everything is awful

So Sunday I took half an Ativan at bedtime, as I said. Slept like a rock. Monday night I pondered whether I should do so again, and Himself said he thought I should - not that I should take it every night, but as I was still feeling the dad's-hospice-anniversary tension, it wouldn't hurt to ensure another night of good sleep. And I took the Ativan and did again sleep like a rock.

Last night, Tuesday, I did not take the Ativan and in fact my sleep was pretty fitful. ( Dreams and then today. )

I ordered a big junk-food lunch because sometimes it does help a very little bit to eat our feelings (and I can't actually drink during the work day). And I have to shake it off before I pick up my own kid, because while I can get a little mileage out of "Mommy isn't feeling well, so please be extra well-behaved," I can't do that every day, and I am not ready for him to know why I'm sad (either the dad stuff or the news stuff). So here I go.