return to due South: season 3 episode 5 "Seeing Is Believing"

Seeing Is Believing
air date October 12, 1997

( Scene 1 )

So the Canadians have given an inuksuk to the United States, and it's being dedicated and displayed in a shopping mall food court? With remarks by a CPD lieutenant? That . . . leaves me with a large number of questions.

It's hard to say yet whether it's bad luck or good luck for these young people that their drama unfolded right under the eyes of three cops.

Credits roll.

Paul Gross
Callum Keith Rennie
Beau Starr
Camilla Scott
Tony Craig | Tom Melissis
Ramona Milano
and Gordon Pinsent as Fraser Sr.

(plus Draco the dog)

Polly Shannon, Ross Hull, Bruce Vavrina, Anne Marie Loder, Yanna McIntosh, Susan Coyne

( Scene 2 )

WELSH: I suppose you're programmed for etiquette and protocol.
FRASER: Protocol? Why, it's my primary function, sir. I am well versed in all the customs —
WELSH: I have no need for a protocol droid.
FRASER: Of course you haven't, sir. Not in an environment such as this. That is why I have been programmed —
WELSH: What I really need is a droid who understands the binary language of moisture vaporators.
FRASER: Vaporators? Sir, my first job was programming binary load lifters, very similar to your vaporators in most respects.
WELSH: Can you speak Bocce?
FRASER: Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language to me —
WELSH: Yeah, all right, shut up.

( Scene 3 )

These kids are both right and Huey and Dewey can fuck OFF. If you are ever in police custody, stay quiet. Stay quiet. STAY. QUIET. They are not there to help you; their job is at best to solve the crime (possibly to arrest someone whether they solve the crime or not), and they are allowed to lie to you any time they want. Your lawyer is the one who is there to help you. It is not at all the case that if you're innocent you have nothing to hide. Even assuming you are innocent, the police are not your friends. When you have the right to remain silent—that is, when you're under arrest, which, if you're not under arrest, you are FREE TO GO—avail yourself of that right. Well done, these young people.

( Scene 4 )

In case it wasn't clear, we are now entering Rashōmon (1950). Please keep hands and feet inside the episode at all times.

But seriously, folks, what this scene teaches us is that even when they're not making shit up—as they are permitted by law to do—police officers cannot be trusted.

( Scene 5 )

And this scene is finally over. God. It's such a long scene in which literally the only new information is that Francesca wants to get a cappuccino machine and Stella is annoyed with the police. (And apparently that purse snatching is a felony.) All the rest of it is rehash of things we already knew, starting with Fraser's summary of his interviews with Welsh, Thatcher, and Kowalski (in which he tells them what they'd all already said before he interviewed them) and continuing for the (long) duration. Ugh.

( Scene 6 )

I think Inspector Thatcher is referring to an incident on a train, which (along with the something-red-catches-the-eye of it all) demonstrates that she's had little if any success moving past that episode in her and Fraser's, well, past, doesn't it? Meaning, of course, that she's not looking at this situation in the mall atrium/food court at all objectively, which we can see plainly when she puts herself in as the young woman when she's talking about it. Interesting. (Also, it was a purse snatcher, not a shoplifter, but never mind.)

Those earrings didn't look like rose gold to me, and the necklace definitely didn't look like uncultured black pearls; the beads were much too (a) big and (b) uniform for that. I mean if you could get that many perfectly round natural pearls of that size in any color, that would indeed be an extremely expensive necklace. But I am profoundly skeptical.

Let's also talk for a moment about Welsh saying "occupational homicide happens every day" and Kowalski saying "at the post office, maybe." Beginning in the 1970s, workplace rage incidents at the post office in particular were a thing that escalated through the 1980s and came to a really surprising and worrying head in the mid-1990s, with two unrelated mass shootings happening at post offices in Michigan and California on the same day in 1993 and giving rise to the expression "to go postal," meaning to lose control and become homicidal. (The U.S. Postal Service was and is not wild about that turn of phrase.) Was it tacky of Kowalski to make that reference in October 1997? Hard to say whether it was more or less inappropriate than Vecchio's suggesting the escaped felon who was flying their plane was going to fly them to Beirut.

( Scene 7 )

A second year student is usually about 19 or 20 years old, which means it's fine if her parents want to come to town and support her, but there's nothing wrong with the police talking to her without them because she's not a minor. Their credentials are beside the point, though, because of course everyone is entitled to due process as I've been saying this whole time. Maybe this young woman didn't know she should have asked if she was under arrest and, assuming the answer was no, simply stood up and left the building. However: It is, as the lawyer suggests, offensively naive of Fraser to ask whether money and privilege can buy justice. Bro. You've been in the United States for how long, now? Come on. (Not saying that's how it should be. But don't pretend it's not how it is.)

( Scene 8 )

See, now that she's tried to confess to a crime that she couldn't have committed in the way she described, Judy Cates may be in some actual trouble. Should have listened to that lawyer after all. Tsk tsk.

( Scene 9 )

They're definitely getting cute with the Fraser/Kowalski shipping situation. Look at Fraser's face when he says "No, I know, thank you." Is that the face of a guy who's disappointed to have been told his buddy doesn't love him literally? I'm not saying it's a sure thing; I'm saying it's plausible if you want it to be there and not if you don't, which is frustrating if you do want it to be there? But also a skill. (Although after "Do you find me attractive" I feel like it's a little less of a reach, and Fraser and Kowalski are already more involved than Fraser ever was with Francesca, despite the fact that she let herself into his apartment and disrobed without being invited.)

( Scene 10 )

It's a little disappointing that the public defender assumes her clients are guilty, but on the other hand, zealous representation doesn't require that she believe they're innocent—just that she make the case that the state hasn't proven they're not. She's okay. (In fact Our Heroes could have come in and told this kid the girl confessed to the crime even if she hadn't done so, and if this were Law & Order that's exactly what they would have done, but never mind.)

( Scene 11 )

Weren't they all in the room when the kid said these things? Why are they reminding one another of a conversation they were all present for? And that just happened? (I mean it's because we weren't present for it, but this dialogue is clunkier than a pair of Doc Martens.)

( Scene 11 continues. )

Oh my GOD.

( Scene 11 continues to continue, obviously. )

I was all set with something about how Kowalski doesn't seem like the sort of guy who'd be familiar with those old Dutch paintings, and then he went off on this thing about kids, which, thank you, writers, we can see a pattern here: Thatcher inserted herself into her imagining of the scene at the table and we learned she's still dealing with complicated feelings for or about Fraser, ergo Kowalski inserts himself into his imagining of the scene at the table and in just a few words we learn a lot more about how and why his and Stella's marriage broke up than we knew before. Which is tough stuff, one partner wanting kids and the other not. The kind of thing they probably should have talked about before they got married, although who says they didn't, and if they did and then Stella changed her mind, which she was within her rights to do, that's the point where it was right that they would have had to decide whether to stay married or not. Only it has also seemed like she was the one who left, so if he's putting all this effort into getting back together and then assuming he's successful he's going to start bugging her about kids (again) . . . I don't know, that's not a great look. (I'm probably thinking about this more than I was intended to, but [gestures at this whole project]. Still, in 1997 the he-wants-kids-and-she-doesn't premise was probably meant to be ~unusual~ and show us what a sensitive guy Kowalski was.)

( Scene 12 )

Of the things Kowalski names, one is not at all like the others and one shouldn't be. Mumbo-jumbo and hocus-pocus mean "nonsense," of course, and voodoo is being used that way, which is (a) not unusual and (b) regrettably racist, because voodoo (or voudoun, vodu, vudu, vodoun, or vodun) is a real religion (actually a group of religions) but is widely misrepresented and maligned as malevolent sorcery, which is almost certainly what Kowalski is doing here. Meanwhile, jiu-jitsu is a martial art. Maybe Kowalski meant "juju," which would be more consistent with his use of "voodoo," though not, I stress, any better.

On the other hand, "my elevator stops at the collarbone" is very funny.

( Scene 13 )

The text Fraser is reciting is the RCMP Act (R.S.C., 1985, c. R-10, not that I have the faintest idea what all that means in terms of citing Canadian statutes), part I, paragraph 18 "Duties":

It is the duty of members who are peace officers, subject to the orders of the Commissioner,

1. to perform all duties that are assigned to peace officers in relation to the preservation of the peace, the prevention of crime and of offences against the laws of Canada and the laws in force in any province in which they may be employed, and the apprehension of criminals and offenders and others who may be lawfully taken into custody;
2. to execute all warrants, and perform all duties and services in relation thereto, that may, under this Act or the laws of Canada or the laws in force in any province, be lawfully executed and performed by peace officers;
3. to perform all duties that may be lawfully performed by peace officers in relation to the escort and conveyance of convicts and other persons in custody to or from any courts, places of punishment or confinement, asylums or other places; and
4. to perform such other duties and functions as are prescribed by the Governor in Council or the Commissioner.

and its inclusion here is a nod to every time anyone has ever said "I would listen to that man read the phone book" or similar. (I submit that Paul Gross's voice, while pleasant and deep, is not as rich or smooth as—say—the late Alan Rickman's, or Benedict Cumberbatch's, or James Earl Jones's, or [insert your favorite hypnotic baritone here], but you can't deny that's why the scene was written this way, so don't try.) But so okay: What is Fraser's brain wave when he decides to capitalize on his inadvertent hypnosis of others in addition to Thatcher? 🤨

A loonie is a Canadian $1 coin, and I don't know how Fraser got it onto that chain, because it doesn't have a hole in it.

( Scene 14 )

"Next time"?

( Scene 15 )

I'm not clear anymore about the relationship between Judy and Mike. Anyone else confused? (I do like that Judy Cates didn't even blink at Kowalski's use of "Pool Boy.")

( Scene 16 )

The collective competence of our heroes in this episode is worrying me.

( Scene 17 )

I feel like if any of these people had ever seen a police procedural before, they'd have expected their two main suspects to reverse their respective stories at some point. It's like a rule.

( Scene 18 )

The most disappointing thing about this scene is not the "corollary / corollary" stuff, and it's not the look in Fraser's eye when he considers the hypnotized Kowalski (though that gives me the noncon creeps in a way I'm confident nobody on the show intended), and it's not Fraser "well, actually"ing Welsh. It is the fact that after Fraser throws the first letter opener, when the camera comes back to our team at 39:50 on the DVD, Paul Gross is still holding the fucking prop and we can clearly see him tuck it in his pocket or holster as if this were a stage performance and there wasn't the option to reset and shoot the reaction shot at least one more time with nothing in his goddamn hand.

Seriously.

I would forgive every time they should have re-recorded dialogue to get the words right in exchange for re-recording this so we didn't see Paul Gross hide the knife. Jesus Christ.

( Scene 19 )

It was at least 11 rounds that Johnny the Worm shot out of his standard nine-round clip, but never mind; please consider this definitive log of the torpedoes on NCC-74656 Voyager rather than worry about the number of times on this show Fraser's safety has depended on an accurate count of how many bullets remain in someone else's gun.

( Scene 20 )

Yeah, yeah. Smug's not a good look on Welsh; I would prefer the actual answer had been that none of them were right. Ah well.

( Scene 21 )

Suddenly and only in this final scene where she comes back to nag Fraser, Thatcher's legs look weirdly heavy. I want to be clear that there's nothing wrong with that, and I am a heavy-legged person myself who could probably fit at least two Camilla Scotts in my smallest dress, but it's so surprising and jarring after she's looked so slim—skinny! barely curvy at all!—in all appearances up to now. On the other hand, can we talk about her yellow suit? It's not a color a lot of White women can wear well, and I think she kills it. (Of course after the pale-blue-or-dove-grey number in "White Men Can't Jump to Conclusions" and then the Jackie pink in "Red, White, or Blue," she's got a whole dinner mint collection in her closet, which I don't know how to feel about, business wear–wise.)

Cumulative body count: 25
Red uniform: The whole episode again

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