ah, academic snark.

Reading over my thesis again, as the viva is tomorrow afternoon, and I've just come to this bit:

Fudge's goal, though, is simply to identify and describe the various possibilities, rather than to present any analysis of why the different types of two-word sequences may have different stress patterns.  He therefore outlines many different types of compounds based on their lexical categories—(N₁:N₂)_N, (A:N)_N,and so on—then subdivides these into semantic groups (N₁+N₂=proper name, for instance) and predicts where on each compound the primary stress will fall, offering examples of and exceptions to each rule.  But although these divisions are semantically well-motivated, the stress predictions seem not to hold up to much scrutiny:  for example, one of Fudge's categories is (N₁:N₂)_N compounds, which he predicts will normally be initially-stressed.  An exception is a group in which N₁ is a material and N₂ is made of N₁; these compounds will generally be finally-stressed.  He gives as examples iron railings, garden path (suggesting that it is apparently safe to consider a garden a 'material'), and paper napkin, but allows that there are initially-stressed exceptions such as butter mountain, dunghill, snowman, and waterfall, as well as anything 'made from' cake, juice, or milk (birthday cake, apple juice, coconut milk; a flexible interpretation of 'made from', as apple juice and coconut milk are not made from apples and coconuts the same way birthday cake is made from cake—or, as in this group N₁ is the material and N₂ the product, apple juice and coconut milk are not made from apples and coconuts the same way birthday cake is made from birthdays).

[happysigh]  I do like the part of the literature review where one respectfully points out that people who have gone before are, just, like, wrong.

this really is the best thing, in the long run.

Nobody was called for a viva, which is good, because it means everybody passed.

That's the good news.

So I've got the MPhil -- that's safe in hand and they're not going to take it away from me.  The bad news is, they're not recommending that I stay for the DPhil.



I was stunned by this, natch, and also obviously unhappy, but mainly stunned; and I came home and called my mother, and didn't cry about it until then.  But the thing is that it's not too much of a reach to imagine that I'd have stayed here next year, got cracking on the DPhil, and then come home, got a job, and never ever finished it.  There were a lot of times during the process of writing the MPhil thesis -- which is the main basis on which they made their decision -- when I wasn't enjoying myself at all.  I've never been all gung-ho about the academia and the research; mainly I wanted the degree with a D in it.

Which, okay, I know that's the wrong reason to be doing it.  I have two degrees with M's now, and apparently this is the world telling me, that's M for maxed-out, kid, no D for you.  Fine.  Only I'd like it to have been my choice instead of theirs.  It's really the shock of it that has upset me.  (And I hate myself for it, but also, no small amount of shame.  I feel like I should shake it off and go to the drinks party everyone else is at, but I just can't face them with their DPhils and their distinctions -- nobody will be the least bit smug, or any of that, but they'll all feel sorry for me, and I know I wouldn't be able to stand that.)



So, um, yeah.  I'm coming home and looking for a real job for keeps, instead of just something for the summer.  Up side:  back into the curling groove a year sooner than I expected, and other bonuses about returning to the DC area from self-imposed exile.

Doesn't mean I want to talk about it.

to clarify

The more I think about it (which is to say, when I can't help it), the more I blame my supervisor.  If I'd tanked the exams, fine, that'd be my own fault, although I'd have had a decent case to make that I should be allowed to resit them because of the whole dead-grandfather thing.  But the thesis, man, how do we have meeting after meeting and report after report to my college and I never get the impression that he thinks it's dangerously weak?  Is this not why we have supervisors?

If the other examiners overruled him, then -- well, then I'll still think he's fallen down on his job, but less in a screwing-me kind of way.  But tomorrow when I go to see him, I sure hope he realizes he's got some 'splaining to do.

(For the record:  this is not the second stage of grief, although I previously didn't want to talk about it and am now angry.  I base this assessment on the fact that when they told me, I was intially shocked and almost disbelieving, and then I was angry and upset, and then I asked if there was any way I could redo, rewrite, etc., etc., anything to change their decision, and then I came away.  In short:  had them all while I was still in the room.  I've bought sturdier boxes to pack in, because what is sufficient for storage is not sufficient for shipping.  I am, in short, fine.)