return to due South: season 4 episode 9 (or season 3 episode 22) "A Likely Story"

A Likely Story
air date January 21, 1999

( Scene 1 )

Fraser himself said "Territory" when Francis Bolt asked him if it was Yukon Territory or Yukon Territories, and if it was neither he could certainly have said so. As it happens, the place in question changed its name from the Yukon Territory to Yukon in 2002 and then added back "the" in 2021, and the place immediately to its east is named the Northwest Territories. So Fraser seems to be "correcting" Kowalski with incorrect information?

This isn't the first time Fraser has talked about lichen in the context of desserts, which I have to admit puzzles me a little, lichen being a symbiosis between fungus and algae—so (correct me if I'm wrong) sort of a cross between mushrooms and pond scum? Mmm. Chokecherry is apparently related to black cherry, but the fruit is poisonous until it's entirely ripe.

( Scene 2 )

"Everything is going to be all right" is the right thing to say to someone who has just been shot, of course, even if it's not "you're going to be all right," which is less likely to be true. Poor Mr. Tucci.

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.

(plus Draco the dog)

Francie Swift, Helen Hughes, Paulino Nunes, Billy Otis

( Scene 3 )

I feel like the Italian accents are a little clunky and stereotypical, and shouldn't Kowalski have asked Mrs. Tucci to come downtown and identify her husband's body? Or brought a picture or something? I guess we're comfortable with Fraser's acquaintance with both of them so we don't have to do the Law & Order style next-of-kin notification?

( Scene 4 )

( Scene 5 )

It is an oddly interesting question, isn't it.

( Scene 5 continues. )

Francesca (who, by the way, has Milano's pre-pregnancy slim figure, so who knows what order these episodes were shot in or how far apart or what) is not wrong about the cultural stereotyping inherent in assuming Italians are with the Mob. It's an interesting time to bring it up, there having been a Considerable Number of cases in the past five years involving Mob issues, including her own brother undercover with that very organization, but maybe Francesca has finally had enough. I'd like it if Fraser hadn't been wearing the red uniform when he said "the air of cultural stereotyping" (how far we've come from "Yeah, look who's talking"), and I'd definitely like it if Welsh hadn't said "eye-talian."

( Scene 6 )

( Scene 7 )

Look, you see or hear something enough times, you remember it, whether you're trying to or not. I don't feel like that should be such a surprise to Welsh, especially having known Fraser as long as he has.

( Scene 8 )

I think Kowalski's tattoo is pretty inoffensive, and I don't know if I'd be that interested in Francesca's dating advice, but I guess she's been out there longer and more recently than he has, so okay.

( Scene 9 )

( Scene 10 )

Aaand we're back to promising people that nothing bad will happen to them. Tsk, Fraser, you know better!

Fraser says he's going to bivouac at the Tuccis', which basically means he's going to open-air camp in the back yard; the fact that he's not going to use a tent or even a lean-to is probably why he didn't use the word "camp." I assume he's forgoing shelter so he can keep an eye on the house, because otherwise what would be the point of his staying there?

I continue to have Notes about Kowalski's bedside manner. I guess he did his best in scene 3, because what's a good way to tell someone her husband has been shot and killed? I don't know, maybe "I'm sorry to tell you that your husband has been killed" (or possibly "has died") might land a little less harshly than "I'm afraid your husband is dead"? But here, dude, you've got to make it a question, don't you? "Mrs. Tucci, did you know that your husband was ill?" is so much gentler than "Your husband was ill at the time of his murder." And you've got to be able to do it without saying "Um." (And how does Louanne get from "He didn't say anything" to "He must have known"? Wouldn't it have made more sense to put those in the opposite order? The man had advanced cancer, so he must have known, that is, his illness can't have been a secret to him, but he didn't say anything, even to his beloved wife?) And he was right the first time and shouldn't have taken the glass of wine, although the fact that he's drinking with Mrs. Tucci rather than with Louanne may make that a little less bad.

Oh! Sword of Desire was the book Francesca was reading in "Seeing is Believing", although this may be a different book by the same title.

( Scene 11 )

I'm going to give Fraser a small amount of credit for having insisted that he wasn't falling for This Week's Pretty Girl back when he was the one falling for This Week's Pretty Girl rather than snarling at Kowalski about it the way Kowalski is snarling at him about it here. Because even when Fraser was falling for the girl, he knew falling for her was a Bad Idea. Perhaps Louanne Russell isn't a poker hustler, but the point is that catching feelings for any subject of a case—witness, suspect, whatever—is generally inappropriate. Didn't Kowalski learn that when he ran off to Mexico with someone he'd previously busted for passing bad checks?

( Scene 12 )

It's the soundtrack that's making this young woman, Louanne Russell, seem like a femme fatale, right? She's a nice girl who has a job as a home health aide or some such thing, looking after Mrs. Tucci and reading to her and providing much-needed companionship especially now that her husband is gone, but the camera can't look at her without the saxophone doing its thing and turning the merest getting ready for bed into a striptease. Fraser is right to make Kowalski look away. But Kowalski should think hard about why he thinks Fraser might think Louanne had something to do with the murder, given that Fraser didn't actually say anything, which means Kowalski might think Louanne had something to do with the murder. Oh dear.

( Scene 13 )

Like, if Fraser was going to keep an eye on Mrs. Tucci, couldn't he have stayed on the sofa in her living room and made coffee in her kitchen like a normal person? I guess a guy who's feeling stifled enough to camp in a city park may be more comfortable in a sleeping bag on the lawn, but seriously.

( Scene 14 )

We have no way of assessing Huey's driving, but getting him a fake steering wheel to hold onto is pretty funny.

( Scene 15 )

There's an Eagle River, BC, and an Eagle River, Ontario. Hard to say which Fraser means, though I think the former is more likely.

( Scene 16 )

Okay so now it seems like there may be something hinky about Louanne. I haven't thought so before—the fact that she's young and pretty isn't inherently suspicious—but the fact that she's worked for enough other families where someone with money has died to know how the inheritance is going to be handled, that starts to seem like maybe Something Is Going On. Kowalski is right to wonder what's the deal with Franco Jr.; on what basis does Mrs. Tucci think the son who ran away 20 years ago is going to take care of her now? And he is wrong, wrong, wrong to put his mouth on Louanne's mouth, especially now!

( Scene 17 )

( Scene 18 )

Cash under the table,* so now Louanne seems even hinkier. Well done Kowalski finally remembering procedure and saying he has to check with his lieutenant about giving the money back to her. Phew.

*$1k/week was a decent wage in 1999, $25/hour for a normal full-time job; on the other hand, Louanne is apparently working or on call 24/7, which would put her hourly rate at . . . carry the one . . . $5.95, which is just barely above the federal minimum wage at that time ($5.15). (Though she also gets room and board and apparently has no expenses.)

( Scene 19 )

I mean, what it generally means is that you live in a cop show, dude. But yes: If you could hear the soundtrack, you'd know that they've been trying to suggest this woman is dangerous for the past half hour (of our time; two or three days of the characters' time) and you've been determined not to see it.

I do conclude that this must not be the same Sword of Desire Francesca was reading before, because that one famously had a pool boy in it rather than a castle in Tuscany. (I mean I suppose the duke and duchess could have had a swimming pool as well. But it seems like Kowalski would have mentioned it.)

( Scene 20 )

( Scene 21 )

At no time does Fraser—whose borderline estranged father was shot—say, to this young man whose father was shot, anything in the neighborhood of "I'm very sorry for your loss," and I am judging him so hard for it.

( Scene 22 )

Something something prodigal son something.

( Scene 23 )

Francesca is visibly disappointed that the Mob angle seems to be panning out. Also, I'm not sure why Fraser doesn't go with Kowalski to check out the PI but just stands there looking like something else is bothering him.

( Scene 24 )

Kowalski, thinking on his feet, when bribery doesn't work he switches to flattery immediately. Well done.

So who's trying to have whom declared legally dead, here? Calls from the Tuccis' house to this guy and the details we learned about Sammy Franks suggest that Louanne is trying to prove that Franco Jr. is no more, don't they?

( Scene 25 )

The Fraser-and-Diefenbaker stuff is good, but focusing on the young members of the Tucci household: Is Louanne telling Fraser the truth? What did Frankie promise her? This stuff is interesting enough that it should have come in way earlier in the episode.

( Scene 26 )

Commercial break!

Everybody is treating Frankie like he is (or his father was) Somebody, huh? Not just a guy who's back in town for his father's funeral, but like the son and heir to some sort of empire. I know they've talked about how Franco was a member of the Palermo Social Club (Palermo being the capital of Sicily and the original home of the Mafia), but they don't seem to be doing any further investigation into Franco himself, which doesn't seem particularly thorough of them?

( Scene 27 )

Again with the promises! Full protection? Oy vey.

( Scene 28 )

I do like Dewey for a good non sequitur. (I mean, it's shitty that cops can treat suspects this way, but being how we're here on the cops' side in a cop show, Dewey is the one with the good lines about cops being able to ask any questions they want.)

( Scene 29 )

I feel like Fraser could tell Kowalski a thing or two about falling for the wrong girl? But it sounds now like Kowalski has talked himself into thinking Louanne is in on the scam and Fraser has talked himself out of it.

( Scene 30 )

"If that's a crime, I'm guilty"—well, it totally is a crime, yes, but I continue to love the side characters on this show like the criminals who have professional standards. This guy! "Look, I'm a murderer for hire, but I'm not a cheat. My customers get the service they pay for." Good man.

( Scene 31 )

So . . . if Fahey knew Franco Junior was dead, and how he got that way, why is it news to him that pretending to be Franco Junior could be dangerous?

( Scene 32 )

This whole episode feels half-baked to me, and I feel like a lot of that is because nothing ever came of the woman on rollerskates in scene 2. She zooms past them right before Tucci is shot, she zooms back the other way right afterward, Kowalski chases her down, she kicks him in the face, and that all turns out to have been a coincidence? We never see or hear anything about that person ever again? I feel like that loose end is just flapping in the wind here and it's making the whole episode feel wrong. She could at least have turned out to be the private detective's secretary or something.

( Scene 33 )

I don't see why spaghetti cooked over an open fire would be different from spaghetti cooked over any other heat source, because you'd cook it in boiling water, which isn't changed by the means you use to boil it. Serving it without sauce on a cedar plank is weird, though.

( Scene 34 )

So . . . she thinks Ray Kowalski is Gandolfo? (Or, wait, Gabriella's passion was for Paolo. Is Paolo the pool boy, that is, is this the same Sword of Desire Francesca was reading in "Seeing is Believing," or is it a different one? I'm confused.)

Cumulative body count: 37
Red uniform: The whole episode, excluding when he's camping in the Tuccis' back yard but including when he's camping in the "woods," wtf

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