. Any creep could have sent it. You gotta keep your head down.
TRACY: George, look, I, I —
BOLO TIE (GEORGE): Trace, I agree with Earl. We got some kind of wacko out here on the loose.
TRACY: Look — I'm playing the Music Hall. End of discussion.
GEORGE: You're a star!
TRACY: [turns to Fraser and Thatcher] You know, you see, the problem here is that he won't book me in a club that sits two hundred people. He's always booking me in front of fifty or sixty thousand. And not a paying customer can get up close enough to even see if it's me. I just — I can't see their faces, George. You know, the music is about getting closer to the people, okay? [Turnbull is nodding enthusiastically.]
FRASER: Well, indeed it is, but I think in this case Mr. Monroe's advice is prudent. This letter demonstrates all the characteristics of an obsessive-compulsive disorder coupled with delusional symptoms and an escalating pathological desire.
JEFFERS: Back home we don't trust a man who talks too much.
FRASER: Ah. Where I come from, we don't trust a man who leaves the house without a knife, a compass, and some beef jerky. [to Tracy] What time are you scheduled to arrive at the club?
TRACY: Eight-thirty.
Turnbull, by the way, has pistol qualifications on his sleeves, which I don't remember noticing if he had before, but I've looked into it and can report that he had no decorations of any kind in "Bird in the Hand;" he was wearing the blue overcoat so we couldn't see his tunic sleeves in "All the Queen's Horses;" he had the pistol qualification but no stars in "Burning Down the House;" and he had, as noted at the time, one star (and also the pistol qual) starting from "Bounty Hunter."
In what percentage of movies and shows and plays would the fact that Fraser and Earl Jeffers take such an instant dislike to each other be a matter of particular interest? We'll never get the Fraser/Jeffers ship off the ground at this point, but in a Hallmark movie, the two of them would be together by the end of the first hour, wouldn't they? (Is this because Paul Gross and David Keeley, who plays Jeffers, are best buds—that is, am I seeing chemistry between the actors rather than the characters? Something they didn't bother to play down, the way they must have done with respect to Fraser and Miss Cabot as played by Teri Polo, who like Paul Gross is basically a walking chemistry generator, or Fraser and That Russian Spy as played by Martha Burns, to whom Paul Gross is in fact married?)
I feel like there's a lot of room between 200 seats and 50,000 seats. Last fall my husband and I learned that a performer we really like was going to be in town playing a very small theater (a couple hundred seats) for maybe two or three nights. It was sold out long before we even heard about it. Next thing we knew the same act was coming back like less than six months later—and had sold out two nights in an 1800-seat venue also almost before we knew it. I understand Tracy's desire to perform in an intimate space where she can make a connection with her audience, but there's a reason the really big acts play the giant arenas, and it's because when that many people want tickets to a thing it's not always great for it to be too exclusive. It sounds like scalpers are maybe the least of her problems. If she wants to play a 200-seat club, is she prepared to do the same show 100 nights in a row so all her paying customers can have a crack at her? Could she maybe compromise on something with a number of seats in the low to mid four figures, where people would count as having been in the same room with her and not have to see the whole show on a JumboTron but a riot or crush could be avoided?
Scene 3
Cheering fans are gathered under a marquee announcing "Tracy Jenkins Appearing Tonight." A car drives up. A Mountie gets out and adjusts his hat, then turns back to assist the passenger. Somewhere nearby, someone is aiming a long gun with a sight on the end of its nose. A woman with a scarf over her hair and big sunglasses on her face gets out of the car. Fans are cheering and hoping she'll sign things. She waves as she and the Mountie head toward the front entrance of the Music Hall. The shooter looks through the scope and pulls the trigger. The woman goes down; people scream. Fraser and Kowalski come running from the side.
KOWALSKI: Across the street! [Fraser looks up and across the street and runs. Kowalski reaches Jeffers and Turnbull, for he is the Mountie who was escorting the woman, and turns her over.] McCafferty?
MCCAFFERTY: [for it was not Tracy Jenkins but a decoy; turns over and gasps, speaks through gritted teeth] They said the vest was just a formality, Vecchio.
KOWALSKI: You okay?
MCCAFFERTY: Far as I can tell. [She tries to move.] Oh, God, no, my shoulder hurts like hell. [In fact she is bleeding.]
KOWALSKI: [into radio] Shots fired! Officer down! Officer down!
Sirens are blaring. Fraser is on the roof of the building across the street, where he can see the entry to the Music Hall and finds a picture of Tracy Jenkins.
So I assume tonight's show is cancelled?
Credits roll.
Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.
(plus Draco the dog)
Dean McDermott, Michael Hogan, Ronnie Hawkins, Shawn Doyle, David Keeley, Dan Lett, and Michelle Wright as Tracy Jenkins
Scene 4
In Welsh's office, Kowalski is looking at a bullet in a tiny evidence bag. He hands it to Tracy.
TRACY: I can't believe this bullet was meant for me.
KOWALSKI: Yeah, for you.
TRACY: And the officer?
WELSH: They're keeping her overnight in the hospital, but she'll be all right.
TRACY: What's her name? I, I don't even know what her name is.
WELSH: McCafferty —
TRACY: McCafferty.
WELSH: — Officer McCafferty.
FRASER: And this was found at the scene. [He shows them the photo he found on the rooftop.]
GEORGE: We send those out to fans by the thousands.
WELSH: Dewey, take this stuff down to Forensics. I want a full report on my desk by nine.
DEWEY: You got it.
TRACY: I'm sorry, George. I should have listened to you.
I feel like Tracy's asking the wounded officer's name is a much more graceful character note—look how nice she is, she cares about people, she's a celebrity but not an asshole about it (which is not a position the show has taken about celebrities in the past)—than the "music is about getting closer to the people" thing in scene 2.
Scene 5
Dewey leaves Welsh's office. Turnbull stops him immediately.
TURNBULL: How is she?
DEWEY: Trace?
TURNBULL: Trace?
DEWEY: Yeah, we're — we're tight.
TURNBULL: So she's —
DEWEY: She's good.
TURNBULL: Oh, I knew it! She's a fighter!
HUEY: Tracy Jenkins. Wow.
TURNBULL: Yeah.
FRANCESCA: Wow? What, you like her music?
HUEY: Duh, yeah. I love her music.
FRANCESCA: How can you like country music?
TURNBULL: Ohh, Ms. Vecchio. The mournful longings. The lament for a better life. Some ethnomusicologists refer to country music as the white man's blues.
FRANCESCA: Blues.
TURNBULL: Sure. Look at me.
FRANCESCA: Country music is nothing but pickup trucks, trains, and donkeys, okay?
DEWEY: Donkeys, right, okay. Why don't you name one song with donkeys in it?
FRANCESCA: Pff, please. There's millions!
HUEY: Oh, yeah? Name one. [She can't. He does a buzzer sound.] Annhh.
DEWEY: Annhh!
Huey and Dewey are not being a lot less annoying here than I assume they would be if Francesca claimed she were a fan of Tracy Jenkins's music, viz., "Oh, yeah? Name three of her albums." Note, however, that when her house was burning down Francesca didn't notice at first because she had Linda Ronstadt on the tape deck, so, you know, she's going to want to be careful how hard she throws those stones.
Scene 6
Back in Welsh's office, Welsh is reassuring Tracy and her team.
WELSH: We'll continue on the fan stalker angle. You have a list of the fan club? The Chicago branch? Maybe we, we might get lucky.
GEORGE: Got the database in my laptop.
KOWALSKI: What about fan mail?
JEFFERS: The actual letters?
KOWALSKI: Yeah.
JEFFERS: They're back in Nashville at the office.
WELSH: How soon can you get them here?
JEFFERS: Tomorrow morning.
KOWALSKI: Good.
WELSH: All right. For your own safety, don't go back to your hotel till we get this guy off the street. [Tracy nods.]
FRASER: Uh, sir, I think Ms. Jenkins will be safe and, ah, quite comfortable at the Canadian consulate. [Diefenbaker hops up in her lap.] And she's obviously very welcome. If you'll excuse me for one minute. [He opens the office door and whispers to Turnbull.]
TURNBULL: Eee hee hee hee hee!
WELSH: What the hell was that?
FRASER: [closing the door] The sound of a grown man squealing in a manner not becoming a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
WELSH: Oh, Turnbull.
Fraser nods.
At last, a woman is coming to stay at the consulate on Fraser's invitation and it makes some goddamn sense. I was hoping that would happen sooner or later.
Scene 7
At Dewey's desk, Francesca triumphantly swats him with a rolled-up piece of paper.
FRANCESCA: "Donkey Kong Angels."
DEWEY: That's "Honky Tonk Angels." Kitty Wells. I don't think she was singing about video games back in the fifties.
A guy comes into the squad room with the desk sergeant behind him.
DESK SERGEANT: You can't go in there!
GUY: Yeah? Just watch me.
DESK SERGEANT: Look, I said — you just —
HUEY: Problem?
DESK SERGEANT: Yes.
GUY: Why don't you just take twenty, sweetheart, all right? I'm looking for my wife. I want to see her —
HUEY: Wife?
Everyone comes out of Welsh's office: Jeffers, Tracy, George, Fraser, Kowalski, Welsh.
GUY (TRACY'S HUSBAND): Baby —
JEFFERS: That's far enough, Dwight.
TRACY: It's okay, Earl.
TRACY'S HUSBAND (DWIGHT): What, I gotta hear this on the radio? You can't call me?
TRACY: Well, there's a lot of bars between here and Tennessee, Dwight. Guess I just didn't know which one to call.
DWIGHT: Aw, that's cold, baby. Because you know if anything ever happened to you, I'd —
TRACY: [to Jeffers] Listen, we need to get him —
DWIGHT: I couldn't. You know that. I couldn't —
TRACY: — to a motel. Would you do that? And we'll deal with him later.
DWIGHT: — what? [pushes Jeffers away from him] No, wait a minute, what, what what? You're going deal with me? Huh? You're going to deal with me? Who wrote the tune, huh?
JEFFERS: [dragging him away] That's enough, Dwight.
DWIGHT: Who wrote the damn tune?
JEFFERS: That's enough! You're going home!
DWIGHT: What happened to credit, too? Huh?
JEFFERS: Drop it, Dwight! Come on!
Tracy and George look at Fraser and then leave the squad room.
Further evidence that Tracy is awfully nice. I guess a guest character has to have some character traits, and sure, being just a genuinely nice person could be one of them. It makes a nice change. 😃 It adds weight to the why-would-someone-want-to-hurt-her angle, sort of the obverse of the Murder, She Wrote way you can tell who the murder victim is going to be inside the first five minutes. (Likewise, in MSW, Dwight here would be an instant suspect according to local law enforcement, but we the viewers would know he couldn't possibly have done it.)
Incidentally, Tracy Jenkins is Canada's sweetheart, so how come she's based in Nashville? Don't they record country music anywhere else?
Kitty Wells did sing "It Wasn't God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels" in 1952, so Dewey wins this round.
Scene 8
The consulate doorbell rings; Turnbull admits Tracy and Diefenbaker, with Fraser behind her carrying her bags.
TURNBULL: Ah, welcome. In honor of your stature as the Queen of Country Music, I have prepared the Regal Suite. And, oh, um, uh, also — uh, on behalf of your privacy, I intercepted a number of messages. A man named Sid called about — uh, oh, I don't know. I sent him packing. A reporter looking for an interview. I also sent him packing. And a very curious conversation with a man named "The Coast." Something about a movie thingy.
FRASER: Ah, Turnbull? Ms. Jenkins has had a very full day —
TURNBULL: Say no more, sir. This calls for something calming, some saskatoon berry tea. [He heads back to the kitchen.]
FRASER: I'm sorry. He's, ah — well. Shall we? [He picks up her bags and they head inside.] Your life sounds very busy.
TRACY: Well, George has a motto, you know. "Busy is bigger, bigger is better." I think he's got it tattooed somewhere actually. I love George, but, uh — I wonder what happened to the simple things.
FRASER: I often ask myself the very same question.
TRACY: Thanks for tonight.
FRASER: Oh, it was nothing.
TRACY: You saved my life, Fraser. Thank you. [She kisses him on the cheek.]
FRASER: You, uh — my cheek. [Diefenbaker barks. Fraser cracks his neck.] Right. Well, it's, ah, sixteen stairs here to the landing. Follow me, please.
Up they go.
The saskatoon berry is the western serviceberry, which is apparently not unlike the blueberry and not, as I thought, poisonous; that must be something else. They're eaten fresh or dried; used to make jam, wine, and cider; and, fun fact, often added to pemmican.
Scene 9
The following morning, Welsh strides through the squad room. He stops by Francesca's desk, where she and Fraser are going through Tracy's fan mail, but makes his announcement to the whole room.
WELSH: All right, everybody listen up. I have a medical update on Officer McCafferty. She sustained some muscle damage to her right arm, but she's gonna be just fine. [There are some sounds of relief.]
KOWALSKI: Uh, they checked out the Cyber Grind Cafe, and nothing. Mind you, those space cadets couldn't ID Monica Lewinsky if she was interning for 'em.
WELSH: All right. Keep up the hard work. Let me know if Monica shows up. [He heads back to his office.]
KOWALSKI: Uh, Frannie, what did you get?
FRANCESCA: Pfft. Listen to this. From Russia. "Dear Tracy. You have been an eyesore to us these past three months in our sensory canal. We flatter you, oh courageous queen. 'I Can Love Again' is for us the gate key to leave Siberia and become supermodels." Signed Olga and Vaselina.
KOWALSKI: Vaselina? Supermodels? They got a return address on that?
DEWEY: Why are you cheapening this? I mean, listen to what they're saying. That song gave them hope.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. Just like you hope there's no donkey in a country song.
HUEY: [as Dewey rolls his eyes and walks away] Fifty bucks.
FRANCESCA: You're on.
HUEY: You got it. [He goes back to his desk.]
FRASER: You know, letter writing can sometimes be something of an art.
FRANCESCA: Yeah. And some are just plain creepy.
FRASER: Hmm.
[sigh] Monica Lewinsky was a White House intern whose abbreviated dalliance with Bill Clinton was made national news when Linda Tripp taped their phone calls—hers and Monica's—and sold the recordings to Newsweek, eventually leading to Clinton's impeachment for perjury. (Having an affair with an intern isn't itself a crime.) She was, as she has described herself, Patient Zero of the 24-hour news cycle. I'm not going to link to her Wikipedia page, though I'm sure you can find it if you're interested; I do recommend the You're Wrong About episode about that whole chapter in U.S. history. Anyway, that was all current events in 1998 and 1999, so Kowalski's reference pins this episode firmly in its time.
Scene 10
Huey and Dewey are back at their desks with some more of the fan mail.
DEWEY: You know what? You know what we should do?
HUEY: What?
DEWEY: We should write one.
HUEY: Write what? A letter?
DEWEY: No, a country song. I mean, how hard can it be?
HUEY: Yeah. Could be fun, huh. We could cut a CD.
DEWEY: Watch it go platinum.
HUEY: Or we could make some real money. Write some jingles and have the song used in a commercial.
DEWEY: No. No, I'm not going to allow my music to be prostituted like that, okay? I'm not going to compromise my principles.
HUEY: Oh, please. You don't have any music. Or principles.
Scene 11
Back at Francesca's desk, Fraser is finished sorting.
FRASER: Now, this group is harmless, this group is threatening to some degree, and — [Diefenbaker hops up and growls.] — thank you, Dief — this pile Diefenbaker found to be particularly offensive.
DEWEY: [calls over from his desk] Hey. Check this one out. Got a guy here, he sends in a stack of lottery tickets so that she can bless them.
FRANCESCA: So why didn't he just send them to the pope?
KOWALSKI: Cause the pope can't carry a tune in a bucket. Okay, who's the biggest freak show?
FRANCESCA: Well, we've got a wide assortment, but it seems the most dedicated one is a Mr. Carver Dunn. [Fraser hands him a stack of letters.]
KOWALSKI: Ooh, he's a hometown boy.
FRANCESCA: Look at this. There were a hundred and fourteen letters written over a three-month period, all of them ending with "your one true love."
KOWALSKI: Hang on a second, you got a copy of that fax?
FRASER: [digs it up] Mm-hmm. Any connection?
KOWALSKI: Uh — same lingo. Run him, Frannie.
FRASER: Lingo is a — well, it's a tenuous connection, Ray.
KOWALSKI: Tenuous?
FRASER: Mm.
KOWALSKI: Look. [comparing the letters and the fax] "If I can't have you, no one will." "If I can't have you, no one will".
FRASER: Yes. But Ray, these letters, I mean, apart from being a, a testament to the sad and lonely absurdity of man's cruel fate, are relatively benign, whereas this fax is a virtual torrent of mental illness. [Kowalski is holding onto his head like a migraine is coming on.]
FRANCESCA: Ooh, look at this. Carver Dunn. Disturbing the peace, loitering —
KOWALSKI: Who gets busted for loitering?
FRANCESCA: Fruitcakes.
KOWALSKI: Uh-huh.
FRANCESCA: He's got a restraining order against him.
FRASER: [reads over her shoulder] Forbidding him to go within a hundred yards of Linda Lawless, the singer. [hangs his head] Well, it would appear that perhaps I was, ah —
KOWALSKI: Wrong.
FRASER: — wrong, and that maybe we should, ah —
KOWALSKI: Pick him up.
FRASER: Pick him up.
That's pretty quick for Fraser to fess up to having been wrong, huh? Good for him. (And Kowalski enjoys every syllable of it; good for him too.)
Scene 12
Fraser and Kowalski are dragging Carter Dunn into the station.
DUNN: I'm a wacko! Who'd give a wacko a permit?
FRASER: Well, the state of Florida seems to have a loose approach to gun ownership.
KOWALSKI: You ever been to Florida?
DUNN: Once. To see Mickey.
KOWALSKI: Did he give you a gun?
DUNN: He's a mouse, mister! I was six! Where's my lawyer?
KOWALSKI: How 'bout we give him a paraffin test, see if he fired a weapon recently.
FRASER: Won't work, Ray. [He smells Dunn's hand.] Peroxide.
DUNN: I dyed my mother's hair this morning. That's not a crime. [They sit him down at Kowalski's desk.]
KOWALSKI: In the state of Illinois, yes it is, pal. It is a crime to be your mother's hairdresser.
DUNN: I'm not a hairdresser, mister! I'm a stylist.
FRASER: "If I can't have you, no one will." Did you write these words?
DUNN: There's a fan club. They ask you to write in. That's not a crime.
KOWALSKI: A police officer was shot. That's attempted murder. That is a crime.
WELSH: Vecchio! Mr. Dunn is lawyered up.
KOWALSKI: [not a shred of sincerity] Oh, well! Very, very sorry. Terrible, terrible mistake. [He hauls Dunn up by his lapels.] Let's go. [He drags Dunn back out of the squad room.] You're free to go. Thanks a lot for coming. Bye-bye. Your parking will be validated at the door. [He chucks him out of the station.] Thank you.
Kowalski does something very strange with his voice and his upper lip when he says "Oh, well! Very, very sorry." It's a strange kind of nasal overtone—strange because it's not as if his voice isn't quite nasal to start with. Puzzling.
Scene 13
In Welsh's office, George is unhappy.
GEORGE: You're letting him go? He's written a million letters, tried to put a bullet in her, and you're letting him go?
WELSH: I'll have two of my best men parked outside his house. But right now we have nothing that places him at the scene of the shooting. Unless we have some solid evidence we can take to the State's Attorney's Office, there's, there's really not much more we can do.
GEORGE: Until she's dead. Is that what you're saying?
WELSH: [mumbling] Well, not —
FRASER: [mumbling] Well, no —
KOWALSKI: [mumbling] I don't think anybody's saying that —
GEORGE: Cops.
He storms out.
Scene 14
Turnbull and Tracy Jenkins are coming down the stairs from the Regal Suite.
TURNBULL: It's called "I Won't be Home for Supper because They're a-Gonna Hang Me Tonight." It's a story song that blends the world of horticulture with the world of bank robbery.
JEFFERS: Trace, you ready?
TURNBULL: Excuse me, but this is a nonsmoking environment.
JEFFERS: [as if they're just trading declarative sentences] This is a cigar. [to Tracy] We got about a half-hour till the session.
TURNBULL: I could sing it in a heartbeat.
JEFFERS: Band's set to go.
TURNBULL: I could do it in double time.
TRACY: All right, Constable.
JEFFERS: Tracy —
TRACY: Listen, he, he's a songwriter. You never know where my next hit record's gonna come from. So, ah, go on to the car, okay, Earl? I'll be right out, all right?
JEFFERS: Okay.
TRACY: Okay.
JEFFERS: You da boss. [He goes.]
TRACY: So, Constable, how many verses in this song of yours?
TURNBULL: Oh! [He pulls out a chair and pats it; she sits down.] Twenty-one. And a half.
Her face falls. Jeffers goes outside and gets in the limo. On the back seat he sees something and picks it up; it's a stir stick from Cyber Cafe. He tucks it into his shirt pocket.
She's so nice! But even the nicest people in the world have their limits, and apparently 21.5 verses of Turnbull's song might be too much for her.
Scene 15
Music cue: "Nobody's Girl" by Michelle Wright. Fraser, Kowalski, Diefenbaker, George, Dwight, and a sound guy are in the booth; Tracy is singing.
TRACY: ♫ She's a fallen angel, she's just flesh and bone. She's the rock of ages, she's a rolling stone. She's — ♫
TRACY AND A BACKUP SINGER: ♫ — nobody's girl — ♫ [The backup singer is badly off pitch; Tracy kind of flinches and looks at her but keeps singing.]
TRACY: ♫ — she walks this road alone — ♫
BACKUP SINGER: [off pitch again] ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
SOUND GUY: [cuts in] Just a touch flat on that, Arlene. Let's take another run at it. [The band begins again from the top.]
KOWALSKI: [on the phone] Any sign of Carver yet?
HUEY: No, nothing yet.
KOWALSKI: Right. Well, let me know if he sticks his head out.
HUEY: Okay.
I'm finalizing this transcript in the final week of rehearsals for a concert in which my chorus is joining up with another group, the members of which who are sitting near me are . . . hmm, much less precise with their pitch than I try to be with mine. I feel Tracy's pain in this scene.
Scene 16
On the stakeout, Huey hangs up his phone, and he and Dewey immediately start working on their song. Dewey is singing; Huey is doing vocal percussion.
DEWEY: ♫ Don't call me for supper if you don't mean to feed me. Don't tell me you love me with that gun in your hand. ♫ What do you think of that?
HUEY: Ah, I don't know. What's it mean, though?
DEWEY: What's what mean?
HUEY: Like — is he going to shoot her or what?
DEWEY: Ah, how would I know?
HUEY: You wrote it.
DEWEY: Well, I know I wrote it. It's a song, it's not supposed to mean anything.
HUEY: Of course it does. It's a song. That's the whole point of song writing. It's supposed to have significance.
I feel like it's important to sort out this kind of philosophical differences before you begin an artistic collaboration.
Scene 17
Back at the studio, Tracy has reached the refrain again.
TRACY: ♫ She's — ♫
TRACY AND BACKUP SINGER (ARLENE): ♫ — nobody's girl — ♫ [If anything her pitch is worse. Tracy gives her another "wtf" look.]
TRACY: ♫ — she walks this road alone — ♫
ARLENE: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
SOUND GUY: Still a little flat on that one.
ARLENE: I'm sorry. I can get the note.
GEORGE: Question is when. Five hundred an hour, I'm not sure I want to know the answer. [Arlene takes off her headset and walks away, upset.]
TRACY: George. The mike was still on.
SOUND GUY: How 'bout we take five, everybody. [Tracy takes off her own headset and stomps toward the sound booth.]
GEORGE: Five. Great. That's another . . . forty-one sixty-six.
SOUND GUY: I know she's not great, but — well, I've heard worse.
GEORGE: Worse? Because you've killed a pig with your bare hands?
TRACY: George, there's no call to be so mean. [to Fraser and Kowalski] Do you mind, guys?
FRASER: [as he and Kowalski get up to leave the booth] Dief. [Diefenbaker grumbles.]
KOWALSKI: I thought she was pretty good.
FRASER: Good as in attractive?
KOWALSKI: I don't care.
Jeffers and the Sound Guy also come out of the booth, and Tracy closes the door behind them.
Poor Arlene. (Though here's Tracy being genuinely nice again.) But listen: Her assignment is apparently to sing one note (C5, if you're interested), and she's blowing it. Five hundred dollars an hour? In 1998? I'm not cute and blonde, but I'd sing that note for $500/hour here in 2023. Sign me up. No, that's actually probably what they're paying for the studio space, not what they're paying Arlene herself. But here's the question: Why are they recording in Chicago? If Tracy's in town to do a couple of shows, great, but is this a time to be laying down a single?
I'm actually very impressed with the actress playing Arlene, because singing that badly on purpose—she's missing the right note and landing in the space between C and B flat—is not actually that easy and she's doing a nice job and being a sport about it.)
At $500/hour, five minutes is indeed $41.66⅔, so probably actually $41.67.
Scene 18
Tracy and Dwight and George are still in the sound booth.
DWIGHT: Look, her name is Arlene Williams. She was in the band that opened for us in Minneapolis. Remember the one with the regional hit?
TRACY: Look, I hire the talent, Dwight. Always have, always will.
DWIGHT: Oh, well, hey, God forbid that the great Tracy Jenkins would need anybody else's help.
Scene 19
Out in the studio, Fraser plunks out the refrain on the piano in a couple of different keys. One of the musicians, an older guy with white hair wearing sunglasses even though he's indoors, turns to see what he's up to.
SUNGLASSES: Hey, what are ya doin' there, son?
FRASER: Well, it just occurred to me that if the song were moved up a minor third, it might ease the tempo and release the vocal.
SUNGLASSES: And that just occurred to you?
FRASER: Yes, sir.
Okay. My whole life, I don't know what the hell this means. Release the vocal, sure, a higher key can be easier to sing in, not just because the notes are easier to reach and you might avoid the area of the singer's range where the voice breaks but also because it can just feel different. The different feeling is also true of many instruments; playing in a key with two flats (that is, B flat major or G minor) is easier on the piano, for example, than playing in a key with three sharps (A major or F sharp minor). I don't play guitar, so I couldn't tell you how easy it is to transpose just by capoing up and playing the same chords. You'd think it would be no big deal, right?, but you'd also think a singer with good relative pitch can sing in whatever key you put her in, but like I said, the different keys do feel different coming out of your mouth, so who knows. But ease the tempo? The tempo? What the fuck. Plus, Arlene was singing off pitch, but not out of time; the tempo didn't even need "easing." (Different tempos are easier and harder to sing in, but I do not believe the key affects the tempo at all. Fight me.)
Also, though, I have a little keyboard here, and I'm here to tell you that in scenes 15 and 17, Tracy Jenkins and Arlene and the band were recording the song in C. The refrain "Nobody's girl — she walks this world alone" went E-D-C-C, A-G-E-D-C-E. Fraser first picks it out on the piano in G flat—the refrain goes Bb-Ab-Gb-Gb, Eb-Db-Bb-Ab-Gb-Bb—that is, a diminished fifth above where they were playing. He then moves up to pick it out in C, but in the octave above where Tracy was singing it before—a diminished fifth above his all-the-black-keys experiment. THERE HAVE BEEN NO MINOR THIRDS IN THIS CONVERSATION. Will somebody just play this damn thing in E flat and put me out of my misery?
Scene 20
In the sound booth, Tracy and Dwight are still arguing.
TRACY: Dwight, this girl may have a talent, but since it doesn't appear to be singing, maybe you can tell me what her talent is, huh?
DWIGHT: Oh, how cold is that heart of yours, baby, huh? And how hard would it be to allow me to contribute every now and then, huh?
GEORGE: Contribute! Contribute? Your contribution turns out to be a girl who couldn't hold a tune with handcuffs!
DWIGHT: Am I talking to you? Huh? Do I ever talk to you? [From the sound booth window, we can see Fraser talking to the band.]
SOUND GUY: [comes back in] Issue's dead, guys. Arlene quit.
DWIGHT: Nice work, George. Good management there, buddy. Why don't you go on out there and see if you can't lose the rest of the band while you're on a roll.
Fraser is playing the refrain on the piano again.
Tracy's been so nice to everyone this whole time. And not just to their faces, right, because she talked about getting closer to the people and asked about Officer McCafferty, so it's not just a kind of phoniness where she's nice when you can hear her but mean behind your back. And she did tell George there was no need to be mean even when Arlene had already stomped away. So when she brings the snark—didn't know which bar to call to find Dwight, Arlene must have some talent but singing isn't it—it's even more surprising? But there's no real bite in her voice when she says it. Maybe snarking doesn't come naturally to her.
Scene 21
Tracy heads back to the studio, singing along with Fraser's plunking.
TRACY: ♫ Nobody's girl — she knows she's on her own in this world — ♫ [He stops playing and stands up from the piano bench, mortified. She points to him like she's discovered a secret about him.] You sing.
FRASER: Me, sing? [She grins and nods.] No. No. [laughing] No, no, no. No. Well, when I was a child — I mean, church choirs. Well, if we were within sledding distance.
TRACY: Oh. That minor third idea, that, that's a great idea. [to Sunglasses] Let's get him a mike.
SUNGLASSES: [to the rest of the band] Boys, we're gonna try a little somethin' here. It's a little bit country, and it's a little bit rock and roll.
FRASER: Well, no, no, no, I'm, I'm, I, uh, I mean, I, I —
Sure, at $500/hour, let's just try an experiment. No sense in, say, ending the session, going somewhere to rehearse in the new key, and then coming back and recording it once you've determined whether it works.
Scene 22
Kowalski comes along the hallway and joins Jeffers where he's sitting under some gold records, smoking a cigar and sipping from a hip flask.
KOWALSKI: Kind of a high maintenance job, huh? Running security for artistes?
JEFFERS: Ha. Yeah, well. It's better than my last job. Worked homicide ten years. Memphis PD. [He offers Kowalski the flask.]
KOWALSKI: [takes the flask] Hmm. Memphis. You ever meet Elvis?
JEFFERS: Yep. Couple days ago. Nice guy. Bit tubby.
KOWALSKI: Tubby.
Elvis Presley died in 1977, of course, so Jeffers is yanking Kowalski's chain here. But why did he leave the Memphis Police Department? This show has trained us to believe that with few exceptions (Laurie Zaylor), the ways to leave a police department are to die (Bob Fraser, Louis Gardino, Jake Botrelle) or to be crooked and get your ass arrested for it (Gerrard, maybe Kevin Spender if we're considering him a cop, Sgt. Kilrea, Sam Franklin). Who retires?
Scene 23
At the police station, Francesca is pushing a TV on a media cart. Turnbull rushes in and catches up with her, smoothing down his hair.
TURNBULL: Uh, uh, uh, Ms. Vecchio.
FRANCESCA: [surprised to see him] Constable Turnbull.
TURNBULL: I got your message.
FRANCESCA: Well, you could have just called me back.
TURNBULL: Well, you said it was important, and it's only ninety-seven blocks.
FRANCESCA: Listen, um, you're kind of a country music expert, right?
TURNBULL: I am a buff, yes. A devotee. Possibly an aficionado. But an expert? Heh, you flatter me.
FRANCESCA: Okay, whatever, listen. I got fifty bucks riding on this. Do you know of any songs about donkeys?
TURNBULL: I'll certainly put my mind to it.
FRANCESCA: Great. Thanks. [She turns back to her cart.]
TURNBULL: Oh — if, if you'll do me the favor of allowing me to convince you of the depth and resonance of country music.
FRANCESCA: Yeah, well, I'm kind of busy right now.
TURNBULL: Uh, perhaps, um, during your lunch, maybe we could have a, a beverage — nonalcoholic, caffeine-free, sugarless —
FRANCESCA: You — you mean like a date?
TURNBULL: A date? A, a, a date. A — wow. A date. Um — possibly, uh, perhaps.
FRANCESCA: Um, I, I just, I can't leave the building. And I, and I'm kind of working through lunch.
TURNBULL: All right. [He smiles as she gets back to work.] Say no more.
In other news, Milano's face is looking quite a bit less puffy than it did in "Dead Men Don't Throw Rice," but the camera is keeping that TV cart right between itself and her, and when it can't, it's filming her entirely from the shoulders up, so we can assume we're still doing the must-hide-the-actress's-pregnancy thing. BUT then what's with Turnbull specifying that he's inviting Francesca for a nonalcoholic, caffeine-free, sugarless beverage? I'm now beginning to reassess my impression; maybe the show is giving us a Francesca who is trying to hide her own pregnancy (and mostly succeeding, if Turnbull is the only one—with the possible addition of the desk sergeant—who can tell).
Scene 24
Music cue: "Nobody's Girl" by Michelle Wright. Tracy is singing; Fraser is in Arlene's place at the backup mike; the drummer has a stuffed penguin and a stuffed Fred Flintstone hanging on his bass as dampers.
TRACY: ♫ She's a fallen angel, she's just flesh and bone. She's the rock of ages, she's a rolling stone. She's — ♫
TRACY AND FRASER: ♫ — nobody's girl — ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she walks this road alone — ♫
FRASER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she calls her soul her own — ♫
FRASER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ She knows she's all alone in this world; she's nobody's girl. ♫
Fraser totters back and forth in what appears to be an attempt to groove. In the sound booth, Diefenbaker grumbles.
KOWALSKI: [shaking his head] That man has the rhythm of a stick. Come on, Fraser. [He does a sort of seated hand jive.]
TRACY: ♫ She's some kind of devil — ♫
KOWALSKI: Do something. Move.
Tracy looks over at Fraser, from whom she is getting a much better vibe than she got from Arlene. He smiles and starts tottering again.
TRACY: ♫ — she's some kind of saint. And if her hands are dirty — ♫
In the hallway, Jeffers looks around to be sure nobody's watching and then lets himself into Tracy's dressing room.
This time they are in fact playing the song in E flat, thank God, even though that was none of the keys Fraser plunked it in on the piano in scene 19; the refrain is now G-F-Eb-Eb, C-Bb-G-F-Eb-G. Fraser is singing the melody on the backup part, which is different than Arlene was singing; one wonders if Arlene might have been okay if she'd been asked to sing a straight Eb5. Maybe C5 was in her break? I'm just saying, two variables (the key and the actual backup line) have been changed here, so it's hard to say which one was the one that made the difference. . . . Exactly two variables, by the way, because although we're doing this a minor third up from where we were before, the tempo is exactly the same.
It will shock none of you to learn that when Michelle Wright (who plays Tracy Jenkins, of course) originally released the song in 1996, she sang it in E flat, the key they're playing it in now. (And the backup vocal wasn't Arlene's one-note thing.) Which means she was singing it in the "wrong" key in scenes 15 and 17, which must have felt weird but isn't impossible for a, you know. Professional musician. What's totally weird is how in scene 21, when Fraser is plunking (still in C) and she comes in and sings along, she does a convincing pretense of reaching for unfamiliar intervals . . . in the key she was just singing in a moment ago herself. [hands]
Whatever. We're in E flat now, and please let's stay there.
Scene 25
Turnbull and Francesca are walking together in the hallway at the station. He is simpering at her; she is indulging him politely until she sees where they're going, which is the break room, where he has set up a table for two with a white tablecloth, candles, wine, flowers, music, everything. She is stunned. A couple of other officers by the vending machines are looking at them as if this were the most adorable thing they've ever seen, which it probably is.
TURNBULL: [pulling out a chair for her] You said you couldn't leave the building, and I have a friend who lives nearby, so I, I borrowed his kitchen to whip you up tagliatelle al cantoccio con pomadore e basilico da Fieramosca.
FRANCESCA: Wow. [Turnbull uncovers two plates and comes back to pour the wine.] So is this, like, a prerequisite for being a Mountie? You just have to be completely nutty? I mean, I was just thinking of a hot dog from a street vendor.
TURNBULL: Oh, no, no. The fecal matter count is far too high, far too high. [The music slides smoothly into "You Were Always On My Mind" by Willie Nelson, which continues to play in the background.] Do you like poetry, Ms. Vecchio?
STEREO: ♫ Maybe I didn't love you quite as often as I could have. ♫
FRANCESCA: Poetry? Yeah, yeah, I like poetry. "We are the hollow men. We are . . . the fulfilled guys." Yeah, I love poetry.
STEREO: ♫ Maybe I didn't treat you quite as good as how I should have. If I made you feel, oh, second best, girl, I'm sorry I was blind. ♫
TURNBULL: [beaming] Oh, I'm glad. I'm so very glad. Because, you see, country music is the poetry of the people. Unaffected. Heartfelt. It has great strength and — and beauty. And if you love the tender muscle of the English language, you have to love a man for simply saying — [He's timed this nicely to be speaking just as Willie Nelson sings:] — you are always on my mind.
STEREO: ♫ You were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. ♫
While Turnbull was speaking, someone crossed behind him with a bottle of Tums in their hand, but let's take no notice of them, because this is (and I'm not a country music fan myself, either) delightful.
FRANCESCA: [under his spell] I'm always on your mind?
TURNBULL: I know of a mule.
STEREO: ♫ Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times. ♫
FRANCESCA: [eyes wide] You do?
TURNBULL: Different from a donkey, genetically speaking, but metaphorically, very agreeable. Walter Brennan, "That Mule, Old Rivers, and Me."
STEREO: ♫ I guess I never told you ♫
FRANCESCA: [doesn't actually care about the donkey] I was always on your mind?
STEREO: ♫ I'm so happy that you're mine. ♫
Turnbull does a bashful smile. Everyone else has cleared out of the break room but is watching them from the door.
DESK SERGEANT: Must be the uniform.
She heads back to the front desk, but everyone else keeps watching Francesca and Turnbull and beaming like parents sending a seventh-grader to their first school dance.
I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR
See, Francesca was right not to marry the German dude who looks like Fraser. Obviously she should be with Turnbull and Fraser was just not quite the right Mountie for her. I think the use of Willie Nelson is very nice here, although Turnbull doesn't actually have anything to apologize to Francesca for—it should be "Maybe I didn't love you, etc.; you were always on his mind," or "Maybe he didn't love you, etc., you were always on my mind."
Okay okay. The poem she quotes is T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men," which begins "We are the hollow men / We are the hollow men / We are the stuffed men" and ends, famously, with "This is the way the world ends / Not with a bang but with a whimper." I am not convinced that she knows any of the rest of it, but the fact that she comes up with the first line shows that maybe she has retained a shred of something from her 10th grade English class? Look, she's trying to connect with Turnbull, I'm going to give her full marks for effort.
The song Turnbull refers to is "Old Rivers" by (I am not making this up) Academy Award winner Walter Brennan, in which the narrator remembers an old man (old Rivers) he knew as a child. Rivers had a mule named Midnight, who would pull his plow, and he dreamed about going to heaven where the crops would grow tall without anyone having to work hard for it. The lunch Turnbull has whipped up in his buddy's kitchen is, as near as I can work out, grilled tagliatelle with tomato and basil from Fieramosca, which is (among other things) the name of a restaurant in Toronto.
Scene 26
At the studio, the recording is apparently finished.
SOUND GUY: You should sign this guy up.
GEORGE: I just might.
SUNGLASSES: That was damn good. I mean, damn good.
FRASER: [shaking his hand] Well, thank you, Mr. Muddy.
SUNGLASSES (MUDDY): Keep rockin'.
FRASER: [Kowalski taps him on the shoulder.] Excuse me. [They step away.]
KOWALSKI: Forensics got a partial print off the postcard, but nothing they can use. You seen Earl?
FRASER: No, I was, ah — [He gestures back to the recording studio.]
KOWALSKI: Moving like a block of wood.
FRASER: I'm sorry.
KOWALSKI: [smiles] Singing like a bird.
FRASER: [eagerly] Really?
KOWALSKI: I didn't tell you what kind of bird.
FRASER: [nods] Oh.
GEORGE: Anyone seen Tracy?
Aww, has Fraser always been on Kowalski's mind? ❤️
Scene 27
Huey and Dewey are staking out Carver Dunn's place, but they're working on their song rather than paying attention and they don't see him leave.
DEWEY: ♫ Do you mind if I talk, do you — mind if I — ♫
HUEY: Speak.
DEWEY: Yeah. [utterly oblivious as Dunn walks by and away] ♫ Do you mind if I speak. Do you mind if I speak, I would like to be frank, your cooking is wretched, and this — ♫
HUEY: [sniffing his coffee cup] This coffee's rank.
DEWEY: Perfect. ♫ This coffee is rank — ♫
HUEY: No, no, no. This coffee — [He shows Dewey the cup.] — is rank.
DEWEY: Who cares? It rhymes. [Huey's phone rings.]
HUEY: Yeah.
Kowalski is calling from the studio.
KOWALSKI: Watch him! Do not let him move out of the house. We may have lost her. I — I say may have lost her.
Fraser hears Diefenbaker grumbling from behind a door. He lets him out.
FRASER: We have lost her.
Tracy, carrying a satchel, hurries out to the curb by herself, hails a cab, and gets in.
I guess finding Diefenbaker shut in whatever room that was confirms to Fraser that someone put him in there so he wouldn't make noise about Tracy's leaving? Bit tacky of her to run off alone when she knows perfectly well that someone's gunning for her.
Scene 28
A dancer is shimmying in a gentlemen's club. Music cue: "Why Don't You Want Me" by Roy Buchanan. Patrons are hooting and hollering.
MUSIC: ♫ First you want it slow, then you want it fast ♫
Jeffers is eating a burger and grinning.
MUSIC: ♫ You know that I gave you whatever you asked ♫
Dunn comes in carrying a leather bag. He practically curtseys to a dancer as she walks by him.
MUSIC: ♫ Now baby you've got me whenever you want me ♫
Dunn sits down at the table with Jeffers.
DUNN: You get the underpants?
MUSIC: ♫ So why don't you want me? ♫
JEFFERS: Stockings.
DUNN: You said underpants.
Ew.
JEFFERS: I said stockings. [hands them over] Jeez.
DUNN: You wouldn't be forgetting about those racketeering charges in Memphis, now, would you, mister?
JEFFERS: You know, I was in Yellow Springs once? Ohio?
DUNN: Oh?
JEFFERS: Sitting across the table from a guy kind of like you. [Dunn grins.] A little diddler. [Dunn's face falls.] And it didn't take much. Two hands, short move. Both his eyeballs were hanging out of his sockets.
DUNN: What, what are you trying to say?
JEFFERS: Check the statute of limitations. As of tomorrow I'm off the hook.
DUNN: Oh, well, maybe your boss would like to know tonight.
JEFFERS: [grabs Dunn by the lapels] You see, this is how it works. [thumbs under his eyes] You put your thumbs here, then you pop the eyes like you're opening a can of beer. I see your eyes swinging on your cheeks. All you see is your boots.
He shoves Dunn back into his own seat. Dunn nods and scrams. Jeffers chuckles and lights a cigar.
MUSIC: ♫ I worked just like a doggone mule just to buy you pretty things. My friends and my family, they tell me that I'm a fool. ♫
WAITRESS: Will there be anything else?
JEFFERS: Just the check, please.
MUSIC: ♫ They think I'm like a puppet dangling on your string. I may be your fool, I may be a clown, I know, I know, I know you want me, yes I do, whenever I'm not around. ♫
While he's waiting for his check, Jeffers watches what is probably a bachelor party having a good time and chuckles. A dancer is sitting with a small group of guys, all laughing, while another guy follows them all with a camcorder. Someone in a black coat and black gloves hurries up behind Jeffers, shoves a silenced gun up under his chin, and shoots him; cradles his head in their other hand; and slips the Cyber Cafe stir stick out of his shirt pocket. The shooter splits, and Jeffers's head lolls onto the table. The waitress returns with his check, drops it on the floor, and screams. The bachelor party turns to look.
(Hey, another mule.)
Well, now we know why he left the Memphis PD to work personal security. Bit surprising George wouldn't have done a background check for someone in that position, but maybe he changed his name? Which I guess is a thing people do in this universe and somehow that fools everyone for long enough.
Scene 29
Jeffers is being zipped into a body bag. Fraser and Kowalski are talking to the waitress.
WAITRESS: Well, I was working the floor alone on account of Doreen had some kind of foot fungus thing, which is typical, and there's the normal bunch of creeps, and — oh, we had a special party. It was, um, a stag for a guy named Smith. And then, uh, the dead guy, who ordered for one. [She gives Fraser the order ticket.]
FRASER: Double bacon, double cheese, double mayo. It's not very healthy.
KOWALSKI: Better than a bullet.
FRASER: Does this time code here indicate the time he paid?
WAITRESS: No, no, no. That's the time I rang it in. The guy died before he paid me, which is typical. So now I'm out eight-ninety-nine. He didn't have any loose bills on him, did he?
FRASER: Ah, no. But I'd be happy to take care of that. [He hands her some cash from his hat.]
WAITRESS: Hmm. [unfolds the money] Oh, is this Canadian?
FRASER: Yes, it is.
WAITRESS: Better make it a hundred.
FRASER: Ray?
I like this young woman applying "which is, ugh, typical" to the guy dying before he could pay his check just as offhandedly as she applies it to her co-worker leaving her to work the floor alone (presumably again).
Scene 30
Everyone is lined up in Welsh's office being yelled at.
WELSH: You were writing a song? The prime suspect in the shooting of a police officer eluded surveillance because you were writing a song? [Neither Huey nor Dewey says anything.] We'll revisit this momentarily. [He moves on to Fraser and Kowalski.] Do we have anything that places Carver at the scene of the crime? [Nobody speaks.] Is there any evidence that anybody was at the scene of the crime?
FRASER: There were twenty-three other men at the club, sir. Unfortunately, their attention was largely diverted by a number of women who were performing what I'm told is a form of modern dance.
KOWALSKI: Uh, the waitress figured that the, um, dead guy was waiting for someone.
WELSH: Hmph. That would be Carver Dunn, who miraculously slipped through our usually vise-like police dragnet and managed to get to the club at three-thirty-five.
DEWEY: Sir, according to the reports, everybody who knew the deceased had opportunity.
KOWALSKI: Including Tracy Jenkins.
WELSH: Who also miraculously slipped through our usually vise-like police dragnet!
FRASER: Yes, sir. We had — or rather I had — become momentarily blinded by the bright lights of the music business.
WELSH: Is that so?
FRASER: Yes, sir.
WELSH: [to Kowalski] And you?
KOWALSKI: You know my eyes, sir. But, ah, we're working on another angle.
WELSH: Oh, good, good, good, good. That's encouraging. [to Huey and Dewey] And how about you guys? You got anything?
DEWEY: Actually, ah, we're, we're pretty close.
HUEY: Yes, sir. Ah, "There's a house we call love, built next door to hate, and both them got lawns with a white picket gate. Their taxes don't differ, and their water's the same." [Welsh is looking at both of them like they're speaking another language.]
DEWEY: One, one more line, we got that chorus, sir. [Welsh sits down on the edge of his desk and covers his face with his hands.] Oh, you meant in terms of police work. I see. Um, okay, Jack, let's go.
Huey and Dewey skedaddle. While the door is open, Detective Dutch pops in with a message.
DUTCH: Yo, Ray. This guy, Mr. Brown-Smith-Jones dropped this off for you. [He gives Kowalski Chekov's Video Tape.]
FRASER: Thank you kindly.
DUTCH: Hey.
"What I'm told is a form of modern dance," he says, as if he didn't himself solve a case involving an exotic dancer just, like, two years ago. (Maybe he forgets that episode as easily as, for some reason, I do.)
Scene 31
On the video, the guys at the stag party are doing shots with the dancer.
KOWALSKI: What losers. This stag party really sucks.
WELSH: Here it is. Top of the frame.
FRASER: He was expecting someone. [They come to the end of the tape.]
KOWALSKI: Couple more seconds and we would have had it.
FRASER: We may still have it. [He rewinds to a frame where Carver Dunn can be seen making his way toward Jeffers's table.] There's your man.
WELSH: Pick him up.
I don't see why the tape isn't more informative than that when we could clearly see the guy taping the bachelor party—with Jeffers behind it—right before Jeffers was killed.
Scene 32
At the consulate, George closes his briefcase.
GEORGE: Now, sweetheart, I want you to get some sleep. First thing in the morning we'll try and patch things up with Dwight. The man loves you in his own way, and as crazy as he makes me, he did write the tune. He's always been part of the team.
TRACY: [upset] Well, George —
GEORGE: What?
TRACY: What about Earl? Wasn't he part of the team?
GEORGE: Yes, darlin', he was. And what happened to him is a sad, sad thing. And if I sound casual about it, believe me, I don't feel casual. And that's why you running off like you did today scares me half to death.
TRACY: I just feel like I'm living in a fishbowl, and it's driving me crazy
GEORGE: I know, I know, I know, and that's why I am gonna look at all the bookings. I'm gonna find you some breathing room. In the meantime, you stay here. Stay safe. Stay put. Let the Mountie look after you. I'll call you first thing in the morning. [He kisses her on the forehead.] Get some sleep.
TRACY: Okay.
George leaves the consulate, but not before looking back at Tracy and giving her a wink.
So where did she go? When did she get back? Is that just not actually a plot point anymore? Is George's affection for her maybe not 100% avuncular?
Scene 33
Fraser, still in uniform but without his tunic, is picking on a small backpacker's guitar in his office. He stops when Tracy comes in with a bottle of wine and two glasses.
TRACY: Hi. I hope this isn't too forward. I was just having some trouble sleeping, and I heard your guitar, and I thought I'd —
FRASER: Oh, no, no, no. Please. Please. [He gestures to the chair in front of his desk. She sits.] To be entirely truthful, I was having difficulty sleeping also.
TRACY: Entirely truthful — well, that's a concept. Would you like a drink?
FRASER: Oh, no, thank you, I don't drink. Well — unless it's the obligatory toast to the Queen's health.
TRACY: So you don't lie, and you don't drink.
FRASER: No.
TRACY: Well, you're a rare specimen, Constable.
FRASER: Oh, I shouldn't think so. You know not all men are —
TRACY: — are . . . like my husband Dwight? You know, underneath it all, he's a good man. He wrote my first hit song, "Scaredy Cat." We never call it by the title, though. We've always just called it "the tune," but I'm — I'm grateful for that song.
FRASER: How did you get started singing?
TRACY: Sixteen years old first time I stepped foot on stage. Flin Flon, Manitoba. There was about twenty people in the audience, but, uh — I knew right then what I was going to do with my life. Just seems so far away now. It's gotten so complicated.
Fraser cocks his head and seems to be reaching out to move her hair behind her ear, but he pulls something out of it instead.
FRASER: Were you at the Stratenger building today?
TRACY: I'm divorcing Dwight. My lawyers are there. How'd you know?
FRASER: Pine needle. [It's what he took out of her hair.] They have a magnificent Northern pine in the lobby. I often go there if I'm homesick.
TRACY: So do you have a home up north?
FRASER: Mm-hm. Yeah. Well, it's a cabin, actually. Well — lean-to, really.
TRACY: Well, maybe I could see it sometime.
FRASER: That would be nice.
Oh nooo, it's another dark-haired country girl come along to break Fraser's heart. Be strong, Fraser!
I am, however, delighted to tell you that Flin Flon, Manitoba, is a real place.
(But I'd prefer if Tracy had said "stepped on a stage" or "set foot on a stage," because "step foot" has been driving me bananas since—well, at least 1998, probably before. I know it's prescriptivist. I try to do better. It's good to have areas in which one can improve.)
Scene 34
Somewhere downtown, Carver Dunn happens to walk past a patrol car in which the officer has his mug shot on the dashboard, recognizes him, and gets out of the car to pick him up and bring him in to the station, where Francesca and Fraser review his belongings at her desk.
FRASER: Let's see what Mr. Dunn has in his knapsack.
FRANCESCA: [handing him the objects one at a time] Tracy Jenkins poster. Tracy Jenkins tape. Pair of silk stockings — I don't even want to know. [These she drops on her desk; Fraser doesn't touch them.] Two unopened Tracy Jenkins CDs.
FRASER: [looking at a receipt that fell out from between the CDs] Hmm. Excuse me.
Is this the first time in the history of television that an unnamed uniformed police officer has just quietly got on with doing his actual job?
Scene 35
In the interview room, Kowalski is hollering at Dunn.
KOWALSKI: We got a piece of tape that puts you in the bar.
DUNN: There were a lot of other people in that bar, mister.
KOWALSKI: We searched your room. We found this in your closet. [He slaps it down on the table.] Newspaper clippings. It seems the deceased had some trouble with the law, which you used to blackmail him, which he got sick of, which forced you to kill him.
DUNN: I didn't kill him!
KOWALSKI: You didn't.
DUNN: No!
FRASER: [coming in] No, he didn't, Ray.
KOWALSKI: [steps over to the door to speak to Fraser] Come on, Fraser, I'm really laying on the lumber here.
FRASER: I realize that, and I apologize, but he is telling the truth. He's innocent.
"Innocent" is probably a bit generous, but I suppose Fraser means only with respect to the particular crime they're talking about here.
Scene 36
Welsh has joined Fraser and Kowalski in the interview room with Dunn.
DUNN: Yeah, sometimes he'd bring me stuff. Stockings and stuff, and sometimes he'd get them. Except some stuff he couldn't get. Like I really, really wanted a pair of her —
WELSH: Save it, mushmouth.
DUNN: Don't tell my mom, okay, mister?
WELSH: [nods to Fraser and Kowalski] Outside.
KOWALSKI: [on the way out] Someone ought to check that guy's freezer.
The fixation with his mother does in fact start to nudge Dunn from ordinary creep into Norman Bates–adjacent territory.
Scene 37
Welsh steps into the hallway with Fraser and Kowalski, looking at the receipt.
WELSH: So if our clocks tally, our little extortionist was at the other end of the street buying a CD when the guy was killed.
FRASER: And the clocks do tally, sir, and the clerk identified him from a photograph.
WELSH: Dutch! Set Carver free, please. [Dutch, who happens to be standing right there, nods.]
KOWALSKI: Coffee? [He and Fraser head to the break room.] So if the killer's not Carver, then it's got to be somebody who knew Carver was gonna meet Earl.
FRASER: Well, not necessarily. I mean, the killer could have just followed Earl and then killed him when the first opportunity to do so presented itself.
KOWALSKI: Okay, someone tries to kill the star. Then somebody does kill the star's bodyguard. Come on, Fraser, no connection? [Fraser hands him a coffee, and they leave the break room.] The peroxide, the letters, the silk stockings? Guy's a pervert.
FRASER: Well, I agree he's a pervert. He's also an extortionist. Ray, I do not believe Mr. Dunn had anything to do with either shooting.
FRANCESCA: [joining them as they walk] Maybe someone's trying to frame him. Like, let's look at the husband. There's rumors of a divorce, right? If they get a divorce, he gets nothing. That's a motive.
KOWALSKI: Okay, where's that leave Earl?
FRASER: Well, perhaps Earl was in on the plan to murder her, or perhaps he found out about it and he was using that to blackmail Dwight. Is that what you were thinking more or less?
FRANCESCA: Exactly what I was thinking.
KOWALSKI: Okay, let's run, ah, Dwight on the computer.
FRANCESCA: Already did. There's nothing. I mean, unless he's got an alias.
They've reached the front desk, where Dunn is recovering his personal belongings now that he's been released.
DUNN: Dwight Jones. Born Dwight Parsons. Changes his name after tracking his birth parents to a trailer park in Louisiana, nineteen-seventy-nine.
KOWALSKI: Okay, thanks. [He and Fraser and Francesca turn to go.]
DUNN: Meets Tracy Jenkins March fourth, nineteen-eighty-one, at the Sixteen Acre Lounge, Nashville, Tennessee. She, a cocktail waitress. He, a disc jockey with a criminal record for fraud and assault.
KOWALSKI: Okay, that's good. [They all turn to go again.]
DUNN: Tracy is nothing if not loyal. Her current manager, George Monroe, was the former owner of the Sixteen Acre Lounge, and her band leader, Muddy Johnson, was the guitarist in residence.
KOWALSKI: You can shut up now.
DUNN: From her earliest days — [Fraser opens the door; they are going to get out of there if it kills someone.] — Tracy displayed a determination to conquer adversity —
KOWALSKI: [dragging him out through the doors Fraser and Francesca are holding open] Okay, that's it! Enough said! Close the talking hole, okay? [Shoves him onto the elevator.]
DUNN: She played until her fingers bled. [The elevator doors close, but he keeps talking.] That's just the kind of person she is, mister!
Megafan turns out not to be completely without value? Film at 11.
Scene 38
Turnbull is running around the consulate like a madman looking for Tracy. The incidental music is a sort of frantic bluegrass banjo riff.
TURNBULL: Ms. Jenkins? Uh, Ms. Jenkins, it's, uh, it's Constable Turnbull. Woo-hoo, Ms. Jenkins? Ms. Jenkins? Uh, oh, uh, oh dear. Music Hall. She said she was going to Music Hall. Constable Fraser, Constable Fraser — [He dials on the phone.] — Constable Fraser.
Scene 39
Huey and Dewey are coming down the stairs.
HUEY AND DEWEY: ♫ Their taxes don't differ — ♫
HUEY: No, they don't!
HUEY AND DEWEY: ♫ — and their water's the same. But in one you get comfort, and in the other house shame. ♫
HUEY: Yee-ha! Nashville, here we come!
DEWEY: Somebody call up Wilkinson, Howett, and Summerling and sign this act up! [They high-five.]
FRASER: Excuse me. Wilkinson, Howett, and Summerling — aren't they in the Stratenger building?
DEWEY: Yeah, on Michigan Avenue, yep.
FRASER: I thought they were divorce lawyers.
DEWEY: No, not divorce lawyers, nothing as tawdry as that. These guys are talent managers. High-powered, low key. Remember the Unplugged Fed? [Fraser does not.] That was them. They created it. They're taking on some of the biggest acts in the business.
HUEY: That's right.
FRASER: Like Tracy Jenkins.
KOWALSKI: Fraser, come on. Turnbull's got his pumpkin pants in a knot. Thinks Tracy's gonna make that date at the Music Hall tonight. [Fraser hurries out with Kowalski and Diefenbaker.]
FRANCESCA: [stopping Huey and Dewey as they go by] Ah, nah, nah, excuse me, boys. "That Old Mule, Rivers, and Me," Walter Brennan. Fifty bucks — [She slaps her hand.] — cough it up. [She does a buzzer noise.] Annhh!
Huey and Dewey's song is bound to be crap, but all the lyrics are in fact the lyrics to "Two Houses" by Paul Gross and David Keeley:
Don't call me for supper if you don't mean to feed me
Don't tell me you love me with that gun in your hand
'Cause I fall down dumbfounded
In the face of your beauty
Yeah, one look from you and I am a fool
In the palm of your handThere's a house we call love built next door to hate
And both of them got lawns and a white picket gate
Their taxes don't differ and their water's the same
But in one you get comfort and the other house shameHey, do you mind if I speak
You know I'd like to be frank
Your cooking is wretched and this coffee is rank
But I look 'cross this table
Into the clutch of your eyes
And I'm kind of thrilled that we have been cursed
To live side by sideSigh. (I don't know the Gross-Keeley song, so I don't know if Huey and Dewey are making up a crappier tune to it or just singing it badly. I can't get past the fact that "Their taxes don't differ and their water's the same" scans perfectly to "On top of Old Smokey, all covered with snow"—or possibly, in the circumstances, "On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese.")
Scene 40
Muddy is arriving at the Music Hall with his guitar case. Fraser pops out of Kowalski's car.
FRASER: Excuse me. Mr. Muddy?
MUDDY: Uh, sorry. I'm, I'm late for rehearsal. I gotta go, man.
He goes, leaving Fraser a little stymied. Inside, Tracy is checking her microphone levels with Turnbull behind her.
TRACY: Check, check, two, one, two. I need a bit more monitor there, okay? Check, two, two, two, one two. Where the hell is Muddy?
Muddy is outside talking to Fraser and Kowalski, who have managed to persuade him to be late.
MUDDY: Whoo, Sixteen Acres, boys. Boy, I'll tell you. That was a bad dive on the bad side of Bad Street. Nobody had a dime back then. We'd all go down to the A & P grocery store and shoplift some bologna and crackers. Play a couple of songs for free beer. Life was good. [He chuckles as he reminisces.] Tracy was just a kid back then. And we was all crazy about Tracy, man. Especially old George.
FRASER: Was George involved with Tracy?
MUDDY: Yeah. Except she didn't know it. [He laughs.] Tracy had a thing going on with Dwight, but old George hung in there anyway. And when the Sixteen Acres burned, he took the insurance money and produced her first album. He'd have done anything for Tracy.
FRASER: Including commit arson?
MUDDY: Well, you know, that's a long time ago, and you know, nobody's sure. But, uh, you know, uh, one thing is, uh — the bar burned, George got the cash, Tracy got an album, and I got a real good job. [He laughs again.]
KOWALSKI: What'd Dwight get?
MUDDY: Bitter. [He laughs.] Gotta go, man. Gotta go.
Kowalski opens the door to let him in, and all three of them—Kowalski, Fraser, and Diefenbaker—follow.
Scene 41
Tracy is on the stage singing "Every Time You Come Around" (by Michelle Wright) with the band while the lighting guys get set up.
TRACY: ♫ Yeah, I'm sitting in this traffic jam and smiling anyway, every time you come around. ♫
Kowalski lurks in the wings. Dwight is hanging out off the opposite side of the stage.
TRACY: ♫ Funny, where I'm standing, boy, it looks like rain, but it's someone else's cloud. ♫
Fraser is in the catwalk.
TRACY: ♫ 'Scuse me if I laugh out loud; I just get this way every time you come around, every time you come around. ♫
Someone in the backstage area is pointing a gun at Tracy.
TRACY: ♫ Stay, don't ever leave me, won't you hang around a while — ♫
Kowalski sees the muzzle of the gun and swings a light around to point in the assailant's eyes. The assailant shoots out the light. At the sound of the gunshots, Tracy and the band members all duck and run. Fraser grabs a rope and swings, kicking the assailant off the ladder he'd been shooting from: It's George. He rolls to his feet and grabs Tracy, holding the gun to her neck. Fraser lands; Kowalski comes in from offstage, his gun trained on George.
FRASER: George — George, you've nowhere to go. The building is surrounded with police officers.
KOWALSKI: It's all over.
GEORGE: I was gonna take care of her! I gave up everything I had for her, and she was just gonna throw me away!
TRACY: George, I wasn't, I was always going to take care of you.
GEORGE: What, turn me into a loser like Dwight? I don't need you to take care of me! I had big plans for us.
TRACY: George, now you're going to kill me?
GEORGE: Kill you? [He lowers his gun.] Tracy, I love you!
Kowalski rushes to grab George's gun and twist his arm up behind him. Tracy gets away and runs into Dwight's arms. Diefenbaker barks. Fraser helps Kowalski restrain George as patrol officers approach.
Do we conclude from this that it was George who killed Jeffers? I'm not sure the dots are all connected there. Why would he? I mean, if he's in love with Tracy, why would he shoot her, either, come to that. Was it him on the rooftop in scene 3? Why would he need a fan club photo—was he trying to throw suspicion on a fan? Wasn't he in on the decoy plan? Did he "miss" and only hit Officer McCafferty in the shoulder on purpose? He thinks she's going to change her management and abandon him (because he only books her into giant arenas and she wants someone handling her appearances who gives a shit about what she wants, i.e., playing smaller venues), so his idea is to scare her away from a smaller venue with the idea that a crazed fan could Get Too Close. Okay. So she wasn't in any real danger in scene 3 (or wouldn't have been even if it had been her) and wasn't really in any danger just now, either—except then he grabbed her and pressed the gun to her neck. What's that about? And, circling back to the beginning, why kill Jeffers? Because he was embarrassing her by getting trophies for Dunn? Because he wanted her to depend on him utterly? Was he going to kill Dwight next? Muddy Johnson? The rest of the band?
Scene 42
At the Music Hall, the concert is in progress. Music cue: "Nobody's Girl" by Michelle Wright. Fraser and Kowalski are in the wings. Tracy beckons to Fraser to join her onstage. He does "What — me?" and "Oh, no, no, no" gestures, and she nods and keeps beckoning until Kowalski shoves him out there. The audience cheers as he takes his place at one of the backup microphones.
TRACY: ♫ She's a fallen angel, she's just flesh and bone. She's the rock of ages, she's a rolling stone. She's — ♫
TRACY AND HER BACKUP SINGERS: ♫ — nobody's girl — ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she walks this road alone — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she calls her soul her own — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she knows she's on her own in this world. She's nobody's girl. ♫
In the instrumental break, Fraser does his tipping-back-and-forth "grooving," bless him. In the audience, Dewey is enjoying himself; Huey is grooving hard; Welsh is smiling; Thatcher has dozed off.
TRACY: ♫ She's some kind of devil — ♫
WELSH: [elbowing Thatcher] Great, huh?
THATCHER: [sits up, startled] Exhilarating.
TRACY: ♫ — she's some kind of saint. If her hands are dirty, well, her spirit ain't. She's — ♫
TRACY AND HER BACKUP SINGERS: ♫ — nobody's girl — ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she walks this road alone — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she calls her soul her own — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she knows she's on her own in this world. She's nobody's girl. ♫
Francesca is sitting at a table with Turnbull. He is wearing a ten-gallon hat; she is holding one but not wearing it.
FRANCESCA: No, I just can't wear hats. I don't, I don't have a hat face.
Turnbull is stricken. Meanwhile, Dewey and Huey are making their own plans.
DEWEY: It has to be Huey and Dewey.
HUEY: Oh, yeah? Why?
DEWEY: Because all the great acts have two names.
HUEY: Like who?
DEWEY: Laurel and Hardy. Abbott and Costello. Milt and Berle.
Huey looks at him like he's lost the plot.
TRACY: ♫ Now, if the world don't claim you, it don't own you, too. She don't belong to me, no, no; she don't belong to you. She's — ♫
TRACY AND HER BACKUP SINGERS: ♫ — nobody's girl — ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she walks this road alone — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she calls her soul her own — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
Carver Dunn is sitting next to Officer McCafferty, whose arm is in a sling.
DUNN: I'm sorry I shot you, mister.
MCCAFFERTY: You didn't shoot me.
DUNN: Oh, that's right.
TRACY: ♫ — she knows she's on her own in this world. She's nobody's girl. She walks this road alone — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she calls her soul her own — ♫
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl! ♫
TRACY: ♫ — she knows she's on her own in this world. She's nobody's girl. ♫
Dwight is smoking a cigarette and talking to Diefenbaker.
FRASER AND THE OTHER BACKUP SINGER: ♫ Nobody's girl. ♫
DWIGHT: I don't know, then everything just got worse. I mean, I lost my pickup —
TRACY: ♫ She's a fallen angel — ♫
DWIGHT: — my momma died, had a hernia operation. [Diefenbaker grumbles.]
TRACY: ♫ — she's just flesh and bone. ♫
DWIGHT: You gonna drink that? [Diefenbaker whimpers.]
TRACY: ♫ She's nobody's girl. ♫
Tracy cues the band to end the song. The crowd cheers and leaps to their feet. Tracy acknowledges the applause and gestures to her band and backup, including Fraser, who stands there beaming nervously.
Look, it's not that I don't think Paul Gross is one of those performers who's irritatingly capable at whatever it is they try to do. (Except dancing, possibly. And, as I've said, crying.) I just think he's a better actor than he is a singer. His singing is perfectly competent—I'm not even mad about how far he opened his mouth on the sustained "girl," which I usually am when people sing on TV and in movies (I mean, exhibit A: the man himself singing "Ride Forever"), so well done, really singing—but he manages to look, while he's singing, like he's just so happy and flattered to be up there, and while the audience are applauding, like he's a little bit overwhelmed by the praise, which I absolutely believe is true of Fraser but do not for one minute believe is true of Paul Gross himself, who I'm sure is a very nice guy but who I expect usually assumes, like most successful actors, that he deserves to be in whatever spotlight he finds himself in at any given time. Put another way: I find the singing to be fine and the acting to be very convincing indeed. 😄
Dewey, of course, is referring to the comedy acts Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello, and Milton Berle (not Milt and Berle; what a dingus). Francesca is still on about her hat issue.
Scene 43
Back at the consulate, Fraser—again in uniform but no tunic—is ironing the brim of his hat. Someone knocks at his door.
FRASER: Come in.
DWIGHT: Hey.
FRASER: Ah.
DWIGHT: The bus is all set to go here. I just, ah — thought I'd come in and say that I'm sorry you got tangled up in this. You know, money, it's just — it's got this way of making people see things funny, you know?
FRASER: Indeed. You know, it's been reported that when Colonel Tom Parker heard that Elvis had died, the first words out of his mouth were, "This changes nothing. Double production."
DWIGHT: Yeah. Yeah, it can be an ugly business.
FRASER: Are you two going to be all right?
DWIGHT: Yeah, sure. She needs me. [He shakes hands with Fraser.] Catch you down the line, buddy.
He heads out, passing Tracy in the doorway.
TRACY: Well, this is it. I came to say goodbye and to say thank you for everything.
FRASER: Oh, no, I should thank you for letting me sing. It was very stirring.
TRACY: Stirring. I didn't know you could be stirred.
FRASER: I can. I, I can be stirred.
TRACY: Well, then, maybe I could interest you in seeing America through the window of a tour bus.
FRASER: Oh, I'd love to, but I, I, I'm afraid that I have — [He gestures at his office.] — obligations.
TRACY: Another woman. [He nods.] I thought so. I'll never forget you, Fraser.
Tracy kisses Fraser's cheek and biffs off. He sighs and looks at the portrait of the Queen hanging in his office, for she is the "other woman" to whom Tracy referred. The twangy, vaguely country-style incidental music plays the first couple bars of "God Save the Queen."
FRASER: The things I do for you.
I can't find that exact portrait of the Queen in a cursory few minutes of googling, and I don't care enough to track it all the way down, but I'd say it's from some time in the 1980s; her hair is still dark, so it's too early for the Golden Jubilee and probably even pre-1992, but her face is a little older than it appears in the Silver Jubilee portraits. She's wearing a blue dress; a dark cape or robe; a couple of orders on her left shoulder (but the ribbons look like the wrong colors to be the Royal Family Orders of George V and George VI, so I'm stumped); a necklace, earrings, and bracelet that are probably rubies because she tended to wear red jewelry for Canada; and a tiara that I can't see clearly enough to identify.
If Fraser is annoyed at the Queen for keeping him at his desk instead of going off on tour with Tracy Jenkins, it's probably just as well that he not go off on tour with Tracy Jenkins, isn't it? If she's going to reconcile with her husband, none of them needs Fraser hanging around catching feelings for yet another dark-haired woman who's going to do him wrong. (At least this one didn't lead him on in any type of way, for a change.)
The title can only be a reference to "Lady Sings the Blues," the autobiographical 1956 Billie "Lady Day" Holiday album, or the 1956 autobiography or the 1972 film by the same name starring Diana Ross. Except for Turnbull's suggestion that country music is the white man's blues, there is nothing in this episode that has a thing to do with the blues or Billie Holiday in any way.
Cumulative body count: 36
Red uniform: The whole episode, but not always with the tunic