feh. (this is not an april fool's post.)

I had a really awful day yesterday, and there wasn't really any reason for it to be that bad.

I'd had a good time at the bonspiel this weekend -- but, of course, regular readers will have noted that a whole weekend of determined stoicism takes a lot out of a Fox, so there's that. Plus, then I put datlowen back on the train out of town, sad sad; and then at the grocery store there was a really awful couple with a full cart at the express lane, and they looked right at me and my loaf of bread and half-gallon of ice cream (to say nothing of the half-dozen or more people queuing behind me) several times and didn't even have the grace to look embarrassed, much less apologize, plus the girl at the checkout didn't thank me for waiting or apologize for not sending them to the main lines or anything. And then at Johnny Rockets they were short-staffed and in a terrible muddle and it took a long time for me to get my dinner. I was in bed by about 10:30 because I just couldn't take it anymore.

And that was just Sunday. So the fact that it took me over an hour to get to work in the grey and cold and rain yesterday morning was Just One More Damn Thing. And I was tired and cranky and PMSy, although not in a physical-pain way, just in an everything-sucks-I-want-to-go-home way (which you remember was an ongoing issue on the generic pills, but had resolved itself when I got them to switch me back to the brand; I'm going to reserve judgment on whether this has gone completely awry until next month, when I won't have just come off a bonspiel, see above, but still, argh), and I snapped at ellen_fremedon at least twice, and then there was an issue with this big report at work that emphatically nobody was blaming me for, but even though everyone knew it wasn't my fault it was still my problem and it took three of us to fix. Rehearsal was the bright spot in my day, although I am unsurprised but disappointed that I'm sure the solo bit that I want badly will go to someone higher-ranked on the director's list of favorites than myself. Somewhere in there I had a few minutes where I sat at my desk with my face in my hands and cried. Which, hi, none of this? is normally even enough to choke me up, much less send me into a minor meltdown.

It actually made it worse to know that it was almost, if not actually, entirely hormone-driven and would be better within a day or two, because the only thing worse than an emotional meltdown is an emotional meltdown that you know while you're having it is completely unreasonable, disproportionate, etc. It sucked. I hated it. And as I said to sanj, this kind of thing happens to me no more often than once a month (see above re: some pills are better than others); I don't know how people live with it all the time.

I'm feeling a little better today, but not as much as I'd like -- still a little fragile, which strikes me as pointless and frustrating. (I wish I didn't almost seriously believe everything would be better if I just got laid.)