other people's grief

I sang at a memorial service on Thursday, with a group comprised of members of The Big Choir that I'm in.  The service was for a woman who had been a member of that choir for more than 40 years, and died last month, after a struggle with cancer, at the age of 83.  Of course it was very sad -- and I was surprised, actually, by how sad I found it, given that I never knew her and didn't know anyone in the room apart from about 1/3 of the choir members doing the singing -- but at the same time, 83, man.  All people kept talking about was how full a life she'd led.

Today, the B-team choir sang at a memorial service for a woman who died in January, also after a struggle with cancer, at the age of 37, leaving (among others) two very small children.  And that -- is just not okay.  The speakers were, in speaking order, a childhood friend; her thesis supervisor; her husband; and her father.  When her husband got up to speak, he had the two little kids with him -- the baby girl, maybe a year and a half (certainly no more than that) was on his shoulders, and the little boy, about four, was on his hip, and kept trying to play with the microphone on the lectern.  Again:  complete strangers, but my god, you try keeping it together through that.  Man, all the way up at the top of the list of things that ain't right.