trying not to get my hopes up.

This is the beginning of week five of the Headache That Wouldn't Die. It comes and goes, and the first couple of weeks were the worst, when it was more or less constant at about 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 - where 10 is not "kill me now", but is nevertheless "I cannot function until this lets up". And the effect is cumulative, so after four weeks of 7/10 for two of those weeks and then two more weeks of kind of hanging out in the 4 to 6 area with more frequent relief, thank god, and then a couple of days of back up to 6 in the morning and 8 in the afternoon, I'm ready for a craniotomy.

Tomorrow morning first thing is my appointment with the ENT specialist, which I am looking forward to more than I've ever looked forward to a doctor's appointment in my life. I know the odds that he will solve the problem within fifteen minutes of my signing in and send me away feeling no pain at all are, you know, nil. But nothing I've done - decongestants, expectorants, pain relievers, nasal sprays, ice, heat, plenty of water, plenty of rest, a two-week course of antibiotics - has helped. It's occurred to me that it's time to get my eyes checked, but this is not eye strain. I'm not sure I'm not seeing infrequent spots out of my right eye. I'm soldiering along, and I told my mother I wanted her to relax and not spend her time distracted by thoughts that I'm suffering and miserable and just struggling to get through each day, which is true, but at the same time I badly want this thing to go away.