i do like this interactive map thing.

( the world )

( the country )

but thinking makes it so

Why is it, do you suppose, that I am able to decide through force of will not to be angry at something or not to be afraid, to take two random examples, but I am not able to self-determine against, say, being sad?  Maybe anger and fear are sort of like complex-carbohydrate emotions, so I can analyze them down to their component parts and be left with something like Okay, I'm still angry/afraid, but [steps I can take to conquer or at least live with this]; but sadness (/disappointment/etc., that crowd) is a simple-carbohydrate emotion, where I could examine it all I wanted, and when I was done I'd still just be sad, with nothing to do about it.

Hmm.  I like the metaphor, but it doesn't really help or solve anything, because I think the real question is why I'm able to recognize that some things make me angry or scared and thus mitigate against those reactions, and eventually and gradually the effect is less and less; but the same things keep making me sad no matter what I do, and playing through it just gets me through it, but not any less sad, really.

I shall now spend the next several days scowling at my own superego.  Like I do.  Sigh  GRAR.

things may be looking up

That sound I just heard may have been was a mouse getting stuck in a glue trap and then getting really angry about it.  The mouse and the trap are now in a plastic grocery bag out in the dumpster.

VICTORY IS MINE.