dream theater

Previous dreams with my dad in them, over the past couple of months, have mostly been on the pleasant or at least comforting side - the one I remember the clearest was, I came down to the living room in my childhood home and he was in his chair watching TV, just like always. He didn't see or hear me, and my mother didn't see or hear him and to her the television wasn't turned on, in other words, I was the only one who saw him - but I saw him as he was often happiest, so hey.

Last night I dreamed he came into the kitchen and sighed theatrically and started cleaning up after my breakfast, which I was still in the middle of - throwing away the coffee filter, that kind of thing. And when I went over to the counter for some reason, where he was fussing with something, I bumped into him - so I could feel him, he was really there, but when I hugged him he didn't hug me back. Then it shifted to another dream the precise details of which I've already mostly forgotten, but I was talking to someone and Dad was there and maybe he wanted to talk to me?, but I wanted to hug him first, and he pushed me away.

Going back to the house this coming weekend for the first time since the memorial service, so between that and Other Things I'm dealing with but not talking about yet it's not a huge shocker that the anxiety has ramped back up. But I don't like it.