return to Due South: season 1 episode 5 "Pizzas and Promises"

Pizzas and Promises
air date October 20, 1994

( Scene 1 )

So Diefenbaker is part greyhound now?

Fraser and the pizza guy are right, by the way, and Vecchio is wrong. I will entertain no discussion on that subject.

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
David Marciano
Beau Starr
Daniel Kash
Tony Craig
Catherine Bruhier

(plus Lincoln the dog)

Ramona Milano, Fab Filippo, Harvey Atkin, Debra McGrath, Patrick McKenna

( Scene 2 )

Shouldn't that be Romeo Charlie Whiskey one three nine? Also, though, I've always had to show proof of insurance to register a car. How does the pizza guy have registration without it? (And if he doesn't have registration, how's he going to prove the thing is his even if he does find it again?)

Vecchio's suggestion that people without criminal records are more deserving of help than people with criminal records is gross. And as we've seen, he's a lot less interested anyway in helping people over here than he is in penalizing people over there.

( Scene 3 )

Conversely, here Vecchio basically reminds Fraser of the importance of taking no for an answer.

( Scene 4 )

Motor vehicle thefts in Chicago in 1993: 36,741 with another 3,514 attempts. Thanks, Uncle Google (p. 18.).

According to Uncle Wiki, the great blue heron can be found as far north as coastal Alaska, but its range doesn't really extend past the Canadian provinces—that is, not into the territories. It probably overlaps with Inuit communities, but my sense is not so much with places Fraser has spent much time, is the only reason I bring it up.

It's hard to tell how passive-aggressive Fraser is deliberately being and how much of it Vecchio is perceiving because he knows what choices he should be making and doesn't want to. Fraser is playing it absolutely straight, so it's possible he's doesn't mean to be laying guilt on Vecchio at all. We haven't seen a ton of behavior that would suggest otherwise; he was pretty overt with his judginess in the pilot ("Isn't that entrapment?"), and his prodding the super at his building to honor his agreements with Mrs. Gamez ("Oh, I thought you said the utilities were included") isn't the same kind of thing he's doing here, if indeed he is doing something here. He may be completely sincere.

Of course now all I can think is "Q. How many Mounties does it take to change a light bulb? A. I'll be fine with this oil lamp, Ray."

( Scene 5 )

Props note: The slice of pizza Vecchio picked up on his way out the door in scene 2 didn't look like deep-dish to me.

I'm estimating that Fraser's neighborhood is more or less Fuller Park, which Uncle Wiki says is five miles from the Loop—which isn't really that far.

( Scene 6 )

The assignment must have been something like "find a dog that has the ideal combination of being as little like a wolf as possible and also having a name that sounds unlikely." Lhasa Apso is a small terrier whose hair hangs down over its eyes. I bet the other finalist in the writers' room was bichon frisé.

I want the two guys on the stoop to be Statler and Waldorf, but it's a different stoop, so I don't think they are.

( Scene 7 )

Attention to detail moment: To me, it seems like both Fraser and Vecchio are not just physically exhausted but also a little hoarse in this scene.

I'm not sure what it is that's meant to be identical if one paint scraping is green and the other is yellow. Fraser shows the underside of both of them, and sure, they're both . . . kind of rusty? So . . . his button took off more than just paint? In that case, shouldn't there be kind of a divot in the yellow paint where a layer of green is missing underneath it?

Also, how are they going to get back to civilization, having walked all the way out here?

( Scene 8 )

Vecchio clearly thinks Fraser is guilt-tripping him on purpose. I say the jury is still out on Fraser's actual intentions.

( Scene 9 )

( Scene 10 )

Such empathy we're seeing from so many of Chicago's public servants. First the social worker who took Mrs. Gamez's kids away, and now this.

( Scene 11 )

Okay Fraser smiles slightly when he takes his list out of his pocket, and I cannot see that as a wry smile (still less can I see it as an actor breaking up, like this was the best take they could get; that guy can keep a straight face through way weirder nonsense than this). No, Fraser is absolutely delighted to have come up with these informal questions for the used car lot employees, he's so proud of himself, and Vecchio is so kind not to actually laugh in his face. This is the nicest we have seen Vecchio be about Fraser's naivete, isn't it. Because I mean: Even Elaine has a patronizing smile when she tells Fraser how good he is. But he is adorable in his enthusiasm.

And it's frankly Fraser's genuine belief that this is a good plan that makes me think his guilt-tripping earlier could be inadvertent. He's not actually a simpleton, and there are times that it's clear he's only pretending to take things at face value (again, see Julie Frobisher or Miss Cabot), but I think there are still a lot of levels at which he is in fact . . . taking things at face value.

( Scene 12 )

Is the name "Billy Bob" inherently funny? Relatedly, do we think Vecchio dressed Fraser out of his own closet?

The fact that Fraser—who was a literal Boy Scout—needs his sunglasses to do the fake smile and lie to the lady's face is hilarious.

How does Fraser know that the keys are under the visor? I've never bought a used car off this sort of lot; is that like a totally normal thing that I just happen not to know? (Though I don't expect Fraser has ever bought a used car off this sort of lot either.)

( Scene 13 )

Fraser unbuttons his jacket with a "Whoo, close call, thanks for the save, Ray" expression.

( Scene 14 )

Fraser is beginning to learn that he can satisfy his need not to lie by telling only as much of the truth as is necessary in a given situation. And then he is blatantly objectified by a young woman who clearly wants to test drive him rather than the cars. It isn't any better when it happens to Fraser than it was when it happened to Constable Brighton ("I'm finally going to get to do something other than show my legs"), but unfortunately, I'll bet five or ten pretend dollars he isn't making that connection.

( Scene 15 )

( Scene 16 )

Vecchio means, alas, that he's not sympathetic to the sexual harassment issue.

Aren't the VIN numbers on the dashboards associated in some database somewhere with the cars those dashboards came from? The scam is still not sufficiently clear to me.

( Scene 17 )

Ha-ha, isn't sexual harassment hilarious.

I mean, okay, look: She wouldn't be able to physically overpower him, and there isn't actually a genuine power differential here because he's only pretending to want (hell, he's only pretending to have) this job. So is Fraser in any actual peril: No. But this is a dude who can't handle it when a pretty young woman wants his phone number; he is monumentally uncomfortable and out of his depth here (the face he makes on "No, actually, I don't think I do" is the face of a man who is not just afraid of but actually repulsed by the woman in front of him, so that actress is a pretty good sport, eh?), and it was not cool of Vecchio to put him in this situation. Now, Vecchio would probably say hey, undercover work isn't a walk in the park. And maybe that's true. It is also of course not Vecchio's fault that Tammy is literally backing Fraser up against the wall and putting her hands on him; it's Tammy's fault that she's doing that. Maybe Vecchio didn't know how far it would go. Because another thing that is hilarious is a sex-starved middle-aged woman, am I right? Oy vey.

Tammy has a Confederate flag on the wall in her office, so that's gross. Also a big wooden letter W; what's that about?

( Scene 18 )

I was about to be annoyed at Fraser for not saying anything more to Lenny, but then I thought, what would he say? Probably something like "There's a right way and a wrong way to pursue justice, Lenny, and this is the wrong way" with a side of "I promise it will all work out," which I'd have yelled about, because he's got to stop making promises like that. So maybe right now this is the best he can do.

Here's a question. What about the person who owned the car before Lenny, from whom it was presumably stolen before Lenny bought it? Which, if any, of the customers is the rightful owner? The text does not appear to address this.

( Scene 19 )

Is a destiny that you choose actually destined? Also, grappling hooks, Fraser? What the fuck?

( Scene 20 )

Why does Vecchio have his sister's number in his black book? (But, oh, the dig of every other number being outdated.)

So Francesca thought Fraser was asking her out. That means (a) Vecchio didn't recruit his own sister to help with this sting, and (b) Fraser opened with a vague "Francesca, are you busy this evening?" rather than more sensibly saying what he was actually asking up front: "Francesca, Ray and I could use your help on a sting operation this evening if you're free." Live and (hopefully) learn.

Francesca has changed her hair since the last episode.

( Scene 21 )

It seems like the plan was to set a homing device but once they realized they were being followed they didn't have enough time to do it right? So why didn't they set it sooner? Did they have to wait until they were at the car wash?

We don't know how old the various Vecchios are, but Ray Vecchio was a beat cop in 1986, so he had to have been at least 19 or so then, meaning he can't have been born much later than 1967. Which would have made him at least seven years old 20 years ago, i.e., in 1974, which is a solid age at which to drown one's sister's hamster, accidentally or otherwise. (Of course he does seem older than 27 now; I'm just saying we don't have data to be more specific.)

( Scene 22 )

Francesca has apparently decided she and Fraser can both get what they want? Anyway, the first rule of code should be you've got to remember the codes if you're going to insist your buddy use the codes.

( Scene 23 )

Francesca is almost appropriately panicked about her brother's safety here. It's not clear whether she realizes from Fraser's tone that if she'd had any chance with him before, she sure doesn't now. We have not previously heard him be as impatient and unimpressed as he is when he said "I need the keys!" To be clear: He is right! They don't have time to fuck around looking for keys when Ray is in the trunk of a car on the lake floor.

Fraser appears to be working a lot harder to carry Vecchio out of the lake and set him on the hood of the car than he was to carry a caribou carcass probably weighing twice as much into the coroner's office and sling it onto an examining table. I will put this down to (a) his going soft in the city and (b) the fact that hauling Ray was much more emotionally intense than hauling the caribou (and he couldn't really stop to rest).

( Scene 24 )

So Tex is only as crooked as a regular used car salesman; he's not in on the selling-stealing-reselling scheme.

( Scene 25 )

This is another miscommunication along the lines of "I wasn't playing along, I was begging for my life!" Both times, when Fraser realizes he and Ray were not at all on the same page, he says "Oh. Oh, well."

Maybe now they're even.

( Scene 26 )

Is Vecchio driving Lenny around really more cost-effective than buying Lenny another hundred-dollar used car? Tex wasn't in on the scheme, so he might even cut Lenny a deal on something reliable on account of it was neither of their faults this whole thing went down in the first place. Tammy and Gary don't have to make any type of restitution? Come on. I don't see a police detective delivering pizzas as a long-term solution.

Title-wise, for the first time I've got nothing. Is there a previous-film-or-something reference I'm missing here?

Cumulative confirmed body count: 5
Red uniform: Ordering pizza at home (unbuttoned, so presumably just coming off guard duty?), out all night after the pizza thing, the following morning, accompanying Lenny to juvenile detention

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